Free Republic

The FBI has decided to do some hi-tech upgrades because they have been mocked and ridiculed over several recent incidents. Potato Head Wray, FBI Director, was mocked because he said he couldn't catch criminals attacking pro-life facilities because they happen at night. Wray has purchased 30,000 flashlights to be issued to all agents. In addition, all agents will be required to attend and pass a 40 hour flashlight basic handling course. After completing the basic course, agents will be required to attend the 6 week nighttime policing course contracted with The Lighthouse for the Blind. Course instructors will teach the...

Biden FAA nominee, Phillip Washington, admitted that he knew nothing about the FAA's operations or responsibilities but did correctly supply his name to the Senate panel. Although the CEO of the Denver Airport, Phil tried not to get too involved with "airplane" stuff and focused on ensuring all the airport concourse vendors anteed up big bucks. Phil did suggest some changes to improve air travel. First he would promote all co-pilots to pilots which should relieve the pilot shortage. Latin American immigrants would be pushed through the same pilot course that the 911 terrorists used to become co-pilots. Since co-pilots...

A homeless couple was seen wandering the London streets pushing shopping carts of personal items and clothes. Former Prince Harry and his feckless wife were stunned returning from their World Privacy Tour that they had been evicted from the Frogmore Cottage. It has been rumored that the former Prince has been unemployed and that the meager royalties from his book (Waaagh) have left them poundless. The millions derived from Netflix and Oprah were piddled away by his feckless wife and high living on the World Privacy Tour. The former Prince has several offers as a doorman or server at the...

This week, Mayor Pete Buttguy (SOT) saw her presidential aspirations go up in smoke in Ohio. Her inability to separate her domestic duties from her real job as Secretary of Transportation ruined her lifelong goal to be President of the United States. Starting in her early childhood, being a poor black child raised on an impoverished Indian Reservation in Indiana, she sought to make something of herself. Yes, she dreamed of being the first female President of the United States and concurrently the First Lady of the United States. Being honored to be addressed as Madame President and First Lady...

Mayor Pete Buttguy (SOT) today explained why it took her three weeks to show up at the trail wreck in Ohio. She stated that she had so many things going that she finally got around to showing up. Because of the chest feeding requirements of the children, it took a week to train her husband to perform the task and the icky diaper changing routine. Because she didn't know what the proper attire to wear to a train wreck, she consulted with Dr Jill and VP Harris. Neither of them had a clue so she contacted Sam Brinton for fashion...

Dr Bob Califf, FDA Commissioner, announced the Spring Tween sale of Emergency Use Authorizations (EUA). Coming off the COVID Pandemic but before the next pandemic is engineered by the NIH, Wuhan and WEF, there is a revenue hole at the FDA which the Tween (Between Pandemics) Sale is designed to fill. You may now purchase an EUA at a steeply discounted price with many enhancements with the Plus Package. With the Plus Package you get a waiver for studies, tests and test data submissions. Additionally, any data submitted is declared National Security related and receives a Top Secret classification. FOIA...

US shoots down an unidentified high altitude object. Admiral Rachael Levine, following the direct orders of the President and specific instructions from SOD, Lardass Austin and CJCOS, General Missy Milley, ordered the unidentified high altitude object to be shot down. Unfortunately, the object was later identified as a Falcon rocket carrying supplies to the International Space Station. Austin and Milley immediately switched for nearly drowning in accolades to accusing Admiral Levine in reckless and irresponsible behavior in shooting down the object before she knew exactly what it was. The President noted that giving Levine that authority was as irresponsible as...

The biggest, bloodiest, cruelest terror against Christians in history.Millions upon millions of martyrs; a concrete number is hard to ascertain. Indeed, it is beyond staggering the multitude of lives that were lost to the new world of Secular-Humanistic Marxist dialectic materialism, not only in the former Soviet territories (such as Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia, and so forth) but around the world.

The real story as to why it took so long to shoot down the Chinese balloon was not the normal chaos of the Biden Administration but its incompetence and wokeness. Lardass Austin, SOD and Gen Missy Milley, CJCOS were caught in a trap from the beginning of the incident. If anything went wrong, there could be responsibility and blame assigned. If everything went right, then victory could be assumed by right of their positions. So what was needed was a front person to take the fall if everything went wrong. Putting their brain cells into overdrive, they decided to pick...

Dead whales are appearing on the Eastern Shores near the offshore clean energy wind turbines. To turn a "Debbie Downer" situation into a "Win - Win" situation, mob boss and NJ Gov. Murphy and Acting Human NY Gov. Hokum, have have hired snake oil salesman and Global Warming Grifter Al Gore to turn the situation around. Al has petitioned and offered the International Whaling Commission financial incentives (bribes) to count the Eastern Shore dead whales against the whale quotas of Japan, China and the Alaskan natives. Each year those groups get a quota of whales to kill. They could easily...

Today the CDC Director, Rochelle "Hot Mess" Walensky, announced that they are taking dramatic steps to address the rapidly escalating problem of the Died Suddenly Pandemic. Walensky called the best minds of the CDC, FDA, NIH and Surgeon General to come up with a plan to address the pandemic. The CDC approved and directed guidance to all hospitals and doctors that a new category for reporting will be: Died Suddenly, Doctors Baffled. HHS Secretary, Xavier Becerra (not a doctor, just a mediocre lawyer and ambulance chaser), announced that all hospitals and doctors receiving Medicaid or Medicare funds must use the...

Do you own a Border Collie or Blue Heeler? If you do, you possess something with more cognitive functional capability than Slow Joe Biden. In fact, that Border Collie or Blue Heeler possesses more cognitive functional capability than Slow Joe, White House Paid Liar KJP and Rep. Hank Johnson combined by 3-4 standard deviations. Speculation is rampant that the discovery of Slow Joe's theft of SCIF materials was initiated by the Ultra Left Wing of the party due to Slow Joe's failing cognitive functional capabilities and the ultimate threat to the party's 2024 presidential ambitions. Although being pumped up with...

Was Benghazi Clinton wrongly accused of selling out the 30 Chinese spies working for the CIA? As Secretary of State during the Obamanation of Desolation at the White House, many including me, thought that Benghazi had sold out the spies. Benghazi had SCIF information on her private server which had been accessed by many foreign entities. Past disclosures of her Pay-to-Play operations noted that payments were made through her Clinton Global Crime Initiative Foundation; however, bribes or payments could have been through the traditional political payment laundry schemes of book or Hollywood movie advances. (Note: at this time the Clinton...

Rep. McCarthy is planning a new strategy for his election to Speaker of the House if negotiations and 10th vote fails to elect him. McCarthy plans to install Dominion voting machines and allow mail-in voting starting on Friday. McCarthy expects that with the new voting machines he could achieve 275 votes for speaker even without the 50 or so expected mail-in votes. Needing only 218 votes, the 275 vote would provide him with a comfortable margin of victory and frustrate the 20 or so domestic terrorists who oppose him. Election specialists from Arizona and Dominion guarantee success. Funds for the...

Florida and Texas have setup migrant orientation programs for the hundreds of daily migrants arriving in the two states daily. Because all of the migrants are fleeing socialist, fascist, or communist regimes, education will be given on the Constitution, liberty, rights and freedom in the United States. Having fled regimes which indoctrinated the migrants from childhood to adulthood in social division through tribalism, racism, cults, sects, classes, etc., education will be provided to assist migrants to assimilate in the local communities, states and United States as responsible citizens. Since many migrants have not been exposed to capitalism, they will also...

UK police have resorted to new technology to police in accordance with the Public Spaces laws. Police have hired 1500 mind readers to assist the police. In the initial test, mind readers accompanied police on their rounds and arrested 100 individuals for violations of the Public Spaces laws. Accuracy of the mind readers was validated by the fact that 93 of the 100 arrested confessed during the month of their confinement before trial. The other 7 would have confessed but they unfortunately Died Suddenly before they could confess. Based upon this monumental success, the remaining mind readers will be deployed...

The authorization of reparations creates a blackhole of never ending payments. If we consider reparations to black people (specifically descendants of African slaves) it opens the door for all descendants with real or imagined oppression. If we do the blacks, how about the descendants of Chinese that were imported and oppressed by the railroads and society in general. How about the descendants of Native Americans (Indians, First Peoples, etc.). Even if they were given horses, wheels, refrigeration, pickup trucks, jeans, cowboy hats and boots and Casinos, they were surely oppressed and their descendants deserve compensation. Then there were the Italians,...

Today the Canadian Health Care System announced quotas for the MAID (Medical Assistance In Dying) program effective 1 January 2023. Quotas will be based upon a point system and each doctor will be required to accumulate 2,000 points each calendar year. Doctors not acquiring the required points will be referred to the Canadian Medical Assn for disciplinary action for not meeting "Standards of Care" requirements which could cause revocation of their license or public shaming. Doctors will be awarded points for consumers of MAID services. Points to be awarded will be 20 pts for Jews, 15 pts for white males,...

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) on Monday said her recent comment that the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol attack would have been armed and successful if she planned it was “sarcasm,” after she drew rebukes from the White House and Democratic leaders. “The White House needs to learn how sarcasm works,” Greene said in a statement. “My comments were making fun of Joe Biden and the Democrats, who have continuously made me a political target since January 6.”

Time Magazine announced its pick for Person of the Year. After careful consideration, Time picked Ukraine's President Zelenskyy as its selection. Neo-Fascists in Europe and other Western nations praised the selection in keeping with the dubious standards previously used in selecting Joseph Stalin, Adolph Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Ayatullah Khomeini, Vladmir Putin, etc. as Times' Person of the Year. Since the Garbage Can of Humanity is nowhere near empty, Times' 2023 selection will prove to be just as foolish.