Free Republic 4th Qtr 2021 Fundraising Target: $88,000 Receipts & Pledges to-date: $16,917
19%  
Woo hoo!! And the first 19% is in!! Thank you all very much!! God bless.

Keyword: sarcasm

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • DHS Flying Underage Illegal Immigrants Into NYC At Night (Satire)

    10/21/2021 2:50:36 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    10/21/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    The Department of Homeland Security has been flying underage illegal immigrants into NYC at night. DHS has commented that NYC is not the only city that has been receiving the immigrants. Other cities, including LA, Chicago, Baltimore, DC, Boston, and other Progressive cities have received the nightly deliveries. DHS Director Mayorkas stated the flights were being made to help eliminate the supply chain delays. These children were ordered months ago but were not able to be delivered due to the supply chain disruptions due to truck and bus shortages. Mayorkas received intense pressure from sex slave operators, snuff film producers,...
  • The Law Of Unintended Consequences In Action (Satire)

    10/12/2021 12:54:37 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 1 replies
    10/12/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    The law of unintended consequences came into play at a Northern Michigan hospital when the entire nursing staff turned in their resignations. The resigning nurses were leveraging their resignations into a signing bonus of $10,000 and a 10% pay raise. The hospital genius management staff (probably Harvard MBAs) fired all the unvaccinated nurses which created a nursing staff shortage which required offering a $10,000 hiring bonus for nurses to eliminate the shortage. Current nurses seizing the opportunity to obtain the $10,000 bonus and a pay raise promptly submitted their resignations. After a short vacation the nurses plan to apply for...
  • FDA Explains Moderna Decision (Satire)

    10/09/2021 2:53:57 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 4 replies
    10/09/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    FDA Director, Janet Woodchuck, explained her decision on the Moderna "vaccine". Janet explained the decision to allow the continued use of the "vaccine", which weighed benefits versus risks, must be viewed in the proper context. The life and death risks to the "vaccine" recipients are real but must be considered in light that these risks are to the unwashed masses and useless eaters who are of no consequence. In fact, some risks could be considered 'undocumented' features, because the fatalities reduce current and future pension costs for private companies and the Federal Government. The financial benefits to Moderna management, FDA...
  • White House Announces New Cabinet Level Position (Satire)

    10/01/2021 2:59:16 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 3 replies
    10/1/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    The White House announced today the creation of a new cabinet level position. The new position will be the Prevarication Czar. The primary duty of the position will be to coordinate all lies from the various cabinets, departments and agencies. The White House has selected Jen Psaki, the current White House Paid Liar, for this position. Jen has years of experience as a high level liar, both in the White House and previously in the State Department. The White House Paid Liar position will remain vacant, with Jen performing both functions, until after the Texas governors race is completed. At...
  • New York Governor Hokum Performs A Miracle (Satire)

    09/28/2021 4:41:02 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 6 replies
    9/28/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    Last night New York Governor Hokum, who demands to be referred to as God, assembled her apostles and turned 15,000 National Guard truck drivers, cooks, infantry, MPs, etc. into doctors and nurses. Marxist State Media (MSM) pimps and whores promptly proclaimed the New York health care shortage of doctors and nurses remedied by Her miracle. When asked how She would feed and pay them, God asked that fishes and bread be brought to Her which She promptly tuned into collard greens and chitlins for the multitudes (for diversity sake). As for pay, God begged the Federal Reserve to print more...
  • DHS Secretary Struck Blind At Border (Satire)

    09/21/2021 2:00:58 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    9/21/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    DHS Secretary Mayorkas was struck blind today while visiting the Southern border in Del Rio, Texas. While pontificating and waving his arms Mayorkas was struck blind after stating that the border was closed even though thousands of heathens from Southern failed states were streaming across the river on the border. Some attributed the blindness to an act of God for lying on a cloudy day; others, have attributed it to the blind following of Progressive wokeness in the face reality. Doctors at the HHS have suggested that an experimental head transplant or a booster Jab for the Wuhan/Fauci virus may...
  • Dr, Jill Biden Takes Teaching Job (Satire)

    09/12/2021 3:23:49 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 5 replies
    9/12/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    The First Lady's Paid Liar announced that Dr, Jill Biden was tendering her resignation as Medical Adviser to the ABC talk show, "The View", in order to take a teaching position with the Northern Virginia Community College. The President of NVCC stated that Dr. Jill was very fortunate to have gotten the position when the other four potential candidates failed to get their Wuhan Flu, malaria, yellow fever, ebola, and other required vaccinations within the specified 8 hour window. Dr. Jill stated that she wouldn't have even considered taking the position with Joe's deteriotating health, but there had been large...
  • WH Announces The "Get The Shot" Program (Satire)

    09/11/2021 2:03:56 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 9 replies
    9/11/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    White House Paid Liar, Bagdad Jen announced today the new "Get The Shot" program. Due to the funding of Social Security running out by 2034, the Biden Administration has taken priority action to advert this disaster. The Administration had two choices to alleviate the problem. They could eliminate the wages cap and raise the rates, but these actions would require action by Congress. The other alternative, which was selected to get around the constitution, is to reduce the number of beneficiaries. Disgraced former NY Governor Andrew Cuomo has been selected to run the task group to reduce the number of...
  • FDA Announces Vaccine Program "Get Ahead Of The Curve" (Satire)

    09/09/2021 3:09:47 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    9/9/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    Janet Woodchuck, High Commissioner of the FDA, announced today the implementation of the "Get Ahead Of The Curve" program today for the war on the Wuhan Virus vaccination program. Janet noted that President Biden had brilliantly mumbled that the vaccine program seemed to be behind the curve. With all the mutants coming out every 3-4 months, the co-conspirator pharmacy companies could not keep up with appropriate boosters. In order to correct this serious deficiency, the FDA has teamed up with fellow conspirators, including the CDC, NIH, Surgeaon General, Wuhan Labs and the pharmacy giants to institute the "Get Ahead Of...
  • White House Announces No Americans Abandoned In Afghanistan (Satire)

    09/03/2021 1:41:49 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 6 replies
    9/3/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    The White House Paid Liar, Bagdad Jen announced today that no American citizens remain abandoned in Afghanistan. Bagdad Jen cited the SOS Blinking update that the number of American citizens stranded in Afghanistan had been reduced to zero. SOS Blinking stated that the American citizenship had been revoked from the last American stranded in Afghanistan this morning. Blinking cited a little known rule that had been implemented in early August that required American citizens to opt-in within 48 hours to keep their citizenship if the US closed its Embassy in Kabul. The rule had been advertised in the Kabul Jihadi...
  • Biden Administration Announces Herd Immunity Achieved (Satire)

    09/01/2021 2:53:08 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 4 replies
    9/1/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    The White House Paid Liar announced today that the Biden Administration had achieved Herd Immunity. President Biden announced that he has ordered the DOJ and FBI not to investigate or prosecute any impropriety, including bribery, ethics violations, insider trading, etc., for any member of the CDC, NIH, FDA, Surgeon General or members of their immediate families. This Herd Immunity was given to ensure that members of those agencies could operate freely with minimum oversight and not have independent organizations looking over their shoulders and second guessing them.
  • President Joe Biden Awarded An Emmy (Satire)

    08/26/2021 2:01:43 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 8 replies
    8/26/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    It was announced today, by the White House Paid Liar Bagdad Jen, that President Joe Biden has been awarded the Emmy Award that was recently lost by former Governor Grandmother Killer Cuomo. The Emmy Award Committee cited Biden for his historic and brilliant plan for the evacuation of Afghanistan. Had the lesser minds of advisors and military experts prevailed, the evacuation could have turned into chaos with thousands of Americans and allies stranded or killed. The formal presentation of the Emmy will be at a DNC fundraiser held at Former President Obama's East Coast Palace.
  • FDA Commissioner Woodchuck Announces Art Sale (Satire)

    08/24/2021 1:30:54 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 1 replies
    8/24/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    FDA Commissioner Janet Woodchuck announced today the sale of water color stick figure art by her and her drug approval staff. HSBC was selected to broker the art sale to ensure that the buyers remained anonymous, funds would be laundered appropriately and that there would be a faux sense of propriety about the transactions. Initial estimates are that almost 1 billion dollars, less the cut for the Big Guy, would be realized by the director and drug approval staff. In unrelated news, Pfizer announced a 1 billion dollar purchase of art for their "Art in Unusual Places" program. The newly...
  • Australian Orphans Shot Over COVID Restrictions (Satire)

    08/22/2021 3:34:19 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 5 replies
    8/22/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    50 Australian orphans and 3 staff members were shot over COVID restrictions by the order of the Bourke Shire Council. This was later determined to be a tragic error caused by miscommunication. The dogs at the Bourke Shire Dog Rescue Mission were to be shot to prevent the workers from traveling from home to the mission to care for the dogs. Unfortunately, the order received by the local constabulary was to kill all the occupants at the Bourke Shire Rescue Mission which is the local orphanage. Bourke Shire Council members apologized profusely for the misunderstanding and stated that a commission...
  • My reaction to the events of the last two days.

    08/17/2021 5:19:49 PM PDT · by Widget Jr · 24 replies
    Premeditated vanity, with malice aforethought and intent | August 17, 2021 | Widget Jr
    This sums up my reaction to the withdrawal from Afghanistan since yesterday. "The 2000 Yard Stare", by Thomas Lea, 1944. By coincidence, this is has been my frequent reaction to the news since last December.That's how my day's going, Anyone else?
  • President Biden Vows It Will Never Happen Again (Satire)

    08/17/2021 1:52:05 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 4 replies
    8/17/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    President Biden announced today that the chaos that ensued in the evacuation of Afghanistan will not happen again while he is president. President Biden today ordered Secretary of Defense Austin and Chief of Staff Milley, to coordinate with the guy that runs the State Department, and to start the evacuation of all Americans and the embassy in Taiwan. The Chinese have assured President Biden that they will honor a safe passage of all Americans out of Taiwan and may purchase several of Hunter's paintings as a gesture of good will. The guy that runs the State Department praised Biden's actions...
  • Program Launched To Boost Fake News Media Image (Satire)

    08/08/2021 3:35:31 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet
    8/8/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    A group of wealthy individuals and a consortium of Ivy League and Progressive West Coast Universities have jointed in a revolutionary program to boost the image of Fake News media personnel. Soros, Zuckerberg, and Dorsey have agreed to finance the universities' program to fast-track a doctorate program for Fake News media personnel. The Fast-Track Doctor program will allow the media personnel to receive a Doctorate in one year of on-line study with generous credit for work and life experience. One can readily see the credibility problem of Fake News personnel by the dearth of Doctors among the leading Fake News...
  • Jennifer Aniston Circle OF Friends Shrinks Dramatically (Satire)

    08/05/2021 9:21:17 AM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 23 replies
    8/6/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    Jennifer Aniston's circle of friends has shrunk dramatically since she announced that she was shunning friends or relatives that were unvaccinated or declined to disclose their vaccination statue for COVID. Many former friends applauded her decision, as a vulnerable senior citizen, to not to solely rely on the experimental and mostly ineffective COVID vaccine, but to also shun those uncaring and unfeeling infectious unvaccinated bags of COVID pus. Others, who agreed with her decision, were elated by the elimination of the obligation to attend her Wine and Cheese get togethers where she hawked her beauty and personal hygene products by...
  • Envision The Cast Of Characters At Obama's Birthday Party (Satire)

    08/03/2021 2:28:01 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 34 replies
    8/3/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    As I heard the news of Obama's 60th birthday party, I could not help but to reflect on the numerous parties that he held at the White House in his 8 years there. Based on those parties I began to envision the 700 person turn out for the party. First, the required guests from the Communist Party, USA.: Van Jones, DeBlasio, Schumer, etc. Next, from the pork pens of the Iowa State Fair: Michael Moore, Rob Reiner, Amy Schumer, Whoopi Goldberg, etc. Continuing the festivities with the SF Pride dress up group: Don Lemon, Anderson Cooper, Buttguy, Ellen Degenerate, Rachael...
  • New Art To Go On The Auction Block (Satire)

    08/02/2021 1:09:12 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 7 replies
    8/2/21 | RetiredTexasVet
    Large amounts of new art will be hitting the auction block this month as government employees from CDC, NIH and FDA artists come out of the closet. The large quantity of art is expected to bring close to 2 billion dollars to the artists. The first government employee to put her art on the market is CDC Director Rochelle P. Walensky. Dr. Walensky stated she first took up painting to relax from crushing 5 hour days/25 hour weeks at the CDC. Her first multi-work offering is titled "Screams from New York State Nursing Home Holocaust". Anonymous buyers have expressed interest...