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Never Let A Dead Whale Go To Waste (Safe & Effective Satire)
1/16/23 | RetiredTexasVet

Posted on 01/16/2023 1:47:28 PM PST by RetiredTexasVet

Dead whales are appearing on the Eastern Shores near the offshore clean energy wind turbines. To turn a "Debbie Downer" situation into a "Win - Win" situation, mob boss and NJ Gov. Murphy and Acting Human NY Gov. Hokum, have have hired snake oil salesman and Global Warming Grifter Al Gore to turn the situation around.

Al has petitioned and offered the International Whaling Commission financial incentives (bribes) to count the Eastern Shore dead whales against the whale quotas of Japan, China and the Alaskan natives. Each year those groups get a quota of whales to kill. They could easily use those dead whales and not have to go out and kill other ones. Although the Atlantic dead whales might seem to be different or less valuable, the groups could be easily gaslighted into believing that the dead Atlantic whales were superior and much more economical because they were delivered dead saving the cost of hunting and killing. Additionally, since all whale blubber tastes like chicken, the difference between Atlantic or Pacific whales would seem to be inconsequential.

Eco Warriors would be pleased because the sacred wind turbines would be saved and the whales would be slaughtered humanely with microwaves or sonic waves produced by the wind turbines.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Conspiracy; Food; Humor
KEYWORDS: sarcasm; satire; scorn

1 posted on 01/16/2023 1:47:28 PM PST by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet

2 posted on 01/16/2023 1:52:33 PM PST by billorites (freepo ergo sum)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

3 posted on 01/16/2023 1:53:51 PM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: martin_fierro

We’ve got a fresh sperm whale carcass washed up in Oregon.


4 posted on 01/16/2023 1:55:05 PM PST by gundog (It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. )
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To: gundog

There you go. Fresh sushi for a yr or 3.


5 posted on 01/16/2023 1:57:01 PM PST by oldasrocks
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To: RetiredTexasVet

6 posted on 01/16/2023 1:58:34 PM PST by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: gundog

We keep electing socialists, we’re gonna need whale oil to light our houses.

I’m boned. Don’t live near the ocean.


7 posted on 01/16/2023 1:58:47 PM PST by Sarcazmo ("Sarcasm is the highest form of wit" ~ O. Wilde)
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To: martin_fierro

They didn’t use enough TNT. Duh.


8 posted on 01/16/2023 1:59:53 PM PST by Sarcazmo ("Sarcasm is the highest form of wit" ~ O. Wilde)
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To: Sarcazmo

They’re making everyone keep 200 feet away from the carcass. For “safety reasons.” They probably don’t want a sneaker wave rolling it onto someone. More likely, they don’t want people taking the teeth.


9 posted on 01/16/2023 2:07:42 PM PST by gundog (It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. )
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To: RetiredTexasVet

The real question is this:

What is the vaccination status of the dead whales.

And why have no autopsies been performed?


10 posted on 01/16/2023 2:10:43 PM PST by absalom01 (You should do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, and you should never wish to do less.)
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To: RetiredTexasVet
Much of the reporting on the dead whales problem implies that the wind turbines might be killing the whales. Not so. It appears that the noisy underwater surveys used to position the turbines are to blame.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11641473/Experts-fear-wind-farm-surveys-confusing-whales-seven-washed-died-month.html

11 posted on 01/16/2023 3:28:42 PM PST by TChad (Progressives are in favor of removing healthy sex organs from children. Conservatives oppose this.)
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To: martin_fierro

Oh, I am so glad you posted that story. Truely one of the great episodes in Oregon history.


12 posted on 01/16/2023 7:30:57 PM PST by Retain Mike ( Sat Cong)
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