Humor (General/Chat)
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AUGUSTA, ME — The state of Maine has recently continued its struggle for equity by suing the federal government to allow Sasquatch to continue competing in women's sports. According to Governor Janet Mills, Maine will "always be a safe place" for Sasquatch to play women's volleyball or any other women's sport his enormous mammalian heart desires. "Deep inside Sasquatch's hulking muscles and furry coat is a little girl who just wants to play," said Mills. "We in Maine will never kowtow to the federal government's argument that 'sometimes Sasquatch rips girls' limbs off, creating an unsafe environment.' Sasquatch has not...
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At 9:31 a.m. EDT yesterday, Katy Perry, in full hair and makeup wearing a designer cobalt blue bodysuit, was ready to make history. As she boarded flight NS-31 to make an 11-minute roundtrip journey to the edge of outer space, she endeavored to “put the ass in astronaut.” Which is so cool and brave to admit, given that she’s probably the first person ever to say those words in that particular order.
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Though men were the first to reach for the stars, science has proven definitively that women are far better suited to the task. Consider the evidence. Here are ten reasons women make better astronauts than men: They look so cute in their little space outfits: Science has proven that girl astronauts look way cuter in little space outfits. Men could never pull this off. Space is a vacuum and women love vacuums: For cleaning. If you time the mission right, they're all in good moods and super cooperative: But if your timing is off... God help you. They need...
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Sir Keir Starmer was last night accused of being in thrall to 'the wokerati' after the full list of the paintings removed from No10 since he moved in was revealed. Portraits of historic figures such as Elizabeth 1, Mary, Queen of Scots, Sir Walter Raleigh and William Shakespeare were among the 69 works of art 'deinstalled' from the Government Art Collection since the election. The revelation comes after a long Freedom of Information battle with the Tories. Among their replacements are Altar, a scene from the 2023 Falmouth Reggae Festival in Cornwall by Denzil Forrester. Other paintings include All Things...
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https://babylonbee.com/news/9-loopholes-to-help-you-avoid-paying-taxesIt's that time of year again when everyone lets the government steal from them in the form of "taxes." But what if there were some easy tricks to avoid paying taxes altogether?The Babylon Bee has come up with the following list of clever loopholes to get out of giving Uncle Sam any of your hard-earned money:Get yourself deported to an El Salvadorian prison: This one's easier now than it's ever been. Just find your nearest Homeland Security office and tell them your name is Manuel and you're here illegally.Claim all 15 million illegal aliens as your dependents: This is technically...
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This is an acoustic guitar version of the bluegrass song- “Dust in a baggie” by Billy Strings. He’s called Strings because he can play any stringed instrument. He’s awful talented.
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The thought of Earth’s final day may seem distant, even unreal, but we know it will inevitably happen. Now a group of scientists working for NASA together with researchers from the University of Tōhō in Japan have calculated a timeline for the complete extinction of all life on Earth. According to this calculations – which have been made possible by advanced mathematical models powered by supercomputers -, survival on planet Earth will be impossible in about 1 billion years, when conditions become too extreme for life as we know it. So yes, we still have a few more years to...
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Wondered what happened to Harvey Weinstein? He's undergone some...changes.
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In 2000, I published a book called “Rules for Aging,” a sort of how-to guide for navigating the later years of one’s life. I was 60 at the time and thought that I knew a thing or two about being old. Twenty-five years later, I just finished a sequel, which reflects my advice for growing very, very old. (I have been doing a lot of that lately.) It took me 85 years to learn these things, but I believe they’re applicable at any age. 1. Nobody’s thinking about you. It was true 25 years ago, and it’s true today. Nobody...
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ETFs tracking the U.S. dollar are gaining investor attention as the greenback faces increased pressure amid increasing global trade tensions and indications of a weakening U.S. economy. As sentiment turns bearish at a record pace, ETFs such as Invesco DB U.S. Dollar Index Bullish Fund UUP -0.90% are becoming crucial tools for investors trying to deal with the volatility. The most popular dollar ETF is UUP, which provides exposure to the greenback versus a basket of currencies including the euro, yen, and pound. It’s constructed to profit when the dollar rises — but has underperformed in recent days as bearishness...
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https://babylonbee.com/news/life-hack-get-real-starbucks-taste-at-home-by-dumping-hot-water-over-cigarette-ashesEver wished you could recreate that signature Starbucks coffee taste at home? You can! It's easy, inexpensive, and best of all, tastes just like Starbucks. All you need is a pot of hot water and a heaping mound of cigarette ashes. First, you'll need to heat up water. Any old tap water will do - simply fill a pot and warm it on the stove until it's hot enough to literally melt your skin off. If it won't burn you on contact right down to your bones, keep heating! Next, you need to obtain a few cups of cigarette ashes....
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It was revealed Friday that the popular video game Minecraft is an elaborate PSYOP orchestrated by the CIA to prepare kids for the return of American coal mining. Minecraft, an open-world sandbox survival game where players mine and then craft limitless creations in a world of varying ecosystems and monsters for some reason, was first created by Markus Persson. It is now known, however, that Persson is a CIA operative who has been preparing for a world in which Trump would bring back coal mining and relax child labor laws. "Despite all the climate drama, we always knew American coal...
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https://babylonbee.com/news/texas-bans-sale-of-assault-rifles-with-capacity-of-less-than-30-roundsAUSTIN, TX — In a landmark move for the state, the Texas legislature overwhelmingly passed a bill to ban the sale of assault rifles that have a capacity of less than 30 rounds. Governor Greg Abbott was expected to sign the bill into law as soon as it hits his desk, limiting Texas gun owners to purchasing assault rifles with copious round capacities. "It's dangerous to have assault rifles in our community that can't fire more than 30 rounds before reloading," said Texas state senator Billy McCoy, who co-authored the bill. "It's irresponsible, and we can't let it keep happening."...
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So what's up with the "HUGE TESLA ARRESTS" that she spoke about yesterday, stating that we would see them in the next 24 hours. As for me, I am growing weary with her empty bravado and empty promises. She is making herself look bad.
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SAN FRANCISCO - A 45-foot-tall sculpture of a nude woman that was scrapped from a plan to place it in Union Square earlier this year is back, but at a different location in San Francisco. The Unveiling What we know: The unveiling of the sculpture, R-EVOLUTION, is set for Thursday, April 10 at Embarcadero Plaza. The multidimensional sculpture, done by Marco Cochrane, appeared at Burning Man in 2015 and was also seen on the Las Vegas Strip as well as Petaluma. Officials said it couldn't be at Union Square because the 16,000-pound statue is too heavy for the square's tiles.
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