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Keyword: scorn

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  • It's Absolutely True (Safe and Effective Satire)

    04/29/2024 2:13:12 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 4 replies
    4/29/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    A White House informed source has confirmed that there was a foiled coup against White House Paid Liar, Karine Jean-Pierre (KJP), this last week. Back stabbing actors on the White House staff had become increasing disappointed with KJP's performance as White House Paid Liar. Many noted that the President's lies about his past have received more attention than KJP's press briefings official lies. Some actor had suggested that Gov. Kristi Noem should be hired to down the less than worthless sick puppy KJP. Others suggested that a more humane approach be taken to just replace her. Two candidates emerged from...
  • Surprise Move By Manhattan DA (Safe and Effective Satire)

    04/19/2024 1:36:47 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    4/19/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    In a surprise move, Manhattan DA, Fat Al Bragg, announced another 50 felony charges to be added to the existing charges Monday morning. Fat Al brought the charges concerning the unpermitted campaign event at a Harlem bodega. Ordinarily holding the event without a permit would only be a misdemeanor, but under NY Trump election year persecution laws, the misdemeanor charges were bumped up to felonies. Approximately 50 paid minorities were in attendance so 50 felony counts were mandated. Marxist State Media law consultant Jeffrey Toobin, a noted hands on constitutional law expert, said in his expert opinion that the charges...
  • DOD Leaps Into Action (Safe and Effective Satire)

    04/18/2024 2:36:10 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    4/18/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    After hearing the sad story of President Biden losing his beloved uncle to New Guinea cannibals, Secretary of Defense , LLoyd Austin, leaped into action. The Secretary related his own story of his great, great grandfather, LLoyd Ambrose Austin, being chased by Arab slavers and escaping, but unfortunately being eaten by cannibals in Niger. The Secretary, working with DARPA, announced two initiatives for all troops in cannibal vulnerable stations, to include NATO, CENCOM, Asia and selected blue states. All troops in those areas will be supplied with Cannibal Repellant and will be micro-chipped with a chip similar to an Air-Tag....
  • Presidential Debates (Safe and Effective Satire)

    04/14/2024 3:11:38 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 5 replies
    4/14/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    The White House has announced the agreement to have President Biden debate former President Trump in three debates this summer. The debates will be held in the basement of the Biden family home in Wilmington, Delaware. Several conditions were placed on the debates by the President including his interruption of the debates whenever he has to assist family members in taking showers. Additionally, if he has to assist a family member in recovering from an overdose, he may interrupt the debate. Debate interruptions will be without penalty. A Lighthouse For The Blind teleprompter may be positioned to assist the President...
  • Government To Increase Trans Visibility (Safe and Effective Satire)

    04/01/2024 4:13:45 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    4/1/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    The Obama/Biden Administration has announced that the administration will take comprehensive action to increase and improve Transgender visibility. The Department of Transportation, headed by Mrs Pete Buttguy, will mandate that all transgenders be issued fluorescent vests to increase their visibility to automobiles, planes, trains and boats. Many transgenders have been killed or maimed in accidents because of their low visibility. Additionally, the Department of Transportation will require all interstate operators, regardless of transportation mode, to successfully pass an 80 hour course in transgender safety.
  • Chicago Mayor Announces Progress (Safe and Effective Satire)

    03/20/2024 2:30:55 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    3/20/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    Chicago Mayor, Brandon Johnson, announced today that significant progress has been made in Chicago since he took over from his predecessor Beetlejuice. Although the number of citizens killed or wounded on a weekly basis has risen, the average educational level of those killed or wounded has risen by half a grade level to a high of 7 and one half years. Additionally, the average educational level of those killing or wounding fellow citizens has risen by a full grade level to 9 years. On the down side, the wounded to killed ratio has risen which has lowered the availability of...
  • Gen. Mark Milley To Be Knighted (Safe and Effective Satire)

    03/18/2024 4:47:26 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 11 replies
    3/18/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    The awards and honors keep rolling in for the former US CJCS. After receiving an honorary promotion to 6 stars and a consulting job with the CCP, Milley is now to be honored with knighthood. King Charles has selected the order of Benedict Arnold for Milley's knighthood for his outstanding planning and leadership during the Afghanistan retreat. Milley said he was greatly honored to follow in the huge footsteps of Arnold. Milley's former boss, SOD Lloyd Austin, complimented Milley on the honor and hoped he could attain knighthood in the future as the first DEI selectee.
  • U.S. Army Meets Recruitment Goals (Safe and Effective Satire)

    02/27/2024 3:18:54 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 6 replies
    2/27/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    It was announced today by the Secretary of Defense, Lloyd Austin, that the US Army had reached its annual recruitment goals. Austin admitted that the Army had not reached its goal by enlisting more personnel, but had merely disappeared 24,000 Army personnel jobs. Austin downplayed the trickery involved to achieve the goal but said technically they had achieved the goal. Many of the jobs eliminated impacted Austin personally including elimination of his shoe shine boy, butler boy, step-n-fetch-it Col., etc. Austin stated that if the next years U. S. Army personnel recruitment goals were not physically met, further personnel reductions...
  • President Putin Promises Sanctions (Safe and Effective Satire)

    02/22/2024 2:15:45 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    2/22/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    Russia's President Putin has promised sanctions against the U.S. Department of Justice personnel. President Putin promised sanctions when Julian Paul Assange is murdered by the DOJ upon his extradition from the UK. Putin based his promise on the given history of the DOJ's killing prisoners who proved embarrassing to the DOJ and the elite of the government (Epstein, Bolger, etc.). The sanctions are expected to be imposed within a couple of weeks at the latest based upon the UK's history of folding to the U.S.'s demands.
  • Why The MSM Is Consumed With Fear (Safe and Effective Satire)

    02/16/2024 2:51:30 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet
    2/16/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    The Marxist State Media (MSM) is consumed with fear about the coming election. The MSM is currently laying off employees and reducing the salaries of the big name and big ego news readers. The election of Trump will cause chaos in the industry. The MSM will have to fire most of the existing staff to accommodate the hiring of the thousands of deep state operatives fired by Trump as political consultants, military experts, lawfare consultants, journeyman news readers, etc. In unrelated news, Ray Epps completes his sentence. Ray had 30 Patriot Front people show up to perform his community service...
  • Details Of Immigration Plan Leaked (Safe and Effective Satire)

    01/22/2024 1:36:03 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 4 replies
    1/22/24 | RetiredTexasVet
    Details of the Biden immigration plan have been leaked by an anonymous source with knowledge of the details of the plan. The source stated that no new border agents would be hired and that no current policy would be changed. However, recently laid off Subway sandwich makers would be hired to train and assist current border agents in preparing welcome meals for the illegals. Additionally, ex-Walmart greeters and unemployed hospitality workers would be hired to greet and welcome the new Democratic voters to the country. The new voters will be given a welcome packet including: a Medicaid card, New York...
  • Taylor Swift Concert Tickets (Safe and Effective Satire)

    11/19/2023 2:21:46 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 7 replies
    11/19/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    The US Army has sweetened the deal. Taylor Swift concert tickets for enlistment in the US Army. In addition to not having to get the Fauci/Wuhan FDA CDC Covid Death shot, you can get one Taylor Swift concert ticket for each year you enlist for. Additionally, you may qualify for a $50,000 enlistment bonus. All of this in addition to health care, travel around the world and the appreciation of those not being drafted. Not physically fit, not problem. If male, identify as a woman and you can probably easily qualify under the very relaxed female standards. If female and...
  • Who Is Killing The Dogs? (Safe and Effective Satire)

    11/18/2023 2:58:22 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 7 replies
    11/18/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    Who is killing the dogs? A mysterious new Covid-like disease is killing dogs nation wide. Some think that Fauci and his infamous Wuhan Lab maybe operating an annex in the US. Fauci is notorious for torturing dogs and manufacturing Covid viruses. Combined with the fact that his bosses at the UN have stated that pets should be eliminated and the practice of owning pets banned. Of course, Genocide Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab should be considered also as they hate humanity and wish the 95% of the world's population should be eliminated (themselves excluded). Since they have not been successful,...
  • California Governor Issue Executive Order (Safe and Effective Satire)

    11/16/2023 2:48:52 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 1 replies
    11/16/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    Today the Governor of California, Comrade The Jackal Newsom, issued an executive order that the flag of China must be flown, in addition to the state and US flag, on all government buildings. Comrade The Jackal stated that his boss, Comrade China President Xi, desired that the colorful Chinese flag be flown with his subjects flags. Comrade teachers, professors, and government workers and Democrat Party operatives were elated that they were now being recognized. As a gift to his subjects, Comrade President Xi gifted his subjects Santo gold CCP flag emblems that will be required for wear at work. Comrade...
  • New York Governor Ups The Ante (Safe and Effective Satire)

    11/14/2023 3:04:49 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    11/14/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    New York Governor Hokum upped the ante in her Citizen Spying and Monitoring initiative. Hokum stated that without an enforcement mechanism, there was no real value in spying and monitoring the New York citizens. Hokum announced the formation of the New York STASI group within the New York State Police force. The STASI group is based upon the fascist model of the EU and UN guidance for controlling free speech. There is no God given right to free speech in the EU Constitution or UN Charter. Hokum has decided that she will restrict the right of free speech in NY...
  • Additional Cities In The Running (Safe and Effective Satire)

    11/12/2023 3:26:06 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 1 replies
    11/12/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    Additional cities are in the running for a visit by China's dictator Xi Jinping. Wowed by the transition of San Francisco from a 3rd World Crap Hole to a marginally tolerable 3rd World city, mayors of other cities want to get this as a talking point for their re-election. Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, NYC, Baltimore, Philadelphia, etc. are in a bidding war to attract Xi and have their homeless populations, drug dens, public street toilets, street walkers, muggers, etc. cleaned up by the local governments. Current bidding is up to 500 million dollars for a visit by Xi to...
  • Mensa Sued (Safe and Effective Satire)

    10/12/2023 6:00:59 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 5 replies
    10/12/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    US Senator John Fetterman caused Mensa to be sued when he announced “You all need to know that America is not sending their best and brightest to Washington, D.C.” White House Paid Liar, Karine Jean-Pierre, filed suit against Mensa for its discriminatory practice of limiting its membership of the best and brightest to the top 2% of IQ scores. This rule relegates 98% of the general public and 100% of black female lesbians to the discriminated class of less than best and brightest. Karine suggested that minorities should be afforded some sort DEI incentive to strengthen the minority representation in...
  • State Department Gouges Citizens (Safe and Effective Satire)

    10/12/2023 2:02:04 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 6 replies
    10/12/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    The State Department today announced their plan to gouge citizens trapped in Israel. SOS (not Secretary of State) Blinking announced his plan to milk the trapped citizens for every penny he could. Although some have suggested that the US Air Force could provide this service, the new Chairman of the JCS and the Secretary of Defense have noted that the entire US Air Force is on standdown for DEI and Trans Inclusion training for the next two weeks. Blinking stated that his take-it or leave-it pricing of the U. S. cost of aiding citizens to escape Israel would based upon...
  • Buy American (Safe and Effective Satire)

    10/10/2023 3:16:44 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 3 replies
    10/10/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    The White House has started a "Go Fund Me" page to buy back American hostages held by Hamas. The White House and State Department have stated that they will not pay ransom for Americans taken hostage by foreign actors. However, SOS Blinking stated that a Go Fund Me page is not technically a government action to pay ransom. Blinking stated that they are hoping to raise up to 80 billion dollars to purchase the up to 80 Americans held hostage at the going rate of 1 billion dollars each. Although Oprah is not donating any cash, she stated that she...
  • General Mark "Benedict" Milley Retires (Safe and Effective Satire"

    09/29/2023 3:21:58 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 16 replies
    9/29/23 | RetiredTexasVet
    General Mark "Benedict" Milley, former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, retired today. There is much speculation as to Milley's post retirement plans. Some have speculated that he may take a job with one of the defense contractors such as General Dynamics, Raytheon, etc. Others have speculated that a slot as a military expert consultant at left leaning CNN or MSDNC may be in the future. However, anonymous reliable sources, have said with certainty that Milley will take a high ranking position in the Peoples Liberation Army in China. China is spending big bucks and a lot of political...