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Keyword: satire

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  • Amazing: James Comey Finds Natural Rock Formation Spelling Out 'EXPLODE TRUMP'S HEAD WITH A BOOMERANG'

    05/16/2025 10:14:34 AM PDT · by V_TWIN · 9 replies
    babylonbee.com ^ | May 16, 2025
    U.S. — Former FBI Director James Comey found himself in hot water this week for posting what he claimed was a natural rock formation that appeared to spell out "EXPLODE TRUMP'S HEAD WITH A BOOMERANG.' The photo, posted on Comey's Instagram account, depicted a collection of rocks which he claimed to have found sitting in a natural formation. According to Comey, it was entirely a coincidence that they happened to spell out "EXPLODE TRUMP'S HEAD WITH A BOMBERANG." "Cool rock formation on my beach walk," Comey wrote in a caption that accompanied the image. The viral photo immediately attracted negative...
  • Democrats Propose Building Wall To Keep White Immigrants Out

    05/15/2025 2:20:03 PM PDT · by Navy Patriot · 9 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 14, 2025 | Staff
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — As debate raged over the Trump administration granting refugee status to a group of South African farmers fleeing threats to their lives in their home nation, congressional Democrats proposed building a wall to keep white immigrants out of the country. Sources said the Democrats had grown significantly more concerned about the state of immigration in the United States after learning that the South African refugees were, in fact, white. "We don't know who these people are," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. "The United States simply cannot afford to serve as the catch-all immigration destination for the...
  • Episcopalians Find Strange Old Book Hidden Under Pew

    05/15/2025 2:40:13 PM PDT · by DFG · 31 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/15/2025 | Babylon Bee
    NEW YORK, NY — According to sources, a group of Episcopalian parishioners has found a strange old book hidden underneath one of their church's pews. The book, labeled "Holy Bible" on the front of it, was apparently unknown and completely foreign to everyone at the church, leaving leaders in fear that the church may have been infiltrated by right-wing religious extremists. "It contained strange text and verses we had never seen before," said Presiding Bishop Sean Rowe. "Just a cursory glance through this ‘Bible' was troubling. It appears to speak of an almighty deity none of us are familiar with...
  • Eyeing 2028 Presidential Bid, Gavin Newsom Distances Self From Gavin Newsom

    05/15/2025 9:33:39 AM PDT · by DFG · 7 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/15/2025 | Babylon Bee
    SACRAMENTO, CA — The next race for the White House already showed signs of being in full swing, as, eyeing a potential 2028 presidential bid, California Governor Gavin Newsom took steps to distance himself from California Governor Gavin Newsom. Recognizing the polarizing effect Governor Newsom's liberal policies could have on voters across the country led Governor Newsom to publicly disavow many of the initiatives Governor Newsom implemented in the Golden State. "Let me be clear — I cannot, in good conscious, condone my leadership of California," Newsom told reporters in a brief speech outside the state capitol. "Some of the...
  • 10 Shocking Signs Of Biden's Decline Everyone Missed

    05/15/2025 9:11:31 AM PDT · by dayglored · 27 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 14, 2025 | The Bee
    Jake Tapper dropped an absolute bombshell this week, reporting that despite all evidence to the contrary, former President Joe Biden actually suffered severe physical and mental decline during his presidency. How did we all miss this? Looking back in hindsight, here are ten shocking signs we can't believe everyone overlooked: When he appeared at a press conference with burn marks on his shirt from where they used the paddles: In retrospect, a bit concerning. Started narrating his own life in the third person, but referring to himself as "Ben Matlock": It seemed so innocent. Could only make public appearances...
  • "It's Too Hard to Build Things in America Because of Excessive Regulations" [semi-satire]

    05/14/2025 11:34:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 May 2025 | John Semmens
    Former Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg predicted that "Trump's efforts to restore American manufacturing will fail because excessive regulations make it too hard to build things in this country. From my time as Secretary of the USDOT I learned that everything goes over budget and takes far longer than it should because of regulations like the rules mandating that 40% of the benefits go to 'under-served' minorities." President Biden established the White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council whose job is to ensure that the voices, perspectives, and lived realities of communities with environmental justice concerns are heard in the White...
  • Here Are 8 Other Gifts World Leaders Are Giving To America

    05/14/2025 8:46:57 AM PDT · by dayglored · 12 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 13, 2025 | The Bee
    While the Qatari government's giving President Donald Trump a luxurious, state-of-the-art jet has grabbed headlines, it's actually quite common for foreign governments to send things as special gifts to build relations and curry favor. The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of other gifts world leaders have given to America: Israel — Weather control machine: Finally, someone other than the Jews will be in control of the global climate. Mexico — A giant wooden horse: It sounds like there are people inside of it speaking Spanish, but that's probably nothing. Poland — A submarine with a screen door:...
  • Top Baby Names In UK Now Muhammad, Mohammed, Mohamad, And Mohamed

    05/13/2025 2:18:17 PM PDT · by DFG · 16 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/13/2025 | Babylon Bee
    UNITED KINGDOM — According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the names Muhammad, Mohammed, Mohamad, and Mohamed are now the most popular names in England. 2025's list of popular baby names is strikingly similar to previous years, but what's unique is that traditional English names like James, William, Charles, and Edward are nowhere to be found. The names have reportedly been rendered obsolete by a new generation of little Muhammads, Mohammeds, Mohamads, and Mohameds. "These cute baby names are what's really in right now, reflecting an admiration for the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him," said statistician Mohamed Ben...
  • Modern Feminism Is Like A Rat In The Kitchen

    05/13/2025 7:17:24 PM PDT · by Ozguy1945 · 6 replies
    https://jokesheal.com/ ^ | 14th Maarch 2025 | Ozguy1945
    Dockamentry film maker, Jim Cousens, opens up on what it is like to be a man in modern Australia: Jim says: "Being faced with the reality of the feminism which has got its claws into just about all of us is a little bit like when you've got visitors over and there's a rat in the kitchen ........ ......... If you say, 'Oh God, there's a rat in the kitchen.', then you've actually drawn their attention to the problem. Maybe, if you'd just kept your mouth shut ,they would never have noticed. But if you keep your mouth shut and...
  • States Sue to Prevent Loss of Wind Subsidies [semi-satire]

    05/13/2025 10:57:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 May 2025 | John Semmens
    Eighteen states are suing the Trump Administration over the President's decision to end government subsidies to the firms that supply or operate the equipment needed to capture wind energy. New York State Attorney General Letitia James pointed out that "without these subsidies the wind industry cannot survive. The power generated by harnessing the wind is not cost-effective. Consumers are not willing to pay what it costs to generate this energy for their use. By cutting the subsidies this administration is devastating one of our nation's fastest-growing sources of clean, reliable and affordable energy." Energy Secretary Chris Wright observed that "while...
  • Democrats Confused By Legal Immigrants Who Seem To Love America

    05/13/2025 9:23:09 AM PDT · by Navy Patriot · 12 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 12, 2025 | Staff
    U.S. — Democrat onlookers were baffled at the unusual sight of a group of immigrants arriving in the United States legally while waving patriotic American flags. A group of 59 Afrikaners escaped persecution in South Africa and arrived in Washington this week. Upon touching down, they were seen celebrating with American flags and big smiles. Sources confirmed they have no plans to destroy America. "Wait, I'm confused. They don't hate America?" said one Democrat immigration activist. "Why are we even letting them in? This is weird." "Wait. They don't actually love America, do they? Oh no..." After further research, it...
  • Trump Accepts Generous Gift Of Imperial-Class Star Destroyer From Emperor Palpatine

    05/12/2025 12:50:54 PM PDT · by V_TWIN · 28 replies
    babylonbee.com ^ | May 12, 2025
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House held a star-studded ceremony today to commemorate a historic occasion, as President Donald Trump accepted a generous gift of an Imperial-Class Star Destroyer from Emperor Palpatine. Despite reservations voiced by some members of his administration, the president was eager to accept the gift, citing how much the U.S.'s relationship with the Galactic Empire has improved since he took office in January. "It's a big, beautiful ship. Tremendous guy, that Palpatine, very smart," Trump told reporters as the imposing Star Destroyer came in for its landing. "You never saw the Emperor giving one of these...
  • Good Oligarchy vs. Bad Oligarchy [semi-satire]

    05/12/2025 10:30:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 May 2025 | John Semmens
    For many weeks now, self-identified democratic-socialists Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt) and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) have been jetting around the country in private aircraft for their their "Fighting Oligarchy Tour." Federal Election Commission reports show that this campaign has spent more than $221,000 on private jet travel in the first quarter of 2025. Fox News' "Special Report" host Bret Baier asked "don't these private flights cost around $15,000 per hour? Isn't this the way that oligarchs travel?" "Yes it is," Sanders admitted. "Fortunately, not all oligarchs are bad people. Some of them are earning brownie points by funding the needs...
  • 11 Thoughtful Mother's Day Gifts You Can Get At The Gas Station On The Way Home From Church

    05/11/2025 9:02:42 AM PDT · by DFG · 10 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/11/2025 | Babylon Bee
    Hey, it's Mother's Day! That means it's time to start thinking about shopping for Mother's Day. But just because it's the actual holiday, like, right now, doesn't mean you can't still get the special mother in your life something super thoughtful and caring. Here are 11 things you can grab for her at the gas station on the way home from church. Like, right now. Hurry. 1. $10 worth of lotto scratchers - Nothing says "I love you" like a chance at being a millionaire. Classy! 2. A six-pack of Natty Ice and a pack of mom's favorite smokes -...
  • Pelosi's Hope for the New Pope [semi-satire]

    05/11/2025 8:14:26 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 May 2025 | John Semmens
    Former Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi appeared on MSNBC's "Chris Jansing Reports" to express her hope that "people of good faith listen to the words, both of our elected officials, when they say what they say about the need to respect immigrants. This new pope is acutely aware of conditions forcing the migration of vulnerable migrants. With so many people looking to him for guidance, I hope he will be impactful as a moral and ethical voice on that issue." Jansing asked "would you say that Pope Leo's words would effectively rebut Vice-President Vance's assertion that care...
  • Letitia James Hides From Trump DOJ By Painting Herself Bronze And Standing Very, Very Still In Times Square

    05/10/2025 1:33:37 PM PDT · by Navy Patriot · 16 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 10, 2025 | Staff
    NEW YORK, NY — In a desperate move to evade Trump's Department of Justice, New York Attorney General Letitia James painted herself bronze and is standing very, very still in Times Square. Thus far the gambit appears to have paid off, with people believing James to be a statue of an obese, unkempt woman who "challenges perceived notions of representation." "Just be still, Letitia. They'll never suspect it," said James, hands on her hips. "Look at the dolts taking pictures of me as I hide in plain sight. Oh, you are a clever shrew, Letitia." While initially successful, the plan...
  • Trump's Popularity Skyrockets After He Deports All Cyclists

    05/10/2025 4:25:57 AM PDT · by Cowman · 49 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 5/9/2025 | Babylon bee
    U.S. — Despite controversies surrounding tariffs and the defunding of dozens of large government departments, a new poll showed President Donald Trump's popularity skyrocketed after he announced the deportation of all cyclists. The president made the historic announcement during an impromptu press briefing in the Oval Office, with even reporters who have normally been his most staunch critics applauding the eradication of all cyclists as a significant step forward for the country. "This is the dawning of a better, brighter America," Trump told the media. "For far too long, we have suffered the effects of cyclists invading our great streets....
  • NJ Mayor Arrested [semi-satire]

    05/10/2025 9:07:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 May 2025 | John Semmens
    This week, Newark Mayor and New Jersey gubernatorial candidate Ras Baraka (D) entered the Delaney Hall Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) detention center and asserted "this facility cannot be legally operated in Newark. Newark is a sanctuary city that welcomes immigrants. The planned living conditions at Delaney Hall do not fulfill the standards we require for these new Americans. ICE wants to lock them up in cages. We insist upon hotel accommodations." Acting US Attorney for the District of New Jersey Alina Habba pointed out that "so-called 'sanctuary cities' contradict federal law. They may have been tolerated under the lawless...
  • Rubio Rescues Hostages [semi-satire]

    05/10/2025 1:12:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 May 2025 | John Semmens
    In 2023, María Corina Machado won the nomination as the Unity Democratic Platform candidate for the presidency in Venezuela. The Maduro government invalidated this election. Edmundo González Urrutia took her place on the July 2024 ballot. According to non-government sources, he got 70% of the votes in the Venezuelan presidential election to 30% for incumbent Nicolás Maduro Moros. However, Maduro declared himself the winner. There were massive public protests against Maduro's usurpation. Thousands were arrested. Maria went into hiding. Edmundo sought and was granted asylum in Spain. Five top aides of the Unity Democratic Platform Party were granted asylum by...
  • Hero: Bernie Sanders Buys Another House To Make Sure The Rich People Don't Get All Of Them

    05/09/2025 10:12:20 AM PDT · by Navy Patriot · 13 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 9, 2025 | Staff
    BURLINGTON, VT — In a heroic move that sacrificed his own resources, Senator Bernie Sanders announced that he had bought yet another house to make sure the rich people don't get all of them. The selfless act reportedly set the Vermont senator back a bit financially, but his new beachfront home in the Hamptons area of Long Island, New York, would now be prevented from being sold to any wealthy oligarchs from the private sector. "I am willing to take this hit for our cause," Sanders told reporters. "It's not easy to be a man in my position and take...