Free Republic

NEW YORK — Former Washington Post journalist Karen Attiah made history Wednesday as the first ever recipient of the Pulitzer Prize for "Best Fabricated Quote." "My daddy always told me I wouldn't get anywhere with my lies but look at me now!" Attiah said, in a small ceremony held at Columbia University. Attiah was fired from her position at The Washington Post after fabricating a quote from Charlie Kirk to cast him in a negative light following his assassination. This reportedly impressed the Pulitzer Prize board so much that they created the Best Fabricated Quote category just for her. "She...

https://t.co/AMeXCf4rA8 NEW YORK, NY — Responding to public outcry to set the record straight after a terrible act of political violence launched the debate about dangerous rhetoric to the forefront of American consciousness, the New York Times issued a minor clarification that conservative activist Charlie Kirk had said "Hitler is bad" and not "Hitler is good." The correction came several days after Kirk was gunned down at a public event, with the New York Times seeking to clarify that it had gotten one minor detail wrong by telling its readers that Kirk had praised infamous Nazi leader Adolf Hitler when...

https://babylonbee.com/news/cancel-culture-leftist-fired-simply-for-having-a-different-opinion-on-whether-conservatives-should-be-murdered CHICAGO, IL — In what has been described as a disturbing "canceling" trend sweeping across social media, a local leftist was fired from her job simply for having a different opinion on whether conservatives should be murdered. Charity Sparks, an account manager for a marketing company, lost her job over the weekend after she was outed online for a TikTok video in which she performed a celebratory dance and laughed uncontrollably to celebrate the killing of Charlie Kirk and express her deeply held belief that all conservatives should be murdered. "They're so closed-minded about me wanting them all dead,"...

District Court Judge Kristen Simmons dismissed charges of election fraud against 15 Michigan Republicans who agreed to be the state's electors in the 2020 presidential election. "Historically, there have been other instances where the issue of which electors really represent the voters' choice has been disputed," she observed. "This is not fraud or a coup d'etat. It is a precautionary step in case recounts or reassessments of vote tallies reverse the results initially reported after the vote counting has been concluded. Both Democrats and Republicans have used this step. Once the winner is determined only one set of electors actually...

In an interview on MSNBC "PoliticsNation" host Rev. Al Sharpton asked New York City mayoral candidate ZohranMamdani "you say you want to raise taxes on the wealthy to fund a bigger budget for the changes you want to implement in how the city is run. How will you keep them from leaving?" "When you ask New Yorkers what is it that is making them feel uneasy in this city, you often hear from them about the cleanliness of our city, the safety of our city, the affordability of our city. We are not asking to raise these taxes for the...

U.S. — Experts revealed that an estimated 12 million new Charlie Kirks had been created overnight following the murder of the conservative echelon earlier this week. The army of Charlie Kirks was said to be uniformly committed to continuing the original Kirk's message and mission of hope and courage. "I've never seen anything like it," sociologist Brandon Meeks told reporters. "Over 12 million new Charlie Kirks sprang up practically overnight. They're carrying Kirk's message all over the place. I saw twenty of them with my own eyes, speaking plain truths and affirming the mission of Jesus Christ boldly to all...

Prior to Charlie Kirk's murder at the hands of a political fanatic, 23 year-old Iryna Zarutska was stabbed to death on a light rail train in Charlotte, North Carolina by a dangerous lunatic named Decarlos Brown Jr. Brown had been previously arrested 14 times over the past decade for crimes including assault and robbery. In January of this year he was again arrested. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and advised to seek psychiatric care. Magistrate Judge Teresa Stokes authorized the release of Brown based solely on his written promise to appear for a future court date. While he was free...

U.S. — In the days following the assassination of Charlie Kirk, universities across the country were quietly canceling their "Kill Conservatives 101" classes. Sources said these classes had been put on hold until they could be renamed and rebranded for the spring 2026 semester. "We figured these classes might be frowned upon by some people, considering the circumstances," said gender studies professor Professor Xindi Mavis (she/them) of Utah Valley University. "We invite our students to enroll in some of our alternative classes, such as Communist Liberation 101 and Trans Furry Culture 101." Some conservatives believed the prevalence of official university...

Following the assassination of Charlie Kirk, "Bluesky," the progressive alternative to Elon Musk's "X," warned its users "glorifying violence or harm violates Bluesky's Community Guidelines. We review reports and take action on content that celebrates harm against anyone. Violence has no place in healthy public discourse, and we're committed to fostering healthy, open conversations." This warning was followed by numerous posts praising the assassination and suggesting future targets that included Musk, podcasters Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh and Michael Knowles, "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling, and, of course, President Trump. Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) denied that characterizing Trump and...

U.S. — A new poll suggested ongoing confusion as to why conservatives won't give up their guns among those who keep shooting at them. "I don't get it," said one violent left-wing activist. "It's like they want to be able to defend themselves or something." According to the Gallup poll, approximately 97% of armed assailants expressed surprise and bewilderment that conservatives won't simply lay down their arms and allow themselves to be controlled or openly attacked. Meanwhile, conservatives were reportedly more enthusiastic than ever to buy more guns. "I want to be able to defend myself and my family," said...

With violent crime continuing to plague American cities, the time has come for truly radical measures. Here are seven ideas for extreme changes to make our cities safer: Have highly trained guys with guns patrol dangerous parts of the city to protect innocent people: They could even wear like a badge so people know who they are. Take the violent people you arrest and keep them in some sort of building away from other people: It's crazy, but it just might work. If someone gets arrested a dozen times, they actually have to stay in the building away from...

Converting to a different faith can be intimidating, but when the pros outweigh the cons, it can be totally worth it. You just have to be aware of the benefits of making the switch. For any Muslims considering jumping ship, The Babylon Bee has put together the following list of the best reasons to leave Islam for Christianity: Bacon: The list could end right here, and it would still be worth it. Your wife can show her face in public without being stoned to death: Have you ever watched someone try to eat soup at a cafe while wearing...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced the immediate deportation of the infamous "Phillies Karen," a woman who complained until a baseball was taken from a child, to an El Salvador Prison. "She took a ball from a kid. Who does that?" Trump said. "She's got no place here in America. I have revoked her citizenship. Even the losers and haters in the Democratic Party don't want her here. Adios, Karen!" Phillies Karen garnered attention Friday when she failed to catch a home run ball and, instead of going back to watching the game, complained about it. A local dad had...

GULF OF MEXICO — In a compromise intended to silence critics of the Trump Administration's aggressive stance against drug traffickers, the U.S. Navy airdropped a public defender onto a drug boat to give cartel members due process. After a previous strike on a boat of Venezuelan drug runners ignited a furious debate over the legality of such an action without a fair trial, orders were given for the Navy to go the extra mile and allow a defense attorney to parachute onto a suspected cartel vessel to provide legal representation. "We've heard the outrage and we're taking steps to do...

CHARLOTTE, NC — Democratic lawmakers responded to the fatal stabbing of a Ukrainian refugee aboard the Charlotte light rail by condemning all stabbing victims for inflating crime numbers. Furthermore, Democrats are calling on stabbing victims to stop dying, arguing that their deaths make soft on crime policies look soft on crime. "If you're going to be stabbed to death, at least make it look like an accident," Charlotte Mayor Vi Lyles urged her citizens. "Stabbing arrests unfairly affect minority communities, so we really need to take it easy on causing a fuss when we get stabbed." "It's what Dr. King...

Former New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio urged voters to elect Zohran Mamdani to be the City's next mayor, saying "he is the best person to resume the work that I did to try to make NYC the great place it can be. He has the right ideas. The rent freezes, free child care, free city buses, and city-owned grocery stores are the bold moves needed to recover from the dismal years under the incompetent governance of Mayor Eric Adams." "Mamdani's proposal to seize the means of production evokes the brilliance of how Lenin dispossessed the old ruling class...

PHILADELPHIA, PA — The nation is in shock today after a widely-circulated video showing a Philly sports fan acting like a Philly sports fan. The video shows a woman dressed in Phillies gear demanding a kid turn over the home run ball that his dad had just scored him on his birthday, which is the sort of horrific behavior expected of all Philly sports fans. "Stealing a kid's home run ball on his birthday, that's pretty standard," said Philly sports fan Mark Madison. "I don't really understand why everyone is acting so surprised and appalled. This is Philly we're talking...

Florida Surgeon General Joseph Ladapo announced that he will work with Gov. DeSantis (R) and the state legislature to repeal all laws mandating vaccinations. "The state should not be forcing anyone to get vaccinated," he said. "Look, if vaccinations work they will protect the person being vaccinated from both getting the disease and transmitting it to others. Doctors will remain free to recommend vaccination. Individuals will remain free to choose vaccinations for themselves and their children. We just don't need or want government to force anyone to get vaccinated." Dr. Susan Kressly, the president of the American Academy of Pediatrics,...

This week, Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va) took issue with the American Declaration of Independence's assertion "that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." "I find the notion that human rights are granted by God to be extremely troubling," Kaine said at a Senate hearing. "The belief that some invisible God could be the source of a person's rights is what the Iranian government believes. The sparseness of the grant of only life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is miserly...

https://babylonbee.com/news/michigan-police-help-muslim-immigrants-feel-welcome-by-wearing-suicide-vests DEARBORN HEIGHTS, MI — In what experts described as a major step toward a greater level of inclusivity for law enforcement agencies across the country, one Michigan police department announced that it would help Muslim immigrants feel more welcome by having its officers wear suicide vests while out on patrol. The Dearborn Heights Police Department, which provides law enforcement to a town with a significant number of Muslim residents, held a press conference to introduce its latest initiative to make Middle Easterners feel more at home by outfitting officers with authentic suicide vests. "It's all about making the people...