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Keyword: satire

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  • Candidate Credits Bike Lane Policy for Late Surge [semi-satire]

    06/08/2026 11:33:25 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 June 2026 | John Semmens
    While election night vote counts on Tuesday night showed City Councilwoman Nithya Raman far behind in the race for Los Angeles Mayor, as we go into the 4th day of counting her numbers are picking up and betting odds markets predict she will overtake Spencer Pratt for second place and qualify for the November runoff. Raman attributed her surge to her strong advocacy for bike lanes, saying "the people who mocked me will see that I have the winning formula for bringing the City back from the baleful performance of Mayor Bass and the whimsical delusions of low crime and...
  • Los Angeles Mayor Pulls Funds from July 4 Parade [semi-satire]

    06/07/2026 11:18:35 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 June 2026 | John Semmens
    Lydia Grant, president of the Sunland-Tujunga Neighborhood Council, announced that "funding for our annual Fourth of July parade has been pulled by Mayor Bass. We've been doing this parade for over 50 years. I was very shocked because the mayor herself said to contact her staff to get it done. Then they started ignoring us. This has never happened before." Bass blamed Trump for the cancellation, saying "since President Trump has made such a big deal about this being the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence I felt duty bound to thwart his ambition to make this year's observation...
  • Dem Undeterred by Platner Scandals [semi-satire]

    06/06/2026 11:10:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 June 2026 | John Semmens
    Sen. Andy Kim (D-NJ) brushed aside the negative aspects of his Party's prospective nominee for the US Senate seat in Maine, saying "yeah, he's had some troubling behaviors. First there was the Nazi tattoo on his chest. I mean, who does that? Then there is the revelation that he's been unfaithful in his marriage. This isn't so unusual. Congress has a special fund to pay off the women that are abused by its members. Finally, there is his boast that he would rape anyone who breaks into his house to demonstrate his dominance. These aren't the words that I would...
  • Leftist Calls for a Purge [semi-satire]

    06/05/2026 10:43:12 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 18 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 June 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, Former New York Times reporter Paul Krugman said "we really need to do a thorough purging of the United States. We need a de-MAGAfication similar to the de-Nazification that we pursued successfully after World War II in Germany." "The purge can be done peacefully like the one Stalin carried out in the 1930s to rid the Soviet Union of counterrevolutionaries or violently like the one carried out by Lenin in the years following the Russian Revolution," Krugman suggested. "Trump's MAGA minions know they are guilty of trying to undo the transformation of the United States initiated by former...
  • Texas Dem Says State Laws Suppress His Voters [semi-satire]

    06/03/2026 8:32:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 19 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 May 2026 | John Semmens
    The Texas Democrat nominee for the US Senate James Talarico complains that "state laws limiting voting to citizens who must have valid IDs severely deters the voters I want to represent. I believe that every human has an inalienable right to choose those who will rule over him or her. This includes the huddled masses that have trekked thousands of miles to enter our country. Some states recognize this right. California, for example expressly prohibits voter IDs because individuals who have made this trek are not citizens and don't have the kind of valid IDs Texas is requiring." Talarico criticized...
  • California's Return-to-Office Mandate Challenged [semi-satire]

    06/02/2026 10:29:10 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 May 2026 | John Semmens
    In an effort to regain control over the people who work for the state government, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) has ordered them to report to work at the offices the government has provided for them four days per week. "It has been four years since the pandemic ended," Newsom argued. "The original reason for allowing them to work from home--help prevent the spread of covid--is no longer valid. I've been more than patient. We need these workers to be on the job and under direct supervision to make sure they're really working." The union of California Attorneys, Administrative Law Judges...
  • Trump's Anti-Weaponization Fund Assailed [semi-satire]

    06/01/2026 11:17:39 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 May 2026 | John Semmens
    President Trump's attempt to donate the $1.8 billion settlement he reached with the Internal Revenue Service for publicly releasing his personal income tax data to an "Anti-Weaponization Fund" that would make compensation payments to individuals wrongly targeted by the government has run into some opposition. Virginia US District Judge Leonie Brinkema has issued an order saying "the administration cannot take any action pursuant to the creation or operation of the Anti-Weaponization Fund, which includes the transferring of money to the Fund; the consideration of any claims submitted to the Fund; and the disbursing of any funds from the Fund." California...
  • Black accomplishments 101: I never realized that black folks had invented so many useful things that we take for granted today.

    06/01/2026 10:22:00 AM PDT · by SeekAndFind · 105 replies
    American Thinker ^ | 06/01/2026 | Bill Ponton
    Ever since high school, we have all been made aware of black accomplishments with each occasion of black history month in February. There was Harriet Tubman’s railroad and Rosa Parks’s bus seat, but most memorable of all, was George Washington Carver who invented the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which was a mainstay of kid’s lunches until nervous white mothers had it banned from schools. Apart from those recollections, I have not given much thought to the cultural legacy of blacks, except for their music, dance, and comedy. However, around the time of George Floyd, I started to hear common...
  • Firefighters Complain About Mayor Bass [semi-satire]

    05/31/2026 11:27:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 May 2026 | John Semmens
    In Los Angeles, City firefighters are lashing out at Mayor Karen Bass' neglect to sufficiently budget for fire safety. Councilwoman Traci Park, the lone dissenter on the City Council's priorities for spending said "here we are a year and a half after the worst disaster in our city's history, and our fire department investments are being deferred. Our firefighters are being asked to do more with less. Response times have lengthened. Work shifts have become longer and some paychecks have been missed." The Mayor insisted that "the fact that Park is consistently one vote against the fifteen other Council members...
  • California Acts to Lighten Penalties for Crimes [semi-satire]

    05/30/2026 11:59:31 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 May 2026 | John Semmens
    In 2024, California voters approved Proposition 36 by majorities in every one of the state's 58 counties. This proposition boosted penalties for repeat offenders of smash-and-grab thefts, organized retail crime, and open drug dealing. Assemblywoman LaShae Sharp-Collins (D-district 79) felt that "making repeated retail thefts a felony is too harsh. Such thefts are an inevitable outcome in a society where poor people lack the money needed to legally acquire the things they need or want. Shoplifting is a relatively peaceful way of overcoming the deprivation of not having a job or the income to afford stuff. Rather than trying to...
  • California Dems Take Action to Impede Reporting Crime [semi-satire]

    05/30/2026 1:13:04 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, the California Assembly passed the "Stop Nick Shirley Act," (Assembly Bill 2624). The legislation was written and sponsored by Assemblywoman Mia Bonta (D-district 18) "to counter the reign of terror being waged by amateur reporter Nick Shirley against organizations receiving public funds to carry out desperately needed services for poorer members of our society. Mr. Shirley and others who would eagerly follow his methods of asking to see actual services being provided to beneficiaries are undermining taxpayers' faith and trust in how the state government is handling this money." "My bill bans the taking of any photographs or...
  • Gunshot Detection Technology Disabled [semi-satire]

    05/27/2026 12:28:31 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    The city of Cambridge in Massachusetts has disabled its gunshot detection system--ShotSpotter--under pressure from leftist political activists. Stephanie Guirand, a member of the group "The Black Response" pointed out that "it disproportionately affects racial and ethnic groups that have higher propensities to commit crimes using guns than white folks. This is intrinsically racist and should not be allowed. Let the police use the investigation techniques they used before this technology existed." Spencer Piston, a Boston University political science professor, said "this technology could lead to more arrests of undocumented immigrants. Arrests mean fingerprints, mug shots, and addresses will be recorded...
  • We are the world - led by Trump

    05/27/2026 12:40:21 AM PDT · by Eleutheria5 · 9 replies
    Miri Ben-Ari ^ | 3/3/25 | Miri Ben-Ari
    World leaders join Trump in verbatim rendition of Michael Jackson iconic song.
  • Mother of Trans Track Star Complains [semi-satire]

    05/26/2026 10:17:09 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Trans athlete AB Hernandez came in first at three events during a recent California Interscholastic Federation Southern Section championship final: long jump, high jump and triple jump. Girls who finished second to him were allowed to share the victor's podium. Nereyda Hernandez, AB's mother complained "my trans girl beat those cis girls fair and square. Making AB share the podium with those losers was a travesty that devalued the ceremony. It's time that everyone admits that there is more to being a girl than just DNA. AB has the courage and the work ethic to overcome being short-changed with the...
  • "We Must Break the Spirit of MAGA People"

    05/25/2026 11:04:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 44 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) spoke before the 2026 CAP IDEAS Conference that was hosted by the Center for American Progress, saying "first, as a guarantee, we are taking back control of the United States House of Representatives in November. As I speak, we have thousands of people in the field registering as many new voters as we can. People like 64-year-old Californian Brenda Lee Brown Armstrong who has been registering homeless skid row folks for the last 20 years. She lets them use her home address so the mail-in ballots the state sends to every registered...
  • Death of the Late Show

    05/24/2026 10:24:10 AM PDT · by Rummyfan · 27 replies
    X ^ | 24 May 2026 | Peter Girnus
    I am the Senior Vice President of Late Night Strategy at CBS. I am the person who turned a comedian into a priest and charged advertisers to watch the congregation. I want to be precise about what I built. Not a comedy show. A permission structure. For eleven years, six million Americans tuned in every night to find out what they were allowed to believe by morning. We didn't sell jokes. We sold certainty. Certainty costs nothing to produce. People will pay anything for it. We charged $50 million a year and still lost money because it turns out permission...
  • Immigrant Crime Wave in Denmark [semi-satire]

    05/24/2026 10:38:03 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Unlike many other European countries, Denmark has been pretty restrictive in admitting Muslims into their country. Consequently, these immigrant populations are quite low compared to places like France, Sweden, and the United Kingdom. Also unlike other European countries, Denmark keeps meticulous statistics on the ethnicity of persons who commit serious crimes. These statistics show that disproportionate numbers of offenders are immigrants. In the category of attempted homicide, Somalis are 27 times as likely as Danes to be arrested for this crime, Moroccans and Palestinians are 20 times as likely, Iraqis are 13 times as likely, Pakistanis are 10 times as...
  • Liam Neeson Criticized For Killing 31 Innocent Human Traffickers Just To Get Back One Hostage

    06/11/2024 3:02:57 AM PDT · by xp38 · 25 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | June 8 2024 | The Babylon Bee
    WORLD — Authorities across the globe have forcefully condemned Liam Neeson for killing dozens of kindly human traffickers just to save one lousy hostage. "We are absolutely disgusted by this rampage of violence against innocent human traffickers trying to make a living," said U.S. Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "One measly little hostage is no excuse for Neeson's horrific actions." According to sources, Neeson began hunting down the human traffickers after they kidnapped his daughter to sell as a sex slave. "Terrorists violently taking his daughter to rape is simply no justification for violence," said British politician Jeremy Corbyn. "We called...
  • Democrat Wants Zionist Internment Camps [semi-satire]

    05/23/2026 10:23:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Maureen Galindo, a Democrat running for Congress in Texas Congressional District-35, wants "to save America from the devious schemes of Zionist Jews by incarcerating them in internment camps. I'm not against Jews per se. Jews who are simply members of the proletariat who wait in line with fellow citizens to buy bread or are toiling beside each other on the collective farms are acceptable, but those who have money and influence--running big businesses, Hollywood studios, media firms and donating millions to political candidates--are dangerous to our democracy. We need to neutralize their power. The best way to do that is...
  • Congresswoman Denies Knowledge of Fraud [semi-satire]

    05/23/2026 12:24:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 14 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn) denied allegations that she knew about the fraud for which Aimee Bock was sentenced to 41 years in federal prison. "I know she says I knew about the scheme to steal millions of dollars in federal funds meant to feed hungry children," Omar said, "but how credible are her claims? The sentencing judge called Bock a dishonest criminal mastermind who has done profound and lasting damage to the community and state, that her conduct was not an impulsive one-time error; it was sustained, organized, and aggressively pursued." "Now, Bock is a convicted felon," Omar...