Free Republic

Brace yourself, America: the federal government has been shut down. Congress will no longer be able to pass any bills and all federal agencies will grind to a halt. But, there will also be some very serious consequences. Here are the 7 most terrifying: The Capitol cafeteria will not be able serve Ted Cruz his customary afternoon Ho Hos: Devastating. That department you've never heard of that does nothing for you will be furloughed: You can kiss the Commission on Overseas Native Fisheries goodbye. Government workers will lose thousands of hours of sleep they would otherwise be getting at work:...

When US Border Patrol boats were spotted in the Chicago River Mayor Brandon Johnson (D) demanded to know "who authorized this? I didn't authorize this. I wasn't consulted before this invasion was launched. The federal government is not communicating with me or our police department." Border Patrol chief Michael Banks said "we've posted information about our latest immigration enforcement activities on social media to let residents know what we're doing. We didn't make a separate effort to coordinate with the Mayor since he has declared he wants to eradicate law-enforcement in his city." Johnson called Banks' reply "disrespectful. He's only...

Here's how we feel about all the world "leaders" who support Hamas by unilaterally recognizing Palestine as a state!

During a review of the FBI's January 6, 2021 after-action report it was discovered that 274 plain clothes FBI agents were assigned to mingle with the crowd that trespassed in the Capitol on that day. Many of those agents later filed complaints with the after-action team saying they "were sent into an unsafe scenario without proper safety equipment or the ability to identify themselves readily as armed officers to other police agencies." Another agent said "I no longer feel it is legally or morally acceptable to support a federal law enforcement and intelligence agency motivated by political bias." Yet another...

ANN ARBOR, MI — To get ready for a political debate at the University of Michigan campus, local Democrat Fred Phillips headed down to the gun range to practice. In preparation to repel his conservative counterparts' views, Phillips spent over an hour sighting in his scope. "Oh yeah, just getting in a little debate prep," said Phillips to the range owner as he set up his rifle. "We're supposed to talk abortion, immigration, and foreign policy. So I've got to be sure I've got my aim right." Though Phillip's methods may seem unorthodox, Democrats across the nation say shooting rifles...

U.S. — Americans were not quite sure what former FBI Director James Comey had been indicted for, but they felt very sure that he deserved it. Most of the nation did not know if indictment details had even been released, but didn't really feel compelled to look into it as Comey pretty clearly had it coming. "Whatever it was, he probably did it. I mean, it's James Comey," said local man Drake Bennington. "I really haven't paid attention if it was embezzling, selling state secrets, or cooking meth. There's nothing I would put past that tool. I don't know what...

Former FBI chief James Comey was indicted on criminal charges of lying to Congress and obstructing justice. The indictment came just days before the expiring statute of limitations would have made the charges moot. Former US Attorney Erik Siebert had been delaying pursuing the case but was fired by President Trump and replaced by an attorney who pursued and obtained the indictment. Nearly five years ago, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex) questioned Comey under oath about testimony he had given during a 2017 hearing to Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa). Comey confirmed that he had denied ever leaking information to the media...

This week, left-wing propagandist Jimmy Kimmel was reinstated to his late night ABC TV show by the Disney Corporation. CEO Bob Iger explained "we have spent some time talking with Jimmy and analyzing our options. On the one hand, the replacement 'Family Feud' reruns more than doubled the audience that Kimmel was drawing. On the other hand, Jimmy is a reliable spokesman for our company's values." "We make more than enough revenue from our theme parks that we can afford to subsidize Jimmy's show," Iger acknowledged. "His hilarious mocking of MAGA fascism and Trump's buffoonery is an essential weapon in...

Silliness in response to idiocy.

U.S. — In a move to capitalize on the current heightened volatility of the political climate, one ammunition manufacturer unveiled a new giant shell casing with more room for left-wing terrorists to write out all their motives in detail. Progressive Ammunition looked to expand its market share this week in the wake of a new spate of politically motivated violence by providing crazed radicals with a bullet casing large enough to accommodate their manifestos. "Finally, a projectile with more writing room," said Progressive Ammunition marketing representative Jim Prater. "Left-wing terrorists have been forced to write short messages on their bullet...

NEW YORK, NY — While appearing on MSNBC's Morning Joe, former Secretary of State and First Lady Hillary Clinton called for unity amidst the onslaught of political violence, saying, "We must all stop pointing fingers, as we all know the Republicans are to blame." Despite having no official capacity in modern politics, Clinton appeared on Morning Joe to rally Americans around a common goal: blaming Republicans for everything. "Let's just say it, white men of a certain persuasion, certain religion, certain point of view, certain ideology, are literally destroying America," Clinton told host Joe Scarborough. "Why are we bickering amongst...

GLENDALE, AZ — President Trump and Tesla CEO Elon Musk shared an awkward moment Sunday during the memorial for Charlie Kirk when they were both caught on a kiss cam. Witnesses could see Elon Musk awkwardly get Trump's attention, point at the Jumbotron, and turn to him with a shrug as if saying, "I guess we have no choice." Sources say Trump then shifted awkwardly in his seat as if waiting for the moment to pass, but Musk was ready to go for it. "I've never been on a Jumbotron before. Don't let me down," he allegedly said. "Come here,...

In a bid to get front-running New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani to endorse her campaign for reelection, Gov. Kathy Hochul announced her endorsement of Mamdani, saying "this bright young star of the Democratic Party is showing us how to win the hearts and minds of the working classes. I enthusiastically urge the voters of New York City to make him their next mayor. I hope we can both work together to keep the fascist Republicans from thwarting the people's revolution we both support." Mamdani responded saying "I'm excited to have the governor's support in my battle to become...

Though he once advised Democrats that "if your opponent brings a knife, you bring a gun," former President Obama asserted that "Trump's extreme policies and rhetoric have poisoned our politics. He wants to shut our country off from the immigrants we need to do the work that Americans won't do. He's mercilessly deporting family men like Abrego Garcia. He wants to punish rather than show compassion toward individuals driven to crime to support themselves in the lackluster economy his policies have inflicted on the middle class. He's firing tens of thousands of long-tenured public servants. These extreme views were not...

In a bid to stave off an infusion of law-enforcement assets into his city by President Trump, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson declared that "the idea that law enforcement is the solution to reducing crime is a sickness. Folks commit crimes because they are desperate. Sending armed cops after them just accelerates that desperation leading to more death and destruction." Johnson went on to praise Gov. JB Pritzker's (D) "Peacekeepers" initiative, saying "rather than give up on folks with criminal records we are going to give them a chance to refocus their efforts in ways that will help the community become...

On Monday, Jimmy Kimmel used his monologue to accuse MAGA of "trying to cover up the fact that the person who killed Charlie Kirk was one of them." This was after Utah Attorney General Derek Brown had disclosed evidence that the shooter had admitted that he hated Kirk for his anti-trans views, had a trans lover, and had been planning the assassination for a week. Andrew Alford, President of Broadcasting for Nexstar, an affilate of ABC, called Kimmel's comments "offensive and insensitive at a critical time in our national political discourse, and we do not believe they reflect the spectrum...

NEW YORK — Former Washington Post journalist Karen Attiah made history Wednesday as the first ever recipient of the Pulitzer Prize for "Best Fabricated Quote." "My daddy always told me I wouldn't get anywhere with my lies but look at me now!" Attiah said, in a small ceremony held at Columbia University. Attiah was fired from her position at The Washington Post after fabricating a quote from Charlie Kirk to cast him in a negative light following his assassination. This reportedly impressed the Pulitzer Prize board so much that they created the Best Fabricated Quote category just for her. "She...

https://t.co/AMeXCf4rA8 NEW YORK, NY — Responding to public outcry to set the record straight after a terrible act of political violence launched the debate about dangerous rhetoric to the forefront of American consciousness, the New York Times issued a minor clarification that conservative activist Charlie Kirk had said "Hitler is bad" and not "Hitler is good." The correction came several days after Kirk was gunned down at a public event, with the New York Times seeking to clarify that it had gotten one minor detail wrong by telling its readers that Kirk had praised infamous Nazi leader Adolf Hitler when...

https://babylonbee.com/news/cancel-culture-leftist-fired-simply-for-having-a-different-opinion-on-whether-conservatives-should-be-murdered CHICAGO, IL — In what has been described as a disturbing "canceling" trend sweeping across social media, a local leftist was fired from her job simply for having a different opinion on whether conservatives should be murdered. Charity Sparks, an account manager for a marketing company, lost her job over the weekend after she was outed online for a TikTok video in which she performed a celebratory dance and laughed uncontrollably to celebrate the killing of Charlie Kirk and express her deeply held belief that all conservatives should be murdered. "They're so closed-minded about me wanting them all dead,"...

District Court Judge Kristen Simmons dismissed charges of election fraud against 15 Michigan Republicans who agreed to be the state's electors in the 2020 presidential election. "Historically, there have been other instances where the issue of which electors really represent the voters' choice has been disputed," she observed. "This is not fraud or a coup d'etat. It is a precautionary step in case recounts or reassessments of vote tallies reverse the results initially reported after the vote counting has been concluded. Both Democrats and Republicans have used this step. Once the winner is determined only one set of electors actually...