Free Republic

U.S. — The state of California has officially annexed the state formerly known as Texas. Texas has flown six different flags over the years, going from Spanish to French to Mexican rule before becoming an independent nation. After a stint of secession during the Civil War, Texas has been part of the U.S. as the Lone Star State for over 150 years. That chapter came to a close last night. "Welcome to California," announced Governor Gavin Newsom, as the California flag was raised over the Capitol in Austin. "You're going to love it here. Just look at what has become...

SACRAMENTO, CA — With pivotal midterm elections taking place across the country, one state added an extra incentive to influence their outcomes, as Governor Gavin Newsom offered electricity to California residents who vote for Democrats. With electrical power now at a premium throughout the Golden State, Newsom held a press conference to announce that any California resident who votes to elect Democratic candidates would be graciously granted electricity. "Just sweetening the pot a little bit," Newsom told reporters. "I want all Californians to know that if they vote Democrat in today's elections, not only will they receive the same...

U.S. - A number of news outlets, including CNN, Fox News, and NBC, are calling the current election in favor of Jesus Christ, who is still sovereignly reigning from His throne on high, sources confirmed late Tuesday. News organizations were closely tracking votes tallied for Democrats, Republicans and the various third-party candidates into the night, but by 11:00 p.m. EST, the majority of major television channels and news sites agreed that the Lord Jesus was still sovereign over all creation. "We've got to go ahead and call this thing for Jesus," Wolf Blitzer said on CNN's live Election Day coverage....

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Boy, has King Trump got egg on his face this time. Seeing all of the people going to vote, he realized he forgot to cancel the election. What an idiot! "Kings aren't supposed to have elections. Doesn't he know that? What a dummy," said one peasant. "Well, time to vote against his interests, because he's so dumb." Sources in the Royal White House confirmed the king is beside himself with grief, unsure why he let such an obvious challenge to his power proceed. "Why am I so stupid? Don't answer that!" said King Trump. "Believe me, this...

Buoyed by polls showing Democrats are favored to win control over Congress in this year's elections, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton asserted "it's time that every member of the MAGA movement be held responsible for their role in enabling Trump to tyrannize this country. Investigating and impeaching Trump is, of course, a key goal. However, we must tear out this fascist cancer on our democracy by the grassroots." Clinton acknowledged "being inspired by Sen. Slotkin's (D-Mich) suggestion that we must go beyond the high profile MAGA criminals in Trump's cabinet in our battle to transform this nation and deter...

Wondering if your wife is pregnant, but don't feel like you know how to ask? Here are are nine subtle clues you can look for to figure out if she is with child: She just sat on your lap and now your femur is broken: It normally doesn't do that. You just watched her inhale 3 Big Macs like those cartoons where everything flies into their mouths: It's really a sight to behold. She's peeing on some thermometer thing: That did seem like rather strange behavior. You just told a hilarious joke and she's laughing oh wait no she's...

LANSING, MI — Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed sought to reassure nervous Jewish citizens that if they vote for him, he will kill them last. El-Sayed estimated that it will take him about one year to murder all of the Jews in Michigan, so a vote for him could give Jewish residents the chance at a whole extra year of life. "I solemnly vow that I will put you at the bottom of my kill list," said El-Sayed, speaking at a local synagogue. "You and your family will be absolutely safe until it is your turn for me to kill...

NEW YORK, NY — LGBTQ+ has just gotten a little more inclusive with the addition of an "S" for "Sibling." Officials with the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) announced guidelines to add the letter "S" to the popular LGBTQ acronym, noting a rise in sibling love they say is worth celebrating. "With one of our nation's congresswomen being outed for marrying her brother, it's high time we recognize the beautiful subset of our community that embraces sibling love," said GLAAD spokesperson Amby Feelmoore (she/they). "There's nothing wrong with it and the extra 'S' in "LGBTQ' proves it."...

With Representative Ilhan Omar seemingly unsure about whether she accidentally married her brother, millions of women have been left asking themselves a difficult question: Am I married to my brother? Don't worry. We'll help you sort this out. Here are nine signs to look for you might be married to your brother: You have the same parents: This probably should have tipped you off. You grew up in the same house together and he always calls you sister: At least you had a healthy relationship — at the time. He gave you a noogie after "kissing the bride": Evidence of...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an interview with MS NOW last night, Representative Ilhan Omar explained that she didn't know that she had married her brother as they were separated at birth to be hidden from their father, Darth Vader. Omar explained that her mother, Padmé, died shortly after giving birth to her and her brother on the asteroid known as Polis Massa in the Outer Rim. With Vader seeking to destroy the Jedi order, Omar and her brother were separated by the decision of Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi. "You see Chris, I didn't even know I had a brother," explained...

PARIS — The nation of France has thrown its support behind the American conservative movement, graciously spending the past week filming a massive campaign ad for the Republican Party. With midterms just over two weeks away, the entire nation of France took it upon itself to film a sprawling attack ad, demonstrating with incredible realism the dangers of voting Democrat. "Wow. Thanks, France," said Republican Senate candidate Jon Husted. "This must have cost billions of dollars to film. We really didn't expect this level of support from the French. Honestly, you didn't have to go so far as burning...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump faced heavy criticism on Friday for replacing White House Press Secretary Katie Zacharia with Jessica Rabbit. Critics pointed to her prior work as a lounge singer and the fact that she wasn't technically human as two major red flags. "It's obvious that Trump just wanted a pretty face behind the podium, but a lounge singer? How's she going to convey the president's agenda?" questioned MS NOW personality Rachel Maddow. "Press secretary used to be a prestigious role. Who would have thought the position once held by Karine Jean Pierre could sink so low?"...

In 2025 the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) recommended that tax dollars going to USAID were of no benefit to the US. Later the Trump Administration cut those subsidies. Since then, eight leftist governments in Latin America have been ousted by elections favoring free-market oriented governments. The countries in which this occurred include Ecuador, Bolivia, Honduras, Chile, Costa Rica, Peru, Columbia and Brazil. Secretary of State Marco Rubio called these trends "encouraging. It was shameful that prior administrations were covertly propping up regimes that were oppressing their own people, wrecking their economies with socialist nostrums, and actively expressing their enmity...

The narrowly averted hijacking of Flydubai Flight FZ1073 from Dubai to Tel Aviv in Israel inspired Al Qaeda to call for more copycat hijackings. A public statement issued by the terrorist organization pointed out that "it has been 25 long years since the 2001 triumph of taking down the twin towers in New York City showed what courage and self-sacrifice could accomplish against the evil American empire. Hamam al-Hammami showed that a single man could have succeeded in crashing a major airline craft. If he had chosen a softer target than a plane carrying so many battle-hardened Israelis he most...

With estimates of the annual toll on taxpayers for welfare fraud now estimated to exceed $250 billion, an outraged President Trump is demanding that "Congress enact a law mandating prison sentences for individuals who are stealing this money from hard working Americans. I think if you steal from the American people, you should go to prison and for a long period of time. And the more you steal, the longer you'll stay in that prison." "In addition, if a state or local politician knows about fraud and has the ability to stop it, but does nothing about it, they should...

Judge P. Kevin Castel for the Southern District of New York ruled that "any ICE arrest of a person who enters the country without legal authorization that doesn't occur at the scene of the commission of the crime is arbitrary and capricious." Judge Castel rejected the government's "argument that an arrest policy, or absence of an arrest policy, is beyond judicial review because the place of an arrest is left entirely to the discretion of the agency." Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Markwayne Mullin called the ruling "absolutely bonkers. In essence, the Judge is saying that unless a criminal...

NASHVILLE, TN — Prison officials admitted they were unsure how to go about executing a woman who was currently being kept alive by a ventilator that is plugged into a power outlet in the wall. After surviving two botched lethal injections, convicted murderer Christa Pike is now in critical condition and is solely being kept alive by a machine that breathes for her, which is powered by a standard 120-volt power outlet in the wall. Prison officials, who ordered the medical interventions that are keeping her alive, are baffled as to how they could execute the vulnerable death row inmate...

PARIS — At long last, the Palestinian people finally have a land to truly call their own. After decades of war, strife, and refusing other offers for sovereign territory, a new nation for Palestinians was at last established within the country formerly known as "France." "What a remarkable moment for the Palestinian people, seeing their flag raised over the Arc de Triomphe, knowing this land belongs to them," said Middle East policy expert Gerard Rousseau. "They may have traded the Jordan River for the Seine, but the Palestinians finally have a homeland. It has been so gracious how quickly the...

US District Judge David Leibowitz dismissed a case against Florida non-citizen resident Chelsea Cox for voting in the 2020 election on the grounds that "under the US Constitution each state has the right to decide who will be allowed to vote in elections. Article I, Section 4 explicitly states that 'The Times, Places and Manner of holding Elections for Senators and Representatives, shall be prescribed in each State by the Legislature thereof.' There is no requirement regarding citizenship mentioned. Therefore it is my ruling that the federal government lacks the authority to prosecute Ms. Cox for illegally voting. The authority...

The Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) wrote a 26 page "open letter" to the American people saying "Islam requires believers to stand up to tyrants. By electing Democrats who will oust Trump from office the people of America will prove themselves worthy of membership in our faith and will not be killed after an Islamic regime supplants the evil, deceitful, and violent politicians who are responsible for America's current state." The letter went on to assert that "the defeat of Zionist candidates by democratic socialists in this year's Democratic primary elections shows that more Americans are aligning themselves with the...