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In 2020, 65% of Virginia's voters approved a Congressional district map that resulted in the state electing six Democrats and five Republicans--a 55% to 45% split--to represent the state in Washington, DC. The Democrat majority in the state legislature is presenting a new map that is expected to result in the state electing ten Democrats and one Republican--a 91% to 9% split--to represent the state in Washington. The ballot language asks voters: "Should the Constitution of Virginia be amended to allow the General Assembly to temporarily adopt new congressional districts to restore fairness in the upcoming elections, while ensuring Virginia's...

The latest poll of registered voters from NBC News found that President Trump was viewed less unfavorably than the two leading Democrats contenders for the 2028 presidential nomination. Trump's percentages were 41% positive to 53% negative for a net -12%. Gov. California Gavin Newsom's were 27% positive to 45% negative for a net -18%. Former Vice-President Kamala Harris' were 34% positive to 51% negative for a net of -17%. Comparisons for the Republican and Democrat Parties were similar. Voters rated Republicans as 37% positive to 51% negative for a net -14%. Democrats were rated 30% positive to 52% negative for...

TEHRAN — Rumors of the Ayatollah regime's nefarious plot to launch an assault on the west coast of the United States hit a snag on Wednesday, as Iran canceled plans to attack California after seeing Gavin Newsom had already destroyed it. The Iranian government had issued threats that it was prepared to take revenge on the U.S. by launching attacks against California, but leaders were said to have reconsidered their plan after intelligence reports showed that the state had been completely decimated under Newsom's leadership. "You can't destroy something that's already destroyed," said a spokesman for the supreme leader. "We...

NEW YORK, NY — As giant mutant spiders attacked the Big Apple, many concerned experts across the country expressed worry that the giant attacking spiders could lead to a substantial increase in hateful arachnophobia. The fears grew this week following yet another attack from the giant spiders, resulting in widespread calls for city leaders to take action against them. Analysts urged the public to refrain from falling into such blatant arachnophobic hysteria. "It's disturbing to see such anti-spider sentiment," said New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani. "I implore all New Yorkers, regardless of their backgrounds and political views, to avoid...

Rep. Nancy Mace's (R-SC) motion "to publicly release all reports on investigations into members of Congress regarding allegations of 'sexual harassment or of a sexual relationship with a member of their staff" was voted down by 357 to 65 vote. Mace said "the professed concern for the victims being publicly humiliated 'phony.' Any Member who votes against this resolution is voting to protect the cover-up instead of the victims. Nobody in Congress should get to play by a different set of rules. We need to shine a light on every single case the House Ethics Committee has been sitting on."...

It turns out that in addition to fraudulent payments of federal aid in Minnesota meant for feeding children and providing daycare to children of working parents it has been revealed that fraudulent payments for autism therapy must now be added to the list. In testimony given in Congress it was pointed out to Gov. Tim Walz, that in 2017 about $1 million in federal funds was paid to help fight autism. In 2024, $343 million was paid. Walz admitted being totally ignorant and unembarrassed by this revelation, saying "I'm not a financial genius. I am only a governor. I can't...

Sensing that the combined US/Israeli attack on Iran presented him with an opportunity to boost his foreign policy credentials heading into to anticipated run for president in 2028, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) asserted "the corrupt and repressive Iranian regime must never have nuclear weapons. The leadership of Iran must go. But that does not justify the President of the United States engaging in an illegal, dangerous war that will risk the lives of our American service members and our friends. President Trump is putting Americans at risk abroad because he is unpopular at home." Sen. Mark Kelly (D-AZ) said "the...

Following his primary loss to Steve Toth, Texas Congressman Dan Crenshaw is now looking for a new career path. The Babylon Bee has heard through the Washington grapevine that Crenshaw has cast an eye toward one of the following potential jobs: 1. Monocle model: They reportedly only get paid half as much as models for eyeglasses, though. 2. Stockbroker: His years of success and killer portfolio speak for themselves. 3. Circus act as "The Man with Incredibly Poor Depth Perception": Just don't mix it with knife-throwing. 4. Major League Baseball umpire: He'll fit right in. 5. Full-time telescope operator: Need...

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The United States State Department issued an evacuation order for the U.S. embassy located in downtown Minneapolis on Friday, citing concerns over the safety of American citizens in the area. In light of ongoing unrest in the Muslim world, the embassy advised all citizens to leave Minneapolis immediately as they began breaking down their own offices ahead of a final departure back to America. "We've received multiple threats from Minneapolis narcoterrorist groups and believe it is in the best interest of ongoing diplomatic talks to abandon ship before someone tries to kill us," reported Paul Mayfield, U.S....

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Faced with the threat of their total annihilation, the Islamic Republic of Iran reportedly contacted the White House on Thursday to ask if they could "please have Joe Biden back." White House officials confirmed that Mojtaba Khamenei, the new Supreme Leader of Iran, dialed the White House switchboard demanding to speak to whoever was in charge of picking the president so he could see about getting Joe Biden back in the Oval Office. "He is, uh, a great leader. We will listen to him," Khamenei reportedly said of the former president. "You put him back in...

New York City's democratic-socialist Mayor Zohran Mamdani explained why he requires two forms of IDs to shovel snow, but opposes IDs for casting a ballot. "Casting a ballot is a human right that should not be infringed by requiring the voter to prove his or her identity," the Mayor said. "It would be like requiring an ID to be allowed to breathe. In contrast, shoveling snow is a job that pays $30 per hour of labor. It would be fiscally irresponsible for me to spend public money without knowing who I am paying to do the work." "Republicans say that...

TEHRAN — The Iranian government has officially announced a successor to Ayatollah Khamenei, introducing today the new Supreme Ayatollah, Tucker Carlson. Ayatollah Carlson will immediately take the helm as the foremost political leader for the longstanding Muslim theocratic dictatorship. "All bow before Ayatollah Carlson. Praise Allah!" cried Iranian government officials as Ayatollah Carlson took the stage. "Truly, Allah has chosen Ayatollah Carlson to end the scourge of infidel Christians in our land once and for all. No one loves jihad more than he. Praise Allah!" In his opening address, Ayatollah Carlson confirmed that he will continue the hard-line Islamic extremism...

During an interview with Atlanta Mayor Andre Dickens, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) told the Black mayor and mostly Black audience "I'm like you. I can't read. I'm a 960 SAT guy--you know, the kind of guy who's a 'C' student on his good days. I'd be the perfect president to represent your interests. I wish I was Black so you'd believe me." Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC) took offense, saying "You're not like us. Black folks have built empires, created movements, outworked, out-hustled and outsmarted people like you. Stop using your mediocre academics as a way to patronize us." Newsom defended...

NEW YORK, NY — After U.S. military action against the Ayatollah, New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly getting nervous that President Donald Trump keeps assassinating Muslim dictators. The radical extremist now ruling as the leader of an oppressive Islamic regime in the Big Apple was overheard asking his closest advisors for plans to take cover to avoid Trump's ongoing campaign to wipe out all Muslim dictators who threaten the security of the United States. "There aren't many of us left," Mamdani reportedly told one aide. "Trump keeps taking out all of our best guys. Every radical Muslim dictator...

The Republicans' "Big Beautiful Bill" (BBB) enacted last year cut the nationwide federal tax burden by billions of dollars. In Oregon that amounted to more than $300 million in cuts. Rep. Nancy Nathanson (D-Eugene) introduced state legislation to convert the federal cuts into state tax increases, saying "enriching taxpayers is not a high priority for us in Oregon. Folks who previously paid higher taxes to the feds can afford to keep paying those higher taxes to the state government." The Representative dismissed the intent of the BBB to stimulate business investment as "not as important as funding increased budgets for...

Gov. Tim Walz (D-Minn) objected to Vice President JD Vance's decision to temporarily halt federal Medicade subsidies to his state pending further investigation of the Walz Administration misuse of public funds, saying "doesn't this fool realize that we've already distributed the federal money to unqualified recipients? We need more federal money in order to take care of the folks that should've been taken care of by the money we misused. The Republicans are only hurting these needy folks." Vance pointed out that "dozens of Minnesota state employees have blamed Gov. Walz for enabling or ignoring the misuse of those funds....

TEHRAN — Iranian officials have promised that Ayatollah Khamenei will give a speech just as soon as they have located the rest of his body. The Iranian government has said it will prove that the strikes on Iran have been a complete failure by showing Khamenei alive and well. How6ever, the speech will have to wait until they can find his legs. "The world shall see how the cowardly attacks of America could never touch Allah's chosen one," said an Iranian official. "The Ayatollah himself will speak to his people, as soon as he has, ah, gathered himself. We are...

TEHRAN — Iranian military leaders are reportedly "really kicking themselves" for not just having their latest meeting over zoom. In hindsight, the Iranian generals who were still alive felt that perhaps gathering all of the military's leaders together in one physical location was a mistake. "We may have made a bit of a boo-boo," said newly promoted Iranian general Heydar Rahimi. "You know, looking in retrospect, I can now see that maybe gathering all the top generals into one building was not that smart. They could have so easily just met on Zoom. But, the generals' pagers said to go,...

In his state of the union speech, President Trump asked members of Congress to stand to show their support for the concept that "the first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens." While the Republican contingent had no qualms about acknowledging this responsibility, not a single Democrat did. In the Democratic response delivered by Gov. Abigail Spanberger (D-Va), she pointed out that "American citizens are among the wealthiest in the world. They are capable of protecting themselves. There are billions of folks in other countries who need America's help. Former President Biden invited tens of millions of...

Everyone knows Democrats cheat in elections. Many illegal immigrants say "President Biden invited us to come to America. When we did he took care of us. He gave us places to live, food, cell phones, all the good things that are available to people in America. They offer to register us to vote when we get a driver's license. They help us get absentee ballots. They even fill out the ballots for us. We would be ungrateful if we didn't cast these votes for them." Leading Democrats, like Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer, oppose the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility (SAVE)...