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Keyword: satire

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  • "We Must Break the Spirit of MAGA People"

    05/25/2026 11:04:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 39 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) spoke before the 2026 CAP IDEAS Conference that was hosted by the Center for American Progress, saying "first, as a guarantee, we are taking back control of the United States House of Representatives in November. As I speak, we have thousands of people in the field registering as many new voters as we can. People like 64-year-old Californian Brenda Lee Brown Armstrong who has been registering homeless skid row folks for the last 20 years. She lets them use her home address so the mail-in ballots the state sends to every registered...
  • Death of the Late Show

    05/24/2026 10:24:10 AM PDT · by Rummyfan · 27 replies
    X ^ | 24 May 2026 | Peter Girnus
    I am the Senior Vice President of Late Night Strategy at CBS. I am the person who turned a comedian into a priest and charged advertisers to watch the congregation. I want to be precise about what I built. Not a comedy show. A permission structure. For eleven years, six million Americans tuned in every night to find out what they were allowed to believe by morning. We didn't sell jokes. We sold certainty. Certainty costs nothing to produce. People will pay anything for it. We charged $50 million a year and still lost money because it turns out permission...
  • Immigrant Crime Wave in Denmark [semi-satire]

    05/24/2026 10:38:03 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Unlike many other European countries, Denmark has been pretty restrictive in admitting Muslims into their country. Consequently, these immigrant populations are quite low compared to places like France, Sweden, and the United Kingdom. Also unlike other European countries, Denmark keeps meticulous statistics on the ethnicity of persons who commit serious crimes. These statistics show that disproportionate numbers of offenders are immigrants. In the category of attempted homicide, Somalis are 27 times as likely as Danes to be arrested for this crime, Moroccans and Palestinians are 20 times as likely, Iraqis are 13 times as likely, Pakistanis are 10 times as...
  • Liam Neeson Criticized For Killing 31 Innocent Human Traffickers Just To Get Back One Hostage

    06/11/2024 3:02:57 AM PDT · by xp38 · 25 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | June 8 2024 | The Babylon Bee
    WORLD — Authorities across the globe have forcefully condemned Liam Neeson for killing dozens of kindly human traffickers just to save one lousy hostage. "We are absolutely disgusted by this rampage of violence against innocent human traffickers trying to make a living," said U.S. Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "One measly little hostage is no excuse for Neeson's horrific actions." According to sources, Neeson began hunting down the human traffickers after they kidnapped his daughter to sell as a sex slave. "Terrorists violently taking his daughter to rape is simply no justification for violence," said British politician Jeremy Corbyn. "We called...
  • Democrat Wants Zionist Internment Camps [semi-satire]

    05/23/2026 10:23:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Maureen Galindo, a Democrat running for Congress in Texas Congressional District-35, wants "to save America from the devious schemes of Zionist Jews by incarcerating them in internment camps. I'm not against Jews per se. Jews who are simply members of the proletariat who wait in line with fellow citizens to buy bread or are toiling beside each other on the collective farms are acceptable, but those who have money and influence--running big businesses, Hollywood studios, media firms and donating millions to political candidates--are dangerous to our democracy. We need to neutralize their power. The best way to do that is...
  • Congresswoman Denies Knowledge of Fraud [semi-satire]

    05/23/2026 12:24:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn) denied allegations that she knew about the fraud for which Aimee Bock was sentenced to 41 years in federal prison. "I know she says I knew about the scheme to steal millions of dollars in federal funds meant to feed hungry children," Omar said, "but how credible are her claims? The sentencing judge called Bock a dishonest criminal mastermind who has done profound and lasting damage to the community and state, that her conduct was not an impulsive one-time error; it was sustained, organized, and aggressively pursued." "Now, Bock is a convicted felon," Omar...
  • Candidate Steals Campaign Mail [semi-satire]

    05/19/2026 10:35:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Max Morley, a Democrat seeking to unseat Daniel Grossberg as Kentucky State Representative in the 30th House District, was caught on a home security camera stealing a Grossberg campaign flyer from a voter's mail box. Morley admitted to "a lack of judgment. This isn't acceptable, and it's something I'm deeply sorry for. I apologize to the homeowner. I want one thing to remain clear: voters in HD 30 deserve better than their current representative, and I don't want them to be distracted from the ultimate goal of sending him home." Louisville Democratic Party Vice Chair Rosalind Welch said "I was...
  • 8 Scary Facts About Data Centers

    05/19/2026 10:07:29 AM PDT · by dayglored · 41 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 18, 2026 | The Bee
    (Image Matthew G Eddy / Shutterstock) AI uses a lot of power, and it needs massive data centers to support it. That's why, despite data centers having existed for decades, people are suddenly running for the hills. But do they have a reason to be afraid? You be the judge. Here are the scariest facts about data centers: Data centers are the ugliest buildings on earth: Ancient Greeks never built utilitarian buildings. They're almost as bad as nuclear power plants: And 100 times more deadly. They drink up one whole ocean per ChatGPT query: We might need the oceans...
  • Labor Union Warns Voters About Pratt [semi-satire]

    05/18/2026 10:13:20 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Independent Los Angeles mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt's impressive showing in the debate with his two main rivals for the job has shaken up the race. First, in an online poll 90% of debate viewers declared Pratt the winner of the debate. Second, both the incumbent Mayor Karen Bass (Democrat) and Councilmember Nithya Raman (Socialist) have dropped out of a second scheduled debate. Third, further debates have been canceled. Fourth, Pratt's campaign ads are being called some of the best political commercials ever seen. Former Vice President Kamala Harris announced her endorsement of Karen Bass: "Mayor Karen Bass is the leader...
  • Photo of Trump in China Stirs Controversy [semi-satire]

    05/17/2026 11:47:00 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 23 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Recently published photos of President Trump sharing a toast during a formal dinner on his visit to China were cited as "additional evidence for impeaching him" by Rep. John Larson (D-Conn). "I've already filed articles of impeachment. Donald Trump has blown past every requirement to be removed from office. And it's getting worse. People across my district know he is unfit to lead and are calling for impeachment. Now that he has demonstrated that his claim that he never touches alcohol is a bare-faced lie it's time the rest of Congress joins me in voting to start the process of...
  • Death Row Inmates Watching Porn [semi-satire]

    05/16/2026 9:38:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    In California, 90,000 prisoners have been issued computer tablets so they can connect with the outside world. While the tablets are free, usage fees may be charged to inmates. Text messages are five cents each. Video calls are 16 cents per minute. Movie rentals are $9 each and must be viewed within 48 hours. Inmate Grace Coleman complained "we can't afford to pay these normal world prices." State Sen. Josh Becker (D-13th district) agrees and says "it's the injustice of the whole thing. And not only injustice, but also the illogical nature of charging in a world where telecommunications costs...
  • Are the Attempts to Kill Trump Real? [semi-satire]

    05/16/2026 12:51:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 18 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, a National Public Radio (NPR) headline asserted "new poll finds a majority of Americans unsure if attempts on Trump's life were real." The article went on to disclose that "30% of Americans think at least one of those incidents was staged. Forty-five percent said each of the attempts was real." That leaves about 25% in the "unsure" category. The poll was conducted by NewsGuard/YouGov. NewsGuard has been a left-wing "fact checker" since it was founded in 2018. NPR's federal government funding was recently withdrawn for its consistent left-wing bias. In the July 2024 attempt at a Trump campaign...
  • 'The View' Announces All-New Cast Of Angry, Middle-Aged Women

    05/13/2026 10:20:43 AM PDT · by dayglored · 11 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 12, 2026 | The Bee
    U.S. — Longtime daytime talk show "The View" has announced that next season will feature an all-new cast of angry middle-aged women. After years of occasional changes among the show's personalities, ABC has moved to replace all five of the previous hosts, though it is sticking with the archetype of emotional middle-aged women. "We're ready for a fresh set of high-pitched, seething voices," said showrunner Denette Holman. "The chemistry we are seeing in the new group of hosts is wonderful. The rants, the cattiness, the imminent menopause, it's all there. We're looking forward to a great season." Focus groups...
  • High-Speed Rail Fiasco to Be Kept Secret [semi-satire]

    05/12/2026 9:53:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, the California Assembly passed legislation that would allow the state to keep future high-speed rail bad news from the general public. Assemblymember Lori Wilson (D, dist 11) justified the bill, saying "previous disclosures of the overdue and over-budget project have only served to lower support for the project. The disclosures make the project's directors look inept or corrupt. The expenditure of so much money with so little progress to show for it raises suspicion that, like the state's medicaid expenditures, most of the money was stolen." "Unsurprisingly, Republicans have been using the publicly available data to hammer Democrats,"...
  • New York Offers To House Hantavirus Patients In Nursing Homes

    05/12/2026 8:47:18 AM PDT · by dayglored · 8 replies
    The Bee ^ | May 11, 2026 | The Bee
    MANHATTAN — The State of New York has graciously offered to allow American hantavirus patients to stay in any of their local nursing homes. With seventeen Americans being ordered into quarantine due to hantavirus exposure, Governor Hochul immediately called to request the patients be housed as close as possible to elderly, infirm New Yorkers. "We are following the science," announced Governor Hochul. "While red states languish, New York will once again lead the way in pandemic preparation by securing all infected patients inside nursing homes. We know from experience how to trap a virus inside the buildings which contain...
  • What Luck! Dr. Fauci Announces He's Been Working On Hantavirus Vaccine This Whole Time

    05/12/2026 8:41:43 AM PDT · by V_TWIN · 17 replies
    babylonbee.com ^ | May 11, 2026
    ROCKVILLE, MD — Hantavirus has quickly become the biggest viral threat to humanity since COVID and as luck would have it, Dr. Fauci has announced that he has been working on a hantavirus vaccine this entire time. How convenient! Even though Dr. Fauci announced his retirement from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases back in 2022, the world suspected that he was still up to something. Now at last, we know what it was saving the world by fortuitously working on a hantavirus vaccine. "You wouldn't believe it, but I have been working on hantavirus this whole time,"...
  • "Unhoused Persons Bill of Rights" [semi-satire]

    05/11/2026 11:22:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 21 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) has introduced an "Unhoused Persons Bill of Rights" legislation that would dramatically expand government spending for homeless people. "Homelessness is at record levels," she said. "We are morally obligated to do something about it." "Having access to a safe place to live is a human right," Tlaib claimed. "This means that it's the government's responsibility to provide it to the people who need it. Ideally, everyone would be given a real home equivalent to that enjoyed by the average American. However, that would require redirecting the entire annual $1.5 trillion military budget to build and maintain...
  • ‘Star Wars’ Writer’s Scripted Hollywood Satire Podcast ‘See You in Hell’ Takes on AI in Timely New Episode

    05/09/2026 11:07:05 PM PDT · by nickcarraway · 5 replies
    Variety ^ | William Earl
    ‘Star Wars’ Writer’s Scripted Hollywood Satire Podcast ‘See You in Hell’ Takes on AI in Timely New Episode“See You in Hell,” a new, independently-produced podcast satirizing Hollywood, has just dropped its third episode, and it’s all about Hollywood’s increasingly uncomfortable relationship with AI. Per a press release, “See You in Hell” is about “married showrunners Dan and Gayle Bellingham are the creators of ‘West Palm Beach,’ the biggest, buzziest hit show in modern TV history. But when an acrimonious divorce brings their collaboration to an abrupt end, Dan and Gayle embark on separate careers, each determined to prove to the...
  • California Governor Race Heats Up [semi-satire]

    05/09/2026 11:03:26 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Former Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra (D) touted his experience and support for "single-payer" healthcare, claiming that "having the government in total control over how much healthcare each person gets will ensure equity and efficiency. No one would be denied care just because they can't afford it. No one would be allowed to purchase more care than the government thinks they need no matter how wealthy they are. I favor total equality." Former Rep. Katie Porter (D) asserted that "the key to keeping California residents safe is our sanctuary policy. The undocumented immigrants who have surged into...
  • Obama Criticizes Trump's "Lawfare" [semi-satire]

    05/09/2026 12:15:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 17 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Former President Barrack Obama went on "The Late Show" with Stephen Colbert and criticized "President Trump's lawfare-style investigations of those people he thinks wrongly prosecuted him. The White House shouldn't be able to direct the attorney general (AG) to go around prosecuting whoever the president wants. The AG needs to be politically neutral and make his own decisions about who to investigate." "What about when your AG Eric Holder described himself as 'the president's wing man?'" Colbert asked. "Well, you see that was Eric's characterization, not mine," Obama replied. "I never told him explicitly to investigate anyone. Occasionally, he would...