Gerrymander Controversy Erupts [semi-satire]

In Texas, the Republican majority in the legislature wants to redraw the boundaries of several congressional districts. Democrats are boycotting the legislature in an attempt to prevent this outcome. The Republican majority has issued arrest warrants, but the boycotters have taken refuge outside the jurisdiction of the warrants. Some fled to Massachusetts and others to Illinois.

The current number of Texas' congressional seats held by each Party are 25 for Republicans to 12 for Democrats (a 68% to 32% edge for Republicans over Democrats). If the Republican redistricting plan goes through it is projected to change the ratio to 30 to 7 (81% to 19% in favor of Republicans).

Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-Tex) is especially irate, saying "they drew the boundary in a way that separates me from where my voters live. This is racism pure and simple. It's only a matter of time before a federal judge rules that this mid-decade gerrymandering is unconstitutional."

Of course, drawing boundaries that favor the Party that has a majority in the state legislature is quite common. In Illinois, the number of congressional seats held by Democrats is 14 out of 17 (82%). In Massachusetts it is 12 out of 12 (100%). In California it is 43 out of 52 (83%). Gov. Newsom pointed out "though the percentages for the ruling Parties in Texas and California are roughly the same, we need to keep in mind the fact that Democrats are trying to defend democracy. Republicans are fighting against democracy. Why should those trying to do evil be allowed to have as much power as the forces for good?"

Massachusetts Gov. Maura Healey urged Newsom "to go all the way like we did in our state. Given the fascist policies of the Republicans they shouldn't have any seats in Congress. Every state that has a Democrat majority in its state legislature should do like we did and gerrymander every district to ensure that no Republicans can win in any of them."

Eric Holder, Attorney General during the Obama Presidency, warned that "the Texas Republicans are playing with fire. They should be grateful that we allow them to have any seats in Congress. The shift of Black and Hispanic votes to Trump in the 2024 election was an unanticipated surprise that overwhelmed our vote harvesting operation. That won't happen the next time around."

Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) insisted that "Texas Republicans are trying to pave over free and fair elections. Our democracy won't be safe until every elective office is held by a democrat. In the people's democratic republics where every candidate is a member of the Communist Party, candidates consistently receive more than 99% of the votes. This was the kind of unity that President Biden was striving to achieve before Trump forced him out of the 2024 campaign by brutally mocking his incompetence in the June debate."

In related news, a three-judge panel of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that "the Texas voter ID number requirement is obviously designed to confirm that each mail-in ballot voter is precisely who he claims he is. And that is plainly material to determining whether such individual is qualified under State law to vote." Rep. Crockett objected, saying "this restriction of voter access is a step backward toward the Jim Crow era."

My shocked face....

The Republicans better start carrying fire extinguishers with them. It sounds like the far-left, damockrazy dildoes are going to start throwing their Molotov cocktails at people again. Oh the insanity. They need POWAH and are ready to kill for it like most Kings do.

3 posted on 08/11/2025 6:51:12 AM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (They brought down the WTC now we're electing them to all government positions in the U.S.)

Cue the BooHoo girl. Someone has a case of butt hurt.

4 posted on 08/11/2025 6:54:36 AM PDT by crusty old prospector

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