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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

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  • Candidate Steals Campaign Mail [semi-satire]

    05/19/2026 10:35:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Max Morley, a Democrat seeking to unseat Daniel Grossberg as Kentucky State Representative in the 30th House District, was caught on a home security camera stealing a Grossberg campaign flyer from a voter's mail box. Morley admitted to "a lack of judgment. This isn't acceptable, and it's something I'm deeply sorry for. I apologize to the homeowner. I want one thing to remain clear: voters in HD 30 deserve better than their current representative, and I don't want them to be distracted from the ultimate goal of sending him home." Louisville Democratic Party Vice Chair Rosalind Welch said "I was...
  • Labor Union Warns Voters About Pratt [semi-satire]

    05/18/2026 10:13:20 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Independent Los Angeles mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt's impressive showing in the debate with his two main rivals for the job has shaken up the race. First, in an online poll 90% of debate viewers declared Pratt the winner of the debate. Second, both the incumbent Mayor Karen Bass (Democrat) and Councilmember Nithya Raman (Socialist) have dropped out of a second scheduled debate. Third, further debates have been canceled. Fourth, Pratt's campaign ads are being called some of the best political commercials ever seen. Former Vice President Kamala Harris announced her endorsement of Karen Bass: "Mayor Karen Bass is the leader...
  • Photo of Trump in China Stirs Controversy [semi-satire]

    05/17/2026 11:47:00 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 23 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Recently published photos of President Trump sharing a toast during a formal dinner on his visit to China were cited as "additional evidence for impeaching him" by Rep. John Larson (D-Conn). "I've already filed articles of impeachment. Donald Trump has blown past every requirement to be removed from office. And it's getting worse. People across my district know he is unfit to lead and are calling for impeachment. Now that he has demonstrated that his claim that he never touches alcohol is a bare-faced lie it's time the rest of Congress joins me in voting to start the process of...
  • Death Row Inmates Watching Porn [semi-satire]

    05/16/2026 9:38:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    In California, 90,000 prisoners have been issued computer tablets so they can connect with the outside world. While the tablets are free, usage fees may be charged to inmates. Text messages are five cents each. Video calls are 16 cents per minute. Movie rentals are $9 each and must be viewed within 48 hours. Inmate Grace Coleman complained "we can't afford to pay these normal world prices." State Sen. Josh Becker (D-13th district) agrees and says "it's the injustice of the whole thing. And not only injustice, but also the illogical nature of charging in a world where telecommunications costs...
  • Are the Attempts to Kill Trump Real? [semi-satire]

    05/16/2026 12:51:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 18 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, a National Public Radio (NPR) headline asserted "new poll finds a majority of Americans unsure if attempts on Trump's life were real." The article went on to disclose that "30% of Americans think at least one of those incidents was staged. Forty-five percent said each of the attempts was real." That leaves about 25% in the "unsure" category. The poll was conducted by NewsGuard/YouGov. NewsGuard has been a left-wing "fact checker" since it was founded in 2018. NPR's federal government funding was recently withdrawn for its consistent left-wing bias. In the July 2024 attempt at a Trump campaign...
  • Faux Pas: Trump Gifts President Xi With Pot Of Honey From White House Beehive

    05/14/2026 9:57:03 AM PDT · by DFG · 21 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/14/2026 | Babylon Bee
    BEIJING — President Donald Trump's meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping was going swimmingly until Trump made a crucial (but common) error: gifting Xi a large jar of honey from the White House beehive. "Here, I know you love this stuff," Trump said, handing a dismayed Xi a ceramic jar clearly labeled in large print "HUNNY." "No, I don't!" Xi then shouted. "Where you hear this?" Trump seemed confused by the reaction. "It's just well known," he said. "Right? Or was it your little pig friend who likes the honey? Or the tiger?" "I no have pig friend!" Xi yelled....
  • High-Speed Rail Fiasco to Be Kept Secret [semi-satire]

    05/12/2026 9:53:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, the California Assembly passed legislation that would allow the state to keep future high-speed rail bad news from the general public. Assemblymember Lori Wilson (D, dist 11) justified the bill, saying "previous disclosures of the overdue and over-budget project have only served to lower support for the project. The disclosures make the project's directors look inept or corrupt. The expenditure of so much money with so little progress to show for it raises suspicion that, like the state's medicaid expenditures, most of the money was stolen." "Unsurprisingly, Republicans have been using the publicly available data to hammer Democrats,"...
  • Dems Accuse Spencer Pratt Of Not Wanting To Destroy California

    05/12/2026 9:22:50 AM PDT · by DFG · 12 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/12/2026 | Babylon Bee
    LOS ANGELES, CA — Democrats have unleashed vicious attack ads accusing L.A. mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt of not wanting to destroy the state of California. The new series of ads features devastating videos of Pratt saying things like "I don't think California should be reduced into a pile of rubble." "Spencer Pratt wants to keep Los Angeles from burning to ash," says the narrator for the ad. "He wants to put violent criminals in jail, stop giving free money to drug addicts, and let firefighters use water to put out fires. Let's keep California crumbling. Let's keep away from Spencer...
  • "Unhoused Persons Bill of Rights" [semi-satire]

    05/11/2026 11:22:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 21 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) has introduced an "Unhoused Persons Bill of Rights" legislation that would dramatically expand government spending for homeless people. "Homelessness is at record levels," she said. "We are morally obligated to do something about it." "Having access to a safe place to live is a human right," Tlaib claimed. "This means that it's the government's responsibility to provide it to the people who need it. Ideally, everyone would be given a real home equivalent to that enjoyed by the average American. However, that would require redirecting the entire annual $1.5 trillion military budget to build and maintain...
  • Furious Memphis Democrats are now moving to secede from the state of Tennessee

    05/09/2026 4:00:44 PM PDT · by DFG · 66 replies
    X ^ | 05/09/2026 | Eric Daugherty
    🚨 LMAO!! Furious Democrats in Tennessee are now moving to SECEDE Memphis from the state because they're so angry Republicans redrew the Congressional map, eliminating the last racial Democrat seat Good luck with that 🤡 "LET MEMPHIS SECEDE! You don't have to redraw maps when you let us out! LET MY PEOPLE GO!" 😂 This is a sign of panic from the Democrat Party! Keep redistricting 🔥
  • California Governor Race Heats Up [semi-satire]

    05/09/2026 11:03:26 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Former Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra (D) touted his experience and support for "single-payer" healthcare, claiming that "having the government in total control over how much healthcare each person gets will ensure equity and efficiency. No one would be denied care just because they can't afford it. No one would be allowed to purchase more care than the government thinks they need no matter how wealthy they are. I favor total equality." Former Rep. Katie Porter (D) asserted that "the key to keeping California residents safe is our sanctuary policy. The undocumented immigrants who have surged into...
  • Obama Criticizes Trump's "Lawfare" [semi-satire]

    05/09/2026 12:15:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 17 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Former President Barrack Obama went on "The Late Show" with Stephen Colbert and criticized "President Trump's lawfare-style investigations of those people he thinks wrongly prosecuted him. The White House shouldn't be able to direct the attorney general (AG) to go around prosecuting whoever the president wants. The AG needs to be politically neutral and make his own decisions about who to investigate." "What about when your AG Eric Holder described himself as 'the president's wing man?'" Colbert asked. "Well, you see that was Eric's characterization, not mine," Obama replied. "I never told him explicitly to investigate anyone. Occasionally, he would...
  • Newsom accuses MAGA of rigging election after Virginia decision

    05/08/2026 5:13:23 PM PDT · by MinorityRepublican · 39 replies
    The Hill ^ | 05/08/26 | Ryan Mancini
    California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) on Friday accused MAGA Republicans of rigging an election after Virginia’s Supreme Court ruled against state Democrats’ new congressional map. Newsom noted on the social platform X that Republicans in Tennessee and Missouri, respectively, could each pick up an additional congressional seat through redistricting, along with two more in North Carolina, four more in Florida and five more in Texas. “Virginia’s voter-approved maps thrown out,” he wrote. “MAGA has rigged the system.” Newsom, a potential Democratic presidential contender in 2028, has pushed back on President Trump’s request to red states last year to redraw their...
  • Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal For Republicans To Vote

    05/08/2026 10:41:15 AM PDT · by DFG · 8 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/08/2026 | Babylon Bee
    RICHMOND, VA — In the wake of the Virginia Supreme Court striking down the commonwealth's redrawn voting map, Democrats proposed a new measure that just makes it illegal for Republicans to vote. In lieu of further political maneuvers to suppress Republicans from having Congressional representation, the Democratic Party said it had decided to address the root cause of the problem. "This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."...
  • 'I Am Your Father,' Reveals Trump To Horrified Mark Hamill

    05/08/2026 10:27:23 AM PDT · by DFG · 25 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/08/2026 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference in front of the White House this week to deliver a life-changing message to actor Mark Hamill, revealing that he was, in reality, the actor's father. The actor was reportedly reluctant to accept the invitation to appear at the press conference but sensed something deep within himself that made him feel compelled to be present. "Search your feelings, Mark, you know it to be true," Trump said while extending his hand toward Hamill. "George Lucas never told you what happened to your father." Hamill recoiled in fear, somehow knowing what...
  • WHCD Shooter Demands Freedom [semi-satire]

    05/07/2026 10:53:53 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 May 2026 | John Semmens
    Cole Allen, the man being held for an armed incursion into the White House Correspondents' Dinner, is demanding that he be released without bail, saying "I didn't shoot or hurt anyone. I know I wrote a manifesto saying that I wanted to shoot President Trump, but I didn't actually do it. At the last moment, as I was lying on the floor in handcuffs, I decided not to. All I might be guilty of is illegal trespassing or disorderly conduct. I represent no danger to the public." Former President Obama was impressed by Allen's logic, saying "his reasoning sounds both...
  • Weird: Epstein Suicide Note Printed On Hillary Clinton's Personal Stationery

    05/07/2026 10:00:55 AM PDT · by DFG · 6 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 05/07/2026 | Babylon Bee
    U.S. — A federal judge ordered the release of Jeffrey Epstein's purported suicide note, which oddly appears to have been written on Hillary Clinton's personal stationery. According to sources close to the investigation, the stationery was discovered neatly folded on Epstein's bed and prominently featured Clinton's official State Department letterhead, complete with embossed seal and matching monogram. "It's the darndest thing," said FBI Agent Tom Halleck. "There's just no telling how Epstein could have gotten a hold of Ms. Clinton's stationery. Why did he choose that particular piece of paper for recording his final thoughts? Quite the riddle we have...
  • Fauci Accomplice Indicted [semi-satire]

    05/06/2026 11:13:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 May 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, the US Department of Justice obtained an indictment of David Morens, an aide to Dr. Anthony Fauci, former chief medical advisor for the Biden Administration, for destroying, altering, or falsifying of records in federal investigations; concealing, removing, or mutilating records, and aiding and abetting the misinforming of the American population on the origins of the COVID virus, the ineffectiveness of masks, social distancing, and the vaccines forced upon them. Former House COVID Subcommittee Chairman Brad Wenstrup (R-Ohio) said "the repercussions of these actions have caused significant damage to the public health system, and recovery may take considerable time...
  • 14,000 Luxury Car Owners Receive SNAP Food [semi-satire]

    05/05/2026 10:17:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 19 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 May 2026 | John Semmens
    The alleged justification for subsidizing someone's food intake is that the person would otherwise starve or be malnourished. People who receive this subsidy are notoriously fatter than average and strenuously oppose being denied spending the benefits on chips, soda, and candy, as these are considered "must have" items in their diet. With government being the provider, it is not unreasonable to insist on a better diet. Nor is it unreasonable for the government to expect able-bodied recipients to perform some work in order to qualify for benefits. For generations the expenditures on these types of subsidies have grown. The federal...
  • LMFAO 🤣 Marco Rubio finding out he has to run Spirit Airlines. This is an absolute masterpiece 😂

    05/05/2026 9:32:09 AM PDT · by DFG · 26 replies
    X ^ | 05/02/2026 | MAGA Voice
    LMFAO 🤣 Marco Rubio finding out he has to run Spirit Airlines. This is an absolute masterpiece 😂