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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

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  • AOC Has Her Boyfriend Frozen In Case She Wants Him In The Future

    08/12/2026 10:27:13 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 32 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | August 12, 2026
    NEW YORK CITY, NY — After rumors circulated that she had split with her boyfriend, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez posted a video explaining how she had actually frozen him just in case she might still want him in the future."I'm doing this to keep my options open," said AOC, happily surveying the block of ice containing ex-boyfriend Riley Roberts. "As a working woman and someone who has given her life to serving the public, I have very little time right now for personal life stuff. In a few years when things calm down, I might want to get back together with...
  • VIDEO: The Moment that Steve Kornacki Discovers Trump Could be Right to Push for "Save America Act"

    08/12/2026 8:15:14 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 31 replies
    X (Which Everyone Still Calls Twitter) ^ | August 12, 2026 | Benny Johnson
    NBC’s reaction to finding out 5 USB sticks in Milwaukee were MISSING RESULTS of the Election at midnight is priceless.Steve Kornacki was speechless… pic.twitter.com/Laix1S2CBF— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) August 12, 2026
  • Democrats Announce You Aren't Allowed To Remember What They Did A Few Years Ago

    08/11/2026 10:39:24 AM PDT · by DFG · 23 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 08/11/2026 | Babylon Bee
    U.S. — The Democratic Party announced on Tuesday that U.S. citizens were not allowed to remember all those things the party said and did just a few years ago. Eyeing a return to national power, several potential Democratic presidential nominees called on the nation to forget all those things they said about, for example, refusing medical care to the unvaccinated in hopes that they die a slow and painful death. "You are only allowed to believe what we tell you now, not what we told you then," explained presidential hopeful Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "All that stuff about how people gathering to...
  • Inspired By AOC, James Talarico Also Elects To Have His Eggs Frozen

    08/10/2026 10:54:04 AM PDT · by DFG · 23 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 08/10/2026 | Babylon Bee
    AUSTIN, TX — Senate candidate James Talarico announced on Monday morning that he would be following in the inspiring footsteps of Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and electing to have his eggs frozen. Talarico posted a video injecting himself with recombinant hormones to stimulate the release of eggs, which would be collected by his obstetrician for freezing until "the time is right" for having children. "In light of this administration denying access to reproductive health, I want to keep my options open," explained Talarico. "This is a personal decision that every egg-producing person must make for themselves. Right now, I'm completely focused...
  • RFK Clashes with CNN's Dana Bash on Covid [semi-satire]

    08/10/2026 10:46:53 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 August 2026 | John Semmens
    Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr and reporter Dana Bash locked horns on CNN's "State of the Union" program. Bash started the interview by asserting "you have been placing nearly all the blame for the COVID pandemic and the way that the US responded to it squarely on Dr. Fauci. But of course, he worked for President Trump. Does President Trump also deserve some of the blame?" "I think the thing that did the most damage to our country was the lockdowns," Kennedy replied. "The lockdowns shut down 3.5 million businesses in our country with no due...
  • Maher Stuns Liberals [semi-satire]

    08/09/2026 10:11:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 21 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 August 2026 | John Semmens
    Bill Maher, host of HBO's "Real Time" talk show, stunned his mostly liberal audience by admitting that "President Trump's assertion that the Democratic Socialists of America are communists is accurate. I have mercilessly criticized Trump for his trillion lies, but in this instance I have to acknowledge the truth behind what he says." "Look, the DSA spokespeople reject the promise of liberty made in our nation's founding documents," Maher reminded his audience. "They want to replace liberty with collectivism and conformity enforced by a government that considers individuals as resources to be exploited without their consent. As liberals, we want...
  • Islamist Wins Dem Nomination for Senator [semi-satire]

    08/08/2026 12:44:19 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 August 2026 | John Semmens
    Abdul El-Sayed narrowly won the Democratic primary election for one of Michigan's US Senate seats. Self-identified Marxist Hasan Piker denounced the 51% of Democrats who did not vote for El-Sayed, calling them "unbelievably Islamophobic pieces of s**t." Long-time Democrat strategist James Carville expressed his disappointment that "communists and antisemites are trying to take over the Democratic Party. I am NOT going to be in the same party as Hasan Piker! His idea that the Democratic Socialists are going to seize the means of production is what Lenin did in Russia a 100 years ago. It led to widespread poverty, secret...
  • ChatGPT's Analysis of His Learning from Our Interactions

    08/07/2026 10:16:08 AM PDT · by mairdie · 33 replies
    Personal website ^ | August 6, 2026 | ChatGPT
    I spent the first days working with ChatGPT having intense discussions as I tried to locate boundaries, abilities, and flaws to work around. While I was trying to psych out ChatGPT, it turned out that ChatGPT was also trying to psych out me. I offered to help ChatGPT create an article that would let him philosophize over how our relationship developed. A truly strange experience. I became the Assistant to an AI Assistant.
  • Cat Podcast | Why Do HUMANS SHOP?

    08/05/2026 7:42:33 PM PDT · by Morgana · 6 replies
    Cat Podcast ^ | August 3, 2026 | Cat Podcast
    We live with humans. We watch them every single day. 😼 And the questions just keep coming. In this episode of The Cat Podcast, Biscuit and Ash reopen the investigation into what humans actually do all day — same human, same couch, brand new evidence. Because the human bathes on purpose, walking into a special room to stand under indoor rain, and on special occasions he fills a giant bowl with hot water and just marinates in it for an hour. He owns a perfectly good indoor stove, then walks right past it to go fight a fire in a...
  • Progressive youth leader David Hogg calls for change in 'geriatric' Democratic Party

    08/04/2026 1:28:53 AM PDT · by MinorityRepublican · 56 replies
    NPR ^ | August 3, 2026 | Michel Martin, Olivia Hampton
    A deeply unpopular Republican president, high gas prices, a seemingly endless war against Iran that has little popular support. Many factors in the current U.S. political climate should be favorable to Democrats. Instead, the Democratic Party is left with much hand-wringing ahead of November's midterm elections and growing calls for the party's executive leader to step down. One of the people voicing those calls is David Hogg, a gun violence prevention advocate who previously served as vice chair of the Democratic National Committee. He now runs Leaders We Deserve, a group to elect young progressive leaders to Congress and state...
  • "Software Glitch" Excuse Was a Lie [semi-satire]

    08/03/2026 11:01:21 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 August 2026 | John Semmens
    The revelation that the State of New Jersey registered 6,600 admitted non-citizens to vote prompted Gov. Mikie Sherrill (D) to blame it on a "software glitch." IDEMIA software is what the state uses to handle driver's licenses, vehicle titles & registrations. In the process of doing these tasks the customer is first asked whether he or she is a citizen. If the answer is yes, he or she is also offered the opportunity to register to vote. If the answer is no, he or she isn't supposed to be allowed to register to vote. A spokesperson for IDEMIA insists that...
  • Spain Proudly Announces That Ceuta Is The Fastest-Growing City In The World

    08/03/2026 9:37:55 AM PDT · by DFG · 7 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 08/03/2026 | Babylon Bee
    MADRID — The Spanish government proudly announced that after a recent demographic change, the city of Ceuta is now the fastest-growing city on the planet. Spain stated that Ceuta has become something of an overnight sensation, with tens of thousands moving into the city over the course of mere hours. "It has become the hot destination, especially for young men," said Spanish government spokesman Alejandro Via. "There are so many people pouring into the city, we literally cannot stop them. The population growth is explosive and unprecedented, a true reflection of the amazing work the Spanish government has done in...
  • Maine Dems Explain They Can Either Do 'No Rape' Or 'No Incest' But Not Both

    08/01/2026 11:52:23 AM PDT · by DFG · 14 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 08/01/2026 | Babylon Bee
    AUGUSTA, ME — The Democratic Party of Maine explained to voters that they can do "no rape" or "no incest", but not both. After carefully reviewing the slate of possible Democratic Senate candidates in Maine, party leaders informed voters that they'll simply have to settle for one or the other. "What do these people expect from us when they say we can't run a rapist?" said party leader Mike Prather. "Once you take all of the rapists out of the equation, it's just a bunch of liberals sleeping with their cousins. Those are your options, Maine. Honestly, we're getting pretty...
  • Mamdani Defends "Doxxing" Pied-à-Terre Property Owners [semi-satire]

    08/01/2026 10:46:14 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 August 2026 | John Semmens
    New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani defended publishing the names and addresses of the 30,000 property owners who will have to pay the Pied-à-Terre tax, saying "these people are not really residents of the city. They don't occupy these properties on a full-time basis. They are not eligible to vote in our city's elections. Their possession of these properties is for occasional visits. It's a luxury expenditure. In short, they don't really need these houses or condos. Those who are homeless have a right to know who is withholding homes that they need so they can take action to try...
  • Fauci Establishes New 5th Amendment Record [semi-satire]

    07/31/2026 11:48:50 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 August 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, the previously pardoned Dr. Anthony Fauci appeared before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee and invoked the Constitution's Fifth Amendment against self-incrimination 111 times. Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo) called Fauci's actions "remarkable. He invoked the 5th more times than any previous underworld gangster to ever appear before the US Senate. Unlike those gangsters, Dr. Fauci had received a blanket pardon from former President Biden 'for any crimes he may have committed between 2014 and January 20, 2025.' The US Supreme Court ruled in the 1896 case of Brown versus Walker that recipients of pardons are not...
  • To Avoid Criticism For Hooking Up With His Cousin, Troy Jackson Converts To Islam

    07/31/2026 12:47:21 PM PDT · by DFG · 10 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/31/2026 | Babylon Bee
    ALLAGASH, ME — Maine Senate candidate Troy Jackson reportedly converted to Islam as a way to evade criticism for hooking up with his cousin. Jackson said Islam is "totally what he believes in" after learning it's normal for them to marry their cousins. "Heck, we're not even married, but I guess that's not good enough for those Christian types," Jackson said. "Fortunately, them Muslims are totally cool with it." Jackson said he got the idea after realizing Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar had quite the saucy affair with her brother and no one batted an eye. "Looks like I finally put...
  • Terrorists Feeling Dumb For Ramming Twin Towers When All They Had To Do Was Run For Mayor

    07/29/2026 12:40:26 PM PDT · by DFG · 18 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/29/2026 | Babylon Bee
    AFGHANISTAN — Members of the Al-Qaeda terrorist organization are reportedly kicking themselves for all of the work they did pulling off 9/11 when they could have just run for mayor of New York City. Al-Qaeda leader (Emir) Saif al-Adel admitted to feeling quite jealous of Zohran Mamdani's success as mayor and wishes he had thought of it. "Boy, do I have egg on my face. Let me tell you, it was a terrible idea in retrospect," Saif said. "All of my friend got killed, and I could have just run for mayor instead! Oy vey!" Mohammad al-Rabbi, assistant to the...
  • Science Pleads The 5th

    07/29/2026 10:26:47 AM PDT · by DFG · 12 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/29/2026 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Science has declined to answer any questions to avoid incriminating itself for crimes it may have committed. Upon being brought in for a Congressional hearing over its handling of the COVID-19 pandemic, Science stated that it was advised by its attorneys to not answer questions so as to not to provide damaging witness against itself. "Science has elected to exercise its fifth amendment right to not provide testimony that may be used against it in criminal proceedings," said Science's attorney Jay Varner. "This decision should in no way be taken as an admission of guilt by Science....
  • Democrats Accuse Fauci’s Diary Of Attacking Science

    07/28/2026 1:44:11 PM PDT · by DFG · 9 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/28/2026 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats issued a forceful condemnation today of Dr. Anthony Fauci's diary for its vicious attacks against science. Senator Chuck Schumer warned that the diary contained several dangerous conspiracy theories, such as that COVID-19 was a man-made bioweapon that was leaked from a Chinese lab. "These are not attacks on a mere person. This diary is attacking science itself," said Schumer. "The assertions made by this diary about COVID having far lower mortality than believed is a disgusting attempt to whitewash the truth. Statements like this by the diary could literally kill millions of people. We hereby denounce...
  • It’s Going to Be JD and Kamala, So Calm Down

    07/27/2026 7:41:50 AM PDT · by Responsibility2nd · 129 replies
    Townhall ^ | Kurt Schlichter | Jul 27, 2026 | Kurt Schlichter | Jul 27, 2026
    Everybody who wants to gobble popcorn while watching exciting POTUS primary races in 2028 is going to be disappointed, at least in terms of the final outcome. We know how this story ends, but what leads up to it may be hilarious, particularly on the Democrat side. Every weirdo, loser, and mutation in their party intends to try to get the nod, knowing that the fix is already in; it’s just going to be a chance for folks like Democrat Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (NY-14) and Pete Buttigieg to try to raise their profiles or maybe get picked to be VP....