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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • VIDEO: Ridiculously Disguised "Undercover" Feds Show Up at March For Life

    01/24/2022 3:32:13 PM PST · by PJ-Comix · 82 replies
    YouTube ^ | January 24, 2022 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOLet the scenes from this video serve as part of the training for undercover feds as to what NOT to do. See, the purpose of being an undercover fed is to not be instantly identifiable as these feds were in their Patriot Front disguises that were so obvious that they might as well have been wearing "FED" signs around their necks. If they want to be at least a little bit believable, these feds should dispense of their dopey matching shields. Also maybe show a bit of variety in their garb so they don't all wear identical khaki pants and...
  • Psaki Recommends Ukrainians Just Take A Kickboxing Class And Have A Margarita

    01/24/2022 11:19:13 AM PST · by shadowlands1960 · 11 replies ^ | January 24th, 2022 | uncredited
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Russia continues to amass forces to invade Ukraine, sources say Ukrainians are feeling down about the whole situation. To help them deal with a very depressing week, White House Spokesperson Jen Psaki recommended Ukrainians just unwind with some kickboxing classes and margaritas to make themselves feel better. "Listen, I know this is a very sad time," said Psaki. "I want to encourage you to feel those emotions. Then go do some kickboxing, or maybe some hot yoga or pilates, and then drown your sorrows in tequila while at brunch with your girlfriends. Sometimes, that's all you can do!"
  • U-Turn on Vaccine Passports [semi-satire]

    01/24/2022 9:53:30 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 January 2022 | John Semmens
    While the idea that governments should order people to take the covid shot and implement so-called vaccine passports as a means of breaking down resistance to injecting these experimental drugs into the bodies of those who don't want them still holds sway in a lot of places, a few nations are backing away from this coercion. Just this week, Great Britain, the Czech Republic, and Israel announced changes in their covid strategy. Inspired by a Tory Party member's suggestion that he "in the name of God please go," UK's Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced that "the measures we have taken...
  • Everything Disappears When You Go To Sleep

    01/24/2022 7:28:12 AM PST · by NOBO2012
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 1-24-22 | MOTUS
    A PSA for politicians/bureaucrats and criminals – 3 not mutually-exclusive categoriesI’m throwing you an open thread this morning. I didn’t sleep much last night until 4:45 am at which point I fell soundly asleep and slept till 6:45 am, my time, 8:30 Eastern. So I awoke noting that the American people now (unexpectedly) list prices/inflation and crime as their top concerns. Where did that come from? What about all the wokesters out there who’ve been more concerned with inequity, social justice, defunding cops and replacing them with social workers? And when did the COVID COOTIE MONSTER drop from #1 for...
  • VIDEO: Voter "Suppression" Facts Make Martha Raddatz Squawk

    01/23/2022 11:19:37 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 17 replies
    YouTube ^ | January 23, 2022 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOWhen liberals are confronted with inconvenient FACTS that counter their narrative about supposed voter "suppression" in Red states, they often squawk loudly to change the direction of the conversation as ABC's Martha Raddatz desperately tried to do when Senator Joni Ernst presented her with the FACTS that the Iowa voting laws in fact allow for MORE voting time than either such Blue states as Delaware or New York.
  • Biden Declares First Year "Better than Anyone Expected" [semi-satire]

    01/23/2022 9:27:12 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 January 2022 | John Semmens
    President Biden faced the media in the first semi-normal press conference since he took office and declared "I have probably outperformed expectations." Despite the claim, polls show him plumbing the depths of how low public approval of a president can go. While admitting his hopes for unifying all Americans behind him have run into trouble, the President blamed "racist and disloyal Republicans for fomenting the hatred that is dividing the country. Rather than accepting the mandate of the largest number of votes I received than any other president, they have consistently objected my plan to spend ourselves back to prosperity....
  • The Ice Hoar Cometh

    01/23/2022 9:20:49 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 7 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 1-23-22 | MOTUS
    Do you know the difference between Hoar Frost and Rime Ice? Most people don’t. Rime ice is a deposit of ice formed during a freezing fog, often accompanied by high wind and temperatures well below freezing. The supercooled water droplets freeze rapidly when coming in contact with objects such as branches, fence posts, etc.. Rime ice definition from the American Meteorological Society's Glossary of Meteorology:“A white or milky and opaque granular deposit of ice formed by the rapid freezing of supercooled water drops as they impinge upon an exposed object. It is denser and harder than hoarfrost, but lighter, softer,...
  • San Francisco Store Clerk Confused As Shopper Actually Tries To Pay For Merchandise

    01/23/2022 8:58:40 AM PST · by shadowlands1960 · 4 replies ^ | January 21st, 2022 | uncredited
    SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items. Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register. "I wasn't really paying attention," said the cashier, Brian Risico. "We get lots of looters, but I don't think I've ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register."
  • Biden Says Russia Can Invade Ukraine So Long As They Avoid Hunter’s Gas Company

    01/22/2022 1:39:35 PM PST · by Mount Athos · 10 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | January 22nd, 2022
    "You lay one finger on Burisma's boardroom, and so help me I will nuke Stalingrad.'"
  • California ‘Looks Like a 3rd World Country‘ [semi-satire]

    01/22/2022 11:13:37 AM PST · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 January 2022 | John Semmens
    Viewing the aftermath of massive looting of packages from trains at a rail yard, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) professed himself “shocked that our state is starting to look like a Third World country. We owe it to our citizens to see that this doesn’t happen. They deserve a clean and law-abiding environment in which to live.” The first action Newsom took was to take off his suit jacket and shirt, put on a baseball cap and covid mask and pitch in with the clean-up effort at the rail yard. “This will show the voters that I’m more than just talking...
  • VIDEO: Sad Looks On Hosts as New CNN Law Enforcement Analyst Goes Off Narrative

    01/22/2022 9:04:56 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 17 replies
    YouTube ^ | January 22, 2022 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOWhen CNN hired Michael Fanone as their Law Enforcement Analyst they probably didn't really know what they were going to get. Perhaps because Fanone was a Capitol Hill police officer who appeared as a friendly witness before the January 6 Committee to support the now crumbling narrative about an "insurrection" they thought Fanone would automatically support the liberal stance on law enforcement in general. When he went off the narrative and blamed the surge of crime on the media and liberal politicians it came as quite a shock to the two liberal hosts, John Berman and Kasie Hunt, who were...
  • The D’oh! Of Joey

    01/22/2022 7:38:29 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 2 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 1-22-22 | MOTUS
    Some believe that The Simpsons represents the apogee of Western philosophy. The Brandon Administration must be among them: Biden Admin uses Tom Hanks for ‘credibility’ in new video, just like ‘The Simpsons Movie’In a 2007 episode, the Simpsons predicted “that government would become so inept they’d need to enlist the help of actor Tom Hanks to gain back credibility.” As some wag once said, “you can’t make this stuff up.” Or can you?As you may recall however, The Simpsons has a long track record of predicting the future. For example, the Ebola outbreak of 2014-2016, Marge was all over it...
  • Dems Favor Tyranny [semi-satire]

    01/22/2022 12:31:23 AM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 January 2022 | John Semmens
    A poll conducted by Rasmussen Reports and the Heartland Institute found shockingly high percentages of registered Democrats favor harsh treatment of those who don't obey government directives aimed at battling covid. The mildest of repressive measures—house arrest of persons refusing to get vaccinated—was supported by 59% of Democrats. Confining the unvaccinated in internment camps like the ones Japanese-Americans were sent to by President Roosevelt during World War II or the ones Australia has now was supported by 45% of Democrats. Spying on and tracking the unvaccinated was supported by 47% of Democrats. Taking children away from their unvaccinated parents was...
  • Gavin Newsom Demands Answers From Whoever's In Charge Of California

    01/21/2022 7:10:27 PM PST · by shadowlands1960 · 17 replies ^ | January 22nd, 2022 | uncredited
  • We Are Ruled By Pocket People. What Could Go Wrong?

    01/21/2022 7:08:14 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 3 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 1-21-22 | MOTUS
    Some people are born to be the pocket…some are born to be the pocket pet. Unfortunately people like George Soros are the former and the majority of our political class the latter.And that reminds me of a song: Willie Nelson, Everywhere I Go I'll take you with me everywhere I go I'll put you in my pocket, who will know? Right next to my heart at every show I'll take you with me everywhere I goNo matter where our trails will finally wind Our paths will just keep crossing, yours and mine Until then, and in my pocket you must...
  • VIDEO: California Train Robberies Inspire Bizarre Gavin Newsom Apology

    01/21/2022 5:23:57 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 57 replies
    YouTube ^ | January 21, 2022 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOMass train robberies have broken out in California. And while the tracks are littered with the empty discarded boxes left behind by the train robbers, helpless and hopeless Governor Gavin Newsom issues a truly bizarre apology.
  • And Now, a Press Conference From the Minister of Truthiness

    01/20/2022 6:45:16 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 7 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 1-20-22 | MOTUS
    The Left - who once described every single one of President Trump’s press conferences as ‘bizarre’ – apparently doesn’t know bizarre from a hole in the ground. Not a peep when presented with the actual most bizarre presidential press conference of all time. Give them a presser in which Joey Potatoes greenlights a ‘minor incursion’into Ukraine by Russia, claims that he brought gas prices down, that Inflation has nothing to do with him and his out-of-control federal spending, that his Veep is doing a “good job” on “voting rights” (it failed in the Senate last night), yet still maintains that...
  • VIDEO: Reminder to Senator Chris Murphy about "WHO COUNTS THE VOTES"

    01/20/2022 5:53:01 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 3 replies
    YouTube ^ | January 20, 2022 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOPssst! Senator Murphy. Guess who was obsessing about "WHO COUNTS THE VOTES" in a big way? Hint? It was someone in a Senate hallway and a member of your own party. Yes, Joe Biden. And yet you conveniently overlooked that while castigating President Donald Trump during debate about federalizing elections in the states.
  • VIDEO: Biden Gives Delayed Answer to Question About His Cognitive Decline

    01/19/2022 4:06:32 PM PST · by PJ-Comix · 40 replies
    YouTube ^ | January 19, 2022 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOIt took him a few minutes but as you can see Joe Biden finally got around to answering a question about his cognitive decline at his press conference.
  • Oops! Schumer Gives Passionate Speech Defending Filibuster After Accidentally Printing His Speech From Two Years Ago

    01/19/2022 3:54:11 PM PST · by DFG · 7 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 01/19/2022 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a passionate speech on the Senate floor today, Democrat Chuck Schumer eloquently defended the filibuster before suddenly realizing he was reading one of his old speeches from two years ago. "The filibuster is a sacred element of our most holy democracy and I believe that with every fiber of my very being," Schumer began. "All who attempt to do away with it—or even question it in any way—are attacking the very foundations of our most hallowed rule of law. They are also racists who want to bring back segregation. WE MUST STO--" Schumer suddenly stopped pounding angrily on...