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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

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  • Secret Service Warns Trump [semi-satire]

    07/26/2024 4:33:29 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 July 2024 | John Semmens
    Citing the "massive security failures that nearly resulted in former President Trump's assassination in Butler, Pennsylvania" and "the recent sudden resignation of Director Kimberly Cheatle," Acting Secret Service Director Ronald Rowe warned Trump "the fluke that saved your life on July 13 cannot be relied upon to save it again. I advised Mr. Trump to discontinue any future campaign events." "Let's look at the factors that make these events so dangerous," Rowe pointed out. "There are always going to be sloped roof, weather, laziness, indifference, and incompetence issues that make providing protection difficult. On top of these, as a government...
  • VIDEO: The Jim Cramer Inverse Effect Dooms Kamala's Candidacy

    07/26/2024 9:22:11 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 8 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 26.2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOIt's all over for the candidacy of Kamala Harris. Jim Cramer just hyped her. And if you know about the infamous Cramer Inverse Effect it means that anything that Cramer hypes will flop. Remember Bear Stearns as just one of many examples of the Cramer Inverse Effect? Cramer further doomed Kamala's candidacy by telling the TRUTH. He stated that she stands for globalism while the Republican ticket is populist which favors American companies over international corporations that don't give a damn for the American worker.
  • Kamala Harris Distances Herself From Kamala Harris

    07/25/2024 11:11:24 AM PDT · by DFG · 8 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/25/2024 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Presidential candidate Kamala Harris distanced herself from Kamala Harris after members of the press confronted her with questions about her past. "I am not now nor have I ever been Kalama Harris," Kalama Harris replied. "I have no knowledge of Kamala Harris and I can assure you Kalama Harris has never been a part of who I am. Any claims to the contrary are sexist and racist." Following Kamala Harris's statement, news outlets were quick to condemn anyone who has ever referred to Kamala Harris as Kamala Harris. "As usual, the Republicans are engaging in a misinformation...
  • VIDEO: Please Clap!

    07/25/2024 9:07:04 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 3 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 25, 2023 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOIn Stalin's time you didn't want to be the first one to stop clapping. Times have changed. Nowadays you don't want to embarrass yourself by being the first one to start clapping.
  • Trump’s 2024 Convention Speech Had More Falsehoods Than His 2016 One

    07/24/2024 10:21:28 AM PDT · by E. Pluribus Unum · 21 replies
    The New York Times ^ | July 24, 2024, 5:03 a.m. ET | Linda Qiu
    Former President Donald J. Trump’s penchant for fabrication and hyperbole has long been a core tenet of his bombastic persona and political messaging. Two campaigns, one term in the Oval Office and eight years later, Mr. Trump has loosened his grasp on the facts even more.A comparison of his addresses before the Republican National Convention in 2016 and 2024 demonstrates how his relationship to the truth has changed, offering a glimpse of how he will likely cast himself on the campaign trail as he seeks to reclaim the White House.In 2016, when he accepted the nomination after a bitter primary...
  • VIDEO: Cankles vs Cackles: Hillary's Upcoming Convention Coup Attempt Against Kamala

    07/24/2024 10:03:03 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 35 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 24, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOAmid all the hype this week over Kamala Harris which appears to be a coronation of her position as supposed Democrat presidential nominee, the lurking Hillary Clinton has been conveniently forgotten. Not for long. There is no way that Hillary will forsake her PRECIOUSSSSS when there is a clear path to grabbing it again. And that path is to undermine Kamala with stories in the Mockingbird Media damaging to her. You will start to see such stories portraying Harris as a poor candidate next week as has been already scripted out by the Mockingbird Media puppetmasters. This information has already...
  • VIDEO: Kimberly Cheatle Was Hired in Wake of Deleted J6 Secret Service Texts Scandal

    07/23/2024 6:31:45 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 34 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 23, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOHow very very convenient. The DEI Director of the Secret Service Kimberly Cheatle stated during her questioning by a Congressional Committee that the Secret Service has NO radio communication recordings from the day of the assassination attempt upon President Trump on July 13. Remember that Cheatle was appointed as Secret Service Director right in the middle of the scandal in which it was discovered that the Secret Service deleted all their J6 text messages. Yes, a J6 coverup which under Cheatle has now become a J13 coverup. Apparently the leadership of the Secret Service has become as CORRUPT as the...
  • VIDEO: Who Was the Snack Bar Nosher Sitting Behind Kimberly Cheatle?

    07/22/2024 7:02:41 PM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 24 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 22, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOSitting two rows behind the highly evasive DEI Director of the Secret Service Kimberly Cheatle as she avoided answering questions put to her by frustrated members of Congress, was the mysterious Snack Bar Nosher. His antics were not limited to simply noshing on a snack bar in a most disgusting manner. Watch the the full video of the incompetent Cheatle desperately trying to hang on to her job despite bipartisan calls for her to resign immediately and you will see the somewhat revolting antics of the Snack Bar Nosher for the first three hours. After that the cameraman probably got...
  • Biden To Make Statement Via Ouija Board

    07/22/2024 11:20:26 AM PDT · by DFG · 32 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/22/2024 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to questions that arose from his supposedly resigning from the race and going missing for several days, the White House revealed that Joe Biden would make an official statement today via Ouija board. "Starting today, the president will answer all questions from the Great Beyond," said black and gay White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is gay and black. "This is in no way meant to suggest the President is dead or anything. He's totally alive. I just saw him a few minutes ago, I promise." The administration made the announcement in an effort...
  • First Graders Aren't Entitled to Freedom of Speech [semi-satire]

    07/22/2024 11:01:41 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 July 2024 | John Semmens
    In California, after a lesson on Martin Luther King Jr and Black Lives Matter, a first grade girl drew a picture with four ovals she said were the faces of herself and her friends holding hands. One was white. One was black. One was Brown. One was yellow. The the phrases "Black Lives Matter" with "any lives" right under "Black Lives" accompanied the drawing. She gave it to a classmate. The classmate thanked her and took it home. The next day that classmate's mother expressed her concern to Viejo Elementary School Principal Jesus Becerra that her daughter was being singled...
  • VIDEO: Morning Joe's Willie In Awe of Kamala's Debating Skills

    07/22/2024 6:51:50 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 26 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 22, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOMorning Joe's little sidekick, Willie Geist, has switched fantasies from this version of Biden being the best version ever to suddenly declaring Kamala Harris to be an eloquent and brilliant debater. Really Willie? Perhaps in Morning Joe World but in the real world we already had a taste of Kamala's debating "skills." Was Kamala's encounter with Tulsi Gabbard during the 2020 election primary debates the best version of Kamala Harris ever?
  • Man Who Just Admitted He Is Unfit To Be President Assures Nation He Will Continue Being President

    07/21/2024 3:40:45 PM PDT · by DFG · 26 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/21/2024 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINTON, DC — President Biden finally admitted this afternoon that he is no longer mentally fit to be President, then assured the nation that he will continue being president. "I have to face reality. My mind isn't what it used to be," President Biden announced Sunday. "I forget things. Sometimes I don't know where I am. Yesterday I mistook a houseplant for Janet Yellen. It's something about her face. So, with a heavy heart, I am announcing that I am no longer fit to be President and will cease campaigning. Still, you can sleep easy knowing I will continue running...
  • The Trump Campaign Peaked Too Soon (Opinion)

    07/21/2024 12:33:10 PM PDT · by CondoleezzaProtege · 99 replies
    MSN ^ | July 2024 | Elliot Ackerman
    With the end of their convention, the Republican Party and Donald Trump have reached what in military theory is called the “culminating point.” “The culminating point of victory,” according to the Modern War Institute at West Point, “is the threshold when military advantages peak and then rapidly turn into disadvantages.” As an infantryman, I was taught that the culminating point is a paradox; it’s a moment of maximum vulnerability at a time when you believe you are at maximum strength. Let’s say your platoon has just taken a hill. Exhausted and jubilant, you’ve achieved your objective. Your troops have sent...
  • EU Parliament Refuses to Condemn Political Violence [semi-satire]

    07/21/2024 11:46:15 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 July 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, the Patriots for Europe Group in the European Parliament introduced a resolution condemning political violence--including the recent attempt to assassinate former President Trump. It failed because a majority of the Members of the European Parliament (MEPs) voted against it. Italian MEP and Antifa activist Ilaria Salis explained that "violence is explicitly prescribed by Marx as a valid tool for advancing the goals of socialism. Historically, violence enabled Lenin to take power even after his Bolshevik Party lost the 1917 elections. Asking those of us who are socialists to forgo a strategy that is a crucial weapon in our...
  • Jill Biden Drops Out Of Presidential Race

    07/21/2024 11:12:30 AM PDT · by John Robinson · 34 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | Jul 21, 2024
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Jill Biden has formally dropped out of the 2024 presidential race, she announced today at a press conference that was supposed to be for her husband.
  • VIDEO: Robert Barnes Makes SHOCKING Assassination Accusation about Mike Pompeo

    07/21/2024 8:08:26 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 70 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 21, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOThe accusation about Mike Pompeo by Robert Barnes on the Rebel Capitalist channel sounds beyond belief until you consider that as CIA Director Pompeo sought the assassination of Julian Assange. It's almost as if lawyer Barnes is relishing a lawsuit by Pompeo. The first part of discovery in such a case would be to question the Iowa delegates to the GOP convention that Pompeo spoke to.
  • You Knew It Was Coming: Lib Writer Pushes for Hillary Clinton to Replace Joe Biden on Democratic Ticket

    07/20/2024 4:52:19 PM PDT · by SeekAndFind · 44 replies
    Red State ^ | 07/20/2024 | Bob Hoge
    I’ve argued previously that former first lady and twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton would like one more bite at the apple, and as Biden’s reelection candidacy implodes, her name has popped up once again. Frankly, I’m surprised it’s taken this long.The Hill opinion contributor Pablo O’Hana thinks Rodham Clinton is just the woman who can save the president’s chances:“But who?” The strongest argument against replacing President Joe Biden as the 2024 Democratic nominee is the notion that no suitable successor exists. But there is, and not just a good one but one of the most qualified people ever to run...
  • VIDEO: Convention Blooper: Ohio Confused With Iowa

    07/20/2024 10:58:36 AM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 16 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 20, 2024 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOThe GOP convention went off pretty much without a hitch. HOWEVER, there was one big blooper that seems to have been overlooked except perhaps in the Buckeye State. Vicki Drummond, while calling off the roll call of the states, confused Ohio with Iowa by calling the Buckeye State "Iowa" not once but TWICE. The Ohio delegates let it slide the first time but the second time their loud corrections and protestations could be heard much to the confusion of Drummond.
  • Violent Rhetoric to Blame [semi-satire]

    07/20/2024 10:14:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 July 2024 | John Semmens
    On the Sunday evening after the attempted assassination of Trump, President Biden addressed the nation to say "we need to lower the temperature in our politics and to remember that while we may disagree, we are not enemies, we are neighbors, we are friends, coworkers, citizens, and most importantly we are fellow Americans. We need to cool down our political rhetoric." Ironically, only four days before the assassination attempt it was President Biden who told his supporters "it's time to put Trump in the bullseye." Biden admitted that "using the word bullseye was probably unwise." He said nothing about the...
  • Chronicle of "a Fundamental Security Failure" [semi-satire]

    07/20/2024 12:28:14 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 July 2024 | John Semmens
    At 6:11 on Saturday, July 13 former President Donald Trump narrowly escaped assassination while giving a campaign speech in Butler, Pennsylvania. This near murder of the Republican nominee for president was preceded by a series of questionable decisions made by the Secret Service. No Drones Inasmuch as drones are often used for this type of outdoor political event, Secret Service Director Kim Cheatle was asked why they weren't used this time. Her reply was "we determined that the risk from that rooftop was mitigated by counter-snipers." However, the counter-snipers were on a shorter building and could not see a potential...