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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Mamdani Criticizes Declaration of Independence {semi-satire]

    07/11/2026 1:30:19 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 July 2026 | John Semmens
    New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani used America's 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence to lay into the ideals for which this country fought for its independence, saying "what is the value of life and liberty to a person who is unable or unwilling to support himself through his own efforts? For 250 years this country has lived under a system that allows the energetic and the enterprising to take more than their fair share of the wealth that is produced. In the past month we have seen Elon Musk become the world's first trillionaire. It's...
  • Senator John Kennedy one-liners about the Graham Platner controversy

    07/09/2026 12:47:21 PM PDT · by DFG · 26 replies
    X ^ | 07/07/2026 | Overton
    Senator John Kennedy somehow managed to squeeze two BRUTAL but hilarious one-liners into a short answer about the Graham Platner controversy. The line that stole the show involved having “an IQ above a toaster”…before taking a direct shot at Senator Schumer. KENNEDY: “With respect to Mr. Platner, he was nominated by the Hamas wing of the Democratic Party, which is in control.” “With respect to the new allegations or revelations about him, I, of course, was completely shocked.” “Who could possibly have seen this coming? It’s not like there were signs or something.” “I’ll tell you who saw it coming....
  • Thai Prime Minister Anutin Charnvirakul plays the saxophone while Malaysian Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim sings ‘My Way’

    07/09/2026 11:21:58 AM PDT · by Steven Scharf · 10 replies
    Thai PBS World ^ | July 9, 2026 | Thai PBS World
    Thai Prime Minister Anutin Charnvirakul plays the saxophone while Malaysian Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim sings ‘My Way’, written by Paul Anka and made famous by Frank Sinatra, during the luncheon after their formal talks, with cooperation on southern border security and Malaysia’s ban on Thai shrimp imports high on the agenda. In the evening, Anutin is due to meet representatives of Thai businesses operating in Malaysia, to listen to their recommendations and discuss ways to promote trade, investment and business expansion
  • Moderate Democrats Reject Socialism [semi-satire]

    07/08/2026 10:40:16 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2026 | John Semmens
    Tlaib, Concerned that their Party's shift toward socialism might not appeal to normal Americans, ten members of the US House of Representatives and three candidates aspiring to win seats in the House have signed a "Promise to America Pledge." The Pledge includes a call for "an economy that rewards hard work, lowers costs, and expands opportunity, secure borders, orderly immigration, safe communities, competent government, free speech, and pride in America." Democratic socialist firebrand Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) scoffed at the pledge, calling it "a surrender to the MAGA Republican agenda. Real Democrats want an economy that guarantees a living...
  • Shock Report: Macron and France Were Prepared for 'War' with America After Maduro Raid

    07/07/2026 3:00:40 PM PDT · by DFG · 103 replies
    The Western Journal ^ | 07/07/2026 | Johnathan Jones
    French President Emmanuel Macron said his country was willing to engage in a “shooting war” with the U.S. earlier this year, according to a report. The Wall Street Journal reported this week that Macron made the decision earlier this year after American forces carried out a precision strike in Venezuela that led to the arrest of former dictator Nicolas Maduro. The French president reportedly made comments about fighting Americans over Greenland, the desolate Danish island that could prove crucial to keeping non-NATO powers out of the North Atlantic. With President Donald Trump expressing his desire to acquire the island as...
  • Mitch McConnell's Staff Assures Public His Death Will Not Prevent Him From Finishing His Term

    07/07/2026 12:54:53 PM PDT · by DFG · 19 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/07/2026 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — As rumors continued to swirl throughout the nation's capital regarding his status, Senator Mitch McConnell's staff assured the public that his death would not prevent him from finishing his term. News broke last week that the longtime Kentucky senator had been hospitalized after being found unresponsive in his Washington, D.C., home. Despite the uncertainty about his well-being, however, McConnell's staff said he would be more than fit to serve the remainder of his term even if he were dead. "No one would know the difference," one McConnell staffer said. "Whether he's alive or not, the next several...
  • VIDEO: Graham Platner Problems Overshadowed by Democrat Squat Cobbler Scandal

    07/07/2026 12:02:34 PM PDT · by PJ-Comix · 25 replies
    Rumble ^ | July 7, 2026 | DUmmie FUnnies
    VIDEOGood news for Graham Platner! All the outrage over his many scandals is about to be forgotten. Why? Because a new scandal has emerged from a Democrat politician in New Mexico, Daniel Wormald, who apparently is a candidate for mayor of Albuquerque that is so horrific and disgusting that folks will soon forget about the Platner scandals which pale in comparison. As a result, Platner should definitely stick it out as a candidate for the U.S. Senate from Maine at least until July 13 (5:01 PM EDT to be exact).
  • Kooks' Plans to Kill Opponents [semi-satire]

    07/07/2026 10:56:53 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2026 | John Semmens
    In Wisconsin, Teha Delaruelle, a transgender male and staffer for Wisconsin Democrat Congressional candidate Katrina DeVille, called for a "trans jihad where we kill our oppressors: the Republicans, bigots, and animals that make up MAGA. For decades, we've had to be the ones that walk down the streets with anxiety and fear, but no more. We're gonna do the reverse. We're gonna make it so that they walk down the streets with fear, anxiety, and worry, and we're not gonna make this, like, oh they gotta do this for like a week or something where they get really scared. No,...
  • Not Satire: Ketanji Brown Jackson Featured As "People's Champion" On Cover Of "Essence" Magazine

    07/06/2026 1:15:29 PM PDT · by DFG · 33 replies
    Not the bee ^ | 07/06/2026 | Harris Rigby
    This time, instead of appearing in a Broadway play, Ketanji Brown Jackson decided to style herself as the "People's Champion" on the cover of a black beauty magazine. No, really! THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPION!! This is just like that time Oliver Wendell Holmes appeared on the cover of Men's Fitness. Except that never happened. Because we used to be a serious country. There was a time when the courts were seen as dignified. The Supreme Court was the most dignified of all. (I used the past tense there on purpose.)
  • Judges Strike Down Student Loan Reform [semi-satire]

    07/06/2026 11:16:41 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2026 | John Semmens
    Massachusetts US District Judge Myong Joun struck down the Trump Administration's attempt to disallow public service workers from receiving debt relief for working with employers that are deemed to have a "substantial illegal purpose." The Judge said that "the Biden Administration classified student debtors working with organizations like USAID as eligible for debt forgiveness. Later evidence indicating that some of these employers were engaged in efforts to promote illegal immigration and terrorists cells cannot undo the promised debt relief. Trying to single out these activities for punitive action can be seen as an impermissible suppression of their right to freedom...
  • SSA to Ease Enrollment in Trump Accounts [semi-satire]

    07/05/2026 11:06:05 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2026 | John Semmens
    The Social Security Administration (SSA) is setting up an automated process for parents to obtain Trump Accounts for their children. These Accounts can be established for newborns and children who have a valid Social Security number up until they reach the age of 18. A one-time $1,000 pilot program contribution from the Department of Treasury is available to children born between January 1, 2025, and December 31, 2028, who are US citizens with a valid Social Security number. So far, six million children have been enrolled in Trump Accounts. SSA Commissioner Frank Bisignano explained "Social Security numbers are the backbone...
  • Drudge Report web page won't work anymore

    07/04/2026 6:05:19 PM PDT · by re_tail20 · 81 replies
    On a lark, I just decided to find out what the Drudge Report was doing nowadays. "What the heck?", I said. I loaded it into my up to date browser, and discovered that its main web page really didn't work anymore. It froze up. I had to reload it several times just to get to a different place on it, and as I just said, my browser is up to date. I know practically nobody reads it anymore - and check it only as a barometer to keep track of what th elite left who bought it think now. But...
  • No Time Limits on Ballot Counting [semi-satire]

    07/04/2026 10:35:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 16 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2026 | John Semmens
    In another ruling, US Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett, writing for a 5-4 majority, declared that "the writers of the Constitution purposely left the election rules flexible, knowing that there might be future instances in which additional votes would need to be found and counted to reverse an undesired outcome from the election day counts. Therefore there is no specified legal time limit on counting the ballots. Caches of ballots that were somehow overlooked within the five business day limit the Court has created, but subsequently found years later can still be counted. As a hypothetical, say a sufficient...
  • Anyone Born in US Is a Citizen [semi-satire]

    07/04/2026 1:01:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, a 6-3 majority of the US Supreme Court struck down President Trump's executive order attempting to restrict citizenship to persons legally residing in the country and a 5-4 majority ruled that the Constitution's 14th Amendment decrees that any person born here is a citizen. Chief Justice John Roberts asserted that "we are a nation of immigrants. No humans originated on any land in the western hemisphere. All humans arrived here from somewhere else on the planet. Historically, the US government encouraged immigration in order to populate a largely empty landscape. Anyone who could make the journey into the...
  • Hillary Clinton still fuming over Electoral College, calls it an 'abomination' in new Netflix series

    07/02/2026 11:05:43 AM PDT · by MinorityRepublican · 59 replies
    Fox News ^ | June 24, 2026 | Peter Pinedo
    Failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is still railing against the Electoral College, which cost her the presidency in 2016, calling it an "abomination" in a trailer for the new Netflix docuseries titled "The American Experiment." In a trailer for the upcoming series, which is executive-produced by Tom Hanks, Clinton remarks, "Well, I personally think the Electoral College is an abomination. For obvious reasons." Set to drop today, the new five-part docuseries marks 250 years of U.S. independence by examining "how American democracy has been built, challenged, and reimagined" over the course of its centuries-long history, according to Netflix’s Tudum. In...
  • Terrorist Torn Between Going On Violent Jihad Or Getting Elected As Democratic Senator

    07/01/2026 11:38:55 AM PDT · by DFG · 11 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/01/2026 | Babylon Bee
    NEW YORK CITY — According to sources, a radical Islamist terrorist felt torn between two possible career paths: leading the next violent jihad against the infidels or becoming a Democratic senator of the United States. Abdullah bin Khalid Al-Makki reportedly took time off from his busy schedule to give serious thought to his future. Would he lead an Islamic Jihad with the goal of killing millions, or become a Democrat and get elected to the American Senate with the goal of killing millions? "Decisions, decisions," said Al-Makki, holding his bazooka. "There are pros and cons. It will take a lot...
  • SCOTUS Rules Invading Xenomorphs Who Hatch On Earth Are Officially Citizens Of Earth

    07/01/2026 10:13:27 AM PDT · by DFG · 16 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 07/01/2026 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another surprising decision that divided public opinion, the United States Supreme Court ruled that invading Xenomorphs who hatch on Earth are officially citizens of Earth. In the controversial 6-3 ruling, Chief Justice John Roberts and associate justices Amy Coney Barrett and Brett Kavanaugh sided with the court's liberal judges to confirm that Xenomorphs that hatch from their ovamorph pods on this planet are entitled to full rights and privileges of Earth's native citizens. "They have every right to attach themselves to your faces," Roberts wrote strongly in the majority opinion. "To deny the Xenomorphs these...
  • Woman Rules It's Okay To Be Late

    06/29/2026 12:20:32 PM PDT · by DFG · 27 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 06/29/2026 | Babylon Bee
    WASHINGTON, D.C. — A woman judge has ruled that being late is "totally fine." In one of the most predictable rulings in years, a lady judge wrote in the majority opinion that it's okay to run late because women might need to powder their noses or do other woman things. "We as a society must allow for being late because sometimes women have to change dresses or re-curl their hair," explained lady judge Amy Coney Barrett. "America cannot be governed by the rigid tyranny of calendars or clocks, but instead must follow the needs of females who are trying to...
  • Obama Presidential Library Scandal [semi-satire]

    06/29/2026 10:38:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 20 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 June 2026 | John Semmens
    Former President Obama has frequently and falsely asserted that his administration had no scandals. His recently opened eight-story Presidential Library took $850 million to build. Chicago's much more impressive 100-story Trump International Tower also took $850 million to build. As is normal for Democrats buying stuff, many of the contractors who worked on Obama's Library have not been paid. Obama pointed out that "we promised that building this structure would provide jobs and it did. It is not the fault of the Obama Foundation that the funds ran out before everyone could be paid. Considering the historic nature of my...
  • "Trans Femicide State of Emergency in Chicago" [semi-satire]

    06/28/2026 10:47:41 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 June 2026 | John Semmens
    Alarmed by the recent murder of a transgender woman, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson (D) has redeclared what he calls "a trans femicide state of emergency. Too many transgender Chicagoans don't feel safe in spaces where they should feel safe and welcome. This declaration renews a state of emergency first declared in 2024. It is shameful that I have to reiterate this, but the killing must stop." Critics question the Mayor's focus on such a small fraction of the city's homicides. In the last decade 14 transgenders have been murdered. During this same period more than 5,000 non-transgenders have been murdered....