Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

"Justifiable Assault & Battery" [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 August 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 08/05/2025 10:02:34 AM PDT by John Semmens

The beating of two whites by a mob of Blacks after the Cincinnati Jazz Festival was called "justified" by the City's Police Chief Terri Theetge. "Look, the two white individuals provoked the assault," she said. "First, the concert they all attended was a jazz concert. Jazz is Black music--invented by and for Black folks. The white folks were engaging in cultural appropriation by intruding on turf that didn't belong to them."

"Second, the beatings were video taped by numerous individuals at the scene," Theetge pointed out. "This intrusion into police business precludes our opportunity to say there that isn't enough evidence to identify and prosecute the assailants. However, a conviction is likely to spark a riot that will result in widespread property damage, more assaults, and possibly deaths."

"So, we have to find a resolution that will avert a worse calamity for the City," Theetge reasoned. "Both Mayor Pureval and I agree that the best course of action is to declare that the assault and battery were justified. The Black community will be mollified and the injured parties can be thankful they weren't killed. It's the best win-win outcome available to us. If one or both of the injured parties dies the verdict can easily be bumped up to 'justifiable homicide'--an outcome familiar to anyone who has seen the TV show Law & Order."

In related crime news, California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed legislation making it a felony for adults to buy minors for sex. "When it was brought to my attention that our state had no laws barring adults from buying minors to use for sexual pleasure I insisted that the legislature close this loophole," he boasted. "I'm also pleased to say that this bill reverses the decriminalization of loitering with the intent to engage in prostitution that I signed in 2021. I hope what I'm doing today shows voters that I have what it takes to be president."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Music/Entertainment; Politics
KEYWORDS: cincinnati; jazzfestival; newsom; ohio; satire; teresatheetge; victoriaparks

Click here: to donate by Credit Card

Or here: to donate by PayPal

Or by mail to: Free Republic, LLC - PO Box 9771 - Fresno, CA 93794

Thank you very much and God bless you.


1 posted on 08/05/2025 10:02:34 AM PDT by John Semmens
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Yikes! ๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜Š


2 posted on 08/05/2025 10:04:40 AM PDT by rktman (Destroy America from within? Check! WTH? Enlisted USN 1967 to end up with this๐Ÿ’ฉ? ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ’‰! ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‘!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

I never understand these posts.

Did she actually say that about jazz and ‘appropriation’?

(It’s sad one even has to ask.)


3 posted on 08/05/2025 10:11:11 AM PDT by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens
Jazz is Black music--invented by and for Black folks.

Gaslight.

4 posted on 08/05/2025 10:11:49 AM PDT by HIDEK6 (God bless Donald Trump)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

What a racist pack of pigs are in charge of Cinnin! Could just as well be hamas.


5 posted on 08/05/2025 10:11:58 AM PDT by bobbo666
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Jamestown1630

Satire folks! Satire?


6 posted on 08/05/2025 10:13:03 AM PDT by MMusson ( )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

must be the nutmeg in the chili


7 posted on 08/05/2025 10:13:40 AM PDT by roho (SemperFi)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: bobbo666

Sounds like some of the folks who make those decisions are the ones who needed the beating.


8 posted on 08/05/2025 10:16:57 AM PDT by oldtech
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: MMusson

Sometimes it’s hard to separate the semi-news from the semi-satire.


9 posted on 08/05/2025 10:25:32 AM PDT by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Jamestown1630

Is this real? Or satire?


10 posted on 08/05/2025 10:29:58 AM PDT by vivenne (7Come to think of it. Fact)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

One of the assailants (thugs) was a woman with straightened, bleach-blonde hair. Evidently “cultural appropriation” only goes one way. And is the mayor’s name really “Pureval”?


11 posted on 08/05/2025 10:44:51 AM PDT by Blurb2350 (posted from my 1500-watt blow dryer)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: vivenne

That’s what I always ask.

From what I’ve seen of the police chief previously, it’s certainly plausible. But I think saying this would be a stretch even for her.


12 posted on 08/05/2025 10:54:05 AM PDT by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: bobbo666

I don’t see any indication anywhere else that she really said this. For what it’s worth...


13 posted on 08/05/2025 11:00:02 AM PDT by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Did she say that because it had been taped by so many that it is now impossible to lie and lame it on the white victims?


14 posted on 08/05/2025 11:25:21 AM PDT by Ronald77
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

So then that Bubba guy can be beaten up at the next NASCAR race? How about beating up black people who attend sporting events invented by whites?


15 posted on 08/05/2025 11:32:11 AM PDT by Wilderness Conservative (Nature is the ultimate conservative)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: John Semmens

Looks to me like Terri Theetge just confessed to violating that couple’s civil rights by saying “ for black people “

Sue his ass into poverty

The city too

Charge him with malfeasance of office for refusing to arrest felony assaulters

Throw the damn book at them


16 posted on 08/05/2025 12:44:44 PM PDT by cuz1961
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Jamestown1630

Ya, it seems a little over the top.


17 posted on 08/05/2025 1:08:08 PM PDT by vivenne (7Come to think of it. Fact)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson