Free Republic

DOJ Meritless Garland filed hate crime charges against a Georgia dog owner today. The FBI recommended the charges based upon articles by the NY Times, CNN and MSNBC and a cursory investigation by Wray's best stemming from the report that the dog had killed 8 coyotes. Garland stated that even if the coyotes were all white Hispanics that the charges would still be pressed. In late breaking news, it was determined by Fox News that the 8 coyotes that were killed were not FBI CIs or smugglers but actual 4 legged canines attacking the farmers sheep. The dog actually killed...

The White House was in panic mode this morning after receiving the news that Gov. Abbott of Texas had declared a state of invasion. Former President Obama had his Muppet Biden call in the DHS, FBI and CIA heads for a crisis conference. Biden faced immediate concerns that his 10% would be drastically reduced with any action by Texas. The CIA reported that it could expect a 30% drop in revenue from its drug operations which would reduce its capability to run black ops. The FBI reported that it could expect at least a 25% drop in its revenue from...

The 2022 midterm elections ended with a heap of disappointments and shattered expectations for the Republican party. As the nation waits patiently for final tallies to trickle in and determine party power, one thing is for certain: Florida governor Ron DeSantis selfishly hoarded the entire red wave for himself. GOP insiders are livid at DeSantis, claiming there was plenty of red wave to go around. "While we're glad to see DeSantis win Florida, it's obvious he didn't need the whole batch of red wave to get the job done," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, the GOP puppetmaster adept at...

Beto O'Rourke (aka El Puta Politico) today conceded defeat to Governor Abbott of Texas. As a failed candidate again, Beto may have to take some action to improve his elective chances. Beto is considering a move to either Pa. or Ma. Pa. has shown that you can achieve elective office even if you are brain damaged which Beto could qualify. But a better chance would be in Ma. where, he as a fake Mexican, could stand an excellent chance of achieving elective office and score a position in a Neo-fascist law college, such as Harvard, to tide him over until...

The public should stop ridiculing Karine Jean-Pierre, the White House Paid Liar. Yes, she is a black female lesbian, selected for the position because of equity instead of competence and is an extremely poor liar which is a mainstay of the position. But remember, there are 40-50 reporters that appear every day to listen to her drivel. One cannot ridicule Karine without considering ridicule of the reporter sloths. Also consider, that Karine perfectly reflects the Biden Administration, stupid and incompetent. Every member of the Biden Administration cabinet and agency rode the short school bus to school. This was intentional ......

Rishi Sunak was elected as UK Prime Minister. Rishi, an Indian Hindu, was elected to succeed Truss, a white supremacist, as Prime Minister after Truss's short lived but highly profitable stint as PM. Rishi stated that his first goal would be to remain PM for at least one month which would make him eligible for a $120,000 a year retirement payment for life as a former PM. Things are not looking good as he was severely criticized on his first day on the job for not knowing how to wave, acting robotic, and not having any humanity. Even if tossed...

Pfizer announced today a 400% increase in the price of the COVID-19 shots due to inflation and the increase in production, marketing and approval expenses. Pfizer has become increasingly concerned over the lagging COVID-19 shot sales. Although the CDC has issued an edict requiring the shot be added to the childhood vaccine schedule, there is expected to be much resistance from parents and red states. Pfizer is considering an end run around the states by buying enough Congress critters to pass Federal legislation to mandate shots through federal level laws. This will cost billions in campaign contributions but will more...

It was announced today that the Prime Minister of the UK, Liz Truss, was forced to resign. This is partially true. In reality, she was not forced to resign because of pressure from her Conservative Part, but resigned of her own choice for a separate reason. When confronted with the massive oil and gas shortage that was coming this Winter, Truss was handed a set of knee pads and a tube of Chapstick and told to take appropriate action with the heads of oil and gas exporting nations. Not only was she insulted by this request, but noted that the...

President Biden issued an executive order today concerning inflation. President Biden, becoming increasingly concerned about the rising inflation, issued an executive order to all departments, agencies and contractors of the US Government. First, Hunter Biden is appointed as the Inflation Czar. President Biden appointed Hunter because he is the smartest person he knows. Second, the amount to be forwarded to the Big Guy is going from 10% to 15% because of inflation. All departments, agencies and contractors are required to forward 15% of all bribes, kickbacks, etc. to the Big Guy's account. Hunter, Janet Yelling and the Federal Reserve will...

After nearly two years of incessant whining, President Biden finally found a job for the White House Chief of Staff's wife, Monica Medina. Although the title of the new position was juiced up to sound important, “special envoy” for biodiversity and water resources, the job is essentially a make work project to keep Klain's wife off his back and out of sight. Klain got the idea for the job for his wife after his wife was escorted out of Chipotles by officers after being suspected of being drunk when she was spotted talking in a quiet whisper to several potted...

California approved the composting of human remains today. Composting of human remains will be more ecologically friendly and efficient than either cremation or burning. Besides being ecologically friendly, composting will provide positive economic value. During composting, maggots can be collected and processed as food. Maggots, when freeze dried, are indistinguishable from rice, which then can be used for Asian dishes, Rice Krispies, rice flour, protein bars, etc. The completely composted remains, after the skeletons are ground up, can be sold to pig farmers for feed additives or for compost to local garden shops (Aunt Lilly's Garden Best Compost).

Florida Governor De Santis has discovered what is wrong with California Governor Newsom. De Santis noted that Newsom has never been really normal, but has deviated from reality recently to catastrophic levels. De Santis noted that Newsom's demonic dedication to an obvious failed Green Agenda is within a normal deviation of a person mentally challenged and mentally unstable. But the whiny hypocritical charges of kidnapping of the illegals for the flights to Martha's Vineyard exceeded the normal expected of him. Medical experts have advised Gov. De Santis that, with a high degree of certainty, that Gov. Newsom's hair gel has...

Governor Newsom has developed a multifaceted plan to solve California's growing energy problem. The Governor's plan, coupled with the demonic supermajority in the Legislature, promises a successful outcome. First, the Governor will propose, and have passed in the Legislature, laws which will demonize and eventually drive 5 - 10 million California residents out of the state. This alone will dramatically decrease energy use. Secondly, the total adoption of the Green Renewable Energy initiative will cause the cost of energy to sky rocket and severely limit its availability. Only the very wealthy will be able to afford the high cost of...

Martha's Vineyard Shipped out the 50 migrants to a Cape Code military base on an emergency basis. Although residents of Martha's Vineyard welcomed the migrants and were pleased that Florida Governor De Santis could spare the migrants. Consultations with Rep. Hank Johnson and other scientific leaning politicians led the Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker to fear that having 50 migrants on the island might cause it to tip over and drown all the island's inhabitants. Gov. Baker declared emergency powers and had busses move the migrants to more stable accommodations. Gov. Baker asked Gov. De Santis to ensure that future migrant...

Fuhrer Biden accused me of being just a Semi-Fascist. In order to become a full fledged Fascist in the Biden Fourth Reich, I will have to take some action. I could join the FDA, NIH, CDC, Surgeon General, WHO, Gates, etc. Mengele Death Cult which should elevate me as a full Fascist. Or I could join the DOJ/FBI American Gestapo which should also assure elevation. On a similar track, I could join the Judicial Whoredom of the End Justifies the Means when Lawfare rules over the scales of justice. Or maybe I could gain full Fascistness by joining the Intelligence/Industrial...

DOJ is currently considering another raid on Trump's Mar-A-Largo residence in the near future. AG Meritless Garland postulated that the FBI would be justified in another raid under the guise of executing a warrant citing Civil Assets Forfeiture. Around the water cooler in the 7th floor of the FBI building, FBI agents imagined a possible Civil Assets Forfeiture case that they could sell to Meritless to raid Trump's house again. Agents speculated that coasters were taken from the White House and that Trump was marketing them on E-Bay for a fortune. Based upon that, a raid could be made to...

Pfizer announced today that it will be releasing a new two shot mRNA vaccine after receiving FDA Emergency Authorization approval and CDC recommendation. FDA approval and CDC recommendation has been purchased and the vaccine should be hitting hospitals, pharmacies and doctor's offices within the next two weeks. Assisted by large amounts of graft included in the Inflation Acceleration Bill, Pfizer got the jump on all the other big pharma companies in developing the new vaccine to prevent Unknown Cause of Death (aka SADS - Sudden Adult Death Syndrome). Piggybacking on their inside knowledge of lab developed diseases and mRNA technology,...

Dr. Walensky (aka Hot Mess Walensky), CDC Director announced today a Great Reset to take place in the CDC because of shortcomings within the agency. Citing the public's misplaced opinion that the CDC had failed in its response to the Wuhan/Fauci Virus Pandemic, the director has announced changes to correct that misinformation. In the future, all CDC guidance will be in digital form posted to the official website. No printed or paper documents will be issued. This will ensure that guidance can be updated instanteously without old outdated material remaining to confuse. A new armed 20,000 medical police force will...

Secretary of the U S Treasury, Janet Yelling, announced today that the new army of 87,000 new armed IRS agents will be staffed with veterans and minorities. To achieve this goal, Yelling announced a recruitment meeting with the leaders of ANTIFA and BLM. Veteran ANTFA members and BLM members with at least 5 riots under their belts will be given precedence in hiring at the IRS for the new positions. Yelling explained that educational requirements would be waived as street combat, arson, asset seizure, intimidation, etc. skills will be more important in these positions than ciphering or summing.

The Attorney General and FBI Director were called to the White House today to consult with President Biden. Specifically, President Biden requested that the DOJ and FBI raid Trump's Mar-A-Lago home again and also raid the residences of Gov. De Santis and Gov. Kristi Noem. Biden stated that his wife, Dr. Jill, was really impressed with the dresses and accessories seized by Garland and Wray and desired to flesh out her Fall and Winter wardrobe with more ot those items. Dr. Jill identified the DeSantis and Noem residences as excellent additional sources. Garland stated that it was possible to get...