Posted on 01/12/2006 8:39:35 AM PST by dhls
Fellow Americans, there comes a time every mans life when we must give up ourselves before we are worthy to recieve. There comes a time in this war on terror when in order to protect liberty, we have to give it up in the mean time for safty. That's right folks. Today, Americans have forsaken the creator for the creation and have decided that they would value our "civil liberties" than protecting western civilization and rich white people from the tender mercies of radical Islamic terrorists. Selfish liberals insist and whine that Bush has no right to spy on Americans and ban certain undesirables from using our airlines. They demand the right to criticize and blaspheeme the name of our supreme commander and cheef George W Bush while forcing multiculturalism down our throats and praising Bill Clinton. We all know however that it's totally Clintons fult for everything bad in america. Now we are at war and we must make a decision. support the safty of America and defeat terrorists, or support civil liberties and give victory to the enemy. Its all because of Bill Clinton and civil liberties that we are in this war so it is only fair that we give it up. no one said life was supposed to be fair you liberal crybabys. Dont give me that rubbish about equality and diversity. WE ARE AT WAR! If your not for Bush and against civil liberties your a terrorist! Your probably even a Communist and should be detained. Therefore fellow Americans we must throw all of our trust and resources behind George W Bush and behind this war with no ifs ands or buts. Be sure to report any and all detractors and freedom supporters to your local military and never question. Bush knows what hes doing and we will win this war once and for all. Thank you and May God bless America.
LOL!
It sounds like you really enjoyed yourselves last night, and that's good.
You posted something about "the rules" in 2004, I think...I'll check my Undead File and see if I can find them. Pretty funny stuff!
OK...here ya go! I knew I had it somewhere!
A DAUGHTER'S DAD'S DATING RULES:
Rule One
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear
their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this
issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your
underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off
during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric
nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it
comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only
information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have
my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on
this subject is "early."
Rule Six
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date
other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue
to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her
cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on
time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on
her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate
Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful,
like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing,
holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm
enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff
T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual
theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey
games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged,
dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices
in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring
my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit
your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely
and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come
inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Well... yeah. Told Zon, I don't actually care if I lose weight. As long as I look better than I did. I've only dropped 15lbs, but I look more like a brick house now instead of a couch potato.
Words to live by... ;-) Or at least... to stay alive by. Hehhe.
Are these really your rules, or did you pirate them from somewhere else? In either case, I'd like to copy them and send them to my friends. Any objections?
You may have dropped only 15 lbs total, but how much flab have you replaced with solid muscle? I had the same experience last summer when I was swimming with the high school kids, although, I, in no way, resembled a brick house!
Yepper...I think that's what you said when you posted them the last time!
(I had forgotten how much stuff I really have in that file...I'm on Volume III, now...)
That and I've never been to Hanoi...
Two pants sizes and three notches off the gun belt. Chest is up though... From 51" to 52.5". That sucks because my best suit coat is getting a tad tight in the shoulders.
Hehhe... careful, you may end up getting stuck with Undead Archiver at this rate. ;-)
(Er....you mean...I'm not?)
I even have a list of all Bob's poems...all six pages worth of titles. At least, all the poems he had posted up to about a year ago.
And I keep the silly little tests, and some of the better jokes and lists. I think I also have that "General Warning" list...do not fold, spindle or mutilate, this side up, etc.
And the flamer's dream...
: )
Morning folks - want some snow? woke up to 3 or 4 inches of it today and it hasn't stopped yet...
No thanks. I gave up snow for Lent. 6 years ago. Consider my living where there is no snow as an act of piety. ;-)
I used to follow the same winter theology...but unfortunately, I married a person who worships at the snow altar...not that he goes out and plays in it...he just likes the winter....go figure.
Yes, you are imaginative, and it would be wise to plant the idea of Hanoi in the boys' minds.
Morning!
Sounds like winter has finally hit the valley floor, huh? Aren't you lucky...stay home and knit by the fire....
Zonja misses the change of seasons. She is obviously suffering from a form of selective amnesia whereby she forgets exactly how cold -20F really is.
Hhhmmm... I was on active duty during the first Gulf War. Maybe I could gin something up around that. It wouldn't be true, but they won't know that.
haven't been in -20 yet, but I do know I would rather be in +20 than a windy 40 coming off Lake Ponchartrain any day...
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