WASHINGTON, D.C. — Newly released results of a medical exam proved what many had suspected for years, as an MRI confirmed that President Donald Trump suffers from incurable advanced-stage patriotism. The results of the scan affirmed speculation that had run wild throughout the nation's capital and across the country for the last decade, with lawmakers and journalists alike alleging that Trump was riddled with love for America that had spread throughout his entire body. "It's far more widespread than anyone thought," White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters in a briefing. "His liver, his lymph nodes, even in his...