Free Republic

CARMEL, IN — Former Vice President Mike Pence repented publicly at his church on Sunday after sources revealed he had eaten several "all-female" M&M's candies from the new all-female bags without his wife present. "I know I have committed a serious indiscretion," said the former Vice President to his church elders and accountability partners who were there to pray over him. "It's not that I don't think I can control myself around female M&M's, but I respect my wife and don't want her worried about all the time I'm spending with female M&M's before I eat them. It's important as...

KENOSHA, WI—As the Rittenhouse trial drew to a close, Antifa rioters were preparing their violent destruction of the city. But their plans were quickly foiled as Rittenhouse emerged from the courthouse a free man, AR-15 in hand. "The jig is up! Scatter!" cried the terrified commie waifs as they skittered toward shadowy alleyways like cockroaches. "The Rittenhouse has returned! Judgment is upon us! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Rittenhouse then appeared to descend the courthouse steps in slow motion, surrounded by a flock of doves and a heavenly golden light. At the terrifying sight, hundreds of Antifa fairies and murderous pedophiles...

A HUMAN rights group campaigning for gypsies has filed a complaint against British comic Sacha Baron Cohen over his film featuring a spoof Kazakh journalist who calls himself a former "gypsy catcher", German prosecutors said today. The state prosecutor's office in the northern city of Hamburg said the European Centre for Antiziganism Research had brought the complaint accusing Cohen of slander, inciting violence against the Sinti and Roma gypsy groups and violating Germany's anti-discrimination law. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan premiered last week in London and is due to hit German cinemas tomorrow....

A contestant on ABC's Wife Swap is suing the Walt Disney Company and the show's producer, RDF Media, for $10,225,000 after the person involved in the swap turned out to be a gay man. Jeffrey D. Bedford of Haileyville, OK told the Muskogee Phoenix that he could not comment on the case but provided a copy of his lawsuit in which he claims that the producers told him that if he did not proceed with the filming, they would not tell him his wife's whereabouts and would not pay for her return home; that the gay man invited members of...

The owner of a popular local nightclub with a gay clientele can't have a funeral in the Roman Catholic Diocese of San Diego because the church has deemed his business "inconsistent with Catholic moral teaching." None of the 98 Catholic churches in San Diego or Imperial counties will be allowed to provide services for Club Montage owner John McCusker as a result of the decision by San Diego Bishop Robert Brom. Advertisement McCusker, 31, died Sunday of congestive heart failure while vacationing in Mammoth, his family said. The bishop made the decision three days later after learning that McCusker's family...

WASHINGTON — If they aren't leaving the capital, they might be going to the movies or spending a quiet afternoon at home. Some even boarded a cruise ship, hoping moonlight and mai tais will take the sting out of President Bush's second inauguration. These Democrats are in denial, not quite ready to hail the chief they fought so hard to unseat. "We all know the inauguration is taking place," said Debra DeShong, once a spokeswoman for Bush challenger Sen. John Kerry. "But watching it is like adding salt to a wound." Democrats in Washington have plenty of company, according to...

I drew this one tonight: http://www.texun.com/flipflop.pdf Previous cartoons: http://www.texun.com/mudcrats.pdf http://www.texun.com/kerrytales.pdf