Free Republic

President Biden announced today that the chaos that ensued in the evacuation of Afghanistan will not happen again while he is president. President Biden today ordered Secretary of Defense Austin and Chief of Staff Milley, to coordinate with the guy that runs the State Department, and to start the evacuation of all Americans and the embassy in Taiwan. The Chinese have assured President Biden that they will honor a safe passage of all Americans out of Taiwan and may purchase several of Hunter's paintings as a gesture of good will. The guy that runs the State Department praised Biden's actions...

A group of wealthy individuals and a consortium of Ivy League and Progressive West Coast Universities have jointed in a revolutionary program to boost the image of Fake News media personnel. Soros, Zuckerberg, and Dorsey have agreed to finance the universities' program to fast-track a doctorate program for Fake News media personnel. The Fast-Track Doctor program will allow the media personnel to receive a Doctorate in one year of on-line study with generous credit for work and life experience. One can readily see the credibility problem of Fake News personnel by the dearth of Doctors among the leading Fake News...

Jennifer Aniston's circle of friends has shrunk dramatically since she announced that she was shunning friends or relatives that were unvaccinated or declined to disclose their vaccination statue for COVID. Many former friends applauded her decision, as a vulnerable senior citizen, to not to solely rely on the experimental and mostly ineffective COVID vaccine, but to also shun those uncaring and unfeeling infectious unvaccinated bags of COVID pus. Others, who agreed with her decision, were elated by the elimination of the obligation to attend her Wine and Cheese get togethers where she hawked her beauty and personal hygene products by...

As I heard the news of Obama's 60th birthday party, I could not help but to reflect on the numerous parties that he held at the White House in his 8 years there. Based on those parties I began to envision the 700 person turn out for the party. First, the required guests from the Communist Party, USA.: Van Jones, DeBlasio, Schumer, etc. Next, from the pork pens of the Iowa State Fair: Michael Moore, Rob Reiner, Amy Schumer, Whoopi Goldberg, etc. Continuing the festivities with the SF Pride dress up group: Don Lemon, Anderson Cooper, Buttguy, Ellen Degenerate, Rachael...

Large amounts of new art will be hitting the auction block this month as government employees from CDC, NIH and FDA artists come out of the closet. The large quantity of art is expected to bring close to 2 billion dollars to the artists. The first government employee to put her art on the market is CDC Director Rochelle P. Walensky. Dr. Walensky stated she first took up painting to relax from crushing 5 hour days/25 hour weeks at the CDC. Her first multi-work offering is titled "Screams from New York State Nursing Home Holocaust". Anonymous buyers have expressed interest...

The FBI announced today that their STASI (STate Approved Snitches and Informants) Domestic Terrorism Program bore its first fruit. FBI Director Wray detailed the enforcement of a "No Knock" warrant by the elite FBI SWAT team on a NW DC residence. The raid was justified by the information provided by a brave un-amed boy about his family and their potential domestic terror capabilities. Director Wray provided the information to US AG Garland who sought permission from the President, President Obama, to obtain the "No Knock" warrant. Judge Emmet Sullivan issued the warrant in accordance with the President's and US AG's...

Today FBI Director Wray announced the launch of their new program named STASI. STASI stands for STate Approved Snitches and Informants. STASI is launched to identify and neutralize feral terrorist members of American families. Yes, all American families have those feral members who abide no rules and are very real potential terrorists. Who better to identify and report those family members than other family members who are closest to them. The FBI has an easily to remember hotline to report: 1-800-ISNITCH. Snitch identification will be kept confidential and cash rewards will be paid upon arrest and conviction of the terrorist....

Saturday night the White House hosted the Chinese Communist Party's 100th Year Anniversary gala celebration. Elites from the Chinese and US Communist Parties along with MSM, Hollywood, political, and business notables were in attendance. Chefs from the Chinese Embassy and the White House staff prepared historic Chinese cuisine including: Bat Wing Soup (courtesy of Wuhan Labs); Tender succulent Canine and Feline Roasts (courtesy of Barack Obama through Pets-R-Food-2 of Beijing; and Glazed Cicada Fritters (courtesy of United Nations Agenda 2030 and The Green New Deal). Several attendees sported hairdos featuring Clairol's Red Dawn hair coloring, including: Jen Psake, White House...

The Biden Administration has finalized extreme action for unvaccinated Americans due to the large number resisting vaccination. Initial door to door contacts in several states have not only resulted in no additional vaccinations but in volunteers being mocked, shamed and their intelligence and ancestry questioned. Sec. of HHS Becerra was outraged by the treatment of his volunteers. He stated that the government has the right to demand that all citizens be vaccinated and it is considered unpatriotic or even treasonous to remain unvaccinated. Since the door to door campaign and common sense vaccination pleas were not heeded by the resisters,...

Another high profile person, with national name recognition, turned down an offer of a professorship with tenure at UNC. Dinky Grizzle, the first black Bozo the Clown in Ashville, turned down the offer from UNC. Dinky said that the offer would be a step down from his practice of journalism at the Ashville News Networks. Additionally, Dinky stated that he already represents the UNC Board of Trustees and Governors and UNC as a whole in his role as UNC's mascot. Dinky said that his extended family, which included blacks, Hispanics and Asians, urged him to accept the position but he...

The 25th Amendment was invoked by VP Harris and the Biden cabinet members. Biden was deemed by the group not to be competent to solely make presidential decisions. In a stunning surprise development, the cabinet members, all former Obama administration employees, petitioned Judge Emmet Sullivan to appoint former President Obama as Conservator for Biden. The former President was uniquely qualified to provide Biden with valuable assistance and guidance in the complex duties in running the country for which he has shown a demonstrated deficiency in the past necessitating the Conservatorship. VP Harris vigorously protested the move stating that the Constitution...

The Vatican offered clarification of its granting communion today. Comrade Pope Francis stated the it is the policy not to grant communion to church members who have not received their COVID 19 "Jabs" or church members in Climate Change Denial. Church members who have not received their "Jabs" must be allowed to attend mass but must sit in the designated "Demons & Devils" quarantine area and must wear the Bio-Hazzard emblem. Those will be denied communion and must be shunned by the priests and congregation. Climate Change Deniers will also be denied communion and will be segregated in the "Demons...

The influx of unvetted immigrants pouring across our open southern border has become a serious crisis. Trump had the problem almost fixed, and then Biden arrived on the scene. Biden was envious of Trump’s successes and resented his unbridled popularity both of which have always eluded Joe. Biden, with a stroke of his pen, magically snatched failure from the jaws of success and offered the entire world a GET INTO AMERICA FREE card. The trickle of immigrants turned into a stream and the stream turned into a river, and then the river turned into a tsunami. Biden’s solution was simple-ignore...

The Vatican will hold an Interreligious Climate Inquisition ahead of the UN Climate Change Summit. Comrade Pope Francis has invited the leaders of the worlds religions, sects and cults to participate in the Inquisition. Just like in the old inquisition days, Climate Change deniers will face the rack, trials by fire, water torture and the dunking stool and other means to determine their innocence or guilt. Nordic Tree Worshiper Greta "The Whiner" will start the proceedings by loosing the rack on the first "Galileo" of Climate Change denial nominated by St. Al Gore. Other Climate Change rock stars, including Drs...

Biden recently met with the president of Russia in Geneva, and America had a very good day. The entire world waited with bated breath to watch the main event of the summer; Vlad from Russia vs. Sleepy Joe from Wilmington. They looked like the odd couple. Barrel chested and shirtless, Vlad rides horses through the wilderness and Joe eats two scoops of ice cream without getting a brain freeze. Surprisingly, Joe got all up in Vlad’s grill. Joe angrily wagged his bony finger in Putin’s face and told him please don’t cyber-attack 16 critical targets in America – or else....

Maj. Gen. Case Cunningham, Base Commander of Nellis Air Force Base announced his upcoming retirement this Fall. Although just recently installed as base commander, Cunningham stated personal and professional opportunities arose that convinced him to advance his retirement plans. Cunningham recently appeared the base local drag queen competition for which he received rave reviews. Many compared his performance to Rachael Levine of Pa. and Biden Administration fame. His performance was so noteworthy that it prompted offers from Victoria Secret. Cunningham said that in the Fall he would be trading his military uniform for a Victoria Secret uniform.

CNN announced today its new program "Legal Strokes" to be hosted by Jeffrey Toobin with his hand puppet "Little Bob", CNN was immediately accused of enabling White Privilege by selecting Toobin for the show over others of varying skin pigmentation. CNN stated that they weighed the situation carefully, but noted that Toobin had 27 years of experience which made him more qualified than other contenders such as Don Lemon or Anderson Cooper. Additionally, his hand puppet adds another dimension to the program. CNN viewers, a unanimous 10 of 10, stated that the program host with Little Bob would be a...

Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert's asked during a hearing of a House committee whether the federal government could change the orbits of the moon or earth to deal with climate change - raising some eyebrows among experts. Gohmert, a Republican from Texas, was on a video call with associate deputy chief of the National Forest Service Jennifer Eberlien when he asked whether or not federal agencies such as the Forest Service or Bureau of Land Management could alter the earth and moon's orbit to deal with climate change crisis. 'I understand, from what's been testified to the Forest Service and the...

Texas Governor Abbott has offered to assist President Biden. It has come to a public bi-partisan consensus that entire Biden Administration are dumber than fence posts. Governor Abbott has contacted Twin Mountain Fence, a proud American company of Hispanic heritage, to provide fence posts to replace the Biden Administration's personnel. This solution would be cost effective, provide improved efficiency and help the Texas economy. Governor Abbott is anxiously awaiting acceptance of the gracious offer by President Biden.

The White House announced today the formation of a new intern program. The new intern program will be the Progressive Intern Management Program (PIMP), initially run by the VP Harris. The program will recruit young girls (or those identifying as girls) aged 6 to 12. The interns, known as "Little Cuties" will perform intern functions for the President for a period of two years. Because of VP Harris' increasing border duties, Ghislaine Maxwell will be pardoned and assume the position of Madame Director of PIMP. Ghislaine was selected for her extensive experience in teaching young girls to maximize their assets...