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Humor (Religion)

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  • New Calvinist Escape Room Has Participants Do Nothing While They Wait For Someone To Let Them Out

    12/01/2021 10:33:19 AM PST · by HKMk23 · 9 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | November 30, 2021 | Staff
    Christian entertainment company 4HisGlory Amusements has announced an exciting new escape room experience based on Calvinist theology. Participants will be entirely unable to do anything to escape the room and instead must wait for an actor playing Jesus to unlock the door and let them out.
  • Differences Between Orthodox and Catholics

    07/15/2021 8:13:09 AM PDT · by Carpe Cerevisi · 16 replies
    YouTube ^ | September 10, 2018 | Bible Illustrated
    This is a humorous (yet mostly accurate) video showing the differences between Catholics and Orthodox. It's done by a talented Serbian Orthodox young man and his channel is worth subscribing to. Differences Between Orthodox and Catholics
  • Man detained after climbing to top of Los Angeles church

    07/08/2021 11:28:37 AM PDT · by Marchmain · 7 replies
    CRUX ^ | July 8, 2021 | Associated Press
    <p>LOS ANGELES — A man who was naked except for shorts and one sock climbed to the top of a soaring church tower in East Los Angeles Wednesday night, set a fire at the base of a cross, then apparently tried to evade surrounding police by leaping from roof to roof of nearby buildings before he was taken into custody.</p>
  • 20 things to know about the papacy

    06/18/2021 6:17:57 PM PDT · by Marchmain · 36 replies
    Microsoft News ^ | June 18, 2021 | Ruby Pratka
    Over 1.2 billion people around the world follow the Catholic faith, the most widespread branch of Christianity. The nerve centre of Catholicism is the Vatican, a city-state carved out of Rome, and the ruler of the Church and the religion is the pope. Pope Francis is the 266th and current pope. For centuries, popes and their activities were cloaked in majesty and mystery. Since the Second Vatican Council in the early 1960s, the Catholic Church has gradually become more open to the wider world. Read on to learn more about the Church and the popes with this slideshow.
  • Quran 33:53 Don't stay too long at Mo's house after a party. And leave his wives alone

    06/16/2021 6:56:09 AM PDT · by Cronos · 16 replies
    Quran ^ | 750s AD | Some 8th century dude
    ﮕ ﮖ ﮗ ﮘ ﮙ ﮚ ﮛ ﮜ ﮝ ﮞ ﮟ ﮠ ﮡ ﮢ ﮣ ﮤ ﮥ ﮦ ﮧ ﮨ ﮩ ﮪ ﮫ ﮬ ﮭ ﮮ ﮯ ﮰ ﮱ ﯓ ﯔ ﯕ ﯖ ﯗ ﯘ ﯙ ﯚ ﯛ ﯜ ﯝ ﯞ ﯟ ﯠ ﯡ ﯢ ﯣ ﯤ ﯥ ﯦ ﯧ ﯨ ﯩ ﯪ ﯫ ﯬ ﯭ ﯮ ﯯ ﯰ ﯱ ﯲ ﯳ ﯴ ﯵ ﯶ ﯷ ﯸ ﯹ ﯺ ﯻ ﯼ ﯽ ﯾ ﯿ ﰀ ﰁ O you who believe, do not enter the houses of the Prophet, unless you are permitted for a meal, not (so early as) to...
  • Lord Our Righteousness Church Cult members disappointed that Judgement Day failed to arrive

    06/13/2021 8:31:35 AM PDT · by Cronos · 14 replies
    Religion news blog ^ | 8 January 2008 | Wayne bent
    SANTA FE — After Judgment Day failed to arrive as expected this weekend, members of a northeastern New Mexico cult are left to ponder one question: What now? Members of the Lord Our Righteousness Church near Des Moines believed they would escape their earthly bondage and ascend to heaven Friday night. Their once-active Web site came down, and a church representative sent the Journal an e-mail saying he didn’t anticipate having anymore contact with the media. But as a small crowd of people and a TV news crew looked on from the gate to the wind-swept compound, midnight came. And...
  • Vatican fixes website glitch showing 2 versions of catechism

    05/12/2021 5:46:39 PM PDT · by Marchmain · 10 replies
    Catholic News Agency ^ | May 11, 2021 | Hannah Brockhaus
    The Vatican has corrected a problem on its website that meant it displayed at least two different editions of the Catechism of the Catholic Church in English. When using an online search engine, internet users could land on two different editions of the Catechism of the Catholic Church in English, one of which was an earlier edition. Matteo Bruni, director of the Holy See Press Office, told CNA last week that “it is one of those cases where the system updates are incompletely coordinated, so one page had the older version and the other the more recent one.” Bruni explained...
  • The Babylon Bee Guide To Christian Slang

    01/31/2021 3:16:50 PM PST · by metmom · 36 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | Jan 31, 2021
    Going to church for the first time can be intimidating. It's like meeting a bunch of weirdos who have their own secret code. Well, it's not like that. It's exactly that. Luckily, your friends at The Babylon Bee sent missionaries to local churches to investigate a bunch of their slang words and phrases so we could connect with Christians and learn their ways and customs. We really just want to do life together with them and love on them. Oh no! They're rubbing off on us! Anyway, here's what we've learned so far: -Bless her heart: May she burn in...
  • Solemn Dedication of Biden Catholic High School

    12/13/2020 1:45:44 PM PST · by ebb tide · 24 replies
    American Spectator ^ | December 13, 2020 | Joseph P. Dugan
    Solemn Dedication of Biden Catholic High SchoolApril 15, 2021Anywhere, USA — President Harris will speak at the dedication of Joseph R. Biden Catholic High School on May 1, according to a statement by the Catholic Archdiocese of Anywhere and the high school’s board of trustees.“We are deeply honored that the president will speak at this ceremony as her first public appearance after the thirty days of national mourning following the untimely passing of our beloved Catholic leader, President Biden,” the statement said.Biden Catholic is the new name of the institution formerly known as St. Peter Damian High School. On February...
  • Youth Group Kids Leaving The Faith At Alarming Rates In Spite Of Unlimited Pizza And Mountain Dew

    11/20/2020 12:22:09 PM PST · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 26 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | November 17, 2020 | The Babylon Bee
    U.S.—A concerning new study has revealed that kids raised in church youth groups are leaving the Christian faith at alarming rates, regardless of how much free Mountain Dew and pizza the church ministry feeds them in high school. "I don't know what else to do," said local youth pastor Kaylen Zedwink, known affectionately as "Z-man" by his youth group. "I've consumed nothing but pizza and Mountain Dew for the last 12 years. My cholesterol is approaching lethal levels now. My body is covered in welts from being constantly shot with paintballs. I spend $1200 per month on cool clothes. I...
  • Rabbis claim Earth is pulsating at rate that coincides with the name of God

    11/10/2020 10:31:38 AM PST · by Red Badger · 33 replies ^ | Nov 10, 2020 | Ricky Scaparo
    Recently we shared a report from Popular Mechanics, that the Earth has been pulsating every 26 seconds for the past 60 years, and it has left scientists unable to give an explanation and some speculated that it could be a harmonic phenomenon, a regular seismic chirp caused by the sunÂ’s energy, or a beacon drawing scientists to its source to begin a treasure hunt according to the report. However, now a group of Bible Scholars has come forward with an interesting claim. They claim the 26-second duration of the microseismic pulse is explained by the gematria (Hebrew numerology) of GodÂ’s...
  • Apostle Peter Accused Of Holding Super Spreader Event On Day Of Pentecost (10/29/33 A.D.)

    11/01/2020 5:50:31 PM PST · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 11 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | October 29, 33 A.D. | The Babylone Bee
    JERUSALEM—Authorities are investigating after witnesses accused a local religious nut named Simon Peter and several others of hosting an unauthorized super spreader event in an enclosed room in Jerusalem. Experts say the event, which was not authorized by the local Jewish or Roman authorities, may put everyone in the area at risk for infectious diseases such as leprosy. "This is completely inexcusable," said local magistrate Biggus Tookus. "We have found that there were at least 11 people at this event. No one's address was recorded at the door and we don't know where they are now." One medical expert named...
  • Your thoughts on forgiving Donald Trump

    10/24/2020 10:27:39 PM PDT · by robowombat · 73 replies
    National Catholic Reporter ^ | OCT 23, 2020 3:00 PM | Reporter Staff
    Your thoughts on forgiving Donald Trump Oct 23, 2020 by NCR Staff Opinion This article appears in the Your thoughts feature series. View the full series. In the latest Soul Seeing column, Mike Leach talks about how he need to forgive President Donald Trump, even though it's hard to do so. "How do I forgive someone I don't even know but who drives me nuts every time I see him boast and lie and cheat?" he writes. Following are letters to the editor responding to the column. The letters have been edited for length and clarity. You can join the...
  • 10 Easy Ways To Tell If You're At A Shopping Mall Or A Church

    10/05/2020 5:23:05 AM PDT · by Gamecock · 30 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 9/8/2020
    It happens to all of us! You're visiting the local mall to pick up some cologne and a pair of GAP jeans when suddenly you bump into a church greeter who is offering you a bulletin and inviting you to his weekly small group. Oh no! This isn't Baycreek Mall! You're in Daycreek Church! To help you avoid this awkward situation in the future, here are some helpful tips for telling the difference between a shopping mall and a megachurch. The coffee: If the coffee shop says "Starbucks," you're in a mall. If the sign says "He-Brews Coffee Shop" you're...
  • 88 REASONS Why The Rapture Will Be In 1988 {End Times}

    10/03/2020 1:24:47 AM PDT · by Cronos · 153 replies ^ | 1988 | Edgar C Whisenat
    88 reasons why Rosh-hash-ana 1988 must be the time of the church's rapture Reasons 4 and 5 The 69th week of Daniel ended 6 April 30 AD.... the 70ths starts with the day of Atonement 1988 when Antichrist signs the seven-year peace with Israel on 21 Sep 1988, and the 70th week of Daniel ends 7 Jewish years later on the Day of Atonement 1995 at the battle of Armageddon, 5 Oct 1995, thus lasting seven Jewish years.Lunar dates... verify beyond any reasonable doubt that from the DAy of Atonement 1988 through the Day of Atonement 1995 is the 70th...
  • Evangelical pastor quits the church, comes out—and joins OnlyFans {Wacky}

    09/28/2020 5:27:50 AM PDT · by Cronos · 62 replies
    Daily Dot ^ | 25 September 2020 | Samira Sadeque
    A woman who says she became an evangelical pastor because of her “love for performing” is now a hit on OnlyFans as a stripper—and fulfilling her childhood dream, she told the New York Post. Nikole Mitchell, who grew up Baptist, told the Post she had “always fantasized about being a stripper” and has also come out as bisexual. “But I was indoctrinated to believe my desires and my body were innately sinful and bad,” the 36-year-old said. Her upbringing was fiercely conservative and taught her that women can’t be leaders and that their place is in the kitchen. “So...
  • Joel Osteen Invites Hunter Biden To Give Sermon On Living Your Best Life Now (Satire)

    09/25/2020 12:08:49 PM PDT · by Gamecock · 7 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 9/25/2020
    HOUSTON, TX—Joel Osteen invited Hunter Biden to speak at Lakewood Church this weekend and share the secrets to his abundant life. The wealthy son of the Democratic presidential candidate will speak to a packed audience about the blessings he has named and claimed over the years. "My dear friend Hunter has been quite the inspiration to me," said Osteen. "In the years I have watched him, he's never been afraid to reach out and claim God's blessings for his life. He teaches us all how to look at our dreams boldly and say, 'That's mine!'" Biden spoke to a crowd...
  • New Evidence Suggests Esau Actually Sold Birthright For Spicy Chicken Sandwich From Chick-Fil-A

    09/21/2020 5:54:35 PM PDT · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 32 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | September 17, 2019 | The Babylon Bee
    U.S.—Scholars working at top divinity schools across the country now believe that Esau traded his birthright for a spicy chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A, not a bowl of soup or lentils as originally thought. "It never really made sense to us that he traded his birthright for lentils," said one expert working at Southern Seminary. "Who likes lentils? Lentils are gross. But do you know what would have made sense? If he came back from hunting and smelled that delicious, patented Chick-fil-A scent." "Man, it's about lunchtime," he added. "I'd give my birthright for a 12-count nugget right about now."
  • Unitarian Universalist Church Changes Logo To ¯\_(&#12484;)_/¯

    09/21/2020 2:02:09 PM PDT · by Gamecock · 17 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 9/15/2016
    BOSTON, MA—The Unitarian Universalist Association revealed its new logo to much buzz and fanfare Friday morning. Replacing its previous logo consisting of a flaming chalice, the new logo is a shrugging emoji man, said to represent the religious group’s lack of certain belief in any doctrine or creed at all. “We wanted our new logo to send a strong message about what we believe,” UUA President Reverend Peter Morales told reporters gathered in front of a large banner with the new logo, unfurled just moment before. “And we have no idea what we believe, really. So the shrugging man is...
  • [Barf Alert] Pope: Compassion for earth is vaccine against epidemic of indifference

    09/15/2020 12:06:43 PM PDT · by ebb tide · 12 replies
    Crux ^ | Swptember 14, 2020 | Junno Arocho Esteves
    [Barf Alert] Pope: Compassion for earth is vaccine against epidemic of indifference ROME — Contemplation and compassion are the necessary components of an integral ecology that ensures both the care of the environment and the common good, Pope Francis said.“Compassion is the opposite of indifference,” Pope Francis said Sept. 12, during an audience with members of the “Laudato Si'” Communities. “Our compassion is the best vaccine against the epidemic of indifference.”The “Laudato Si'” Communities in Italy were founded by Bishop Domenico Pompili of Rieti, Italy, and Carlo Petrini, founder of the Slow Food Movement, a grassroots organization that promotes the...