Humor (General/Chat)
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'I think it's becoming very, very common,' Amy Bach, Executive Director at consumer advocacy group United Policyholders, told the outlet. 'People are getting dropped on basis of, "We see mold on your roof," or "We see damaged roof tiles," or "There's trees touching your house," risk factors that insurance companies are increasingly on the lookout for.' Schueler found company to remove the branches in time, and so was able to keep her coverage. 'It ended up costing $1,200. I had no choice,' she told CBS. Her policy was renewed for another year, but having her home monitored without her being...
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fool's Ball, Week One Your home for all things Fool's Ball! In Memoriam Danny Lee (BENDER2)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/english-bobbies-race-past-5-stabbings-to-tackle-offensive-social-media-poster LONDON — In a courageous display of British defense of law and order, English bobbies were seen racing past five stabbings to tackle an offensive social media poster. Eyewitnesses report that a crack team of constabulary laddies dexterously avoided five illegal migrants who were engaged in bloody mass stabbing episodes as the British officers rushed to take down a man about to share an offensive meme on X. "Oi mate! Gor, that's a racist meme you got there, innit?" one of the constables was heard to say, sidestepping a Muslim stabber and tackling the dangerous social media poster. "Now...
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A groundbreaking study reveals that human activities have pushed Earth's biosphere to a critical tipping point, threatening the planet's ability to sustain life and prompting urgent calls for immediate global action. The integrity of Earth’s biosphere is under unprecedented threat, according to a recent study that sheds light on the planet’s declining ability to maintain ecological balance. Conducted by the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research (PIK) and BOKU University in Vienna, the research highlights critical challenges facing the plant kingdom’s capacity to regulate essential ecosystem functions. The study, published in the journal One Earth, examines the energy flows derived...
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Graham Greene as Edgar Montrose references Dances With Wolves on the season 5 episode of the Red Green Show: Men's Night On the Mountain.
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Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said the Trump administration may declare a national housing emergency this fall as the White House looks to highlight key issues for midterm campaign voters.“We’re trying to figure out what we can do, and we don’t want to step into the business of states, counties, and municipal governments,” Bessent told the Washington Examiner. “We may declare a national housing emergency in the fall.”Bessent said housing affordability would be a critical leg of Republicans’ 2026 midterm election platform. Bessent declined to list any specific actions the president may take, but he suggested that administration officials are directly...
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GAZA — Following news that the diminutive eco-geopolitical activist was once again planning to set sail to arrive in support of the Palestinian cause, Hamas terrorists released an official statement distancing themselves from Greta Thunberg. Apparently not wanting the negativity that would come with any association with Thunberg, the infamous terrorist organization sought to clarify that they had absolutely nothing to do with her and that any connection was entirely manufactured on Thunberg's part. "Please do not lump us in with her," said Hamas spokesterrorist Abu Muhammad Akhtar. "We're completely fine with being viewed by everyone around the world as...
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BREAKING - A rattled Rosie O’Donnell has just released an apology video to MAGA for her earlier video in which she blamed the Minnesota Catholic school tragedy on MAGA, falsely claiming the suspect was a White supremacist MAGA voter.
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The annual clock of the seasons – winter, spring, summer, autumn – is often taken as a given. But our new study in Nature, using a new approach for observing seasonal growth cycles from satellites, shows that this notion is far too simple. We present an unprecedented and intimate portrait of the seasonal cycles of Earth's land-based ecosystems. This reveals "hotspots" of seasonal asynchrony around the world – regions where the timing of seasonal cycles can be out of sync between nearby locations. .....
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DALLAS, TX — The Dallas Cowboys organization has officially moved to invoke the 25th amendment in order to remove owner Jerry Jones from power. Sources within the organization felt that the body of evidence showing Jones to be mentally incapacitated had reached undeniable levels. "It's about time," said long-suffering Cowboys fan Harold Martindale. "We loved Jerry, but the man is clearly no longer capable of coherent thought. As he has proven in so, so many ways, he is no longer capable of serving as the owner of the Dallas Cowboys. This is precisely why the 25th amendment exists in this...
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https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-harris-last-seen-fleeing-dozens-of-international-assassins-after-trump-cancels-her-secret-service-protection LOS ANGELOS, CA — Following President Trump's recent cancellation of Kamala Harris' Secret Service protection, the former Vice-President was seen fleeing dozens of international assassins. The last-captured video footage of the former VP shows Harris leaping from roof to roof in downtown LA, hotly pursued by a crowd of ninjas, men in suits wearing sunglasses, and other assailants from every corner of the world. "It's very sad to see what's happening now that she lost her Secret Service protection, but she's doing all right for herself," said Grayson Casey, the intelligence operative who was the last to see Harris...
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https://babylonbee.com/news/russia-ukraine-reach-new-type-of-truce-where-they-keep-bombing-each-otherUKRAINE — Following constructive talks about ending their war, the leaders of Russia and Ukraine have reportedly reached a new type of truce where they keep bombing each other indefinitely. "President Zelenskyy and I understand each other perfectly," said Russian President Vladimir Putin. "We are proud to announce we have agreed to a truce where we continue fighting until the end of time." Zelenskyy is reportedly asking the international community for $1 billion a year to keep bombing Russia in hopes of maintaining the bombing truce. "I am committed to honoring this historic agreement," Zelenskyy said. "Please send money. I...
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SACRAMENTO, CA — Gavin Newsom's poll numbers have skyrocketed after he recently announced that he will be anti-crime until the next election. "We all know how much I love crime, but I've decided to temporarily reverse that stance and start prosecuting crime," said Newsom in a statement. "It turns out people don't like crime." "Please rest assured, I will go right back to ignoring crime as soon as I'm elected," insisted Newsom. "I'm not a MAGA fascist, after all." Sources say police departments in the state are already responding to the Governor's new initiative by arresting violent criminals who need...
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https://babylonbee.com/news/schrdingers-neighbors-say-thought-experiment-very-interesting-but-they-would-really-just-like-a-straight-answer-on-where-their-cat-isVIENNA, AUSTRIA — Neighbors of physicist Erwin Schrödinger agreed that his thought experiment about the indeterminate nature of their cat being alive was super interesting and all, but asked if he could please tell them where their cat is. "I think Erwin is great, he's so smart and always telling us about the amazing experiments he's working on, but he asked to borrow our cat a while back and I'm a bit concerned what happened next," said neighbor Fritz Weinberger. "We'd really like to know where Herr Shnitzel-Muncher ended up." Schrödinger reportedly asked to borrow the large tabby cat to...
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https://babylonbee.com/news/new-clue-board-game-for-liberals-just-has-you-blame-the-murder-weapon U.S. — Hasbro Gaming announced that it was expanding its board game library with a brand-new version of Clue, where you blame the murder weapon and never solve any crimes. Clue: Liberal Edition was being called the most interesting update in years for the popular game. "I'm terrible at Clue. I always lose," noted board game enthusiast Justin Coats. "But in Clue: Liberal Edition, everyone loses. I am so there!" In Clue: Liberal Edition, 3-6 players must solve the mysterious murder of Mr. Boddy, a cisgender white health insurance CEO, and compete to be the first one to blame...
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