Humor (General/Chat)
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NEW YORK, NY — As pro-Palestine groups continued to gather on campus following the establishment of the Gaza Solidarity Encampment, Columbia University protestors clarified that they only want "Death to America" after America is done paying their student loans for them. "Death to America… in like, 3 or 4 years when I graduate!" shouted one student protestor. "America truly is the ‘Great Satan' that ravages and oppresses other countries and deserves to be wiped off the face of the earth…as soon as the American taxpayers finish paying off our tuition loans! "But as soon as that's done, then, yeah, totally,...
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In a surprise move, Manhattan DA, Fat Al Bragg, announced another 50 felony charges to be added to the existing charges Monday morning. Fat Al brought the charges concerning the unpermitted campaign event at a Harlem bodega. Ordinarily holding the event without a permit would only be a misdemeanor, but under NY Trump election year persecution laws, the misdemeanor charges were bumped up to felonies. Approximately 50 paid minorities were in attendance so 50 felony counts were mandated. Marxist State Media law consultant Jeffrey Toobin, a noted hands on constitutional law expert, said in his expert opinion that the charges...
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Following Donald Trump's masterful recounting of the Battle of Gettysburg, the world has been awaiting his descriptions of other famous battles. That wait is now over, as Trump has provided his synopses of an all-star list of the world's most well-known confrontations. The Babylon Bee is proud to reveal Trump's commentary on the following battles: 1. Battle of Stalingrad: "The Germans came in. You really gotta hand it to Hitler. Bad guy, don't get me wrong. But he came into Stalingrad. Rommel tried to tell him. 'Don't get involved in a land war in Asia, me boys,' he said. But...
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Pope Francis’ favorability rating has been dropping constantly among U.S. Catholics over the past 10 years, according to an April Pew Research Center poll. From 2015 to 2021, the pope’s favorability rating dropped by 7 percentage points, from 90 percent to 83 percent, Pew found. More telling still, perhaps, is that in the last 3 years his favorability rating has declined by 8 more percentage points, to a record low of 75 percent. Practicing Catholics who attend Mass at least once a week are the least supportive of him, giving him a favorability rating of just 71 percent. A mere...
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After hearing the sad story of President Biden losing his beloved uncle to New Guinea cannibals, Secretary of Defense , LLoyd Austin, leaped into action. The Secretary related his own story of his great, great grandfather, LLoyd Ambrose Austin, being chased by Arab slavers and escaping, but unfortunately being eaten by cannibals in Niger. The Secretary, working with DARPA, announced two initiatives for all troops in cannibal vulnerable stations, to include NATO, CENCOM, Asia and selected blue states. All troops in those areas will be supplied with Cannibal Repellant and will be micro-chipped with a chip similar to an Air-Tag....
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69-year-old David Clarkson, originally from the UK but living in Australia for over 40 years, set a new record by visiting 120 pubs in just 24 hours. David beat the previous record of 99 pubs, held by Australians Harry Kooros and Jake Loiterton. He did this pub tour in Sydney, Australia. David, a retired accountant from Lancashire, says his life revolves around “travel, drinking, and spreadsheets.” He used his accounting skills to carefully plan his route using licensing data, tables, and Google Maps. Driven by his love for exploring and the many interesting pubs in Sydney, David felt confident in...
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A mutant strain of monkeypox with 'pandemic potential' has been found in a town in the Democratic Republic of Congo. The virus is a descendent of the deadlier clade 1 mpox strain, but has evolved to become even more infectious and better at evading tests than its predecessor. The concerning discovery was made in Kamituga – a poor, densely populated gold mining town that is feared to be ripe for an explosive outbreak. So far there have been 108 cases. Researchers who detailed the virus in a pre-print have called for 'urgent measures' to contain the virus and avoid a...
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LANSING, Mich. — Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel announced 13 charges against former House Speaker Lee Chatfield, including embezzlement from a nonprofit. Lee Chatfield, who briefly served as Southwest Michigan First CEO, has been under investigation for alleged involvement in a criminal enterprise, as well as claims of embezzlement, bribery and campaign finance violations. Lee Chatfield and his wife, Stephanie Chatfield, are facing charges in connection to the alleged misuse of a 501c4 fund titled the "Peninsula Fund," which is a social welfare organization, Nessel said. Nessel referred to these 501c4 nonprofit accounts as "commonly political dark money dumping sites"...
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Jake Paul is heating up his fight vs Mike Tyson, and the electionWe are still a few months away from the much-awaited fight between the former heavyweight champion and one of boxing's greatest ever, Mike Tyson, and influencer turned boxer Jake Paul, which will take place on July 20 at AT&T Stadium, home of the Dallas Cowboys. Jake Paul is already making waves, but the fight is still far away. His recent Fox News 'Jesse Watters Primetime' appearance was a masterclass in stirring the pot. He delved into his upcoming battle with Iron Mike and even dipped his toe into...
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