EL PASO, TX — After hearing about the size of the average American, Haitian cannibal gangs rushed the southern border near El Paso this week in a race to be first in line for the smorgasbord. "Hey man, look at dat," Haitian cannibal and political leader Barbecue said. "Those are some chunky, chubby, rolly polly people coming at me. Hang on, let me grab my bib and steak knives. It's lunchtime!" After reports surfaced of Haitian gang members cannibalizing their victims, coup leader Barbecue announced he would be taking his men across the U.S. border to find a more plentiful...
