Ladies, we know you want us. Who wouldn't? Every woman wants a guy who spends all his time talking about Tolkien and Star Wars and playing Zelda, but how can you attract one? It's an age-old question, but thankfully, there are very simple answers. Come along as The Babylon Bee presents a crash course on the timeless art of beauty and seduction. 1. Be a woman: We can't stress this one enough. 2. Bacon-scented body lotion: Making yourself smell like a slab of fried pig meat will make you irresistible to any real man. 3. Do your hair like Princess...