Free Republic

MONTGOMERY, AL—In an update Wednesday to its Hatewatch blog, the Southern Poverty Law Center announced the newest addition to its authoritative list of hate groups: the Southern Poverty Law Center. “We have identified an organization with a clear history of rank intolerance toward faith communities based solely upon their sincerely held religious convictions,” the statement reads. “This organization has encouraged ostracism and threats toward people, politicians, and businesses that do not adhere to its rigid progressive agenda. It has existed and operated right under our noses for years. It is known as the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC).” The statement...

Thursday afternoon at approximately 4:57pm ET , North Carolina Police detained a man, later to be identified as Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, for using the men’s restroom in the Charlotte-Douglas International Airport. Police say they received a complaint from numerous bystanders and patrons inside the bathroom complaining of a person who didn’t belong there. When asked how police recognized that the man who they received complaints about may have been a women, they pointed towards the Cowboys apparel Romo was wearing at the time. “It was a dead giveaway,” said officer Mike Roseman. Under the state law, Romo was...

Pope Francis said today that he would set up a commission to study whether or not he can find more ways to confuse and frustrate the living crap out of people, revealing an openness to re-examining the church’s long-held insistence on not speaking off-the-cuff. His move was hailed as a breakthrough by those in the media who have clamored for years to be given more stuff to speculate on, and who cite research showing that a pope whose speeches were scripted and thought out produced nothing for the media to report on, and therefore, pointless. But the idea will face...

-Satire It was the Year 2014—fifth anniversary of Al Gore’s confident prediction that “in five years the polar ice will melt.” [sic] And a band of true believers— Australian scientists and global warming experts led by experienced skipper Harold “Chips” Ahoy—set out to confirm and document the prediction of their hero and International Guru of Climate Change (formerly known as Global Warming) Al Gore.

A Twitter stream has burbled up out of nowhere of late to become a free-flowing phenomenon. It's a satirical account calling itself "@BPGlobalPR," and it skewers oil giant BP for its Gulf oil spill cleanup efforts. "Proud to announce that BP will be sponsoring the New Orleans Blues Festival this summer w/ special tribute to Muddy Waters," it proclaimed. Another Tweet: "The good news: Mermaids are real. The bad news: They are now extinct." A third: "Jelly beans, roller coasters, pizza and trampolines. Without oil, none of these would exist. Just something to think about." The account was opened May...

KERRY PUTS EDWARDS ON TICKET TO AVOID LAWSUITS (Paris) -- Democrat presidential candidate John "Frenchy" Kerry announced today that he was selecting John Edwards as his running mate in order to prevent the North Carolina senator from filing any lawsuits against his campaign and the Democrat National Committee. Senator Edwards, a personal injury lawyer who became famous as the founder of the Honest John's House-O-Torts legal clinics that are franchised throughout North and South America, had threatened to sue the Kerry campaign for alienation of marital relations if he wasn't selected as Kerry's vice-presidential running mate. "Lemme put is this...

STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS MISTAKEN FOR 'AMERICAN IDOL' By Marni Soupcoff WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Republicans are disappointed, Democrats amused, after President Bush's State of the Union address was mistaken by millions of Fox viewers for an episode of the network's popular reality television show, American Idol. "Unless we begin to pay more attention to what's going on around us in the world, like what's going on in Iraq and what our own President looks like, we're going to be in serious trouble," House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., commented Tuesday night, after the initial buzz indicated that many viewers thought...

STAR OF X-RATED PORN FILMS TURNS DOWN LEAD IN CLINTON BIO-FLICK Former U.S. President Bill Clinton is photographed giving "cigar-related" instructions to actors playing the president and Monica Lewinsky on the set of the new X-rated bio-flick, Slick Willie's Bluesi>. The ex-pres was paid $300,000 to act as a consultant on the film. However, international porn star Rocco Siffredi turned down the part of Clinton, claiming he was revolted by the graphic nature of the reality-based script (Hollywood)-- Rocco Siffredi, international star of over 400 "Adult" films, confirmed today that he turned down the lead in Slick Willie's Blues,...

WORLD TRAFFIC COURT HEARS FIRST CASE Judges at new World Traffic Court pose for group picture before handing down rulings on world-wide traffic infractions The Hague - In a simple but solemn opening day ceremony, the twelve crimson-robed justices of the newly-established World Traffic Court held their first session at the Palace of Vehicular Justice in The Hague, Netherlands. Chief Justice Joseph Ndemnegango (Ghana) quickly gaveled the court to order as he and his fellow barristers from Sweden, Bulgaria, Japan, Trinidad & Tobago, Argentina, Canada, Lesotho, Malaysia, Yemen, Turkey and France heard their first case, Ferguson v. New Rome, Ohio,...

For years I've been laughing my butt off reading the pet names posters here at FreeRepublic have for our favorite repugnant liberals and others. I swear there have been hundreds, and Bill and Hillary have many for each one of them. From Car-vile to Dash-hole to Hitlery to Dan Blather to the Ex-Felon-in-Chief, I have spewed a lot of coffee on the keyboard many mornings reading these great, satirical offerings by everyone here. A couple days ago it occurred to me that a long list of these should be made for all our benefits. The one I read the other...