(Paris) -- Democrat presidential candidate John "Frenchy" Kerry announced today that he was selecting John Edwards as his running mate in order to prevent the North Carolina senator from filing any lawsuits against his campaign and the Democrat National Committee.
Senator Edwards, a personal injury lawyer who became famous as the founder of the Honest John's House-O-Torts legal clinics that are franchised throughout North and South America, had threatened to sue the Kerry campaign for alienation of marital relations if he wasn't selected as Kerry's vice-presidential running mate.
"Lemme put is this way," said Senator Edwards during a press conference yesterday morning. "Mrs. Edwards says she ain't a-gonna sleep with me if'n I don't get on that ticket, and if ol' Honest John ain't a-gettin' any, John Kerry ain't a-gettin' votes, if you catch my drift."
The Kerry campaign has just released a statement acknowledging that Edwards is indeed the vice-presidential candidate, but emphatically denying that his selection is an admission of misfeasance, malfeasance or nonfeasance. The Kerry campaign also stated that Edwards' selection should not be seen as a real or implied endorsement of Edwards' candidacy..........