WASHINGTON, D.C.—Taking on a previously unregulated weapon, the federal government has instituted a five-day waiting period for all Nerf guns. “We decided it was time to act when we noticed how large the ammo is,” explained bureaucrat Joseph Clarkson. “The darts it fires are far larger than the average bullet, which must mean it’s a far deadlier weapon... as far as we understand things or care to understand things.”Nerf guns use air to fire foam darts at velocities so high that, if used improperly, they could “really, really irritate someone.” Kids will often purchase Nerf guns when the urge to...