Free Republic

ASHEVILLE, NC — FEMA arrested Noah this week after they caught the prophet attempting to help rescue people afflicted by the floods. "This is an unapproved rescue operation and we will not tolerate such behavior," FEMA Spokesman Randy Tarwater told the press. "We apprehended Noah and his so-called ‘ark' attempting to save human and animal lives. That's not what FEMA represents." After Hurricane Helene annihilated entire communities, the Prophet Noah steered his ark into needy areas to help rescue stranded Americans. FEMA reportedly blocked the seer and told him his saving people was really getting in the way. "I tried...

The European Union in recent days has been quick to pledge rapid aid to Germany and other Central European countries as they seek to battle record flooding this week. But on Wednesday, European Budget Commissioner Janusz Lewandowski said that the promises may have been a bit premature. The bloc’s Solidarity Fund, he said, is empty. “The scale of the catastrophe is absolutely beyond the reimbursement (possible) in these countries. We are without resources, for sure, for the European Solidarity Fund,” Lewandowski told journalists in Brussels on Wednesday. “In 2013 it is not possible.” … The shortage is a direct result...