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Articles Posted by John Semmens

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  • Exploding Pagers Called "a War Crime" [semi-satire]

    10/01/2024 11:44:24 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 September 2024 | John Semmens
    Volker Türk, the UN high commissioner for human rights, called Israel's use of exploding cell phones and pagers to attack Hezbollah terrorists "a war crime. This unprecedented method of warfare violates both the expectation of privacy and safety one expects from modern electronic devices. Thousands of jihadis ultimately were injured, castrated, maimed, or killed in coordinated explosions. It also unreasonably endangered nearby civilians who were innocent of any aggression against Israel." Turk went on to deny that Israel's attack was justified by Hezbollah's repeated launches of missiles into the homes and businesses of Israelis, saying "Israel is unlawfully occupying lands...
  • 58% of Dems Base Vote Solely on Abortion [semi-satire]

    09/30/2024 11:29:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 30 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 September 2024 | John Semmens
    In answer to the YouGov poll question "Would you vote for or against a candidate just on the basis of their position on the abortion issue?" Fifty-eight percent of Democrat respondents said "yes." Democrat presidential nominee Vice-President Kamala Harris "this majority support for protecting the sacred right to an abortion is why it is essential that Democrats win this election. There is no bigger constraint on a woman's freedom than being stuck bearing, birthing, and rearing an unwanted child. Some even call it an '18 year prison sentence,' but in many ways it is far worse." "Legally, a parent is...
  • Harris Assails Trump's Tax Cuts [semi-satire]

    09/29/2024 10:04:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 September 2024 | John Semmens
    During an interview with MSNBC's Stephanie Ruhle, Democrat nominee for president Vice-President Kamala Harris tried to refute Ruhle's fact-check that the tax cuts passed during Trump's term as president weren't only for the rich by explaining the math. "Okay, say there's an across-the-board 10% cut," Harris began. "The rich person making $200,000 a year saves $20,000, but the middle class person making $30,000 saves only $3,000. Worse, the person on welfare who doesn't earn any income gets no savings. I say, once someone earns more than a middle class income that person already has more than they need. They should...
  • 425,000 Criminals Entered US Under Biden [semi-satire]

    09/28/2024 12:40:02 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 September 2024 | John Semmens
    Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) data show that 425,000 persons with criminal records were among the estimated 11.6 million persons illegally admitted into the US and released to roam the nation since Joe Biden became president: 13,099 were convicted of homicide, 15,811 for sexual assault, over 2,500 for kidnapping, over 10,000 for robbery, and over 62,000 for assault. Vice-President Kamala Harris pointed out that "based on these numbers, less than 4% of those we brought into the country had criminal records. American citizens with criminal records make up about 3% of our adult population. The murders we admitted represented only...
  • Zelensky Campaigns for Harris/Walz [semi-satire]

    09/28/2024 3:30:10 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 September 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, as the election campaign enters its last five weeks, Ukraine President Vladimir Zelensky jetted into Pennsylvania aboard a US Air Force C-17 to help the Harris/Walz ticket win votes. "I am told that winning this state is a must for the Democrats," Zelensky said. "I am told that I will be visiting a munitions factory where I will autograph some bombs and try to firm up the pro-war vote. Trump is promising to end my country's war with Russia by 'making a deal.' The great American General MacArthur said 'there's no substitute for victory.' I hope to refresh...
  • Harris Flip-Flops Defended [semi-satire]

    09/25/2024 11:23:39 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg went on "Meet the Press" to defend Vice-President Kamala Harris' numerous deviations from her previously professed political views. Host Kristen Welker pointed out that "Vice President Harris has shifted her position on several policy issues from when she first ran for president in 2019. She initially wanted to ban fracking, now she says she doesn't. She supported Medicare for all and now she says she doesn't. To the voters who have concerns about this, if she's elected, why won't she change her mind again?" In response, Buttigieg replied "politics is the art of the possible. As...
  • Election Integrity Threatened [semi-satire]

    09/24/2024 11:31:32 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    DOJ, Catherine Engelbrecht, Founder of @TrueTheVote, announced "we are monitoring over 25 MILLION ineligible names on voter rolls across the country. We're watching to see if those ineligible records go on to cast ballots. That's something that we will immediately report to the proper authorities." Oklahoma has removed 450,000 ineligible names from the voter rolls, including 100,000 dead people and 15,000 duplicate registrations. Texas removed one million. Nevada removed 140,000. The Department of Justice Department (DOJ) has issued a warning for states "not to become too vigorous in their efforts to eliminate ineligible and duplicate registrations." Assistant Attorney General for...
  • Second Assassination Attempt Sparks Debate [semi-satire]

    09/23/2024 11:46:41 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    On September 15, a gunman was discovered lying in wait for an opportunity to shoot former President Trump at the Mar-a-Lago golf course. Just moments before he could get a shot off Secret Service agents fired at him. He ran away, but was later captured. This event reignited a debate on how to prevent more attempts in the future. Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn) blamed Trump "for inciting the climate of violence that is destroying civility and unity in our country. Hardly a day goes by when he isn't excoriating those of us who are trying to govern this country and...
  • California Outlaws Political Parody [semi-satire]

    09/22/2024 8:50:07 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    It didn't take long for California's new laws banning political parody to inspire a parody of Gov. Gavin Newsom in which his voice is imitated saying "on my watch, the cost of living and homelessness have skyrocketed and our schools are failing." "Using AI technology to make it appear that I am admitting fault for the state's problems is a threat to our democracy," Newsom claimed. "It encourages disrespect for those of us tasked with ruling this state and the country. The job is hard enough without the constant drumbeat of criticism and mockery. Now that mockery is so easy...
  • Is Iran Targeting Trump? [semi-satire]

    09/21/2024 11:57:04 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    Federal officials from the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI), the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA), and Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) revealed "Iranian hackers stole confidential information from the Trump campaign and forwarded it to the then-Biden-Harris campaign in June and July of this year in an effort to stoke discord and undermine confidence in our electoral process." Karoline Leavitt, Trump Campaign National Press Secretary, said "it is interesting to see that stealing confidential information from our campaign to give to what is now the Harris/Walz campaign is described so blandly. Kamala and Biden must come...
  • Intruders Won't Be Shot [semi-satire]

    09/21/2024 1:06:39 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    In the friendly environment of an Oprah Winfrey show, Vice-President Kamala Harris said "if somebody breaks into my house, they're getting shot." Gasps from a few audience members inspired her to follow up with "I probably should not have said that. My staff will deal with that later." Former President Donald Trump observed that "any sane person recognizes that an intruder poses a threat. I don't fault Kamala for instinctively recognizing such a threat should it occur in her own home, but what about intruders who break into our country? As our country's 'Border Czar' her record has been to...
  • Fact-Checking Crime [semi-satire]

    09/19/2024 10:47:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    At the Trump-Harris debate, moderator David Muir attempted to disprove Trump's claim that crime increased during Biden's time as president by citing FBI data. Muir neglected to mention data from 6,000 jurisdictions is missing. Another method of measuring the crime rate is the Bureau of Justice Statistics National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS). It shows that total violent crime rose by 55% since Biden took office while it declined by 15% during Trump's term in office. https://crimeresearch.org/2024/09/new-bureau-of-justice-statistics-crime-data-just-released-violent-crime-rape-robbery-and-aggravated-assault-soaring-under-biden/ Trump's claim that criminals are using our open southern border to illegally enter the country has been verified by the actions of Venezuela's notorious...
  • Israel Wins Battle of Rafah [semi-satire]

    09/18/2024 11:31:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, Israel announced its victory in the battle of Rafah in which four battalions of Hamas fighters were destroyed in the four months of fighting. This was a battle that Democrat nominee for president Vice President Kamala Harris urged them not to fight. "It wasn't because I didn't think they couldn't win this battle," Harris said. "It was because I thought they shouldn't win such a battle. It would cause too many civilian casualties and push the eventual establishment of a Palestinian state even further into the future." Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called the victory "essential to winning...
  • Federal Debt Bankrupting the Country [semi-satire]

    09/17/2024 10:29:10 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    Right now, the trillion dollars per year interest payments on federal debt exceed the entire budget of the Department of Defense. Former President Trump warns "this will bankrupt the country. We won't have the money to pay for anything else--no roads, no schools, no military, no medical care. We desperately need the government efficiency commission I have proposed for my second term." Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen called Trump's warning "unduly pessimistic. The federal government is not limited in the same way that a household or business is limited when it comes to acquiring the money it needs to...
  • Biden Outwits MAGA Extremists [semi-satire]

    09/16/2024 4:24:42 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    In a campaign event at a fire station in Shanksville, Pennsylvania President Biden was photographed wearing a Trump 2024 MAGA hat. White House senior deputy press secretary Andrew Bates credited the President for "his skillful avoidance of a potential hostage situation. He was surrounded by MAGA extremists. He could've easily been killed at any moment. Using the wits that many Republicans insist he doesn't have, he grabbed a MAGA hat and put it on his head. The MAGA folks were mollified and allowed him to leave unharmed." Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) demanded "an FBI investigation to see if...
  • Joy and Unity Campaign Advised [semi-satire]

    09/16/2024 11:48:43 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC) went on CNN's "The Lead" and disagreed with Jake Tapper's assumption that "Vice-President Harris needs to let people know where she stands on specific policies and how her policies will affect them," saying "I advised both Harris and Walz to avoid doing anymore interviews. Their joy and unity campaign has already gotten them the lead in the polls." "You know, FDR, the greatest Democrat of all-time, ran on a similarly vague campaign with a catchy show tune 'Happy Days Are Here Again' and a non-specific 'new deal' and won in a landslide," Clyburn pointed out. "Why...
  • Pope Gives Election Advice [semi-satire]

    09/15/2024 10:01:24 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    Pope Francis had little positive to say about either Vice-President Kamala Harris or former President Donald Trump as a presidential contender. One the one hand, he called Trump's opposition to welcoming immigrants "a grave sin." On the other hand, he likened Harris' support for abortion to "approving assassination." He advised voters to "choose the lesser evil" when they cast their ballots. Former Catholic and current Lutheran Gov. Tim Walz called this "the endorsement we didn't expect, but are grateful to have. As I understand it, a 'grave sin' is something that can never be forgiven. An 'assassination' that is freely...
  • ABC Denies Covertly Aiding Harris [semi-satire]

    09/14/2024 3:23:13 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 14 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    An ABC News spokesperson vehemently asserted "we never gave the Harris campaign any debate questions in advance or helped her in any covert manner. Anyone who watched the debate saw for themselves that all of the assistance we gave to Vice-President Harris was overt. In the month prior to the debate 100% of our coverage of the Harris/Walz campaign was favorable. Meanwhile 93% of our coverage of the Trump/Vance campaign was unfavorable and 7% merely acknowledged known facts like Trump is a convicted felon." ABC's Lindsey Davis admitted "in the Biden/Trump debate the CNN moderators allowed statements that weren't refuted...
  • Tim Walz's Innate Masculinity Hailed [semi-satire]

    09/12/2024 11:14:01 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 September 2024 | John Semmens
    An article in Salon Magazine written by Christopher Cotton asserts that "only a person secure in his masculinity would order schools to stock boys' restrooms with tampons. The Democratic nominee for vice-president Minnesota Governor Tim Walz is such a man. He is the perfect fit for the post-patriarchy world that a President Kamala Harris will thrust upon this country and the world." Walz said "Christopher Cotton describes me to a tee. MAGA extremists think they are mocking me with the 'tampon Tim' nickname, but I'm proud to wear it and look forward to the day when every man, woman, and...
  • "Harris Won an Open Primary" [semi-satire]

    09/10/2024 1:35:16 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 September 2024 | John Semmens
    In response to criticism that Vice-President Kamala Harris was "installed rather than elected as the Democratic Party's presidential nominee," former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) insisted that "it was an open process. After President Biden voluntarily stepped down the Democratic National Committee carefully weighed what to do. During this process any Democrat could've submitted his or her name for us to consider. No one did. The DNC can't be blamed for not selecting from a list with zero names on it." "Since President Biden has made clear for a long time, he and Kamala were a team," Pelosi pointed out....