Deranged Gunman Slaughters Praying Children [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 August 2025 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

This week, a person who was "tired of being trans" opened fire on praying students at the Annunciation Catholic School in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Two children were killed and 17 others were wounded. The killer's manifesto complained "gender and weed f**ked up my head. I wish I never tried experimenting with either. Don't let your kids smoke weed or change gender until they are like seventeen."

The heinous crime sparked outrage among many public officials. Mayor Jacob Frey (D) warned "the most important thing is that we not blame the 'trans community' for this tragedy." He insisted that "anti-trans hate is what drove this young woman to lash out at the perceived instigators of such hate."

Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn) called for more gun control, saying "madmen should never be allowed to own firearms. This includes Second Amendment fanatics who insist that the right to bear arms is an essential barrier to government tyranny. A nationwide ban on the private ownership of guns is the only sure way to eliminate the type of unauthorized massacres that target innocent and vulnerable targets like school children and churchgoers." Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) echoed Klobuchar's call for a nationwide ban.

CNN's Jake Tapper chided Klobuchar for "disrespecting the shooter's preferred pronouns. The shooter identified as female. Robert Westman went to the trouble of legally changing his name to Robin Westman. To refer to her as a madman is the type of slight that that only serves to fuel more hatred. Until trans folks receive the universal respect they deserve these kinds of tragedies will continue to occur."

Gov. Tim Walz (D) who had previously signed legislation making Minnesota a sanctuary state for transgenders, lamented the failure of other states to follow suit. "If every state were a sanctuary state the kind of tragedy that happened here could've just as easily happened elsewhere," Walz argued. "We have been victimized for taking a strong stand of compassion toward individuals born in the wrong body. That is unfair."

Ironically, two years ago representatives of the Minnesota Catholic Conference referenced the mass murder of students and teachers at the Covenant School in Nashville, Tennessee and begged Walz to support legislation to fund security for Catholic schools in Minnesota. Privately, Walz conceded the need for security, but failed to follow through with any action.

In related news, the Temecula Valley Unified School District in California now requires female students who feel uncomfortable sharing bathrooms and locker rooms with biological males to file a mental health accommodation request. California Attorney General Rob Bonta (D) explained that "refusal to accept another person's decision to identify as transgender deviates from this state's policy to grant transgenders the same rights as cis-gendered individuals. As such, it is considered a mental defect requiring special accommodation. Cis girls who object to disrobing in the presence of trans girls must have this mental defect documented in their school records to alert others from being victimized by their prejudicial opinions against trans individuals."

In further related news, boys at a grade school in Loudoun County in Virginia were recently suspended from school because they objected to a trans-male biological female student in their locker room using her phone to snap pictures and record videos. A Muslim student who made the same objection was not suspended because, according to the school, "he had a valid religious objection to being exposed to a naked female body--the Quran explicitly forbids this lest he be lured into improper sexual contact with that body."

[John Semmens]

ping

[MikelTackNailer]

A Democrat former classmate Facebooked me a rant about how all that would have been prevented with tougher gun control.

I told her we need LOON control and a ban on the medical profession using this dysphoria fad to rake in money at the expense of children’s lives and sanity.

[exnavy]

Democrat is mental illness, as is trans.

[equaviator]

"Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn) called for more gun control, saying "madmen should never be allowed to own firearms"

...But they can always borrow, steal or buy one illegally.

[dayglored]

Ah, John, John, good one, but you left out the satire part again. This all reads like what those clowns actually said.

Not much chance of a 500-foot tsunami hitting Minnesota, is there? No? Damn...

Carry on, Sir.

[rod5591]

>>Deranged Gunman Slaughters Praying Children [semi-satire]<<

This is very wrong in my opinion. There is nothing of satire in the murder of children, and this lurid headline, designed to incite anger, is disrespectful to their memory. May God have mercy on those children, their murderer, and all those who seek to exploit thir murder for views and their own gain.

[NFHale]

Re “… begged Walz to support legislation to fund security for Catholic schools “

First off, begging a communist lunatic for ANY reason is imbecilic. Are there no fathers available, grandfathers, retired LEO or military that can spare some hours?

Der Staat is not responsible- nor does it care - about our children’s safety; that state in particular is pushing that particular agenda. So “begging” the creep to help is pointless and stupid.

I provide armed security at my church (Catholic), along with several other men.

There are also folks guarding the school as well. Local police know all of us.

We have to protect our children and ourselves from lunatics.

And we will.

[joe fonebone]

What psycotropic drugs was he either using or withdrawing from..

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

Gun control made America safe in 1968. the Democrats said so.

“Today we begin to disarm the criminal and the careless and the insane. All of our people who are deeply concerned in this country about law and order should hail this day.”-— Lyndon Johnson signing the 1968 gun control act into law.

And Thomas J. Dodd, who wrote the 1968 gun control act using the 1938 Nazi Weapons Law as a pattern...

“No one can predict how many lives will be spared because of this bill, but, if the bloody record of our yesterdays is any measure, millions of future Americans will live to enjoy the promise of many peaceful tomorrows.

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to play a part in this great moment in our time.”— Thomas J. Dodd on passage of the 1968 Gun control act.

HOW DID THAT DEMOCRAT PROMISE WORK OUT FOR YOU AMERICA!
There were very few mass killings before the 1970s. I can recall three since 1949. Most mental hospitals were closed in the 1970s. When that happened mass murders took off like a rocket.

[utax]

“The killer’s manifesto complained “gender and weed f**ked up my head. I wish I never tried experimenting with either. Don’t let your kids smoke weed or change gender until they are like seventeen.””

Real concerned about kids wasn’t HE. Well, other than murdering them.

[bobbo666]

He also advocated killing DJT. On his ammo .

[Seaplaner]

Kennedy pointed out that "these [mRNA] vaccines bypassed the normal drug approval process. They were never properly tested for safety or effectiveness prior to being injected into billions of individuals worldwide. Subsequently, it has been shown that these vaccines neither prevented getting infected nor transmitting the disease to others. Youngsters were not benefited by these vaccines. On the contrary, significant harm was inflicted on many of those vaccinated. My decision to remove these drugs from the required vaccination list is fully warranted."

Hey John, I didn't check to see if this was news or satire because if Sec Kennedy didn't say it, he easily coulda'.

Related aside, I've been getting the Novavax protein-based covid vaccine for years, no side effects and no covid.

Thanks for another fine column!

[wintertime]

Very good.

It’s sad when reality reads like satire.