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Plunge in DC Crime Outrages Dems [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 August 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 08/23/2025 12:17:55 AM PDT by John Semmens

After arguing that Washington DC crime rates were not excessive, Democrats were outraged that the increase in federal law-enforcement efforts in the city has significantly reduced crime. "Since national guard troops and federal law-enforcement officers began patrolling the streets crime has sharply declined," President Trump declared. "This last week was the first week without a homicide in as long as anyone can remember. Carjackings decreased by 83%, robberies by 46%, and overall violent crime is down 22%. I'm thinking that a similar approach for other high-crime cities would be effective."

DC Attorney General Brian Schwalb claimed "the deployment of more law-enforcement personnel undermines public safety. I think the sensible thing is to hand over your wallet or car whenever you're asked. The small percentage of our residents who rely on carjackings and muggings to put food on the table will be put in more dire straights by the increased risk of being arrested by one of Trump's goons. Peaceful redistribution of wealth will be discouraged. I foresee criminals becoming more desperate and vicious as a result."

Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass condemned the surge, saying "it's essentially going after young black and brown youth. Blacks make up only 13% of the nation's population, yet, they compromise 50% of those in prison. We need to imprison more white people so we can have a more racially balanced prison population."

A recent Washington Post-Schar School poll found that 80% of DC residents oppose Trump's law-enforcement surge. Resident, Mara Lasko, called the presence of National Guard troops "crazy. Look, 95% of the voters in this city voted for Kamala. They don't want Trump in this city riding roughshod over the local government we elected. He's only making us angry."

How angry can the residents of DC be when only hundreds of local residents marched in protest of the federal intervention? Mason Weber told NPR he joined the march "because the deployment of troops is a serious ethical and legal breach. There's been no check and balance of the systems of power. Mayor Bowser is the one we elected to govern DC, not Donald Trump."

Politico editor Michael Schaffer said "I am disappointed that there aren't more folks protesting Trump's attempt to takeover the city. In 2020 there were hundreds of thousands marching after George Floyd was murdered by the Minneapolis Police. Why aren't there hundreds of thousands marching now?"

Trump speculated that "maybe potential marchers are afraid of becoming victims of crime. My efforts to make the city safer will make it less dangerous for all residents to be out on the streets--even those who want to protest my policies to discourage criminals from harming them. When Biden was president he sent the FBI to intimidate those critical of his policies. I'm making it safer for all--friend and foe alike--to express their opinions and concerns. It's all part of fulfilling my promise to make America great again."


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: biden; bowser; dcattorneygeneral; karenbass; satire; trump

1 posted on 08/23/2025 12:17:55 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 08/23/2025 12:19:41 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
Why is it that when I see "Plunge in DC Crime" I start thinking Joker, Penguin, Riddler, Catwoman...

-PJ

3 posted on 08/23/2025 12:30:53 AM PDT by Political Junkie Too ( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: Political Junkie Too

Two observations. First, if we go 60 days with Trump’s ‘legion’, and no murders...it’s going to be hard for the mayor/local crew to pretend that they can manage the situation. Second, if they apply this to Chicago, and same results...black voters are going to turn and ask stupid questions of mayor/city councils across the US.

Mid-terms, I think...are going to rapidly shift in metro areas for 2026.


4 posted on 08/23/2025 1:46:51 AM PDT by pepsionice
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To: pepsionice

If 95 percent of DC voted Kamala, they didn’t elect the government. We did, and this is what we voted for. Winning.


5 posted on 08/23/2025 2:18:43 AM PDT by exnavy (See article IV section 4 of our constitution.)
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To: John Semmens

Gavin Newsom has called for his party faithful to “punch MAGA in the face.”

I think patriotic Americans should accept the challenge and encourage Democrat gangsters to “go ahead and try it.”


6 posted on 08/23/2025 2:21:43 AM PDT by Gnome1949
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To: pepsionice
Okaaaaaayyyyyy...

But I was making a comic book joke.

-PJ

7 posted on 08/23/2025 2:47:20 AM PDT by Political Junkie Too ( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: John Semmens

Next is for Trump to solve the problem of Soros prosecutors and liberal Democrat judges.


8 posted on 08/23/2025 3:06:36 AM PDT by tired&retired (Blessings )
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To: John Semmens

Crime in D.C. isn’t just shootings, beatings, and stabbings — it’s big business. Drugs, stolen cars, and chop shops fuel a massive cash flow that feeds ghetto gangs and launders its way upward.

Trump’s crackdown threatens that pipeline, and the outrage is loud because some of that money has long flowed back into Democrat coffers for protection. Now the cash flow is being cut off, and those who profited from it are afraid they are going to be exposed.


9 posted on 08/23/2025 3:10:20 AM PDT by RoosterRedux ("There's nothing so inert as a closed mind" )
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To: John Semmens

Carve out the downtown federal buildings and give the rest back to MD. It is against the constitution to maintain some federal city.


10 posted on 08/23/2025 5:46:46 AM PDT by kvanbrunt2
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To: Political Junkie Too

Our Washington DC is just as crime-ridden as Batman’s Gotham, but the criminals don’t have as much style.


11 posted on 08/23/2025 10:36:19 AM PDT by John Semmens
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