CLEVELAND, OH—Due to mounting pressure from a growing consensus of 12 people on Twitter and The New York Times, the Cleveland Indians have finally chosen to change their team's name and get rid of the highly offensive "Chief Wahoo" mascot. After testing several new names with focus groups, the owners finally settled on the highly non-offensive title "Cleveland Genderless Sports Players With No Discernable Racial Features Or Specific Ethnic Background." "After listening to the earnest pleas of a few recent college grads who sat through a Native American History course once, we realized something had to change," said owner Paul...