Cleveland Indians Change Name To 'Cleveland Genderless Sports Players With No Discernable Racial Features Or Specific Ethnic Background'

Babylon Bee ^ | 12/15/2020 | Babylon Bee

[BipolarBob]

CLEVELAND, OH—Due to mounting pressure from a growing consensus of 12 people on Twitter and The New York Times, the Cleveland Indians have finally chosen to change their team's name and get rid of the highly offensive "Chief Wahoo" mascot. After testing several new names with focus groups, the owners finally settled on the highly non-offensive title "Cleveland Genderless Sports Players With No Discernable Racial Features Or Specific Ethnic Background."

"After listening to the earnest pleas of a few recent college grads who sat through a Native American History course once, we realized something had to change," said owner Paul Dolan. "Once we make this change, we expect the lives of indigenous people to improve exponentially."

In addition to the name change, the Cleveland Indians will also replace Chief Wahoo with a generic, genderless, racially ambiguous grey face with purple hair.

Activists are continuing to push the organization to do more to right the wrongs brought about by decades of racial insensitivity. In response, the team will offer free season tickets to anyone named "Wahoo."

[BipolarBob]

Well, this is what is now called progress. I hope everybody's happy.

[SeekAndFind]

Seriously: Since Cleveland has the rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum, I suggest the name — the Cleveland ROCKERS. How’s that?

[FatherofFive]

Still looks like a guy. Needs more work

[silverleaf]

Excellent

[ButThreeLeftsDo]

River Fire

[OpusatFR]

How about Cleveland Generic Human?

Or Cleveland Pierogis?

[hollywood]

Sorry, but, that name has already been reserved as the new name of the Washington Football Team.

[detch]

How about Cleveland Codpieces?

Or more politically correct - Cleveland Sluggards

[Grimmy]

How about the Cleveland - What Did You Expect?

[brownsfan]

I was kind of hoping for “Redskins”, since that name is available.

[Grampa Dave]

How about Cleveland Zeros?

[SaxxonWoods]

“Cleveland Idiots”

Covers all the bases and is short, will fit on the march nicely.

[unixfox]

How bout the Cleveland Wimpians.

[z3n]

Seriously: Since Cleveland has the rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum, I suggest the name — the Cleveland ROCKERS. How’s that?

~~~

[Bernard]

How about "Cleveland Erie Fires"?

That's shorter than "Cleveland At Least We're Not In Toledo"

[Semper Vigilantis]

DC already has the Wimp logo, how about a guy bending over with an O for bent Over?

[Heartlander]

Prime Minister Modi: to avoid accusations of racism India will change its name to Cleveland - H/T thepeoplescube.com

[Semper Vigilantis]

Wait a minute!
Do you mean to tell me that 12 people on Twitter and The New York Times have STANDING? WTH is happening? Am I in the twilight zone?

[MHGinTN]

The Cleveland D.U.D.S.

[CVS-20]

How about, the Cleveland Intangibles?