Free Republic

WORLD — Citizens across the globe breathed a collective sigh of relief after learning that the government of Iran has promised to be good from here on out as part of the peace deal negotiated by President Donald Trump. The announcement came as final details of the deal were released to Congress this week, including a provisional agreement by Iranian heads of state to be cool and stop killing people. "We have seen the error of our ways and will be super nice from now on," said IRGC commander Amir Arzhang. "You can absolutely trust us with hundreds of billions...

NEW YORK, NY — According to sources, Vice President JD Vance stumbled upon an incredible discovery on Tuesday when he made contact with a tribe of illiterate, feral women. The all-female tribe was discovered in a television studio where anthropologists believe they ate garbage and pretended to put on a show for their pantheon of primitive gods. Their clothing was allegedly a mixture of rags and what appeared to be remnants of the JC Penney Spring Collection. Vance took copious notes while in their presence, hoping to get his findings to a local university so the tribe could be further...

U.S. - Leading scholars believe that the angel who saved Daniel in the lion's den used a red laser pointer to distract the vicious cats. The hungry lions could not help but chase the uncatchable red dot, distracting them throughout the night until Daniel was freed. "Though the angel could have used a flaming sword to terrify them, the laser pointer was much more entertaining," explained Bible scholar Jonas Marks. "No kitty can resist the allure of the red laser dot, not even a vicious lion. It was both humane and delightful." The angel reportedly also brought an oversized ball...

U.S. — The least popular sport in the world is hosting a tiny little tournament for the few people who care. Virtually unknown outside of a few areas in the developing world, the sport goes by various names, including "footy" and "adult kick-ball." Enthusiasts said the dozen or so people who play the sport put together an adorable, quaint event to try to gain a bit of relevance. "Aw, that's cute," said local man Kevin Lamb, reading about the small gathering. "I think it's nice that cities are opening their Little League fields for them to use for their rinky-dink...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump set a new world record this week by winning the same war with Iran for the 27th time this year, shattering the previous record of one.According to White House officials, Trump first won the war with Iran in February. However, the war started again the following week, but was quickly won, and Trump has continued winning the war multiple times since."No one thought we could win the war so many times," Trump told reporters. "We won it very strongly. Then we won it again bigly, and then we won it even more. Frankly, nobody...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As racial tensions continued to rise in the wake of the verdict handed down in the Austin Metcalf murder trial, a somber former President Barack Obama said if he had a son who stabbed someone in the heart with a knife, he would look just like Karmelo Anthony. Obama made the solemn statement as part of a press release in which he bemoaned the lingering racial disharmony that exploded during his presidency, clearly exemplified by the horrific stabbing of Metcalf at the hands of Anthony last spring. According to the former president, if he had a murderous...

The conversation every Black parent dreads is happening right now in living rooms across America, ignited by a single word echoed in a Texas courtroom: guilty. 19-year-old Karmelo Anthony was convicted of murder in the death of Austin Metcalf and sentenced to 35 years in prison. But while the verdict closed the legal chapter, it opened a painful, urgent dialogue inside Black homes—one centered on a parent’s deepest fear. For many, the verdict has forced an agonizing acceleration of Black childhood, forcing parents to strip away their kid’s innocence in exchange for survival. Popular TikTok Influencer, Just Wayne, spoke about...

Pope Leo XIV and global superstar Bad Bunny had a private meeting at Santiago Bernabéu Stadium in Madrid, Spain, on Monday evening, the Vatican revealed.

It's Pride Month again, making this the perfect time of year to see what inspirational passages can be found in God's Word that pertain to the subject. Kick your pride up a notch and pass these comforting verses on to the gays in your life: 1. Genesis 19:24-25: "Then the Lord rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the Lord out of heaven. And he overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground." 2. Leviticus 18:22: "You shall not lie with a male as with a...

The AR-15 - the deadliest abomination known to man. A gun so terrible it's killed more people than net neutrality and Trump's tax cuts combined. And to demonstrate how awful this weapon is, I did something foolish: I tried firing one. And the experience was so horrible I have not stopped crying and soiling myself since.Yes, even as I type this, tears fill my eyes at the remembrance of pulling that trigger and the terrible things that followed. And my pants... my pants are so soaked.How to describe the experience of firing that monstrosity? When I pulled the trigger, it...

LOUISVILLE, KY — Representative Thomas Massie has accused the Jewish population of rural Kentucky of being the cause of his primary defeat. After taking the stage to concede the race to Ed Gallrein, an angry Massie squarely laid the blame for his loss on the "dirty Zionists" of the tiny country towns that dot the Ohio River valley. "I couldn't reach Gallrein to concede. He was probably lost with his supporters in yet another small-town Kentucky synagogue," declared Massie. "Yes, the deck was stacked against me by the Hebrew population of rural Kentucky. We ran a great campaign, I'm really...

(Image Matthew G Eddy / Shutterstock) AI uses a lot of power, and it needs massive data centers to support it. That's why, despite data centers having existed for decades, people are suddenly running for the hills. But do they have a reason to be afraid? You be the judge. Here are the scariest facts about data centers: Data centers are the ugliest buildings on earth: Ancient Greeks never built utilitarian buildings. They're almost as bad as nuclear power plants: And 100 times more deadly. They drink up one whole ocean per ChatGPT query: We might need the oceans...

U.S. — In a move that even some within the entertainment industry are branding as "too far", director Christopher Nolan has cast actor Steve Buscemi as Helen of Troy.Though Nolan has made several unorthodox casting decisions for his upcoming movie The Odyssey, none have raised as many eyebrows as casting Buscemi in the role of the most beautiful woman on the planet."Steve's is the face that launched a thousand ships," declared Nolan upon making the announcement. "I could never imagine anyone else playing Helen. The moment we started on the Odyssey, my first call was to Steve. I said, 'Steve,...

Guns kill people. It's just a proven fact. Watch this exclusive coverage from The Babylon Bee of frightening but 100% true facts about the weapons of war on our streets otherwise known as guns. Frightening But 100% True Facts About Guns

U.S. — Longtime daytime talk show "The View" has announced that next season will feature an all-new cast of angry middle-aged women. After years of occasional changes among the show's personalities, ABC has moved to replace all five of the previous hosts, though it is sticking with the archetype of emotional middle-aged women. "We're ready for a fresh set of high-pitched, seething voices," said showrunner Denette Holman. "The chemistry we are seeing in the new group of hosts is wonderful. The rants, the cattiness, the imminent menopause, it's all there. We're looking forward to a great season." Focus groups...

LOS ANGELES, CA — Democrats have unleashed vicious attack ads accusing L.A. mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt of not wanting to destroy the state of California. The new series of ads features devastating videos of Pratt saying things like "I don't think California should be reduced into a pile of rubble." "Spencer Pratt wants to keep Los Angeles from burning to ash," says the narrator for the ad. "He wants to put violent criminals in jail, stop giving free money to drug addicts, and let firefighters use water to put out fires. Let's keep California crumbling. Let's keep away from Spencer...

MANHATTAN — The State of New York has graciously offered to allow American hantavirus patients to stay in any of their local nursing homes. With seventeen Americans being ordered into quarantine due to hantavirus exposure, Governor Hochul immediately called to request the patients be housed as close as possible to elderly, infirm New Yorkers. "We are following the science," announced Governor Hochul. "While red states languish, New York will once again lead the way in pandemic preparation by securing all infected patients inside nursing homes. We know from experience how to trap a virus inside the buildings which contain...

MIDDLE EAST — An oil tanker has managed to slip through the Strait of Hormuz completely undetected after donning a giant fake nose and mustache. The tanker, known as the Delta Magnus, nonchalantly floated in disguise past both the Iranian and American blockades, leaving both sides none the wiser.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference in front of the White House this week to deliver a life-changing message to actor Mark Hamill, revealing that he was, in reality, the actor's father. The actor was reportedly reluctant to accept the invitation to appear at the press conference but sensed something deep within himself that made him feel compelled to be present. "Search your feelings, Mark, you know it to be true," Trump said while extending his hand toward Hamill. "George Lucas never told you what happened to your father." Hamill recoiled in fear, somehow knowing what...

RICHMOND, VA — In the wake of the Virginia Supreme Court striking down the commonwealth's redrawn voting map, Democrats proposed a new measure that just makes it illegal for Republicans to vote. In lieu of further political maneuvers to suppress Republicans from having Congressional representation, the Democratic Party said it had decided to address the root cause of the problem. "This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."...