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While the Qatari government's giving President Donald Trump a luxurious, state-of-the-art jet has grabbed headlines, it's actually quite common for foreign governments to send things as special gifts to build relations and curry favor. The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of other gifts world leaders have given to America: Israel — Weather control machine: Finally, someone other than the Jews will be in control of the global climate. Mexico — A giant wooden horse: It sounds like there are people inside of it speaking Spanish, but that's probably nothing. Poland — A submarine with a screen door:...

UNITED KINGDOM — According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the names Muhammad, Mohammed, Mohamad, and Mohamed are now the most popular names in England. 2025's list of popular baby names is strikingly similar to previous years, but what's unique is that traditional English names like James, William, Charles, and Edward are nowhere to be found. The names have reportedly been rendered obsolete by a new generation of little Muhammads, Mohammeds, Mohamads, and Mohameds. "These cute baby names are what's really in right now, reflecting an admiration for the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him," said statistician Mohamed Ben...

A new U.S.-China trade deal has just been inked by President Trump which promises to reduce tariffs and improve relations between the two nations. But it also comes with some other perks. Here's everything Trump scored as part of the deal: A $25 gift card to Panda Express: This marks the first decrease in the national debt in decades. No new deadly viruses for at least 10 years: Trump also gets first pick on all new virus names. We are allowed to call them Chinamen again: Trump really knows how to negotiate with the Chinamen. Thousands of Chinamen workers to...

U.S. — In a shocking exposé, CNN anchor Jake Tapper has revealed new evidence that Biden's mental and physical decline was covered up for years by Jake Tapper. "These allegations regarding Jake Tapper are disturbing," said Jake Tapper. "The idea that someone would use their power as a journalist to lie and withhold essential information from the American public is beyond the pale. This Jake Tapper guy, whoever he is, should be ashamed of himself." The bombshell report was detailed in a new book by Jake Tapper. It chronicles years of egregious cover-ups and collusion between the White House and...

U.S. — Democrat onlookers were baffled at the unusual sight of a group of immigrants arriving in the United States legally while waving patriotic American flags. A group of 59 Afrikaners escaped persecution in South Africa and arrived in Washington this week. Upon touching down, they were seen celebrating with American flags and big smiles. Sources confirmed they have no plans to destroy America. "Wait, I'm confused. They don't hate America?" said one Democrat immigration activist. "Why are we even letting them in? This is weird." "Wait. They don't actually love America, do they? Oh no..." After further research, it...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House held a star-studded ceremony today to commemorate a historic occasion, as President Donald Trump accepted a generous gift of an Imperial-Class Star Destroyer from Emperor Palpatine. Despite reservations voiced by some members of his administration, the president was eager to accept the gift, citing how much the U.S.'s relationship with the Galactic Empire has improved since he took office in January. "It's a big, beautiful ship. Tremendous guy, that Palpatine, very smart," Trump told reporters as the imposing Star Destroyer came in for its landing. "You never saw the Emperor giving one of these...

Hey, it's Mother's Day! That means it's time to start thinking about shopping for Mother's Day. But just because it's the actual holiday, like, right now, doesn't mean you can't still get the special mother in your life something super thoughtful and caring. Here are 11 things you can grab for her at the gas station on the way home from church. Like, right now. Hurry. 1. $10 worth of lotto scratchers - Nothing says "I love you" like a chance at being a millionaire. Classy! 2. A six-pack of Natty Ice and a pack of mom's favorite smokes -...

NEW YORK, NY — In a desperate move to evade Trump's Department of Justice, New York Attorney General Letitia James painted herself bronze and is standing very, very still in Times Square. Thus far the gambit appears to have paid off, with people believing James to be a statue of an obese, unkempt woman who "challenges perceived notions of representation." "Just be still, Letitia. They'll never suspect it," said James, hands on her hips. "Look at the dolts taking pictures of me as I hide in plain sight. Oh, you are a clever shrew, Letitia." While initially successful, the plan...

U.S. — Despite controversies surrounding tariffs and the defunding of dozens of large government departments, a new poll showed President Donald Trump's popularity skyrocketed after he announced the deportation of all cyclists. The president made the historic announcement during an impromptu press briefing in the Oval Office, with even reporters who have normally been his most staunch critics applauding the eradication of all cyclists as a significant step forward for the country. "This is the dawning of a better, brighter America," Trump told the media. "For far too long, we have suffered the effects of cyclists invading our great streets....

BURLINGTON, VT — In a heroic move that sacrificed his own resources, Senator Bernie Sanders announced that he had bought yet another house to make sure the rich people don't get all of them. The selfless act reportedly set the Vermont senator back a bit financially, but his new beachfront home in the Hamptons area of Long Island, New York, would now be prevented from being sold to any wealthy oligarchs from the private sector. "I am willing to take this hit for our cause," Sanders told reporters. "It's not easy to be a man in my position and take...

U.S. — In the latest step in his quest to lead working-class Americans to overthrow the elite billionaire ruling class, Senator Bernie Sanders unveiled a gold-encrusted "Beat the Oligarchy" dirigible he would use to tour the country. Sources within Sanders's office said the new airship was designed to counteract the heavy criticism the Vermont senator has faced due to his frequent use of private jets while urging everyone else to reduce their carbon footprint. "This is the only option for my travel," Sanders said. "I fly all over the country speaking to large crowds of American workers. You expect...

WORLD — With the announcement of the election of Pope Leo XIV, Catholics around the globe were reportedly frantically googling the new pontiff to find out if he's Catholic. Cardinal Robert F. Prevost, originally from Chicago, Illinois, became the first American to be selected to serve as Pope, leading devout members of the church to quickly look up his background to find out if he was also the first Catholic to serve in the position in over a decade. "It'll be a great chance of pace if he is," said lifelong Catholic Dave Battaglia. "Throwing in some variety every now...

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As part of his ongoing crusade to change the name of each body of water in the world, President Donald Trump announced on Wednesday that the San Francisco Bay would now be known as the "Gulf of Criminals." The move to rename the bay coincides with Trump's push to reopen and expand Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary, with the president saying the new title would be a perfect reflection of the body of water and the city itself. "We'll call it what it is," Trump told reporters when announcing the new name. "It's a gulf and it's...

WACO, TX — The gathered crowds broke out into deafening cheers as smoke rose from Buc-ee's this afternoon, indicating fresh brisket was on the board. Anticipation had reached a fever pitch when wisps of smoke began to emanate from the Buc-ee's chimney, with several onlookers breaking down in tears of joy. "Glory be!" cried local man Bill Denton, who was filling up his truck when the excitement broke out. "Suddenly, everything feels right with the world again. It's like I finally found something I didn't know I was missing. And that something is a delicious sliced brisket sandwich with extra...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has vowed to negotiate a quick end to the violence between India and Pakistan, just as soon as he taken off the "brief hold" he was placed on. President Trump placed a call to Prime Minister Narenda Modi as soon as he learned of India's airstrikes, but according to sources Trump is now entering hour number two of waiting on hold to speak with the next representative. "They assure me my call is very important to them," said Trump, still waiting. "That guy who placed me on hold, was it Kevin? It didn't sound like...

UIJEONGBU — Corporal Maxwell Klinger has finally been discharged from the Army after the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Trump administration's ban on trans military members. Klinger, stationed in Korea with the 4077th MASH unit, expressed relief that the day he had been looking forward to his whole life had finally arrived, and he could finally get out of the Army and get back home to Toledo, Ohio. "Persistence really does pay off," Klinger said while wearing a frilly pink dress. "Everyone told me to give up years ago, but I knew if I stuck with it, I could...

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to reports, a local woman and Congressional representative left Africa and immigrated to Minnesota, in spite of her paralyzing fear of white men. "White men cause most death and are very scary," said the woman, who fled Somalia in 1991 to escape a bloody civil war and moved to a city in the American Midwest before marrying a white man. "I am terrified of white men every day. They are gross and icky and violent." "I'm a good person," she added. Sources say the woman, who left a mostly black country to live in a state...

U.S. — In response to President Donald Trump‘s offer to give illegal immigrants $1000 in exchange for deporting themselves, Democrats are upping the ante with a lucrative deal of $1001 to stay in the United States. Leaders in Congress are reportedly hoping illegals will jump at the chance to make one dollar more than Trump's measly offer of $1,000. "Stay, please stay," said Pelosi, holding up a wad of bills. "We will offer criminal gang members and undocumented Americans as many taxpayer dollars as it takes. What about $1,002? $1,003? Don't go. Please." Trump Admin officials have responded with a...

It's just too much winning to handle. Trump's been so effective already, it's made our heads spin. In his first hundred days, Trump has racked up an impressive list of accomplishments. The White House has given The Babylon Bee exclusive access to Trump's official to-do list for the next 100 days. Here's what to expect: Survive 3rd impeachment: Charges pending. Replace the entire cabinet with Marco Rubio: He's a jack of all trades. Order the National Science Foundation to determine if 100 men can really defeat a gorilla: The nation deserves to know. Delay Epstein list again: It should...

U.S. — A new era of dealing with depraved lawbreakers dawned today, as President Donald Trump vowed to reopen and expand Alcatraz by putting up a fence around the entire city of San Francisco. The new plan, which administration insiders said would be implemented immediately, would turn the city into a prison colony for America's worst criminals, most of whom already reside in San Francisco. "It's a tremendous idea, frankly," Trump told reporters. "We're going to create one big, beautiful prison city, just like the British did with Australia. We will round up all the bad people in our country...