Nation's Gays Say They'll Pass On New Jaguar And Just Stick With Their Mustang Convertibles

The Bee ^ | Dec 2, 2024 | The Bee

[dayglored]

U.S. — After the grotesque pink design of the new Jaguar was leaked to the public, the nation's gays have confirmed they are not really interested in the new car and will just stick with their very gay Mustang convertibles.

"We appreciate Jaguar trying to market to us by being extremely flamboyantly gay, but we already have the gayest car known to man, and it will never be topped: the Ford Mustang," said Chandler Borgins of Los Angeles, California. "We'll just stick with these, thanks."

Experts say the Mustang, which has long been a gay icon, has been purchased almost exclusively by gays for decades. "Ford really caught lightning in a bottle with this iconic sports car," said car enthusiast Jay Leno to reporters. "There has never been a gayer set of wheels to ever grace the roads of the United States."

Leno's statement was tragically cut short as he fell down some stairs, through a glass window, and into some wet cement.

Jaguar preorder figures reflect the poor reception to their rebranding and redesign, with only one preorder going to a blind Mary Kay saleswoman.

At publishing time, the nation's closeted gays had confirmed they'll be sticking with their Ford F-150s.

[dayglored]

>> ...it will never be topped: the Ford Mustang

> Sure it's not a Mazda Miata?

Well, yeah, a Miata is pretty gay. For that matter so is a Prius. But the Mustang has more power and pizazz than the other two put together. And as we all know, gays are all about the pizazz. Or so I've heard....

[rlmorel]

LOL, I used to own an MG, so I share the British Sports Car Disease, and bend the knee at the altar of The Father of Darkness (Lucas)!

[HartleyMBaldwin]

I gotta sell my Subaru?

Just say you're a lesbian trapped in a man's body. (Very old joke.)

[Nervous Tick]

>> At least Trump his made it cool again to blare YMCA from your radio.

🤣 Who would have ever thought... since the election we have heard (and played) it so much it has become an earworm!

[larrytown]

The Bee stings a lot of toes with this one :D

[rlmorel]

I don't get the hate for Mustangs-the newer ones seem fine. I totally thought they were talking about the EV Mustangs, which would in fact be quite shameful to own.

That said, if were as rich as Croesus, with money to burn, I would absolutely buy an EV Mustang like this one made by a company that builds custom Mustangs, that I could drive around town:

It is called an E-Stang, and costs something like $200K IIRC.

Of course, if I had money to burn, I would buy a real ICE one manurfactured in 1968 and hop the crap out of it...:)

[Nervous Tick]

That’s funny, but the captions on the pictures are out of alignment.

[Red Badger]

One of our neighbors down the street had a Mach-E as they are called.

He didn’t have it long before it was traded for an ICE car...............

[FLT-bird]

I did for 12 years....oh and totally not gay.

[Red Badger]

I note that this is a Babylon Bee satire article..............

[HereInTheHeartland]

“ Gotta keep my genders straight. So to speak...”

There is a vehicle just right for all 276 genders .

[cableguymn]

I know why british people like warm beer.

Lucas makes refrigerators too.

[Lockbox]

You mean Jaguars plan to save itself may not work after all? What are they gonna do?

[TiGuy22]

Written by a Camaro fan?

Must be... I have never known the Mustang to be a gay icon.

[rlmorel]

Hahahahahahahaha as old as fossils but exactly as relevant!

[Olog-hai]

Me neither.

Steve McQueen was depicted driving his green big-block Mustang around San Francisco at high speed in the movie Bullitt, but there were no homosexual connotations portrayed there.

[OldMissileer]

One of our neighbors down the street had a Mach-E as they are called.

Back in September I saw my first Mach E as it pulled up in a parking lot. The guy that got out was actually wearing pink plaid shorts and a white polo shirt.

I almost hurt myself trying to not laugh out loud.

[cableguymn]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS41QSnFTIE

if anyone else wants to hear MGuys take on this thing..

[Reily]

Yes when did that happen?

[dayglored]

> The guy that got out was actually wearing pink plaid shorts and a white polo shirt.

Are you sure it was a guy (a male)? It might have been a guy-identifying female.

Or possibly a trans-bisexual in which case if you told it to "GFY" it probably could...