Posted on 03/19/2019 8:05:32 AM PDT by sodpoodle
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
Golf is an obsession. I play golf every week. I’ll play everyday if I could afford it.
As an employee, I got to play for free. I never became good at it, and haven't played since I graduated from high school.
Good one....
A. A guy will spend two hours looking for a golf ball
I was just thinking of posting that joke!
Well... here’s another one....
A husband and wife were playing a round together. On the tenth hole, there was an old barn along the fairway. The wife sliced her drive into the barn.
Her husband said, no problem. I will open the barn door and you can reach the green by hitting though the barn. He opened the door and waited for her to hit. She did, but unfortunately her shot caught him flush in the forehead and killed him.
Years passed, and lo and behold, the widow remarried and was playing the same course with her new spouse. They came to the tenth and once again she sliced into the old barn. Her new husband offered to open the barn so she could have a shot at the green.
I don’t think so, she replied. Last time I tried that I took a double bogey.
Golf spelled backwards is “flog”.
And that’s what you do; flog at a ball all day long, work up a sweat, flog at it some more, swear like a sailor with each sand trap, add up your strokes then angrily hurl your club into the nearest pond & storm off in a huff.
Then the next day, you go back and you’re flogging once again.
If I am paying 200 bucks for a round of golf, I am spending 6 hours out there enjoying myself. The ball will eventually get in the hole. My best round ever was an 88 which I shot at Fiddlers Elbow in New Jersey. I may play once a year if invited to a tournament. Since it is usually best ball, I don’t worry too much except for the two required drives by each player. I can scrape up two of those a round, make one or two good putts and maybe land a couple on the green.
I think if I played a normal round today I would shoot 110-115 and still love it.
A woman at a golf course begins yelling, I’ve been stung by a bee!
Her golf instructor asks her where she had been stung.
Between the first and second hole, she replies.
The golf instructor tells her, Oh, your stance is too wide.
Feelthy but funny.
I had golf lessons, but literally couldn’t find the ball. Missed hitting it all the time.
Went of ophthalmologist, he tested my eyes, laughed. “You’ve never known where anything is, you are so astigmatic. One eye a baseball, one a football.”
So I watch my favorite sport on TV.
A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. “What happened to you?” asked the doctor. “Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.” The doctor looked puzzled and asked, “What mistake was that?”
“I said ‘Hey this looks like yours hun!’”
The usual foursome is playing one Saturday and as Dave was lining up his putt he saw a funeral procession drive by. He took off his hat and watched it go by in silence.
His buddies said that was a nice gesture.
He answered, Well I was married to her for 35 years.
But we did better picking worms. 300 in half an hour. Penny a piece. In 1950...that was a lot of money.
And the golfers, who are laughing at me, are wearing stuff that cost way more than mine did (remember the general from Beetle Bailey golfing, wearing the most outrageous stuff?)
Holding a Titleist golf club worth more than my whole bike. And riding around on a golf cart and saying, 'I do it for the exercise'.
Throw ‘em out, Jed. They just can’t be cooked. I boiled ‘em and poached ‘em and fried ‘em and they still come out gummy as an old boot.
— Granny
But Granny was going to boil them up. I think that was the episode with Leo Deroucher who was going to sign Jethro up for the Dodgers.
And, they call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken!
I know that to be true. What finally ended my golfing "career" was a relatively short water hole. I shanked the shot off the tee and it landed near the water's edge. I was not wearing golf shoes when I took a mighty swing at the ball, missed, slipped and fell in the water. That was enough embarrassment for me. I have not played golf since and that was over 45 years ago. ;o)
I shot 88 once.
Then I went to the second hole...
Played golf one day.
Best two balls I hit all day was when I came out of a sand trap and stepped on a rake.
Golf is definitely not for you if your instructor asks you, “Are you sure that you’re right handed?”
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