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Keyword: smile

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  • Various Funnies

    01/17/2022 12:54:54 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 7 replies
    email from a friend | 1/17/2022 | unknown
    A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?" "Yes, they help me sleep at night." "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted...
  • Another midterm worry for Biden White House: probes and impeachment attempts

    01/17/2022 7:28:41 AM PST · by DUMBGRUNT · 40 replies
    AOL ^ | 17 Jan 2022 | JEFF MASON
    The U.S. midterm elections are some 10 months away, but President Biden's administration and allies already foresee a possible scenario in which Republicans take the House of Representatives, the Senate, or both, and launch a series of investigations and attempts to impeach the president. It hired a special advisor, former New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu, to oversee implementation of the $1 trillion infrastructure law, which Republicans would likely scrutinize in search of fraud. "They’ll subpoena everything under the sun," said Richard Painter, former associate counsel under Republican President George W. Bush. “We are going to go after this administrative state,...
  • Jokes for Seniors

    09/05/2021 9:53:14 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 43 replies
    scary mommy ^ | 8/6/2021 | Karen Belz
    Best Jokes for Seniors Ah, the modern days… I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring into his phone, to cross the street. Patient: “Doctor, you have to help me, I think I can see in the future.” Doctor: “When did it start?” Patient: “Next Friday.” Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They have the same middle name. What do you call bears with no ears? B–. I told my physical therapist I broke my arm in two places. He told...
  • Fishy

    08/16/2021 3:20:46 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 3 replies
    email from friend | 8/16/2021 | unknown
    A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?” The man replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.” “Pet fish?!” the warden replied. “Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.” “That’s a bunch of crap! Fish...
  • Short Jokes!

    08/12/2021 8:57:55 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 36 replies
    Bestlifeonline ^ | 8/12/2021 | multiple
    1. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats. 2. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse! 3. What is Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1. 4. Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie. 5. What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking at me, I'm changing! 6. What do you call bears with no ears? B. 7. What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper! 8. Why do French people eat snails? They don't like fast food! 9. What's red and moves up and down? A...
  • TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS!

    06/20/2021 3:30:52 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 15 replies
    email from friend | 6/20/2021 | unknown
    TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS! #1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice. #2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit. #3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off. #4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work. #5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember" #6 - "On time" is when you get there. #7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound....
  • Irish wisdom

    02/16/2021 12:47:47 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 21 replies
    email from friend | 2/16/2021 | unknown
    In Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The...
  • Mama's Bible

    01/18/2021 3:44:43 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 3 replies
    email from friend | 1/18/2021 | unknown
    One evening, four brothers chatted together after dinner. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house." The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her." The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I bought her a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten...
  • Woman Who Likes Trump's Smile: "I Wish He Would Smile More and Talk Less"

    10/16/2020 8:48:58 AM PDT · by Stravinsky · 45 replies
    Miami New Times ^ | October 16, 2020 | Jessica Lipscomb
    If you'd made a bingo card in anticipation of tonight's Miami town hall with President Donald Trump, a few squares would be obvious. Trump says he's feeling better than ever after his COVID-19 diagnosis? Check. A dig at antifa? Sure. A woman telling the president, "You're so handsome when you smile"? No one could have predicted that. ... New Times caught up with Dale on her way home from the town hall — and she made it clear that she is no fan of 45. "I wish he would smile more and talk less," she quipped. Asked to elaborate, Dale...
  • MRC's Brent Bozell Rejects 'Hate-Filled' Amazon Money

    06/22/2020 10:48:51 AM PDT · by rktman · 3 replies
    newsbusters.org ^ | 6/22/2020 | NB staff
    MRC President L. Brent Bozell on Monday announced that the Media Research Center would no longer accept money from the AmazonSmile program. Amazon has brushed off conservative concerns about letting an anti-Christian organization like SPLC decide which groups may receive funds. Additionally, Amazon recently tried to censor a book because it didn’t toe the party line on the coronavirus lockdowns. “Any money from Amazon is tainted, hate-filled money that we want nothing to do with,” said MRC President L. Brent Bozell. “The liberal-loving Jeff Bezos and his hacks at Amazon and Washington Post oppose everything we stand for at the...
  • Medical Mischief

    06/05/2020 4:40:33 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    email from friend | 6/5/2020 | multiple and unknown
    Doctors' reports: 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they...
  • Humor is Healthy

    04/07/2020 3:22:13 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 24 replies
    email from a friend | 4/7/2020 | unknown
    Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. •I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe. •I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. •Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom •Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. •Homeschooling is going well. 2 students...
  • Fun with Fashion

    01/24/2020 3:59:09 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 4 replies
    email from friend | 01/24/2020 | unknown
    A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing? The father said: “Why, my son, it is a ‘chechia.’ In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.” “And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy. “Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a ‘djbellah.’ As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire Body, The son then asked: “But Father, what about...
  • Jokes for Everyone

    09/26/2019 12:22:44 PM PDT · by sodpoodle · 60 replies
    laughfactory ^ | 9/26/2019 | multiple
    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello?...
  • Ted Cruz recommends strategy for responding to liberal 'rage'

    09/10/2019 9:53:28 AM PDT · by conservative98 · 66 replies
    WE ^ | | September 09, 2019 06:12 PM | John Gage
    Sen. Ted Cruz urged conservatives to "lighten up" ahead of 2020 in response to "rage" from those on the Left. "The Left right now, they’re so consumed with rage," the Texas Republican said last weekend at the Faith, Family, and Freedom forum, according to the Houston Chronicle. "They hate the president. It is all-consuming, it’s all they can see. As conservatives, let’s not respond to that. Like, just lighten up. Just have some fun." "When one party is going nuts, we gotta respond with joy, we gotta respond with smiles," he added.
  • God Bless

    08/27/2019 3:12:20 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 10 replies
    email from a friend | 8/27/2019 | unknown
    An old priest lay dying in a Hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?” said the nurse. “I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest. “I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why...
  • Time for the Military

    05/27/2019 2:53:44 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    email | 5/27/2019 | unknown
    A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action" "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation,...
  • Tesla Sentry Mode captures politician in Model 3 hit-and-run

    04/14/2019 10:56:28 AM PDT · by DUMBGRUNT · 16 replies
    Teslarati ^ | 14 April 2019 | Dacia Ferris
    A former traffic court judge currently in the running for a seat on the Philadelphia City Council was caught hitting a parked Tesla Model 3 and subsequently leaving the scene without reporting the incident. A video captured of the event using the Model 3’s Sentry Mode feature was published by the vehicle’s owner on YouTube. Judge Willie Singletary is seen backing out his Cadillac Escalade into the Tesla Model 3 parked next to him in the video, triggering the car’s alarm. Singletary then exits his SUV and appears to assess the damage caused to the all-electric sedan and even attempts...
  • Forcing a smile at work linked to heavy drinking: study

    04/13/2019 3:43:42 PM PDT · by EdnaMode · 44 replies
    Fox News ^ | April 13, 2019 | David Aaro
    Employees who work in the public eye who force themselves to smile for customers or hide feelings of annoyance may be susceptible to heavy drinking after hours, according to a new study. Researchers at Penn State and the University of Buffalo studied the drinking habits of employees who work in the public view. Some of the jobs studied include nurses, teachers or food service employees. The study found a link between those who fake positive emotions or suppress feelings like eye rolling with heavier drinking after their shifts ended. Alicia Grandey, professor of psychology at Penn State, believes these type...
  • Golf is a Funny Game

    03/19/2019 8:05:32 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 53 replies
    email from a friend | 3/19/2019 | unknown
    A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request....