Posted on 09/17/2022 10:01:37 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Me: That’s quite the age difference! Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own. —Mria Murillo
I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request. The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?” “Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.” —Jeannie Gibbs
Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, “Soon I’ll never need to go back to the beauty salon. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my hair.” A glass-half-full kind of gal, she responded, “Well, then you won’t need to vacuum either.” —Agnes Scharenbroch
Bookmarking for later. Should be a good thread. :)
“I’m so old, I don’t buy green bananas anymore.”
If you go to the link, there are dozens of them, Sod
My wife left a note on the fridge:
“It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mom’s.”
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.
Not quite sure what she was talking about.
Kind of reminds me of the time the IRS tried to charge the wife and I for unpaid taxes on her fathers salary for that year. He’d died three years before.
I always liked the one about the very old couple, 98 and 97, who went to a divorce lawyer. He asked them if there was any way they could reconcile, but they told him that they had wanted to get divorced for over 50 years, and it was finally time. When he asked why they had waited so long, they said, “We wanted to wait until the children were dead.”
>>I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request. The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?” “Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.” —Jeannie Gibbs<<
That happens a lot with widows and is indeed a valid strategy for getting out of recurring charges.
Not so much funny as apt and good advice.
I got a letter demanding $4K+ from my Dad’s Care Facility for continued care. He had been dead for TWO YEARS by then!
I called and talked to someone I knew personally in the office, there.
She took care of it for me. ;)
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.
Not quite sure what she was talking about.
What do you call four blondes at a four way stop????
Eternity....
Sign in a men’s room. “ We appreciate all of you who really like the new super fragrance in our new hand soap. But we would appreciate it if you would not leave the room smelling your fingers.”
What do you call four “Minnesotans” at a four way stop?
If a dinner jacket is for dinner. and a smoking jacket is for smoking, what’s a windbreaker for?
???
LOL...That’s a good one...
The punch line was “eternity”, and she posted it to #12 as another version of his joke.
A Minnesotan Stand off
or
A traffic jam
or
A parking lot
I get up in the morning, grab a cup of coffee and open the newspaper to the Obituary section. If I’m not in there, I get dressed and head to work.
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