Bookmarking for later. Should be a good thread. :)
“I’m so old, I don’t buy green bananas anymore.”
My wife left a note on the fridge:
“It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mom’s.”
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.
Not quite sure what she was talking about.
Kind of reminds me of the time the IRS tried to charge the wife and I for unpaid taxes on her fathers salary for that year. He’d died three years before.
I always liked the one about the very old couple, 98 and 97, who went to a divorce lawyer. He asked them if there was any way they could reconcile, but they told him that they had wanted to get divorced for over 50 years, and it was finally time. When he asked why they had waited so long, they said, “We wanted to wait until the children were dead.”
>>I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer-service rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be the one to put in the request. The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years didn’t sway her. Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?” “Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit.” —Jeannie Gibbs<<
That happens a lot with widows and is indeed a valid strategy for getting out of recurring charges.
Not so much funny as apt and good advice.
What do you call four blondes at a four way stop????
Eternity....
I get up in the morning, grab a cup of coffee and open the newspaper to the Obituary section. If I’m not in there, I get dressed and head to work.
A couple had been married for nearly 50 years and, as sometimes happens, they divorced.
Once things were settled, they went their separate ways and did not see one another for a couple years when they bumped into each other at the grocery.
Woman: So how is life alone? I bet you are not doing well with out me
Man: Oh you’d be surprised. I found a young 25 year old gal who attends (he winks) to my needs (winks again). Life couldn’t be better!!!
Woman: I also found a young man of 25 and am beyond happy with how he makes me feel. (she sighs). The romance is wonderful!!
Man: Sure, sure. I bet my 25 year old is a much better lover than yours!
Woman(not missing a beat) - I bet not. It’s simple math my dear! 25 goes into 75 many more times than 75 goes into 25.
"It's so bad doctor. You don't realize it but I've passed gas three times since I stepped into your office. They're silent and don't smell at all but they're constant and getting more and more annoying."
The doctor writes a prescription for her and tells her to come back in a week.
Two days later the woman barges into the doctor's office.
"What did you give me doctor?!?! These pills didn't do anything about the gas except make them stink horrifically."
"Good...good." says the doctor. "Now that your sense of smell is restored, we can take a look at upgrading your hearing aids and addressing your diet."
