Free Republic

ALEXANDRIA, VA — Inspired by the Trump White House's move toward 50-year mortgages, popular burger chain Five Guys announced it would be addressing the ongoing "Five Guys Affordability Crisis" with convenient 50-year burger financing. "We get it. Things are expensive, especially our burgers," the company said in a public press release. "But new burger financing options make our menu more accessible to the average consumer than ever. Sign up for 10-year, 30-year, or even 50-year financing options. No credit check required!" Economists urged customers not to sign up for Five Guys' burger financing program, warning that the interest alone will...

https://babylonbee.com/news/banks-now-requiring-your-grandkids-to-co-sign-your-50-year-mortgage U.S. — Banks across the United States announced today that they would now require an applicant's grandkids to co-sign on a 50-year mortgage "just in case." "You never know what might happen if you're signing a 50-year mortgage and you're 55 years old," National Banking Association Spokesperson Craig Jensen told the media. "We're going to start requiring every applicant to have their grandkids present to co-sign on the loan in case anything… happens… if you know what I mean. Dead. Death. I'm referring to death." The banks made the announcement after President Donald Trump earlier this week floated the...

NEW YORK (AP) — Amid high anticipation and sharp criticism, Donald Trump is set to step onstage in Studio 8H tonight to host "Saturday Night Live." Despite a 40-year history of lampooning politicians while inviting some to mock themselves as on-air guests, booking a presidential candidate to host the NBC sketch-comedy show is almost unprecedented. Previously, only eight politicians served as guest hosts. Only one of those — the Rev. Al Sharpton, in 2003 — was actively involved in a presidential bid at the time. (Hillary Clinton appeared in last month's season premiere, but not as the host.) This won't...