WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented attack on democracy, former President Donald Trump has managed to sneak back into the White House hidden within a gigantic Trojan ice cream cone. Experts suggest this may be the fulfillment of prophecy that foretold the glorious return of the true President who actually won the "rigged, total disaster" of an election. "WOW! Chocolate chocolate chip!" said President Biden as the massive frozen confection was rolled across the White House lawn up to his front door. Overcome with desire, Biden dove face-first into the cone and began to try to swallow it whole like an anaconda....