WASHINGTON, D.C. — As lawmakers and other notable figures gathered once again for the annual solemn occasion to petition the Almighty God on behalf of the country, politicians were reportedly hoping that the National Prayer Breakfast would wrap up in time for them to make it to the scheduled Coke Orgy Lunch. Republicans and Democrats alike expressed eagerness to attend the annual event in the nation's capital to publicly pray for the United States, but inside sources confirmed that multiple members of Congress had to double-check with their respective staffs to make sure that the prayer breakfast would not...