Free Republic

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Babylon Bee is no longer a satire website. After months of strategy meetings and lots of thinking really hard, we have decided to pivot to becoming a full-service restaurant empire. In light of this change, all our writers and other staffers will now be known as "waiters", "busboys", and "food-making guys," and will be compensated entirely in "tips." This compensation plan, created without any kind of intent to avoid income taxes or otherwise skirt federal tax laws, is ultimately the best compensation structure for our employees. After lengthy discussion with our staffers, they expressed their desire to be...

ATLANTA, GA—Former Governor Andrew Cuomo has resigned in disgrace amid accusations of sexual harassment, but the sky is still the limit for his career, as CNN immediately hired him under a multi-million-dollar contract. As soon as CNN learned the man was credibly accused of sexual harassment, they scooped him up to be an on-air personality. "Between his ability to lie through his teeth, cover up atrocities, and sexually harass women, we think Mr. Cuomo will be a perfect fit for our company culture here at CNN," said CNN President Jeff Zucker. "What a find for our cable news channel! Plus,...

It's every parent's worst nightmare: your kid comes out as a libertarian. Don't worry -- we can help you nip it in the bud. You should be closely involved in your teen's life to make sure he doesn't suddenly start believing in freedom and personal responsibility. Make sure to constantly check for these 9 warning signs:1. You walk into his room late at night and he frantically tries to hide the video he's watching: Ron Paul's Liberty Report. - Caught red-handed.2. He asks for his allowance in Bitcoin. - Dogecoin can also be a red flag.3. He screams, "AM I...