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Keyword: andyborowitz

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  • In Positive Economic Sign, Walmart Customers Killing Each Other to Buy ----

    11/25/2011 5:20:15 PM PST · by EveningStar · 31 replies
    Borowitz Report ^ | November 25, 2011 | Andy Borowitz
    In what economists are hailing as a clear sign of economic recovery, Walmart customers across the USA jammed into stores on Black Friday, sometimes killing each other to buy useless ----.
  • Poll: Majority of Americans Bitter, Clingy - Numbers Could Help Obama

    04/16/2008 10:34:48 AM PDT · by EveningStar · 19 replies · 25+ views
    The Borowitz Report ^ | April 16, 2008 | Andy Borowitz
    With less than a week to go before the Pennsylvania primary, a new poll released today hints that Sen. Barack Obama’s controversial remarks in which he called Pennsylvania voters “bitter” may actually be helping him with a key constituency: bitter voters...
  • Mandela: Michael Jackson gives me strength (Satire)

    03/30/2005 10:34:39 AM PST · by FlyLow · 39 replies · 916+ views
    JWR ^ | 3-30-05 | Andy Borowitz
    Former South African President Nelson Mandela said today that thinking about Michael Jackson gave him strength during the many years he was imprisoned and that the King of Pop continues to be a source of inspiration to him today. “When you are behind bars with no hope of release, you need to find strength wherever you can,” President Mandela said in an exclusive interview with a Danish magazine. “Personally, I found strength in Michael Jackson.” The former South African president said that while imprisoned in the 1980’s, he drew emotional sustenance from following Michael Jackson’s recording career. “It took great...