Is Your Girlfriend Actually A Chinese Spy? Know The Signs

The Bee ^ | Nov 10, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

We've all been there, men. You're waiting in line outside GameStop, minding your own business, when a gorgeous Chinese woman walks up and asks you to dinner. You start dating, but the question lingers — could she actually be a spy?

Here are a few simple signs that your new girlfriend might actually be a Chinese spy:

1. She's a gorgeous Chinese woman who wants to go on a date with you: This is your first clue.

2. A babe, a smoking hot babe from the Orient, wants to see you romantically: You don't have that kind of game. Get it through your head.

3. A woman of Chinese descent, who is conventionally beautiful, is expressing some modicum of interest in you: It's spy or nothing, bud.

4. She is female, Chinese, and not ugly, yet wants to go out with a giant dweeb like yourself: Concerning.

5. A real-life human being of the opposite sex, who hails from the Far East, and is a total smoke show, claims to be physically attracted to you: Be honest with yourself, bro.

6. She is not blind, has seen you, and looks like a supermodel from the continent of Asia: Bad news on the spy front.

7. She is a Chinese "10," and you are whatever number you are: Espionage is literally the only explanation.

If any of these ring true, watch out! The CCP is onto you!

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; chinesespy; girlfriend; hintsheschinese; huang; humor; lol; satire

[dayglored]

Whew! Looks like I'm in the clear!

[DoodleBob]

This needs to be updated to be the Hot-Spy matrix.

[SaveFerris]

If she can make Cashew Chicken
and not use a cat I think she
will be fine

Just as long as she’s not flying
a drone over U.S. Military bases

[Responsibility2nd]

[BullwinkleMoose]

Let’s face it guys.. it’s still high school for most of us. I am convinced that I have an extra chromosome that repels women.

[FamiliarFace]

11. She knows how to fly a drone over military bases, but doesn’t want to let on. And she cooks great Cashew Chicken without a cat. Dude, you’re not paying close enough attention to the 10 previous signs.

[Bullish]

Got a few good laughs from this one.

[FamiliarFace]

My bad. Should read as #8. You missed the 7 previous signs and clues.

[posterchild]

Once she gets your secrets she will become boo hoo girl.

[SaveFerris]

🤣😜

She sounds fine

Just fine

Nothing can go wrong 🤕

[SaveFerris]

LOL

[SaveFerris]

Danger Zone

Should work out

THIS time for sure...

[oldasrocks]

When she buys you a nice engraved bracelet don’t wear it.

[Robert DeLong]

I know that I am in the clear, the Chinese spy may be in deep doo-doo when she finds out that my comeon lines were BS, because I know no national secrets whatsoever, but I wonn't hesitate letting her think that I am a hot prospect.

If you meet a hot Chinese wman, and there is nothing she can get from you, and you are not married, by all means tell her that you know all kinds of top secret information. 🤣👍

You might want to bone up on the book, what Chinese Honeypots are seeking, just to know how to entice her. 🤣👍

[Capn Hayek]

Not that I’m looking for a new job - I’m on my way to retirement ;-)

But I wonder... if I found my LinkedIn PW and changed my status to “Open to be honeypotted”.

What would be worse? My colleagues or my wife?

Probably my wife.

[SaveFerris]

Hahaha

I just gave her my bank account number
and routing number

She’s gonna fly in this weekend

I joke but I know a guy who keeps
falling for that

For years now - we keep trying to tell him

He had a girlfriend for a couple of years

She really did him wrong about 5 months back

She came after me a couple of weeks before
starting to date him

Then ... I saw a few behavioral anomalies
when interacting with her after that

Let’s just say I wasn’t surprised what she
did to him. I don’t even send friend texts
to her anymore.

[Political Junkie Too]

She's from column A. You're from column B. Figure it out. And your lucky numbers in the cookie are fake, too.

-PJ

[Joe 6-pack]

I think back to my days in the ROK. Itaewon in Seoul had lots of drinking establishments that catered to GIs. There's no way they were not infiltrated by NORK and Chinese juicy girls just asking a troop to, "buy me drinkee."

Some were just looking for a ticket to the land of the big PX (i.e. marrying a servicemember), but I'm sure there were others looking to get their hooks into some solid intel. In the mid-90s we even had Russian ladies who flew to Seoul from Vladivostok for "shopping weekends." The generally stayed to themselves, but if they knew enough English to strike up a conversation with an American, that was in and of itself a (communist) red flag.

[frank ballenger]

One clue to watch:

She keeps asking you to talk closer to her ear ring. 👄👂

[DoodleBob]

Let me say, upfront, as a guy, adultery is a mortal sin and is reprehensible. If you’re a married guy, there is no excuse for it.

To your point, Bill Burr has an interesting take on the temptations mortals face vs those of “celebrities.”

… guys never learn how to keep themselves in check; society does it for you. We're not gonna ba*g you because you drive the forklift at Home Depot, despite the fact that you want to ba*g all of them…. they're not gonna do it. So, you didn't keep yourself in check; the forklift job did, right?

Then, all of a sudden you hit the lottery you know, and then you can just give in to all of that…

I'm so sick of all these trolls coming on TV judging these great men…. Anytime one of these guys gets caught for screwing around, these guys come waddling out of their cubicles with their jowls “you're absolutely reprehensible” but they have no idea what it's like to be tempted at that level you know as you walk over to your Ford Focus…