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Scientists Warn Of New Supersized Double Mega Limited Edition Teenage Mutant Ninja Snyder Cut COVID Variant With Frickin' Laser Cannons
The Babylon Bee ^ | July 30, 2021 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/02/2021 9:29:16 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

U.S.—Scientists are warning of a deadly new COVID variant: the Supersized Double Mega Limited Edition Teenage Mutant Ninja Snyder Cut Variant With Frickin' Laser Cannons.

"God help us all," murmured one scientist at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "It's evolved laser cannons! Frickin' laser cannons! If it weren't so deadly, it'd be pretty frickin' rad. Man, oh man."

The new variant is double the size of the last one. It is also supersized, so it comes with larger fries and a giant sweet tea, which is a nice consolation for it being so deadly. It's a limited edition, so get it while supplies last. It also apparently had radioactive sludge spilled on it while it was being developed at the Wuhan lab, so it has developed a craving for pizza and the tendency to shout, "Cowabunga!" and other radical phrases. And, as we mentioned before, it's got frickin' laser cannons. Finally, it's the Snyder Cut of the virus, so it has over 4 hours of extra lung-hacking action.

"This virus is now totally rad," said Dr. Fauci. "I hope you guys like it."

Fauci has promised the "Fauci Cut" coming soon, where he has total creative freedom to create the virus without the Chinese government editing his work so closely.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Health/Medicine; Humor; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; coronavirus; covid19; faucicut; lasercannons; mutations; satire; snydercut; supersizeme; tmnt
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To: BenLurkin

CoupFlu has never been about public health.


21 posted on 08/02/2021 9:43:05 AM PDT by mewzilla (Those aren't masks. They're muzzles. )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Frickin’ Laser Cannons are widely recognized as indicators that a virus was laboratory engineered, as opposed to naturally occurring.

Kind of a smoking gun.


22 posted on 08/02/2021 9:43:59 AM PDT by BeauBo
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Does it come in sweet and sour?


23 posted on 08/02/2021 9:45:00 AM PDT by ResponseAbility (-The truth of liberalism is the stupid can feel smart, the lazy entitled, and the immoral unashamed)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

This was actually the most secret part of fraudci’s Wuhan gain of function funding.


24 posted on 08/02/2021 9:45:13 AM PDT by Newtoidaho (All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.)
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To: mewzilla
Reminds me of Climate warming....and how long they've been pushing that fear. The idea is to destabilize the world sufficiently to require one man surfacing with all the answers....to do that the USA has to be weakened. Thus Biden and Pelosi running roughshod over the nation as we see happening....with little resistance.
25 posted on 08/02/2021 9:46:16 AM PDT by caww ( )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Pretty frickin funny


26 posted on 08/02/2021 9:48:54 AM PDT by Bob434
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To: caww

BiteMe and Pelosi are useful idiots.

I wish we did know the identity of the people calling the shots.


27 posted on 08/02/2021 9:52:27 AM PDT by mewzilla (Those aren't masks. They're muzzles. )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Snyder Cut

Perfect! LOL!


28 posted on 08/02/2021 9:54:03 AM PDT by Flick Lives (We may or may not have reached herd immunity, but we've definitely achieved herd stupidity.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

29 posted on 08/02/2021 9:54:33 AM PDT by BBQToadRibs2
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To: mewzilla

Most are already in Biden’s cabinet....with certainty connected underground to Obama and his cohorts outside Washington. Chicago thugs he had used and supported him as well as Soros thugs. He’s not working alone but he’s certainly in it.


30 posted on 08/02/2021 9:55:43 AM PDT by caww ( )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

All your immunity are belong to us.

Injection gave you Auto Immune Disease.

That right. You have AIDS whether acquired or however you see it.

You have weakened immune system and your proteins are attacking your own body.

You want to live, you pay. You pay to play.

Covid injection is AIDS.

31 posted on 08/02/2021 9:55:51 AM PDT by conservativeimage (Do not go quietly into that good night. Molon Labe. We won't be taken alive.)
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To: caww

Washington and Lincoln had it easier.

The nation’s enemies weren’t hiding in plain sight.


32 posted on 08/02/2021 9:59:23 AM PDT by mewzilla (Those aren't masks. They're muzzles. )
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

In before the FR CDC PAID VaxxTrolls show up to say this is a real danger!!


33 posted on 08/02/2021 10:04:19 AM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion (“Fraud vitiates everything.” )
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To: Vermont Lt; BobL; Kartographer; JRandomFreeper; Tilted Irish Kilt; Jane Long; LilFarmer; ...

Combined Coronavirus PING! and DANG!


34 posted on 08/02/2021 10:04:20 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
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To: Sirius Lee

COVID turned me into a Newt! (I got better).


35 posted on 08/02/2021 10:06:11 AM PDT by Nateman (If the Left is not screaming , you are doing it wrong.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LMAO!! Good job, BB.


36 posted on 08/02/2021 10:07:12 AM PDT by Allegra
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

lol


37 posted on 08/02/2021 10:08:21 AM PDT by GOP Poet (Super cool you can change your tag line EVERYTIME you post!! :D. (Small things make me happy))
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To: G Larry
What's a Snyder Cut?

Used to refer to a particular director's cut of a Justice League film, it's darker and more complex than the original release, I'm told.

38 posted on 08/02/2021 10:08:22 AM PDT by Fido969 (45 is Superman!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Ice Ice baby

I like pug butts I cannot lie


39 posted on 08/02/2021 10:09:04 AM PDT by Nifster (I see puppy dogs in the clouds)
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To: G Larry

Just a guess since I never was into the teenage mutant ninja turtles but I assume he was the director of the movie and made a version with his edits.


40 posted on 08/02/2021 10:09:22 AM PDT by xp38
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