U.S.—Scientists are warning of a deadly new COVID variant: the Supersized Double Mega Limited Edition Teenage Mutant Ninja Snyder Cut Variant With Frickin' Laser Cannons. "God help us all," murmured one scientist at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "It's evolved laser cannons! Frickin' laser cannons! If it weren't so deadly, it'd be pretty frickin' rad. Man, oh man." The new variant is double the size of the last one. It is also supersized, so it comes with larger fries and a giant sweet tea, which is a nice consolation for it being so deadly. It's a limited edition,...