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Keyword: satire

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  • Obama Blames Russia for Exposing Anti-Israel Move [semi-satire]

    01/02/2017 6:16:05 PM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    With a rash of news stories popping up contradicting the Obama Administration's denial that the recent UN vote against Israeli settlements was, in fact, organized and led by Administration officials, President Obama charged the Russians with "once again exposing communications that were intended to remain private." One of these "private communications" entailed Secretary of State John Kerry's meeting with senior Palestinian diplomat Saeb Erekat to coordinate strategy for advancing the UN censure of Israel. Another was Vice President Joe Biden's phone call pressuring Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko to vote for the censure. "The revelation of official matters intended to remain...
  • Breaking: Rolling Stones Guitarist Keith Richards Found Still Alive!!! (satire but true)

    12/28/2016 5:01:29 AM PST · by God luvs America · 44 replies
    New Roman Times ^ | 12/27/2017
    WESTON – In a startling development for the Rock n Roll community, world famous Rolling Stones guitarist and songwriter Keith Richards was found alive on Wednesday. Crew members said they found his animated body sitting beside an amp, picking at a guitar and murmuring some incomprehensible melody. Shocked but elated, the roadies took Richards back to the dressing rooms and covered his old broken body with designer scarves and skull rings. “It’s astounding” said longtime Rolling Stones roadie Steve Kruger, “to find him in this state is…well, it’s unexpected to say the least.” Richards, the grizzly-faced guitarist long thought to...
  • Obama - A Turd In The Punch Bowl (satire)

    12/27/2016 6:16:56 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 3 replies
    12/27/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    As His Arrogance will soon leave office he had stated that he would stay in the DC area so his daughter could finish high school. In keeping with his past of psychopathic lying and deception, he will really remain in the DC area to form a group of whiny Progressive b!tches to oppose Trump. Previously, we had Carter periodically escape the attendants and offer the comments of a witless anti-Semitic fool on things which he had no understanding. Slick Willy, was at home banging bimbos until Benghazi ran for president. But Slick was so addled and ate up with syphilis...
  • 40 Percent of Young Adults Living with Parents/Grandparents [semi-satire]

    12/26/2016 3:16:00 PM PST · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    The number of millennials who have not moved out of their parents or grandparents homes has climbed to a 75-year high of 40 percent. The high-water mark for young people “failing to launch” was set during the Great Depression. Its duplication after eight years of Obama Administration policies is seen by some as a poor legacy for the outgoing chief executive. One who doesn’t see it that way is President Obama. “The Republicans do a lot of talking about family values, but it has been my policies that have brought succeeding generations under the same roof,” he boasted. “The whole...
  • Actress Recants Abortion Wish [semi-satire]

    12/26/2016 9:17:22 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    After expressing regrets that she had never had the opportunity to get an abortion, Lena Dunham, actress and producer of the pornographic HBO show “Girls,” recanted, saying that “while the experience of getting an abortion seemed magical, it dawned on me that a prerequisite would have to be having sex with a man or having some guy’s icky ‘juice’ squirted into me at a clinic. In retrospect, I realized that this would be too high of a price to pay for me to join the ranks of the brave women who have undergone this life-defining procedure. if you missed any...
  • France to Prosecute Historian for "Hate Speech" [semi-satire]

    12/24/2016 5:52:47 PM PST · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Morocco-born French-Jewish scholar Georges Bensoussan has been ordered to appear before a Paris court to answer criminal charges levied against him by the Collective Against Islamophobia in France. The allegation is that Bensoussan's writings on the history of anti-Semitism in lands governed by Muslims "incites racial hatred." CAIF spokesman Massakir Heebes declared that "the attempt to promulgate anti-Muslim hatred under the guise of scholarship must not be permitted. The contention that the mistreatment of Jews depicted by Bensoussan is a historical fact is irrelevant. The Quran commands the oppression of unbelievers who pay the jizya and the slaying of those...
  • Ivanka Trump Harassed [semi-satire]

    12/24/2016 8:50:49 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    On-Board a JetBlue plane at JFK Airport in New York City for a planned family vacation in Hawaii, Donald Trump's eldest daughter Ivanka was accosted by another passenger Dan Goldstein, a Brooklyn lawyer. Goldstein's harangue charged Donald Trump with "ruining the country" and Ivanka with "ruining our flight." The "our" referred to his husband Matthew Lasner and their son. Goldstein contended that "people like Trump and his 'spawn' have no business inserting themselves among those who don't want them anywhere near us. She and her kids are a terrifying reminder that the Trump pall could plague the country for generations....
  • Berlin Terror Attack Inspires Action [semi-satire]

    12/23/2016 2:53:23 PM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Last Monday's assault by semi-truck that killed a dozen Christmas shoppers at an outdoor market in Berlin has inspired European governments to swoop into action. In Germany, the Merkel regime is desperately denying that the country's open-borders policy toward Islamic immigration, including a conscious policy of converting many refugees into truck drivers by easing licensing requirements, might be an enabling factor in the spate of social outrages, rising crime rate, and now mass murder by lone wolf jihadi Anus Amri at the Berlin market. Chancellor Angela Merkel attributed the offenses committed by Muslim refugees to "widespread Islamophobia among Germans unused...
  • CIA Leaks Proof Of Russian Hack (Satire)

    12/19/2016 6:17:49 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 5 replies
    12/19/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    The CIA leaked proof of the Russian hack of the DNC and the Clinton Campaign. CNN's Wolf Blitzer released the breaking news this afternoon. Wolf stated that his third cousin, Coyote Blitzer, had learned of the details of the leak from prostitutes on 14th Street in DC who are frequented by CIA and Secret Service Agents. The CIA frequently uses prostitutes, both street and MSM, to leak stories. Coyote stated that the DNC and Clinton Campaign were both hacked with assistance from two Democratic operatives who had been turned. Robert (the Jackal) Creamer and Scott (the Poofer) Foval were turned...
  • 95 Poll Books Missing in Michigan Recount [semi-satire]

    12/18/2016 7:32:31 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    In the Detroit precincts where voter logs showed fewer people casting ballots than votes that were counted on election day the recount effort also discovered that 95 voter log books went missing. While the mismatch of counts and the disappearing books would seem to imply that election fraud played a role in boosting the candidacy of Hillary Clinton, Detroit elections officials insisted that everything was legit. Democratic precinct chairman Charlie Crook assured that “these little discrepancies happen nearly every year. The so-called missing logs were merely sent out for re-calibration. Now that they’ve been fixed the gap between voters recorded...
  • NYC Muslim Hate Crime Hoax [semi-satire]

    12/17/2016 8:08:11 PM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Yasmin Seweid, the 18 year-old girl who claimed Trump supporters harassed her on the city subway, lied. Nevertheless, her older sister Sara Seweid blamed “excessively zealous police work for blowing my sister’s alibi. She was out past her curfew and would have been severely beaten by our father for this infraction. Naturally, she made up the harassment story to avoid this beating. Now, as a result of the NYPD’s unwarranted investigation into this minor incident, Yasmin will be beaten.” The older sister charged that “insensitivity and ignorance of our culture has resulted in a completely avoidable outcome. But a combination...
  • Bill to Block US Funding of Terrorists Introduced [semi-satire]

    12/17/2016 3:11:48 PM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-Hawaii) and Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ken) have co-sponsored the "Stop Arming Terrorists Act" to stem the flow of US tax dollars going to Middle Eastern terrorist groups. That such legislation might be necessary is shocking. "If you or I gave money, weapons or support to al-Qaeda or ISIS, we would be thrown in jail," Gabbard said. "Yet, our own government has been covertly funneling American tax dollars to a series of Islamic fanatics for years. This is madness." Massie maintains that "madness is too mild a term to use. The CIA has been arming bloodthirsty jihadis in...
  • China to Return Drone After Understanding Trump Message in "Typo" Tweet

    12/17/2016 12:37:38 PM PST · by GonzoII · 31 replies
    KORNNEWS ^ | 17 Dec 2016 | GonzoII
    Unmamed sources in Chinna have said that they had "inside" information to suggest that Trump may have been indicating a future "un" seating of Chinese leaders including Chinese "President" Xi Jin-ping-Pong if a recently seized US Drone was not immediately returned. It is also sayed that the fact that the tweet was in the past tense Trump may have already envisioned the their own demise. The Chicoms are reportedly to have said that they didn't want to take any chances. Trump had described the taking of the drone in a widely reported "Typo" tweet as an "unpresidented act"....moor nooz at...
  • Dems Say Russian Hacking "an Act of War" [semi-satire]

    12/17/2016 8:05:01 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama ratcheted up the confrontational rhetoric the Democratic Party has leveled at Russia for allegedly "hacking the election to ensure their 'puppet' Trump would defeat Secretary Clinton." Retiring Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) called the hack "as bad as 9/11. The attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon only killed some ordinary Americans. The Russian hack blocked the ascension of the most qualified person to ever seek the presidency of the United States. That is a blow that will have negative reverberations for generations to come." "The Russian interference in our election is a virtual coup against...
  • Michelle Obama Says Trump Win Destroys Hope [semi-satire]

    12/16/2016 9:29:37 PM PST · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    In a CBS News interview prior to her family's departure for a vacation that will further its record-setting pace for taxpayer-funded personal leisure, First Lady Michelle Obama says "the election of Donald Trump has destroyed the hope that my husband brought to so many in this country. Hope is necessary. What else do you have if you don't have hope? What do you give your kids if you can't give them hope?" Michelle contrasted "the uplifting message we provided to America with the dreary future Donald Trump has promised. His vision of herding Americans back into the workforce will condemn...
  • RNC Averts Hack that Duped DNC [semi-satire]

    12/16/2016 3:40:44 PM PST · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Amid all the caterwauling from Democrats about Russians supposedly hacking the Democratic National Committee's computer system comes a report from the Republican National Committee that a similar attempt on their computer system was rebuffed. RNC chairman Reince Priebus explained "naturally, we were alert to the possibility that hostile entities might try to break into our system. To avert this threat we instructed all of our personnel to ignore and delete any emails from persons claiming to have millions of dollars intended for deposit to our account from a deceased African government official. The strategy was simple and easily executed. There...
  • 13 Times Russian Hackers Sabotaged Clinton’s Presidential Campaign(satire!)

    12/14/2016 9:41:43 AM PST · by rktman · 7 replies
    dailycaller.com ^ | 12/14/2016 | Blake Neff
    Many conservatives and Trump supporters have been dismissive of the possibility that interference by Russian hackers changed the outcome of the 2016 election. But they would do well to rethink things. Even a cursory look at the events of the past few years reveals Russian meddling was absolutely decisive in denying Clinton her rightful position as president-elect. Here’s a quick rundown of 13 major moments where Clinton’s seemingly invincible presidential campaign was brought down thanks Russian hacking efforts: 1996: Russian Spetsnaz special forces pepper Clinton with sniper rifle fire as she lands in Sarajevo after the Bosnian War. Shortly after,...
  • Clinton Campaign Tried to Silence Friendly Voice [semi-satire]

    12/12/2016 10:16:57 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    While the official meme promoted by the left-stream media is that President-Elect Donald Trump is a threat to freedom of speech and freedom of the press, a story reported by MSNBC’s Mika Brzezinski points in the opposite direction. The co-host of the cable news network’s “Morning Joe” program related a pre-election day incident in which an irate Hillary Clinton campaign official contacted MSNBC executives demanding that she be punished for criticizing the candidate’s “taking the election for granted.” “The thing is, I was worried that Hillary might lose the election and was trying to help her make a small course...
  • Astronaut Buzz Aldrin Tweets "We are all in Danger. It is evil itself"

    12/11/2016 12:32:46 PM PST · by EveningStar · 84 replies
    Superstation95 95.1 FM New York City ^ | December 7, 2016 | Newsroom
    United States Astronaut Buzz Aldrin Tweeted an ominous message to the world using his official, verified Twitter Account, then strangely deleted the tweet later.  His words: "We are all in danger.  It is evil itself." and showed a photograph of a pyramid located at the South Pole ...
  • Obama Orders Review of Election Interference [semi-satire]

    12/11/2016 10:01:44 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama ordered federal intelligence agencies to prepare a report on Russian cyber attacks that interfered with the 2016 election outcome and deliver it to him before January 20, 2017, “so I may take whatever action is required to restore integrity to the democratic process.” Homeland security adviser Lisa Monaco called the investigation “crucial to the president’s decision on whether he may need to vacate the reported outcome. Rather than let the country to be locked-into accepting a new president illegitimately installed by the dirty tricks of a foreign government, the president needs the information necessary to support his continuation...