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RNC Averts Hack that Duped DNC [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens

Posted on 12/16/2016 3:40:44 PM PST by John Semmens

Amid all the caterwauling from Democrats about Russians supposedly hacking the Democratic National Committee's computer system comes a report from the Republican National Committee that a similar attempt on their computer system was rebuffed.

RNC chairman Reince Priebus explained "naturally, we were alert to the possibility that hostile entities might try to break into our system. To avert this threat we instructed all of our personnel to ignore and delete any emails from persons claiming to have millions of dollars intended for deposit to our account from a deceased African government official. The strategy was simple and easily executed. There were attempts to hack us, but none succeeded."

Hillary Clinton's campaign chairman John Podesta characterized the RNC's approach as "essentially racist in nature. Democrats would never slough off communications from Africans, especially messages offering money. We were running the most expensive presidential campaign in American history. The fact that the Russian hackers exploited our openness and financial need shows that they would stoop to the lowest and most devious level in their quest to steal the election for Trump."

Podesta dismissed the embarrassing content of the DNC emails published by Wikileaks following the hack as "an inherently unfair intrusion that ought not to have been allowed to affect the election. Voters had no right to see these emails much less act upon them. That they did is a travesty that greatly damaged our democracy."

"In a court of law illegally obtained evidence would be barred from being considered by the jury," Podesta continued. "Likewise, the illegally purloined emails ought to have been barred from being considered by the voters. That they weren't barred is a flaw in our electoral process."

Remedies suggested by Podesta included "near term actions to rectify the injustice done to Secretary Clinton by either persuading the electoral college members to cast their ballots for the winner of the popular vote or by having President Obama issue an executive order calling for a new election. If this latter option is chosen we should also implement protections against the publication of illegitimate information in this re-vote and in all future elections by requiring all campaign-related news to be cleared for accuracy prior to publication. In this regard, the measures being taken by Snopes, ABC News, Politifact and FactCheck.org to prohibit fake news are a good first step. Ultimately, we will need to establish a cabinet level Department of Truth to regulate what can be published on the Internet and elsewhere."

Democrats weren't alone in alleging Russian skulduggery, former GOP presidential candidate Sen. Lindsay Graham (SC) also blamed the Russians for his failed bid to capture his Party's nomination. "Given my credentials and platform it is inconceivable that I could have fairly lost to a political neophyte like Trump," Graham argued. "Clearly, this is prima facie evidence of hostile interference." The Senator announced he "will cross the aisle and vote with my Democratic colleagues to postpone the inauguration until the Russian hackers are fully investigated."

Meanwhile, the CIA declined to brief the House on the hacking issue citing "security" as its rationale. Agency Director John Brennan contended that "Congress is as leaky as a sieve. Briefing them is the same as broadcasting over open air waves. We need to keep a wrap on this to preserve the President's tactical advantage of surprise over the Russians."

In related news, a post-election Wikileaks revelation indicated that Trump rivals Jeb Bush, Carly Fiorina, and John Kasich were given financial inducements by the Clinton campaign to refrain from endorsing their Party's nominee following the GOP Convention in July.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/209089-2016-12-16-semi-news-semi-satire-december-18-2016-edition.htm


TOPICS: Computers/Internet; Government; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: democrats; hack; russians; satire

1 posted on 12/16/2016 3:40:44 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 12/16/2016 3:41:41 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

And since Saudi royal family members claim 20% of Hillary’s campaign money came from them, Putin says that he shouldn’t even be in the news.


3 posted on 12/16/2016 3:46:45 PM PST by KC Burke (Consider all of my posts as first drafts. (Apologies to L. Niven))
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To: John Semmens

“Hey, when an African prince takes the time to write you personally, you answer. OK?!” - Michael Scott (The Office)


4 posted on 12/16/2016 3:50:52 PM PST by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
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To: John Semmens
chairman Reince Priebus explained "naturally, we were alert to the possibility that hostile entities might try to break into our system. To avert this threat we instructed all of our personnel to ignore and delete any emails from persons claiming to have millions of dollars intended for deposit to our account from a deceased African government official. The strategy was simple and easily executed. There were attempts to hack us, but none succeeded."

Another fine column, John!

Rumor has it (I'm actually starting it) that you will be the new WH Communications Director.

5 posted on 12/16/2016 4:12:40 PM PST by Seaplaner (Never give in. Never give in. Never...except for convictions of honour and good sense. W. Churchill)
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To: Seaplaner

You mean REPUBLICANS are the ones that KNOW what they’re doing? Don’t lie to me.


6 posted on 12/16/2016 4:27:52 PM PST by DIRTYSECRET (urope. Why do they put up with this.)
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To: John Semmens
Wouldn't be interesting if they tied the so called “Russian hacking” to Hillary's private server and passwords and information gleaned from her server was used the break into Podestas and the DNC’s email?

A long shot, but I can dream.... it would tie the whole thing up into a nice neat little package.

Hey, if the Democrats start ranting, someone should make this point.

7 posted on 12/16/2016 4:58:52 PM PST by dhs12345
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To: John Semmens
To avert this threat we instructed all of our personnel to ignore and delete any emails from persons claiming to have millions of dollars intended for deposit to our account from a deceased African government official.

Wow, I got that same offer just the other day, except that it was pounds, not dollars. Still--I'm flattered. I had no idea that I'm as important to world affairs as Hillary Clinton and the DNC!

8 posted on 12/16/2016 5:00:11 PM PST by exDemMom (Current visual of the hole the US continues to dig itself into: http://www.usdebtclock.org/)
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To: John Semmens

Another excellent semi-satire John. Thanks for the chuckle.


9 posted on 12/16/2016 9:12:29 PM PST by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists Call 'em what you will, they all have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens
Flash Update!

It has been revealed that the Russians hacked Hillary!'s unsecured server, and put all the emails they obtained onto the pervert's computer, in a folder named "Life Insurance".

When the existence of these emails was revealed, it cost Hillary! the election.

What more proof could anyone ask for?

10 posted on 12/17/2016 5:20:03 AM PST by sima_yi ( Reporting live from the far North)
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