Free Republic

U.S. District Judge Ricardo Urbina ordered that 17 suspected Muslim terrorists be released from the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay and transported to the U.S. “The government has not proven that these men are terrorists,” Urbina ruled. “They are to be freed. Inasmuch as they originally were captured while on their way to the United States, military authorities are hereby ordered to assist them in the completion of what the prisoners have called their ‘mission from God.’” The judge said he had to include transportation to the U.S. because “no other country is willing to admit them.” Following an...

Elaborating on his theme that the Bush tax cuts and McCain’s proposed tax cuts are “welfare for the rich,” Democratic presidential nominee, Senator Barack Obama (Ill) sought to “reassure the working class that they have nothing to fear from an Obama Administration.” “My tax policy targets those who expropriate the labor surplus value to satisfy their own personal greed,” Obama explained. “If you are a worker or own a small business where you work alongside your employees, you will not be denied a reasonable share of the nation’s income. Only those who take more than they justly need from society’s...

An investigation into GOP vice-presidential nominee, Govern Sarah Palin’s firing of Commissioner of Public Safety, Walk Monegan, concluded that “Governor Palin’s firing of Commissioner Monegan was a proper and lawful exercise of her constitutional and statutory authority to hire and fire executive branch department heads.” “This does nothing to diminish the seriousness of the charges,” said CBS News anchor, Katie Couric. “The allegation that she was acting within her constitutional authority is a technicality. The fact remains, a man lost his job due to Ms. Palin’s actions. This raises questions about her sensitivity and judgment.”

More charges of vote fraud were leveled at the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN) this week. The latest “isolated incident” emerged from the state of Ohio where the Board of Elections uncovered what it characterized as “widespread voter fraud” where individuals were registered multiple times. Earlier in the week, Nevada election officials discovered that ACORN had submitted bogus registrations, including names from the roster of the Dallas Cowboys football team. The week before, ACORN was caught submitting multiple registrations for the same persons in Missouri. In Indianapolis, more people are now registered to vote than live in...

It was revealed that Homer Simpson, noted slacker and goof-off on the hit TV show, The Simpsons, will be casting his vote for Obama on the episode that will air on November 2. “Obama cares about people like me,” Simpson says. “I haven’t been blessed with intelligence, a strong work-ethic, or sound moral judgment. But I have needs. An Obama Administration will make it easier for guys like me to get what we need.”

With oil prices plummeting toward $85 a barrel, down almost 40 percent in just a few weeks, U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson today said, “I may use my new superpowers for good by rescuing OPEC member nations to ensure the free flow of gasoline at fair market prices above $3 per gallon.” Although the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) includes anti-American antagonists like Iran and Venezuela, Mr. Paulson said, the syndicate controls about 40 percent of global oil supply and therefore “they fit the ever-growing category of things too big to fail.” Mr. Paulson said he would sit down...

Dayton, OH—In what could only called as hypocritical behavior by the mainstream media, crowds at the latest Obama rally have called for a lynching of Gov. Sarah Palin, John McCain’s Vice Presidential running mate. The event occurred in Dayton during a stump speech by Sen. Barack Obama, D-IL. Obama blasted the McCain mortgage rescue plan as ‘idiotic.’ He claimed that banks wouldn’t take a loss, but taxpayers would take a loss, and that this was just another shifting position for McCain.

CHICAGO, IL - Democrat presidential nominee Barack Obama filed paperwork today to legally change his middle name to 'Billy Ray'. Campaign officials say the move was to portray how folksy Obama is, and to make his name more indicative of his true identity. It is unclear what Obama's middle name used to be, as it apparently has never been mentioned by the Obama campaign...

Presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill) confided to a close group of Democratic supporters that it has been revealed to him that he is a “symbol of hope for all mankind.” “The world has been stumbling in the darkness,” Obama proclaimed. “I am the doorway to a brighter future. I am the light of the world for these troubled times.” In support of his claim, the Illinois senator told of how “everywhere I go, the children sing my virtues. They have a wisdom untainted by a corrupt society. It is a model for the rest of humanity.” Obama said he...

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK , uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after their pilot rescue plan crashed. Anime savings closed up shop after regulators accused the thrift of having a "cartoony" balance sheet. Company officials...

Ohio’s Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner (D) has ordered poll workers taking in early absentee ballots to bar Republican observers from scrutinizing the procedure. “I am a firm believer in a secret ballot,” Brunner said. “This can be better assured if there are no observers.” Ohio Republicans filed a lawsuit in the Ohio Supreme Court challenging Brunner’s order. Former Ohio Attorney General Jim Petro characterized Brunner’s conception as “flawed beyond sensibility.” “The point of a secret ballot is to prevent government authorities spying on who the voter is voting for,” Petro said. “It doesn’t mean that the process of accepting...

With its inimitable take on life's most mundane profound moments, Seinfeld --ubiquitously here and ironically (never in the mainstream media) referred to as "the show campaign about nothing"-garnered countless accolades, initiated a string of words and terms into America's pop culture lexicon... and continues to draw network-sized audiences into its uniquely comic tragic world. Widely regarded as the small screen's politics' most innovative sitcom campaign, the series campaign created an unparalleled cache of clever plots, snappy dialogue and crafty characters. Cementing the show's campaign's standing among classic series frauds, TV Guide Time ranked Seinfeld #1 Obama #3 on its 2002...

Campaign spokesman Bill Blatherskite cited Obama’s two-to-one financial advantage over the McCain campaign as evidence of “our broader base of support.” “The little people all over the world are scrimping so they can donate their last dollar to our cause,” boasted Blatherskite. “That there is such universal faith in Senator Obama shows that this election is truly epochal.” Over half the $425 million raised by the campaign has come from donors whose names have not been disclosed. This stands in contrast to the complete donor base that the McCain camp has put online. Blatherskite defended the secrecy as “essential.” “We...

SNL on Thursday? Political satire special set for primetime Thursday night's SNL special begins at 8:30 p.m. on NBC

CBS News anchor, Katie Couric characterized Republican vice-presidential nominee, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as “dangerously uninformed and naïve.” “She doesn’t watch my show or any other major network news program,” Couric complained. “She doesn’t read the New York Times, Washington Post or any other respected daily newspaper. Her sources for news are something called the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman, the local Wasilla TV station KTUU, and, get this, some blog called Free Republic. Do the American voters want someone this far outside of the mainstream to be a heartbeat from becoming president?”

The New York Times alleges that its “exhaustive” investigation failed to turn up any evidence that the relationship between Democratic presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama (Ill) and 1960s Weatherman terrorist William Ayers is or was a close one. “We could find no witnesses to attest that Obama and Ayers even held hands, much less kissed or had sex,” wrote Times reporter, Scott Shane. “No one ever saw them out on a date. There are no love letters. I’d have to say that these men are not close as I understand the term. The GOP claim that they are is clearly...

In his debate with Governor Sarah Palin (R-Alaska), vice-presidential contender Senator Joe Biden (D-Del) promised that an Obama Administration would overhaul existing bankruptcy laws. “Right now, the law is focused on contractual obligations,” Biden said. “Need is not a factor in settling the issue. This has to be changed.” Under the change proposed by Biden, courts would be empowered to adjust the principal owed on outstanding loans. “Say you can’t make your mortgage payments because you lost your job or your adjustable interest rate went up,” Biden said. “Well, under our plan, a judge would have the authority to reduce...

As most scientists know, the Earth emits as much radio energy as a small star and with the advent of WiFi, Bluetooth and the iPhone, we as a society are continually emitting ever increasing amounts of electromagnetic (EM) transmissions. These EM emissions are interacting with the solar wind, forcing it back upon itself and therefore interfering with the Sun’s ability to generate sunspots. This is predicted by peer-reviewed models showing ever lower solar cycles in the future and is proven by the delayed start of cycle 24. There is a scientific consensus that humanity is emitting ever larger amounts of...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPG25Wf0aa4

The plot: It's the Fourth of July, and a goofy grandfather, Leslie Nielsen, is telling his grandchildren a fairy tale about the grinch who stole Independence Day. Only it's not a grinch. It's Michael Moore, er . . . "Michael Malone." And it's a true story, not a fairy tale. Moore/Malone wants to eliminate the Fourth of July and has enlisted a number of liberal groups to do it with him. Meanwhile, Islamic terrorists want to recruit Moore to do a terrorist movie for them, to make it easier to recruit jihadists. Moore's nephew is in the military and wants...

Sarah Biden Vice-Presidential meltdown. By Victor Davis Hanson Journalists continue to ask, “What was John McCain thinking in selecting the gaffe-prone Gov. Sarah Palin?” In what has now become a disturbing pattern, the Alaska governor seems either unable or unwilling to avoid embarrassing statements that are often as untrue as they are outrageous. Recently, for example, in an exclusive interview with news anchor Katie Couric, Palin gushed, “When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.’ ” Apparently the former...

'An American Carol' David Zucker wants you to know that not everyone in Hollywood is a raging liberal. The co-creator of such off-the-wall comedies as Airplane! and the Naked Gun trilogy converted to the Republican Party in 2004, contributing anti-Democrat ads to the conservative cause. Zucker takes his onscreen politics a step farther with An American Carol (PG-13), an update of Charles Dickens' Christmas classic with Ebenezer Scrooge replaced by a Michael Moore-style filmmaker. Kevin Farley plays Michael Malone, whose latest liberal crusade involves abolishing the Fourth of July. Malone is visited by three patriotic ghosts who attempt to change...

(2008-10-02) — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin plans to “just be herself” in tonight’s vice presidential debate, and Democrat insiders said today that rival Joe Biden is still mulling such a strategy. “I told Joe not to risk it,” said one unnamed DNC strategist. “It’s late in the process and we really don’t have time to do the research required to prep him for that kind of approach.” Aides also fear that Sen. Biden “might not be up to the challenge of keeping the details of his own life history straight.” If asked by debate moderator, and future best-selling Obama historian,...

Journalists continue to ask, “What was John McCain thinking in selecting the gaffe-prone Gov. Sarah Palin?” In what has now become a disturbing pattern, the Alaska governor seems either unable or unwilling to avoid embarrassing statements that are often as untrue as they are outrageous. Recently, for example, in an exclusive interview with news anchor Katie Couric, Palin gushed, “When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.’ ” Apparently the former Alaskan beauty queen failed to realize that in...

Washington—In what can only be described as “having cajones the size of wrecking balls,” Nancy Pelosi is leading the charge to take up the cost of living raise after the recess. The move comes in the midst of an economy in crisis, sending a message that even some in the House of Representatives could face a dangerous future. Despite taking their recess on Thursday, October 2, 2008, Congress will continue to stay at the helm to help resolve the financial crisis and its icy grip on America. “We’ve worked very hard for the American people and have given practically everyone...

The Council for American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) demanded that the Federal Election Commission (FEC) crack down on the distribution of the DVD film “Obsession: Radical Islam’s War against the West.” CAIR alleges that “the film’s emphasis on the violent aspects of Islamic jihad conveys a none-too-subtle message of support for a strong response on the part of the United States government. In the present context of the presidential election, this can only be interpreted as an ‘in-kind’ donation to the candidacy of Senator John McCain and as such, is a violation of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance law.” “The film is unbalanced...

WASHINGTON, DC - In a compromise to the proposed bailout of the financial industry, Congress today approved the buyout of online stock trading giant E-Trade, and the popular video hosting site YouTube. The takeovers, at an estimated cost of $600 billion, are aimed at settling fears that the government bailout of the financial markets would be too risky and a windfall to Wall Street traders...

Though he hasn’t yet been elected president, the Democratic National Committee has called for the minting of coins with presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama’s image on them. Traditionally, no living person has ever appeared on U.S. money of any kind. The proposed break with precedent is being labeled “educational.” “Many people in this country don’t know who is president,” DNC chairman Howard Dean said. “By having the president’s face and name on our coins we will have a daily instruction on who is ruling this nation.”

The “Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now,” known by the acronym ACORN, acknowledged that one of its employees had been filing bogus voter registrations in Seminole County, Florida, but characterized it as “an isolated incident.” “We’ve been doing this around the state and nation,” said Brian Kettenring, head organizer for ACORN in Florida. “No one else has been caught padding the rolls with false registrants. This one unfortunate episode shouldn’t taint the over all success of our program.” The contention that this most recently revealed attempt to stuff the ballot box is “an isolated incident” was contradicted by testimony...

CBS News anchor Katie Couric defended her policy of refusing to include the term “Governor” when referring to Republican vice-presidential nominee Governor Sarah Palin (Alaska). “Alaska’s not even one of the 57 states, Senator Obama campaigned in,” Couric pointed out. “Obviously, it’s not a very important area. ‘Ms. Palin’ or, if you prefer, ‘Sarah,’ is lucky to get any attention at all. There is no need for us to take up precious air time enunciating a title that is of little consequence to voters.” Couric derided GOP complaints as “bullying aimed at forcing the media to use a word that...

Obama campaign spokesman Damien Thorn warned broadcasters that they will be held accountable for any “lies” they air running up to the election and after, once the Obama Administration takes office on November 5. The threat was sparked by a series of anti-Obama ads produced by the National Rifle Association. The ads warn voters that if Senator Obama’s past record is any guide, his election should be expected to lead to further abridgements of the Second Amendment’s right to bear arms. While not challenging the historical accuracy of the ads, Thorn contended that “they misrepresent Senator Obama’s current positions on...

The speech George W. Bush might give: . . . I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office. The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are...

Senator Joe Biden (D-Del) declared his running mate Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill) the winner of Friday’s debate with rival presidential nominee Senator John McCain (R-Ariz). “I especially liked the part where Senator Obama pointed out how experienced I am,” Biden exclaimed. “You know, I was in Tblisi when the Russian tanks rolled into Georgia. It was a line-in-the-sand that they knew they dared not cross. Because of me, that country is free today. No other senator has had such an immediate and momentous impact on global politics. There’s no doubt that voters will appreciate how wisely Senator Obama has chosen...

Senate Majority Whip Richard Durbin (D-Ill.) said that “if we hadn’t gone into Iraq we’d have plenty of money available to rescue Wall Street.” “While we were squandering billions chasing terrorists in the deserts of Iraq, the financiers of this country have gotten into a dire predicament,” Durbin complained. “Now, the elite of the investment banking community, the cream of Wall Street, are facing a horrific write-down of assets. Their stock options are in danger of becoming worthless. Their cry for help cannot be ignored.” Durbin hinted at “potentially severe political fallout if the distress of these men is not...

Proving that not all Change is necessarily a good thing, some powerful Democrats in Missouri have taken the unprecedented step of forming "Truth Squads" to protect Barack Obama from "false criticisms." Television station KMOV has aired a story alleging that two St. Louis County Circuit Attorneys are threatening to bring criminal libel charges against anyone who levels what turns out to be false criticisms of their chosen candidate for President, that of course being Barack Obama. http://gatewaypundit.blogspot.com/2008/09/missouri-sheriffs-prosecuters-form.html The mind boggles at the potential for abuse, especially since the Truth Squad appears to be on the prowl only for false criticisms...

Alberta, Canada—With the U.S. Economy in utter free fall, Canada has decided to take the U.S. Democratic Party’s advice and stop all drilling for oil. Despite America importing 20% of its oil from its northern neighbor, Canada has decided to turn off the tap, shipping the oil in on massive tankers. As Russia has threatened to put a stranglehold on Europe, Canada will now put a crimp in America’s lifestyle for the sake of Mother Earth and its environment. The move is likely to send American markets into a deep depression. According to Prime Minister Stephen Harper, the unexpected development...

From: Minister of the Treasury Paulson Subject: REQUEST FOR URGENT CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPDear American:I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As...

In light of the fact that Barack Obama and Joe Biden are drawing fewer and fewer people to their rallies, the duo has decided, after numerous meetings with their campaign, to use "giveaways" in their upcoming town hall meetings as a means of increasing crowd size. Speaking to reporters outside the venue in Green Bay, where he drew a measly 6,000 people for his most recent town hall, Obama, using the portable teleprompter installed in his watch by his campaign, issued this statement: "We understand that our message of hope and change has resonated with the American electorate and hope...

WASHINGTON, DC (NNN) - Through a mysterious, and short-lived, time-warp, NNN managed to get a partial copy of the transcript of the first presidential debate to occur on September 26. Despite some questions to its authenticity, NNN has decided to publish this as a breaking story, using the standards that the so-called "mainstream" media has used for publishing stories with respect to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. The following is the partial transcript obtained: MODERATOR: Senator McCain, you have made the claim that Senator Obama is unqualified to make critical decisions as President. Can you expound on that?SEN MCCAIN: Absolutely, Jim....

Former German chancellor Gerhard Schröder, now a lobbyist for a Russian-German energy consortium dominated by Gazprom, the Russian state-owned energy monopoly, recommends a “more conciliatory relationship with our Russian neighbors.” Schröder characterized recent aggressive actions carried out by Russia—invading Georgia and threatening to cut off gas supplies to Western Europe—as “no cause for alarm.” “Europe should accept that Russia must defend its security interests,” Schröder said. As a show of good faith, Schroder suggested that Germany and Russia could divide Poland between them. “There is historical precedent for this as a means of keeping the peace between our two great...

The applause from the members of the United Nations General Assembly rolled around President Obama, echoing off the vast expanse of wood and marble, a tidal wave of approval and acclaim, although... truth be told, it was a little less than he had expected. His first address to the world body and not even a standing-O? President Obama held up his hands to acknowledge the applause and the diplomats must have misinterpreted him, must have thought that he was asking for silence, because they immediately stopped clapping, leaning back in their chairs, awaiting his speech. He cleared his throat, trying...

Former vice-president Al Gore urged investors frightened by recent drops in share prices on the stock market to “sell everything before it’s too late” and to “redeploy the proceeds into the purchase of ‘carbon offsets’ from Generation Investment Management,” a London-based company, for which he serves as chairman. “The global economy has reached a ‘tipping point,’” Gore asserted. “Stocks and bonds will become worthless, but ‘carbon offsets’ will soar to higher values once I’m named climate czar in the forthcoming Obama Administration. I strongly advise everyone to buy now so they don’t have to pay more later.” Gore pointed to...

'SNL' Palin 'Incest' Skit Angers Viewers Viewers, Bloggers Think Skit Went Over Line POSTED: 11:30 am EDT September 22, 2008 UPDATED: 12:14 pm EDT September 22, 2008 For the second week in a row, NBC's "Saturday Night Live" has taken to lampooning Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin -- but this time, it has angered conservative viewers over a skit that suggests that the Alaska governor's husband, Todd Palin, was having sex with the couple's daughters. In the skit, show guest host James Franco plays an assignment editor at the New York Times at the head of an editorial meeting....

Democratic vice-presidential nominee, Senator Joe Biden (Del), castigated Republican economic policies for making it difficult for most middle class families to afford toasters. “People are forced to eat cold sandwiches or settle for untoasted bagels with their eggs because of Bush’s mismanagement of the economy,” Biden claimed. Biden said this problem will be corrected in an Obama/Biden administration by a tax hike on the wealthy. “Not only will we put a toaster on every kitchen counter,” Biden boasted, “but we’ll be forcing the rich to do their patriotic duty to support those less well-off than themselves.” In related news, Biden...

The Obama/Biden campaign continues to be bolstered by widespread support. The Russian newspaper Pravda advised voters to reject the McCain/Palin ticket, referring to Senator John McCain (R-Ariz) as a “decrepit warmonger” and Governor Sarah Palin (R-Alaska) as a “worthless bag of hair.” The Communist Party USA, called Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill), “Americans’ most feasible option for a progressive policy that will further the country’s move toward a truly socialist future.” The New York Times called the addition of the “woefully inexperienced” Governor Palin to the GOP ticket “frightening,” suggesting that “maybe there should be a Constitutional Amendment requiring at least...

Although it cost more than the Louisiana Purchase and the Alaska purchase combined and offers far less acreage, President George Bush today said he thinks “U.S. citizens will welcome our 51 state with open arms.” The announcement that the financial realm collectively known as “Wall Street” had applied for statehood follows a week in which the federal government took control of mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and insurance megalith AIG. It also comes as news breaks that the U.S. plans to spend up to a $1 trillion to “rescue” other foundering financial firms.

The Obama campaign lashed out at a McCain ad featuring abortion survivor Gianna Jessen. In the ad, Jessen credited the medical aid she received for saving her life after she survived an abortion attempt 31 years ago. She went on to point out that similar aid is now routinely denied and excoriated presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill) for his opposition to the Born Alive Infant Protection Act when he was in the Illinois Senate. The Obama campaign called Jessen’s testimony “biased and invalid.” “If it weren’t for the incompetence of her mother’s doctor she wouldn’t be making these comments...

In a stunning announcement made last evening, Barack Obama stated he will, in his new administration, appoint a joint commission called “Commissars for Equality in Sports” (COMMIES) to ensure fairness on the playing field for college football. "It is beyond the pale that a conference, such as the Southeastern Conference, should dominate college football by having 5 of the top 10 teams in the nation. Georgia, Florida, LSU, Alabama and Auburn need to be moved to different conferences. It is irresponsible, wreckless and blatantly wrong for these southern schools to be as good as they are. My COMMIES will ensure...

Democratic presidential nominee, Senator Barack Obama (Ill) denied he did anything wrong in his negotiations with Iraq in July. “The assertion that I asked for a delay in troop withdrawals is a lie,” Obama complained. “I merely suggested that such a decision be deferred until I take office in January.” Obama also took issue with the claim that his actions violated the Logan Act (a law barring private citizens from negotiating with foreign governments on matters of state). “I am not a private citizen,” Obama said. “I am a US Senator and the next president of the United States. By...