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STOP THE PRESSES! After doing a search on a number of links to the controversial emails which have been leaked or hacked from the Hadley Climate Research Center, it has been discovered that they are most likely FAKE. An examination of the emails in detail shows that they used proportional fonts, which were not available at the time of George Bush's stint in the Texas Air National Guard. "He played on our FEARS!" thundered a visibly upset Al Gore, screaming from a prepared statement. "He BETRAYED THIS COUNTRY!" Mary Mapes was unavailable for comment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IDRSkBOuuc

GENEVA - Switzerland - The United Nations has welcomed bids from the world's top celebrities to stop passing wind thus ending the deadly march of 'climate change' threatening our delicate eco-system. "It doesn't matter that countries like China, India and America are pumping out huge amounts of toxic pollution into the earth's atmosphere; we believe by not farting and reusing our shopping bags we can save the world too," Bob Geldof, told a panel of scientists at Geneva's annual Climate Change exhibition sponsored by Monsanto.

WASHINGTON — Senate majority leader Harry Reid (Dipsh#t, Nevada) reportedly had Sen. Joe Lieberman waterboarded 183 times this past week, but the independent-minded senator from Connecticut still won’t vote “yes” for Reid’s health care bill. Lieberman holds a key vote in the ongoing battle over a health care bill that includes a public health insurance option, part of the Democrats’ evil plan to take over the country and turn it into a human SEIU puppy mill and ACORN graft factory.

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder sought to allay fears that the pending trial of the 9-11 terrorists scheduled for New York City might go wrong. “Look, I guarantee these suspects will be found guilty,” Holder adamantly assured senators during a committee hearing. “We aren’t going into this unprepared. It’s like the “Red Queen” said, verdict first, then the trial.” “However, in the event we get an “OJ-type jury,” they won’t escape consequences,” holder continued. “There are other options. They could be rendered over to another government. And, of course, we can’t guard against every possible misfortune that might befall these...

From the deepest recesses of South American Jungles to the coldest corners of Siberia, native people groups everywhere are rejoicing over the latest announcement that the English-speaking world will be spending millions of dollars for yet another English translation of the Bible. The excitement erupted after Zondervan Publishers announced that it would be making a major revision and update to its New International Version, first released in 1978 "Our goal is to put the NIV into modern English so that people born after 1988 can understand the Scriptures," said Ronald Overbeck, head of research at Zondervan. "We're going to spare...

Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Nipplitaliano, denied rumors that Major Nidal Hasan was working undercover for her agency when he went on his shooting spree at Fort Hood in Texas two weeks ago. “Yes, it’s true that Major Hasan participated in a presidential transition task force last year,” Nipplitaliano admitted. “But I am disavowing all knowledge of his actions regarding the shootings at Fort Hood.” Nipplitaliano suggested that “Hasan may have misinterpreted our warning about the dangers of gun-toting military veterans and taken it upon himself to act unilaterally to try to reduce this threat by culling potential recruits to...

"Saturday Night Live" opened its show last night with a comedy sketch that scorched President Obama over his economic policies including health care, "Cash for Clunkers" and borrowing billions of dollars from China. The NBC program featured comic Fred Armisen portraying the commander in chief at a news conference with Chinese President Hu Jintao, played by Will Forte, who spoke through an interpreter, comic Nasim Pedrad. Jintao began by asking Obama about the success of his economic stimulus. "I'm curious. How many jobs has it created?" asked the Chinese leader. "None," answered Obama. "But our health-care reform plan, we're confident,...

Reports that some federal stimulus payments apparently may have been stolen or squandered failed to dent President Barack Obama’s confidence that his program is working. Questions arose when a number of supposed recipients of the federal money turned out to be fictitious. The President urged people to “stop nitpicking every detail of my program. I am trying to deal with the worst national crisis since 1933. A few crumbs falling through the cracks is no big deal.” Some of the “crumbs,” for example, seem to have fallen into a nonexistent “crack” the Administration’s web site (Recovery.gov) labeled “Arizona Congressional District...

Representative Barney Frank (D-Mass.) has gotten the Consumer Financial Protection Act through his House Financial Services Committee. This bill will create a new federal agency to oversee consumer credit. “Too many people are frivolously abusing credit,” Frank alleged. “They’re buying things they don’t need with money they don’t have. This is a recipe for bankruptcy. We have to stop it.” Under the legislation, a Consumer Financial Protection Agency (CFPA) would review all current credit cards, as well as applications for new cards, to determine whether the cards are, or would be, used appropriately. Cards intended for uses that don’t meet...

Seeking to deflect a rising frequency of calls for his resignation, U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner suggested that “the root source of our current troubles can be traced back to the Reagan Administration. Remember, it was the tax cuts and deregulation pushed by President Reagan that unleashed an abnormal expansion of economic growth. The American people became accustomed to an unhealthy pace of increasing material prosperity that is incompatible with the more socially conscious restraint President Obama is trying to bring to this country.” “Rising home values, rising investment values, rising salaries all stimulate a sense of greed that is...

In a speech before 1,500 of the world’s top climate scientists, Mojib Latif of the Leibniz Institute of Marine Sciences at Kiel University, Germany warned that “the recent cooling trend should not be allowed to divert attention from our main purpose. Temperatures rise, temperatures fall, sometimes catastrophically. Amidst these fluctuations, though, it is imperative that funding for climate research be maintained.” “Many governments are looking for ways to reduce expenditures during the current recession,” Latif ominously observed. “Consequently, a perception that climatic dangers may be easing or that there may be plenty of time to respond to trends that take...

In direct contradiction to accusations that it is “dithering” or “wishy-washy,” the Obama Administration has acted forcefully to counter what it calls “the most serious and credible threat we face at this time.” It turns out that it is the rising popularity of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, as evidenced in record-breaking sales of her autobiographical book and the massive crowds that have attended her book-signing appearances, that has spurred a concerted effort at countermeasures from the Obama Administration. While Ms. Palin will still be permitted to go through with an appearance at the Army’s Fort Bragg in North Carolina,...

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- Wide-eyed children around the world will be hearing from Santa's "elves" at the North Pole after all. During Christmas seasons for decades, these dedicated elves responded to thousands of letters addressed to "Santa Claus, North Pole." All that was ending with a U.S. Postal Service decision to discontinue the program based in the small Alaskan town amid privacy concerns. The elves from Santa's Mailbag vowed to fight the decision, while North Pole residents voiced outrage. A reversal of the Postal Service move was announced Friday. "We never wanted to spoil people's Christmas," said agency spokesman Ernie...

WASHINGTON — pResident Barack Obama made a decision in record time today, appointing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to the position of Terrorism Czar after learning of the idea just this morning from Attorney General Eric Holder following a recent bow-ful trip through Asia. Mohammed, detained as an enemy combatant since 2003, was scheduled to undergo a federal trial in Manhattan as the self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Instead, he’ll be in charge of establishing terrorist camps throughout the U.S. to train Daily Kossacks, Democratic Undergroundlings, ACORNuts, public school children, and circus midgets in tactics proven to maim...

We just received in our email box the Associated Press working files on the following story...Palin's Daughter Arrested in Wasilla for Dangerous Drunk Driving (AP) WASILLA, ALASKA — The daughter of failed vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin was arrested Thursday in Wasilla for driving drunk. Bristol Palin, 19, was stopped by officers at about 12:40 a.m. and booked after rude behavior at the Wasilla police station for driving under the influence. She was held for about five hours and released at about 5:30 a.m. after posting $5,000 bail, officials said. Bristol Palin is the eldest daughter of failed vice presidential...

Ever wondered what the movie They Live would look like in the time of Obama? You won't have to with this video.

Those who know stats of the US job market are aware of the bitter fact that during the eight years of President George W. Bush, the economy gained only 2.58 million jobs... But a new complimentary way of counting jobs shows, that during President Bush’s tenure, the economy actually gained 12.9 million jobs, which GWB says is the credit of his tax cuts. The new model was designed by Chicago economist Barack H. Obama who calls his new system “Jobs Saved or Created.” This model calculates minimum x5 to the positive side the numbers produced by the Bureau of Labor...

Here's a thing of beauty, a great image to divert your attention from all the talk about our $12 trillion (and growing) deficit. Let's just say Obama's got a leg up on things over in Asia.

Teflon Tiger Why is nobody talking about Tiger Woods throwing his driver into the crowd at the Aussie Masters? Maybe his people made a request.By Mike Walker, Senior Editor, GOLF Magazine Published: November 16, 2009 To: All Members of Golf Media From: Tiger Woods Inc. Dear friends, As I'm sure many of you are aware, we had an unfortunate incident in Melbourne on Saturday where Mr. Woods mis-hit his tee shot due to a father taking pictures of his daughter in their front yard about a mile from the course during Mr. Woods's swing. Following this gross breach of etiquette,...

This is disgraceful, demeaning and sexist. A young professional being judged on their looks rather than their hard work and intellectual prowess by someone nearly 20 years their senior? How inappropriate.No, I don’t mean some City financier, I mean Hillary Clinton, who has droolingly described our esteemed Foreign Secretary, David Miliband, as “vibrant, vital, attractive.” What’s more “”He’s a really good guy. And he’s so young!” And he has a British accent. And he’s tall. No wonder the Secretary of State has developed a crush. But calm down, Hillary: it’s just a banana in his pocket.

It's a bad storyline for the president, and thoroughly in the bloodstream.

President Barack Obama is expected to inform Asian leaders that they should not count on American consumers to supply the demand that will help pull the global economy out of its current recession. “The era of material greed must come to an end,” Obama declared. “I can’t directly affect the phenomenon of avarice in other countries, but I can try to set an example in my own.” The President acknowledged that the unemployment rate in the United States “has already taken a bite out of the consumer gluttony traditionally manifested in American life. But we must not lose what we...

As bright sunlight now pushes the mighty midget craft to DC, I continue my counseling of the PJ’d Prez. Somewhere along the trip, I have an epiphany. I decide the situation was hopeless. It’s time to accept the facts as they were and deal with their hideous reality. I no longer hold any hope that Barack Hussein Obama is capable of change. The evidence of his hatred for the USA is overwhelming. Weinbaum: “Mr. President, I know this may come as a shock, but most of America , including many former backers and several who are twittering, think you hate...

U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Nipplitaliano, warned Americans to “not let the actions of one troubled individual obscure a more serious threat.” The “troubled individual,” of course is Nidal Malik Hasan, the would-be jihadi who went on a shooting spree that killed 14 people at Fort Hood in Texas. “Many will cite this individual’s rants and affiliations with radical Islamist groups to divert attention from the fact that there are amongst us millions of military veterans and gun nuts who vastly outnumber the few thousand Muslim fanatics who would take up arms against unbelievers,” Nipplitaliano asserted. “Clearly, we must...

While the health care legislation recently passed by congress is deemed worthy enough to merit universal application to ordinary folks—in fact there are fines and prison sentences in store for those who would dare to refuse to participate—it apparently is not good enough for members of the federal government. Despite being given eleven different opportunities to amend the bill to include mandatory participation by members of congress, the Democratic majority voted every one of the amendments down. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi explained that “the President said that people who are satisfied with their current health insurance don’t have to change....

In an odd exposé that has left the worlds of politics and academia abuzz, a local homeless person revealed yesterday that he only blamed himself for his failures.

The Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, better known by its acronym—ACORN—has filed suit against the federal government over the cut to its funding passed by Congress. The suit alleges that the cuts are both “inequitable” and “unconstitutional.” “First of all, the extensive history of government payments to our organization has created a financial dependency that it is the government’s obligation to sustain,” claimed ACORN CEO Bertha Lewis. “Cutting us off is just as wrong as cutting off the benefits to a welfare mother whose income-earning skills have atrophied while she has been on the dole. Those who depend...

Indications that American voters are becoming concerned with ballooning federal deficits is building pressure on the President to come up with a solution. A leak from a well-placed Administration official says a “blockbuster” deal is in the works. The deal is said to involve a massive “payment-in-kind” to the nation’s largest creditor—the Government of China. Concerned that its holding of a trillion dollars in US Treasury debt might be wiped out by a collapse in the value of the US currency, the Government of China has reached tentative agreement with the Obama Administration for the debt to be cancelled in...

With the official unemployment rate topping 10 percent and the “unofficial” rate approaching 20%, President Barack Obama has sought to reverse his plunging job approval numbers by launching what he calls a “domestic employment initiative.” “I am calling on the wealthiest 10% of Americans to help out the 10 percent who are unemployed by hiring them as domestic servants or personal aides,” Obama announced. “Even in these hard times, the upper crust of our society has more money than they need and lives in bigger houses than necessary. So, the means and infrastructure to support my initiative are already present....

Subject: A Novel Idea Vermont State Rep. Fred Maslack has read the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, as well as Vermont 's own Constitution very carefully, and his strict interpretation of these documents is popping some eyeballs in New England and elsewhere. Maslack recently proposed a bill to register "non-gun-owners" and require them to pay a $500 fee to the state. Thus Vermont would become the first state to require a permit for the luxury of going about unarmed and assess a fee of $500 for the privilege of not owning a gun Maslack read the "militia" phrase of...

And as horrific as this tragedy was, if our diversity becomes a casualty, I think that’s worse. -Army Chief of Staff, George W. Casey, Jr. Confident that even Diversity Expert, Oprah Winfrey wouldn’t say anything this asinine, sources say that Obama is giving serious consideration to replacing current Army Chief of Staff with Oprah Winfrey. Now that the administration has elucidated its priorities and demands diversity at any price, Obama yearns to appoint leadership more aligned with his goals. The term “diversity” is liberal code that has nothing to do with the stated agenda of “multiculturalism,” which is supposed to...

Here's a poem I found today that pulls together Obama's entire agenda: I came upon a college kid, Whose eyes were wide with glee, He said Barack Obama, Was sent to set us free! All hail Barack, our savior, Disciples faint and cry, While listening to his rhetoric, Rising to the sky. Yes give us Hope, and give us Change, And give us much much more, Barack has said "We are the ones, That we've been waiting for!" All hail the god of government, Give me my daily bread, While robbing me of dignity, My soul will soon be dead.

Today in a stroke of brillance, Congress has passed a law under the scope of the Commerce Clause to require all citizens to buy a GM car. It has done so to afford all a clean and economically efficient (determined by Congress) mode of transportation. To the cry baby conservatives who cry unconstitutionality, Congress invoked the precendence of "it might effect interstate commerce if some wise guy did not buy a GM car and then it caught on and others did not too." "But it is not fair!" the liberals whined. Who said it had to be fair? Do we...

President Obama, stinging from criticism of what opponents have called his "apology tour" to places like Dresden, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, announced that he will visit Georgia next year to heal the wounds from America's Civil War. Obama's visit will begin in Atlanta on September 2, where Sherman's march began and later that day he will visit Savannah, where Sherman concluded his march on December 22, 1864. Along the way, Sherman conducted total warfare and burned everything in sight, including private homes and businesses. By Sherman's own estimate, his army caused over $100 million in property damage in Georgia alone. Off...

(Washington, D.C. - 11/8/43) After a number of confusing loses in North Africa and mainland Europe, the Army is desperately trying to figure out how the Nazis seem to know exactly what we're going to do, when we're going to do it, and how we intend to get it done. In a statement released today from an anonymous official, the confusion seemed apparent: "We know and understand exactly what needs to be done in order to win this war, one of which is adding additional troops to the combat theater but the administration seems to be dragging their feet on...

Great Britain’s Labour (Socialist) Party program to ease restrictions on immigration from Pakistan may end up bringing more trouble than the government bargained for. While Party insiders saw the program as a way of ultimately boosting votes for the Party, some of these immigrants are agitating for the imposition of Islamic law on a society-wide basis. Former Labour Home Secretary Jack Straw admitted “we sure didn’t see this coming. We thought these immigrants would eventually become citizens and, in gratitude for what we’d done for them, vote Socialist. The demand that sharia become the law of the land totally blindsided...

Now that Senator Joe Lieberman (ID-Conn) has indicated he may vote against the President’s health care legislation his Democratic colleagues in the Senate are contemplating how to persuade him to come back into line with the Democratic Party’s position on the issue. Senator Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) warned Lieberman that “bad things may happen to him if he can’t fully support the Democratic Party’s agenda. If he’s raising supposed ‘matters of conscience’ or placing his notion of duty to his constituents or the good of the nation ahead of loyalty to the Democratic Party, he should have to pay a price....

Honduras’ deposed would-be “strongman,” Manuel Zelaya called on US President Obama to send troops to help him regain control of the Honduran government. Zelaya was president of Honduras until he was removed from office earlier this year by joint action of the country’s supreme court and legislature. “Micheletti has pissed on the agreement we made to restore my power,” Zelaya angrily alleged. “He is going ahead with the scheduled elections without my approval. He has refused to include my proposed constitutional amendment to extend my term of office. A new government will be formed without my consent.” Acting President Roberto...

A Saudi court has ruled in favor of the public display of a crucifix, despite a Kingdom-wide ban on Christian symbols. The only proviso is that a beheaded human body has to be attached to it: RIYADH (Reuters) – A Saudi court of cassation upheld a ruling to behead and crucify a 22-year-old man convicted of raping five children and leaving one of them to die in the desert, newspapers reported on Tuesday. The convict was arrested earlier this year after a seven-year old boy helped police in their investigation. The child left in the desert after the rape was...

Left-wing news commentator for MSNBC Keith Olbermann declared voter demonstrations against the Administration’s health care bill “terrifying” and urged that “they be stopped in some way.” The remarks came in response to a massive rally in Washington this past Thursday by opponents of the health care bill originally slated for a vote in the House of Representatives on Saturday. “Here are our duly elected members of Congress trying to do their job, trying to fix a broken health care system, when mobs of ignorant yahoos descend on them,” Olbermann complained. “How can we expect to govern the people of America...

Note: This is satire designed to show the ludicrous nature of the media coverage on the Ft. Hood issue. It is not designed to trivialize a terrible event but to make people understand better what happened and how the event is being dangerously distorted.] By Barry Rubin When John Wilkes Booth opened fire on President Abraham Lincoln in Ford’s Theatre in April 1865, the media was puzzled. “True, the actor was outspoken in his Confederate sympathies and viewed himself as a Southerner,” said someone who knew him, “but that was no reason he might want Lincoln to be dead.” The...

With less than half the doses estimated to be needed likely to actually be available, the government has set rules aimed at directing short supplies to those deemed most vulnerable. As expected, children and pregnant women top the publicized priority list. Unexpectedly, though, it has been disclosed that Wall Street bankers and brokers have also been allocated a share of the scarce supply. U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner explained that “ordinary people can’t be expected to understand the strategic need for us to keep Wall Street up and running. Missing a single day’s trading because of the flu could cost...

Analysis of the pending Obama Administration health care bill indicates that most taxpayers will end up paying more, yet get less medical care than they currently do under preexisting plans. This, however, is not a bad thing according to an Obama Administration spokesperson. “An estimated 90% of visits to the doctor are unnecessary,” observed Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius. “By eliminating as many of these visits as we can, we will hold down the cost of care. We will also be reducing the frequency with which patients are injured by doctors. Most people aren’t aware that being...

These days, it seems you can't turn around without hearing about comedian Jeff Dunham, arguably the most popular ventriloquist since Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop -- and lot more polarizing. In case you don't know Dunham, he's been a ventriloquist for 25 years, has generated 350 million hits on YouTube and, according to Forbes, earned $30 million last year (placing him just behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock as America's richest comedian). He also earned record-breaking ratings last week for the the premiere of 'The Jeff Dunham Show' on Comedy Central. But he's also got plenty of detractors, and a...

In a shocking, pre-dawn announcement, President Obama upheld his end of the bargain, and named D. Scozzafava his Special Advisor on Reproductive Rights, thus rewarding the Republican Candidate for his only consolation in the November 3rd Elections, otherwise a PR nightmare for the neophyte Executive. The President’s call to the Scozzafava residence came right after the “Thank You” from Democrat Owens who, as he put it, “Couldn’t have done it without her.” “Ms. Scozzafava’s special recognition by Pro-Abortion organizations and her talent as a politcal hermaphrodite make her a natural here in Washington,” noted the President. “We are thrilled to...

New York—In a stunning show of support for Rush Limbaugh, the National Football League™ has decided to sue Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for $300 million in libel over his ousting in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. Sharpton and Jackson, who led the charge in spreading slanderous and libelous racist statements, are now going to have to pay for their thuggish tactics in agitating the mainstream media, the sports media and Americans in general. NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, is spearheading the lawsuit, realizing his egregious error in the generation of revenue that only Rush Limbaugh could’ve added...

CBS’ Mark Knoller reports that the Obama Administration is on pace to more than triple the output of rounds of golf played by a president while in office. In his first nine months in office, President Barack Obama has played 24 rounds of golf. It took President Bush 34 months to play as many holes. The President’s Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, attributed the feat to “the superior dynamism of an agenda focused on hope and change. The faster pace set by the President is emblematic of the energy he has brought into the White House. It should bolster confidence in...

The chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) labeled General Stanley McChrystal’s proposal to send 40,000 additional U.S. combat troops to Afghanistan “ill-considered.” “This kind of blind blustering and saber-rattling might have sold in the Bush era, but it’s a new day under Democratic leadership,” Kerry boasted. “A more cautious and deliberate approach must guide us.” In support of his position, the Senator cited a resolution passed unanimously by the Berkeley City Council calling for “an end to the United States’ barbarous ravaging of Afghanistan with cowardly remote attacks.” “At least the so-called jihadis have the...