Free Republic

Former member of the Virginia House of Delegates and current Democrat nominee for State Attorney General (AG) Jay Jones is facing widespread criticism for a 2022 text exchange with Delegate Carrie Coyner (R) in which he wrote "if I had two bullets and faced a choice between shooting then-House Speaker Todd Gilbert, Adolf Hitler, or Pol Pot, Gilbert gets two bullets to the head." Coyner called him back to express her dismay at his remarks, but was treated to Jones speculating that "if Gilbert's two little fascists were to die in their mother's arms perhaps that would be more effective....

This week, a Virginia Grand Jury indicted New York Attorney General Letitia James for mortgage fraud. Evidence included her signature on a mortgage loan document that asserted the property to be financed was to be her primary residence. The Jury found that the fact that James lives and works in New York and that the Virginia house could not possibly have been her primary residence sufficient for her to be put on trial for fraud. James denounced the indictment calling it "unfair political retribution directed at me by Trump. True, I did prosecute and convict Trump for mortgage fraud, but...

Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado bested 337 other nominees to win this year's Nobel Peace prize. The Nobel Prize Committee stated "she is receiving the Nobel Peace Prize for her tireless work promoting democratic rights for the people of Venezuela, and for her struggle to achieve a just and peaceful transition from dictatorship to democracy." The 58-year-old Nobel Prize winner has been in hiding since August 2024, fearing for her safety after threats from supporters of the dictatorship led by President Nicolás Maduro. She has refused to leave the country even though the Maduro government has repeatedly threatened her...

Mayor Brandon Johnson issued an executive order "banning Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers from entering any city property to enforce federal laws against illegal immigration. This includes streets and parking lots. Further, City Police are instructed to ignore any 911 calls from ICE personnel being attacked by protesters." Gov. JB Pritzker hailed this "strong response to the federal invasion of Chicago and our state. In support of Mayor Johnson I have filed a lawsuit seeking a court injunction to prevent Trump from using National Guard troops to fight crime in our state. We going to use every lever at...

NEW YORK, NY — Sources said the indicted New York attorney general held out hope that she could ease her combative relationship with the president, as Letitia James attempted to smooth things over by sending Trump a heartfelt "Sorry I Maliciously Prosecuted You" card. Indicted on charges of bank fraud after spending the last two years prosecuting President Trump, James reportedly scrambled to perform some type of gesture that would thaw the ice between the two political enemies, eventually deciding that a greeting card was the perfect choice. "Dear Donald, my bad for trying to falsely imprison you," James wrote...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the peace agreement between Israel and Hamas tentatively settled, President Donald Trump reportedly set his sights on quelling the longstanding unrest between Yankees and Red Sox fans. "We're going to make a HISTORIC and TREMENDOUS deal that will unite these two fanbases and bring an end to this 3,000 YEAR CATASTROPHE," Trump said in a post to his Truth Social account. "THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!" Yankees and Red Sox fans have been caught up in an intense rivalry since ancient times, fueled primarily by their vastly different demographics. The largely blue-collar Bostonians...

OSLO — The Nobel Committee announced that it had officially chosen Greta Thunberg to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for her pivotal role in bringing an end to the war in Gaza. "Without her heroic and daring flotillas, this peace deal would never have happened," said Jørgen Biørgen, the Assistant to the Vice Chair on the committee. "She braved the waters of the Mediterranean armed with nothing but Instagram, a pallet of snacks, and 42 pounds of cannabis, all to bring salvation to Palestine and hold space for the oppressed brown bodies of Gaza. There has never been a...

President Trump may have finally achieved what many long thought impossible, as Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first phase of a peace agreement, but this ceasefire didn't come without conditions from Hamas. Here are 10 demands Hamas is making as part of the peace deal: 1. Israel must eliminate 100% of its Jews: This is a dealbreaker for Hamas. 2. New pagers: The last batch had some problems. 3. A new fleet of paragliders: They have assured everyone it's only for recreational purposes. 4. Goats. Lots of goats: They won't say why. 5. Super Bowl tickets: They're apparently...

SAN FRANCISCO - The National Guard has been called to California's Golden City to neutralize a 600-foot-tall Katie Porter, who is apparently rampaging her way through San Francisco. Porter, a frontrunner in California's gubernatorial race, reportedly began roaring and growing to an unusual size after a reporter asked her a question. "You didn't ask her a question, did you? Oh no! She hates that!" cried Mayor Daniel Lurie as the hulking monstrosity smashed a giant hole in the the Transatlantic tower. "There's no stopping her now! Run! Run for your lives!" "BLLAAAAWWWRRRGGHHHHH!" responded Porter before swallowing a cable car....

HELL — The founder of Islam expressed continued frustration with Democrats on Wednesday, calling them out for referring to Islam as a "religion of peace." "I literally created this religion by murdering people and threatening to murder people," said an exasperated Mohammed. "How do I not get any credit for all that violence? Sometimes, it almost feels like I killed all those people for nothing. It's so disheartening." Mohammed praised the continued work of his followers on earth, who have worked tirelessly to set the record straight. "My followers have continued murdering and raping tens of thousands of people every...

NEW YORK CITY — New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani paraglided into his campaign event today in honor of October 7th and the horrific atrocities committed by Hamas that day. Mamdani chose to pilot the same sort of paraglider that Hamas used to commit mass rape and murder at a music festival, stating that it was the least he could do to extoll the glorious freedom fighters. "What a beautiful anniversary we are celebrating," said Mamdani as he strode from his paraglider to the podium. "Look around you at the New Yorkers wearing Hamas headbands, celebrating women and children...

ARLINGTON, VA — An embarrassed Jay Jones realized earlier this week that he was only supposed to support murdering kids before they were born, not after. Sources say that the Democrat AG candidate who fantasized about murdering Republican children over text was totally mortified to realize that he should have just been publicly supporting the murder of children in the womb instead. "That's my bad," said Jones, slapping his forehead in frustration. "I forgot that you can only want to kill kids before they pass the birth canal, not afterwards. Silly me. I deeply apologize for my texts wishing death...

ALEXANDRIA, VA — At his arraignment on charges of making false statements and obstruction, former FBI Director James Comey produced a letter signed by 51 former intelligence officials testifying to the fact that he's totally innocent. At his highly publicized hearing in a Virginia federal courtroom, Comey produced the letter as evidence to show that these trusted members of the intelligence community were just as confident in his innocence as they were in the fall of 2020 that Hunter Biden's laptop was a Russian misinformation operation. "This is rock-solid proof of my innocence," Comey told the court as he held...

GAZA — The few remaining terrorists keeping up the fight against Israel acknowledged their grim circumstances this week, as the three surviving members of Hamas started to think that maybe their October 7, 2023, wasn't such a great idea. As overheard by a surveillance team, the three terrorist fighters reportedly conferred with each other early Tuesday morning as they huddled together in the rubble of their Gaza hideout, lamenting ever participating in the horrific plan to murder 1,200 people and take 250 others hostage now that it had resulted in Hamas being brought to the brink of extinction. "Hindsight...

In a desperate effort to win Jewish votes in his race for New York City mayor, former Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) apologized for imposing covid lockdowns that he now acknowledges "needlessly interfered with Jewish religious services and schools." His apology included a claim that "I was only thinking of the health and safety of the public during a time of a great threat to both." Cuomo failed to mention his order sending infected coronavirus patients of differing faiths into nursing homes inhabited by highly vulnerable elderly individuals. Observers estimate that this order caused thousands of additional deaths, to which Cuomo...

NORFOLK, VA — State attorney general nominee Jay Jones was seen relaxing after a stressful day on the campaign trail by repeatedly stabbing his trusty Republican voodoo doll. "Die! I hope you and your children die!" Jones reportedly screamed at the tourist novelty he had picked up from a New Orleans gift shop. "Aww. So relaxing." According to sources, Jones travels everywhere with his Republican voodoo doll, treating it almost like a security blanket. He reportedly bought it back in 2022 after fantasizing about shooting then-Virginia House Speaker Todd Gilbert and wishing death upon his children. "I can't believe I...

Portland Mayor Keith Wilson's decision to align himself with the masked Antifa "protesters" confronting the ICE agents attempting to enforce America's immigration laws has created an inverted sense of justice in the city. At a demonstration outside the ICE offices in the city Antifa goons proceeded to attack journalist Nick Sortor who was observing the demonstration. Though outnumbered, Sorter's efforts to defend himself attracted the attention of the Portland Police who arrested him "for his own protection." The arresting officer explained "first of all, there was only one of him and dozens of Antifa. Arresting Sorter was feasible with minimal...

VATICAN CITY — The supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church issued a sharp criticism of the Almighty Creator of the universe this week, as Pope Leo XIV publicly condemned God for instituting the death penalty.When asked by the media to comment on critics of the death penalty, the pope singled out the Lord, offering a stinging critique of the Almighty for instituting capital punishment and questioning whether or not God was actually pro-life."I question God's moral standing here," Pope Leo told reporters. "Someone who says, ‘I'm against abortion,' but says, ‘I'm in favor of the death penalty,' is not really...

President Donald Trump's 20-point plan to end the war in Gaza garnered widespread support from many Middle Eastern countries. Foreign ministers of Saudi Arabia, Jordan, the UAE, Indonesia, Pakistan, Türkiye, Qatar, Egypt, and the Palestinian Authority all welcomed Trump's efforts and agreed to work with the US to advance the implementation of the peace plan. The plan includes releasing the remaining hostages, disarming Hamas, and the possibility of a Palestinian state — if Hamas complies with the plan and the Palestinian Authority agrees to discontinue its anti-Israel policies. If Hamas does not comply, Israel is authorized to continue fighting until...

VATICAN CITY — In a stunning scene this morning, Pope Leo activated his long-dormant ice powers and built a magical ice palace while belting out showtunes. Pope Leo had spent much of his life trying to suppress his ice powers so as not to accidentally hurt those around him, but now let them burst forth unhindered, declaring, "Let it go, let it go, can't hold me back anymore." "That perfect girl is goooone," sang the emotional pontiff, his blue dress sparkling with frozen fractals. "I don't caaaare, what they're goiiing to sayyyy. Let the storm rage oooooon!" Onlookers gaped in...