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Keyword: satire

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  • Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

    08/27/2015 7:58:31 AM PDT · by smoothsailing · 21 replies
    The Peoples Cube ^ | 8-21-2015 | Red Square
    The People's Cube - Political SatireThePeoplesCube.com Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga By Red Square | 8/21/2015, 5:28 pm While the Federal Bureau of Investigations is still at a loss regarding the content of Hillary Clinton's e-mail cache from her days as secretary of state, one thing they have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt is that the Democratic presidential frontrunner is a diligent distance-education yoga student. Emailing yoga routines are standard practice in distance education, said Mrs. Clinton's online yoga instructor Maha Bharata through an interpreter. He claims that over the years he...
  • USCCB Approves Initiative To Round All Traditionally Built Churches By End Of Next Year [Satire]

    08/26/2015 6:26:57 PM PDT · by markomalley
    Members of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops announced that they have approved an initiative to “round out” all remaining traditionally built churches by the end of next year, USCCB secretary to the president bishop Jonathon Garner announced early this morning.“This is a long time coming,” an ecstatic Garner told EOTT. “We’re excited to finally give all parishioners the opportunity to finally get more involved in the Mass.”Garner also said that during the renovation, parishioners would be invited to “come together as one family by sitting around the altar,” which, he emphasized, was one of the most essential aspects...
  • Biden has already introduced his 2016 running mate...

    08/26/2015 2:53:37 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 23 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-26-15 | The Looking Spoon
    ;-P
  • *[SATIRE]* The Probable MSNBC Response To The WDBJ Live-Air Shooting

    08/26/2015 12:13:08 PM PDT · by Lazamataz · 34 replies
    By Laz A. Mataz
    Melissa Perry-Harris: "The thing we have to remember, is we can't just judge Vester Flanagan. We can't. He's a black man who faced a lot of stereotyping, a lot of racism. He had a lot of justified anger. And, seriously, what is the death of two white people when we look at all the millions of black people killed every hour? We should pull together. We should honor Vester's struggles. We should scorn the culture of whiteness that has driven our proud young men to extremes." Al Sharpton: "This is true, Perry Melissa-Harris, we cannot blame the shooter. We...
  • Hillary Clinton Says Chelsea Erased Servers During Postpartum Depression (satire)

    08/25/2015 1:49:47 PM PDT · by EveningStar · 75 replies
    The Daily Rash ^ | August 19, 2015 | Mark Donahue
    This afternoon Democratic presidential frontrunner, Hillary Clinton, appeared on MSNBC’s Hardball with host Chris Matthews to discuss the missing emails from her time as Secretary of State. Following is a transcript of that interview which airs at 6 pm tonight on MSNBC.
  • Iranian President Lashes out at Those Who Slander Islam [semi-satire]

    08/25/2015 11:40:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Iranian President Hassan Rouhani denounced “those who would use the murders committed by ISIS, Hamas, and kindred terrorist organizations to contradict the truth that Islam is a religion of peace” and called upon all true Muslims “to rise up and slay the defamers.” Rouhani rejected the contention that his own endorsement of the “death to America” slogan might fuel the perception that Islam might not be a religion of peace. “America is the prime opponent of world peace,” Rouhani argued. “Crushing the infidel enemy of peace is the only sure path to the universal peace that will prevail when all...
  • Bush Endorses Universal Surveillance [semi-satire]

    08/24/2015 10:51:25 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    In a bid to position himself as the "Big Brother" candidate in juxtaposition to what he characterized as the "Angry Uncle" candidacy of Donald Trump, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush called for an end to "private encryption of any and every kind." "When private individuals encrypt their communications it makes it difficult, if not impossible, for government authorities to carry out their jobs," Bush complained. The source of the problem, according to Bush, is the resistance of communications companies to the idea of providing a covert "back door" by which government officials can discretely access an individual's phone and email...
  • Clinton Camp Deflects Email Scandal [semi-satire]

    08/23/2015 9:51:00 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    The Hillary Clinton for President campaign is seeking to deflect criticism of the candidate's handling of her email account while Secretary of State by casting her as "a passive and unwitting naif" rather than a deliberate liar and lawbreaker. "As anyone who has had to deal with government regulations knows, the rules are opaque and difficult to understand," said Brian Fallon, a spokesman for Mrs. Clinton's campaign. "Who hasn't had nightmares trying to cope with IRS forms? What business hasn't run afoul of incoherent EPA guidelines? It shouldn't take much imagination for voters to comprehend the problems that confronted Hillary...
  • Planned Parenthood Threatens to Sue [semi-satire]

    08/22/2015 9:25:08 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Planned Parenthood's executive vice president Dawn Laguens said the organization is weighing whether to sue the Center for Medical Progress, the group behind the release of videos showing that Planned Parenthood is engaged in murdering, dismembering, and selling aborted babies. "Since these videos were made secretly without Planned Parenthood's explicit consent they constitute an egregious invasion of privacy," Laguens maintained. "Invasion of privacy is a crime. That makes the videos the 'fruit from the poisoned tree' and inadmissible as evidence against Planned Parenthood for any alleged crimes depicted in the videos." Laguens also contested the idea that there are any...
  • Islamic State Charges US with War Crime [semi-satire]

    08/21/2015 11:39:57 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    The Islamic State announced it is filing war crime charges against the United States with the International Court of Justice at The Hague in the Netherlands. The complaint alleges that the growing number of IS fighters coming down with AIDS are "victims of germ warfare originating from the nefarious labs of the American Government." IS doesn't deny that the infections resulted from their troops' rape of captured women, but alleges that "the taint of AIDS is the responsibility of the United States. Raping captured women has been a right exercised by Muslim warriors for over a thousand years. The introduction...
  • Michelle Obama to remodel-rename historical Lincoln bedroom as ‘Obama suite’ (satire)

    08/20/2015 8:05:46 PM PDT · by Lucky9teen · 5 replies
    As Barack Obama’s Presidential run comes to an end Michelle has plans to gut, remodel and rename the historical Lincoln Bedroom to “The Obama Suite” in a bid to create a lasting legacy for her husbands Presidential Tenure.Future Obama Suite that will replace the Lincoln Bedroom Three contractors Have placed a bid on Michelle Obama’s plan. One is from Chicago, another is from the District of Columbia, and the third is from Mexico. All three have gone to the White House to examine the room and blue prints.The D.C. contractor took out a tape measure and did some measuring, then worked some figures...
  • Illegal Immigrants Sue for Millions [semi-satire]

    08/17/2015 1:25:41 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Five illegal immigrants from Guatemala, Honduras, and El Salvador have filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the federal government. As their lawyer Andrew Free explained, “they came to this country to exercise their Constitutional right to share in its abundance. Yet, unlike the Mexicans who got here before them they’ve been denied free food, free housing, free education, and free health care. Instead, they been detained in squalid conditions as if they were common criminals.” Free called this lawsuit “merely the opening salvo in a protracted struggle for social justice. There are thousands, maybe millions, of future plaintiffs. We will...
  • Obama Vetoes Planned Parenthood Defunding [semi-satire]

    08/17/2015 9:55:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Efforts by the legislatures of Louisiana and Alabama to reduce public funds allocated to Planned Parenthood this week were vetoed by President Obama. The President dismissed arguments that videos revealing PP's participation in illegal trafficking in used baby parts warranted the states' actions. "I learned in law school that the rule in our country is 'innocent until proven guilty,'" Obama recalled. "Attorney General Lynch hasn't deemed there is enough evidence to justify an investigation, much less a prosecution, trial, and verdict. These states' attempts to inflict punishment before the judicial process has been given a fair chance to work does...
  • Outreach to the Shinto Community-what if Roosevelt treated Pearl Harbor Like we did 9/11?

    08/16/2015 6:09:07 PM PDT · by wtd · 2 replies
    Gates of Vienna ^ | August 16, 2015 | VladTepes/BaronBodissey
    Outreach to the Shinto CommunityHow did President Bush’s response to 9-11 in 2001 compare with the words and actions of President Roosevelt after Pearl Harbor sixty years earlier? As it happens, the reactions of the two presidents were surprisingly similar within their contemporaneous context. Vlad Tepes has ferreted out some rare footage from old newsreel archives that shows the longer version of FDR’s address to Congress on the day after the surprise attack by Japan. The first part of the president’s speech will be familiar to most readers, but the rest of his address is not as well known:...
  • Newly Released Emails Said to Exonerate Lerner [semi-satire]

    08/16/2015 3:07:25 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    A newly released batch of emails from Lois Lerner, former IRS official in charge of denying conservative groups the same tax-free status as left-leaning groups, is said to have largely exonerated her of charges of unwarranted discrimination. Attorney General Loretta Lynch cited email content in which Lerner referred to conservative groups as “evil and dishonest” as “fundamentally exculpatory. As a public servant, Ms. Lerner was certainly within her rights and duties to block the misuse of tax-exempt status to groups that in her mind posed a genuine danger to the government. While conservatives might be expected to disagree with her...
  • Obama Admin Urges Court to Block Restitution to Terror Victims [semi-satire]

    08/15/2015 12:42:07 PM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken argued against the imposition of jury-awarded damages to the victims of Palestinian terrorist attacks in 2002-2004. The jury award of more than $200 million in actual damages to ten families with three dozen injured, maimed, or killed is vigorously opposed by the Obama Administration. Despite proclaiming its sympathy for the victims, the Administration seeks to void the damage award because, according to Blinken, “the amount represents a significant share of the Palestinian Authority’s annual budget. The loss of so large an amount would seriously infringe upon the PA’s ability to carry out its functions....
  • Court Rejects Challenge to Executive Amnesty [semi-satire]

    08/15/2015 7:08:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia rejected Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio's bid to halt President Obama's executive grant of amnesty to those in the country illegally, calling the Sheriff's reasoning "tenuous" and "unduly speculative." "First, the argument that the grant of amnesty is imposing extra burdens on the Sheriff's office cannot be supported by the facts," Judge Nina Pillard wrote. "The laws against entering this country illegally are federal laws. The federal government has made it clear that it does not intend to enforce these laws. Sheriff Arpaio cannot claim his office is being burdened...
  • [Satire] Carson, BLM Clash on Issues

    08/15/2015 12:28:17 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    GOP presidential hopeful Dr. Ben Carson and leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement clashed this week following Carson's assertion that BLM is "creating strife." As Carson sees it, "Blacks have been led down a dead-end road to dependency and murder via abortion by Democrat policies." "The message that Democrats are sending by their support for the welfare state is that Blacks can't make it on their own efforts," Carson argued. "This is ridiculous. Blacks are as capable as whites if they apply their God-given talents to the world around them." The candidate was even more critical of Democrats' unwavering...
  • Klintonerdämmerung [Satire]

    08/12/2015 8:15:55 PM PDT · by smoothsailing · 4 replies
    You Tube ^ | August 11, 2015
    August 12, 2015Hidden Video of Hillary’s New York Office Surfaces Amid Looming FBI Investigation…. by sundance Click the Pic for Video
  • Crimes Committed by Illegals “an Acceptable Cost” Says Congressman [semi-satire]

    08/10/2015 9:32:09 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill) told Spanish channel Telemundo that “we shouldn’t overreact to a little thing like the murder of Kate Steinle” by a criminal illegal alien. Gutierrez advised that “we need to keep things in proper perspective. The thousands of crimes committed by the those who enter this country without permission should be weighed against the benefits to the tens of millions who don’t commit crimes.” “Why should the much larger number of poor and oppressed people seeking refuge in the United States be deported and denied the food, housing, education, and medical care they so desperately need just...
  • Obama Denounces Murder and Organ Harvesting [semi-satire]

    08/09/2015 10:52:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    In the midst of a series of covertly obtained and publicly released videos of Planned Parenthood’s murder of human babies and sale of their organs, President Obama has come out strongly against the practice of killing albinos and selling their organs in Africa, telling a group of African leaders “this cruel tradition has got to stop.” Meanwhile, the “cruel tradition” practiced by Planned Parenthood still escapes notice at the White House. Press Secretary Josh Earnest has explained that “the President refuses to watch the defamatory videos being peddled by the Center for Medical Progress” and “saw no contradiction between his...
  • Kerry Bewails Schumer Opposition to Iran Deal [semi-satire]

    08/08/2015 9:48:44 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Secretary of State John Kerry bewailed Sen. Charles Schumer's (D-NY) announcement of his opposition to the Iran deal as "profoundly misguided." "I understand that Senator Schumer needs Jewish votes," Kerry observed. "What he doesn't understand is that his Jewish constituents are not the Jews Iran intends to wipe off the map. Iran has made it clear to me that it is targeting Zionists in Israel for extermination. Jews who are willing to leave Israel and Jews who live in New York are not their targets." Kerry admitted that he "didn't totally disregard the possibility that some of the funds granted...
  • Trump Sure Debate Helped His Candidacy [semi-satire]

    08/08/2015 6:24:02 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Donald Trump, the current front runner for the 2016 GOP presidential nomination, hit back at debate moderator Megyn Kelly's implication that his insulting remarks about women might cost him votes. "I'm just saying what everybody else is thinking," Trump insisted. "Anyone who has eyes has got to agree that a distressingly large portion of women in our grossly overweight nation are fat slobs. Rather than keep quiet about this disgusting blight like so many other so-called opinion leaders, I have the courage to speak up. I don't think voters will punish me for that. And only a bimbo like Kelly...
  • Russian Calls for War Crimes Inquiry into Atom Bombs Dropped by US [semi-satire]

    08/07/2015 6:57:55 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Russian legislator Sergei Naryshkin called for an international military tribunal to open an investigation of the United States' bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945, calling the bombings "a crime against humanity." While most historians agree that the bombings resulted in fewer Japanese casualties than would have been the case had the country been invaded, Naryshkin contended that "the use of unconventional weapons had unforeseen and irreparable consequences on both Japan and Russia." "Instead of being permitted to sacrifice their lives in suicidal attacks on invading US and Soviet troops, the Japanese people were forced to endure the humiliation of...
  • Obama Unimpressed with Current Roster of Presidential Candidates [semi-satire]

    08/05/2015 8:59:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    In remarks at the African Union meeting in Ethiopia this week, President Obama lamented “the sorry slate of candidates seeking to succeed me. To be honest, there is no one worthy to follow the path I have blazed. I may have to consider running for reelection.” Obama brushed aside the Constitutional provision prohibiting him from seeking another term as “a dangerous and unnecessary impediment” that might have to be altered “for the sake of humanity. You know, the guys who wrote the Constitution in 1787 didn’t see fit to limit the chief executive to any set number of terms. The...
  • Hillary’s Gap Nearly 5,000 Times as Large as Nixon’s [semi-satire]

    08/04/2015 9:09:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    In the painfully slow release of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s official emails, House investigators have discovered a two-month gap. This is nearly 5,000 times the size of the famous “18 minute gap” on White House tapes during the Watergate scandal. Partly because of that 18 minute gap President Nixon ultimately resigned in 1974 to avoid being impeached. All of Clinton’s Department of State email correspondence for May and June 2012 is missing. As chance would have it, this period coincides with a time of rising tensions in Libya during which others contend that they passed warnings up the...
  • Judge Rules Government Has Right to Know Who Its Opponents Are [semi-news]

    08/03/2015 9:53:46 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    U.S. District Judge Sidney Stein ordered Citizens United to turn over the names, addresses, and amounts of money contributed to the organization by its donors to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman. “It is clear that the activities of Citizen’s United, if successful, would result in a serious obstacle to the government’s interests,” Judge Stein wrote. “The government’s ability to fend off this threat is hampered by the anonymity of this organization’s supporters. If people want to oppose the government they should come out of the shadows.” Stein dismissed fears that the government might take reprisals against its opponents as...
  • Planned Parenthood Says Videos Bigger Threat than Bombings [semi-satire]

    08/02/2015 9:05:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Reeling from the negative publicity generated by videos showing the organization haggling over the price of baby parts resulting from abortions, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards characterized the videos as “possibly worse than the spate of bombings of abortion clinics a few years back.” “The big downside of the bombings was the loss of life of doctors, nurses, and others dedicated to improving women’s health,” Richards observed. “Bad as this was, it was at least partially offset by the wave of sympathy these deaths earned for our organization. With the videos, though, there is no offset. It’s all downside. It...
  • New California Law – No Bosses

    08/01/2015 10:46:16 PM PDT · by 2ndDivisionVet · 44 replies
    Townhall ^ | August 2, 2015 | Bruce Bialosky
    The California Legislature is debating a bill that has passed through committee that would phase out hierarchy within a company. The bill is considered a landmark bill by many to eliminate what has been referred to as “wholesale oppression” of employees of a company. Speaker of the Assembly Toni G. Atkins (D-San Diego) sponsored the bill and hailed it as the next step in equal rights for all Americans. In the State Senate, President Pro Tem Kevin De León cheered the efforts of Speaker Atkins and stated he and his caucus were fully on board. De León (D-Los Angeles) said,...
  • FOX News Hires Ex-Porn Star Jenna Jameson as Pundit [satire]

    08/01/2015 7:47:24 PM PDT · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 27 replies
    BS News ^ | August 1, 2015 | Billy Dane
    FOX News has hired former porn queen Jenna Jameson to provide commentary on the 2016 elections. FOX News President Roger Ailes said Jameson would be a big hit with their male viewers. “Jenna’s previous appearances have proven popular, so we’re delighted to welcome her back,” said Ailes. Jameson had previously appeared on “The O’Reilly Factor.”
  • Rival Says Trump “Too Mean” to Be President [semi-satire]

    08/01/2015 10:59:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    Presidential candidate Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) warned GOP voters against making Donald Trump the Party’s nominee for the 2016 election. “The man is too doggone mean to be president,” Graham complained. “It isn’t just the fact that he’s egregiously insulted me—a sitting senator. He’s insulting everyone. He’s insulted immigrant rapists and murderers while completely overlooking the crimes committed by native-born rapists and murderers. He’s insulted the Chinese, implying that their trade policies are unfair. This is no way to build bridges.” “Perhaps the worst offense is Trump’s lack of respect for President Obama,” the Senator continued. “The President is a...
  • Kerry Insists that "Death to America" Is Just Rhetoric [semi-satire]

    08/01/2015 6:35:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2015 | John Semmens
    In his continuing quest to sell Congress on what House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) labeled a "diplomatic masterpiece," Secretary of State John Kerry tried to reassure the House Foreign Affairs Committee that Iran's vow to take down the United States is "mere rhetoric for domestic consumption." "Surely, members of Congress are aware that from time to time it is necessary to espouse policies that we have no real intention of implementing," Kerry said. "I've lost count of the number of times that various spokesmen for the GOP have pledged to repeal Obamacare or to build a border fence. Yet,...
  • Obama Admin to Investigate Killing of Lion in Zimbabwe [semi-satire]

    07/31/2015 4:20:03 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 14 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2015 | John Semmens
    Director of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Dan Ashe announced that his agency has opened an investigation of the "tragic killing" of Cecil the lion by American dentist Walter Palmer. Cecil was a major attraction at the Hwange National Park in Matabeleland North, Zimbabwe. Palmer reportedly paid some locals $50,000 to lure the lion outside the park. Palmer then killed the lion with an arrow. Ashe characterized the killing as "a senseless act of cruelty against an innocent animal. It has shocked the world in a way that no other act has in recent memory. It is imperative that...
  • NY Governor Decrees Higher Minimum Wage [semi-satire]

    07/30/2015 10:41:01 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 July 2015 | John Semmens
    Professing to be “fed up” with the state legislature’s failure to enact a minimum wage he deems high enough, Governor Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) has decreed a $15 per hour minimum wage for the fast food industry in his state. “I gave the legislature the opportunity to do the right thing, but their refusal to pass the $15 per hour wage has forced me to seize the initiative,” Cuomo said. “The voters of this state elected me to get things done. One way or another, that’s what I’m going to do. If the legislature thinks I’m treading on their turf they...
  • DoD Stands by Its Policy of Barring Personnel from Carrying Arms [semi-satire]

    07/29/2015 11:04:11 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 July 2015 | John Semmens
    Despite the mass murder of personnel at a Chattanooga, Tennessee military recruiting office by Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez last week, Secretary of Defense Ash Carter rejected suggestions that on-duty armed forces members be allowed to carry guns. “Sad as we all are for the tragic loss experienced in Tennessee, arming our soldiers and sailors is not the answer,” Carter adamantly declared. “Turning a crime scene into a war zone by arming our men escalates the situation and could lead to even greater loss of life.” Carter also contended that having military personnel go about carrying weapons “would unduly frighten the general...
  • IRS Targeting of Conservatives Blamed on “Inadequate Funding” [semi-satire]

    07/28/2015 10:22:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 July 2015 | John Semmens
    In addition to harassing conservative activist groups it also was discovered that the IRS has been using these groups’ donor lists to select which taxpayers will be subjected to audits. President Obama blamed the Republican Congress for this outcome, saying that “if they weren’t so stingy with the agency’s budget this might not have had to happen. Ideally, the IRS should audit everybody’s tax returns, but this would require more employees and a bigger budget. Faced with the necessity to limit the number of returns it audits, the IRS made a reasonable decision to narrow the scope of its efforts.”...
  • Democrat Says American Citizenship Is a Human Right [semi-satire]

    07/27/2015 10:44:46 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 July 2015 | John Semmens
    Former Maryland governor and current contender for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination Martin O'Malley vowed to extend the rights of US citizenship to every alien in the country on day one of his administration. “According to our Constitution, all men are created equal,” O'Malley maintained. “It is a crime against humanity for us to treat people unequally based on their place of birth. Humans have the right to live wherever they want. Our government has the obligation to ensure that every human who chooses to live in America receives everything to which he or she is entitled.” As O'Malley sees...
  • House Passes Bill that Withholds Federal Aid from Sanctuary Cities [semi-satire]

    07/26/2015 10:54:58 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 July 2015 | John Semmens
    In a long overdue reaction to the mounting tally of victims of crimes committed by illegal aliens, the US House of Representatives enacted the "Enforce the Law for Sanctuary Cities Act." The bill would block federal law-enforcement grants to cities that refuse to enforce federal immigration laws. The vote for the bill was highly partisan with Republicans heavily in favor and Democrats heavily opposed. Mocking the bill as "the Donald Trump Act," Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-Calif), the chairman of the House Democratic Caucus, called the legislation "illogical. Sanctuary cities bear a disproportionate burden of the crimes committed by undocumented inhabitants....
  • Administration Says Failure to Accept Iran Deal Means War [semi-satire]

    07/25/2015 1:55:17 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 July 2015 | John Semmens
    The Obama Administration denounced Congressional opposition to its Iranian deal, saying that failure to accept the pact would lead to war. "Secretary of State John Kerry has assured the President that agreeing to this deal is the only alternative if we want to deter Iran from attacking America," said Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest. "Republicans agitating against this treaty weren't in on the negotiations. They don't know what we know." Critics of the deal have cited what they have characterized as serious flaws, including Iran's refusal to allow on-site inspections of its nuclear facilities, a requirement that the US help...
  • Left Rallies to Defense of Planned Parenthood[semi-satire]

    07/25/2015 10:58:31 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 July 2015 | John Semmens
    Video evidence that Planned Parenthood traffics in organs taken from the babies it kills has sparked a wave of revulsion across the country. This gory profiteering clashes with the organization's attempts to portray itself as a champion of women's health. While Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) and ten other Republican senators have requested that the DOJ investigate Planned Parenthood's body snatching business, leading Democrats want an investigation of the organization that released the videos to the media. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) called the videos "a reprehensible invasion of privacy" and demanded that the Center for Medical Progress (the organization...
  • West Point Revokes Diplomas Of Confederate Graduates

    07/17/2015 11:41:49 AM PDT · by Cry if I Wanna · 38 replies
    The DuffleBlog ^ | July 17, 2015 | Maxx Butthurt
    WEST POINT, N.Y. ─ Following the decision of the South Carolina government to remove the Confederate flag from a state memorial, and the subsequent, nation-wide uproar over all things Confederate, West Point has announced that it will posthumously revoke the diplomas of all cadets who graduated from the Academy and fought for the South during the Civil War.
  • Dear Oregon, Thank You For Protecting Us From The Scary Christians

    07/10/2015 5:46:05 PM PDT · by skyman · 8 replies
    The Blaze ^ | July 10, 2015 | Matt Walsh
    Dear Oregon Labor Commissioner Brad Avakian, Captain of the Oregon Thought Police Division, Head Appropriate Beliefs Enforcer, Lord Chancellor of Acceptable Opinions, Minister of Tolerance, greetings and salutations. I’ve been closely following the case of Aaron and Melissa Klein, the depraved fugitive cowards who committed the capital offense of WPH (Withholding Pastries from Homosexuals), and have been attempting to evade justice ever since. As you know, it all started when a lesbian couple came to their bakery, Sweet Cakes by Melissa, back in 2013 looking for a wedding cake. They’d been served by Sweet Cakes many times before, but only...
  • Flashback: Blue Collar Comedy Predicted Confederate Flag Removal from General Lee

    07/10/2015 3:47:41 PM PDT · by BBell · 4 replies
    The Liberal politically correctness has gone far beyond being annoying and disgusting. They have made it puke inducing.Past time to take our country back! Twelve years ago, members of the Blue Collar Comedy troupe gave America some insight into what the new wave of “political correctness” could do to the entertainment industry. They were ahead of their time with this skit, since “political correctness” is an unfortunate reality these days. Without knowing the video’s age, it would seem to be in direct response to the Confederate flag being removed from the famous General Lee car from “Dukes of Hazard,” though...
  • Leaked Democrat Re-election Strategy Memo (Shhh, don’t let on that we have it)

    08/21/2010 10:21:04 AM PDT · by sickoflibs · 25 replies
    democrats leak via email | August 21, 2010 | sickoflibs post
    This un-sourced memo someone forwarded me shows what terrible trouble democrats are in. Please don't gloat (too much) when reading it and don't let democrats know we have it. Good day Representative Many of you have been noticing how the party has been polling very poorly in approval ratings lately. If left unchecked this could be a serious problem in November. Your party leadership has determined that this is just a simple problem of you mis-communicating with your voters. Because this has been the most successful congress of our lifetime, we have concluded your faulty messaging is the problem. We...
  • Pope Francis: God Has Instructed Me to Revise the Ten Commandments (satire)

    07/07/2015 8:32:31 AM PDT · by Lucky9teen · 36 replies
    GUAYAQUIL, Ec. – Pope Francis kicked off the start of a three-nation trip across South America today with his first mass, with over a million Ecuadorians in attendance, in the coastal city of Guayaquil. Delivering the mass in Spanish, the Pope spoke about the importance of family in modern society, saying, “It needs to be helped and strengthened, lest we lose our proper sense of the services which society as a whole provides.” During his sermon, Pope Francis announced to Christians around the world that God had called upon him, instructing him “to revise the most sacred of texts, the...
  • Obama Rebuffs Objections to Cuba Policy [semi-satire]

    07/05/2015 1:35:53 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 July 2015 | John Semmens
    Senator Ted Cruz’s objections that the Administration’s recent moves to recognize the communist regime in Cuba violate US law were rebuffed by President Obama. According to Title 22 of the US Code, the President must determine that Cuba has a democratically elected government in order to consider the restoration of diplomatic relations between our two countries. According to the President, “times have changed and our laws need to change with them. The effort to try to isolate Cuba is a relic of the Cold War that is, in my judgment, no longer pertinent or necessary. Rather than go through the...
  • '98 Homosexual-Recruitment Drive Nearing Goal (Satire)

    07/05/2015 11:05:21 AM PDT · by BBell · 2 replies
    theonion.com | July 29, 1998
    Due to copyright complaints I cannot excerpt anything.
  • EPA Mulling Rules against Fireworks, BBQs [semi-satire]

    07/04/2015 10:46:46 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Jul 2015 | John Semmens
    The American tradition of celebrating Independence Day with fireworks and barbeques may be living on borrowed time. The Environmental Protection Agency is working on new regulations that could put a serious dent in the festivities. Strict new standards for ozone could bar most fireworks displays and some backyard BBQs. EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy derided the idea that traditional modes of celebrating July 4th merited any special consideration. "Clean air is too important to play second-fiddle to abuses that result in needless pollution," McCarthy contended. "Given our modern technology there are surely more environmentally-friendly ways of celebrating this annual event." The...
  • Oregon Cancels Free Speech Rights of Christian Bakers[semi-satire]

    07/04/2015 12:55:58 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Jul 2015 | John Semmens
    Oregon Labor Commissioner Brad Avakian finalized his order requiring Aaron and Melissa Klein, bakers who refused to make a cake for a same-sex wedding, to pay $135,000 in emotional damages to the couple they denied service. When the Kleins attempted to defend their religious objections in a radio interview, Avakian issued a "gag order" forbidding them from speaking publicly on the topic. Avakian dismissed the "freedom of speech" claim, insisting that "Oregon's statute outlaws refusals to serve customers based on their sexual orientation. For them to try to continue the argument after I have already ruled against them shows contempt...
  • Greek PM proposes a union with San Juan: New nation to be called "Puerto Greco"

    06/30/2015 8:01:37 AM PDT · by ken5050 · 11 replies
    one man's opinion...
    In a surprising last minute effort to solve his country's overwhelming financial crisis, Greek PM Tsipris proposed that his nation merge with US protectorate Puerto Rico. Tsipris said this would immediately solve Greece's financial problems, as Obama will no doubt soon move to bail out Puerto Rico, and Greece would, as part of the new nation, be included.