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Keyword: satire

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  • NY Times Reporter Slams Hannity for “Unethical” Behavior [semi-satire]

    08/28/2016 10:01:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    New York Times reporter Jeremy Peters slammed radio talk show host Sean Hannity’s “unethical behavior” regarding how he is covering the current presidential candidates. “Every profession has its norms and boundaries for assessing the way its members should handle their trade,” Peters proclaimed. “Journalists have an ethical obligation to live up to these norms and respect these boundaries. It has been agreed by the majority within our profession that it is our journalistic duty to do whatever we can to prevent Donald Trump from becoming president. Hannity has flouted this agreement by urging voters to do the exact opposite of...
  • Clinton Foundation Called "Economic Dynamo" [semi-satire]

    08/27/2016 10:18:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    Revelations that the Hillary Clinton-led US State Department granted favors to governments, corporations, and individuals that made donations to the Clinton Foundation have stirred concerns that a Clinton presidency might be tainted by corruption. Foundation president Donna Shalala urged that "we take a more balanced look at the totality of the situation." "On the surface, the proximity of the donations and actions taken by Secretary Clinton does appear suspicious," Shalala admitted. "However, Hillary has repeatedly said that all the actions she took would have been taken regardless of any donations that were made to the Foundation. Clearly donors weren't buying...
  • More Clinton Email Questions [semi-satire]

    08/27/2016 1:29:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    The latest 14,900 emails recovered by the FBI came from the 33,000 that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton deleted on the grounds that they were personal rather than work-related. Oddly, one of the topics discussed in many of them was Benghazi, which would seem to be "work-related" and as such legally required to be preserved and archived. Hillary for President campaign manager Robbie Mook urged that "we not jump to hasty conclusions. If you will recall, Secretary Clinton admitted she authored many emails dealing with planning her daughter's wedding. While we all know about the attack on Ambassador Stevens that...
  • Rapist Not Necessarily a Bad Guy [semi-satire]

    08/23/2016 8:34:16 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    Writing for Wonkette, Rebecca Schoenkopf expressed her opinion that Bill Clinton probably did rape Juanita Broaddrick back in 1978, but that this doesn't necessarily make him an "evil person." "Let's look at the facts of that particular case," Schoenkopf argued. "First, Bill showed he cared by advising Juanita to put some ice on her lip that he bit. Second, he called her later to apologize. This is a level of concern that most rapists don't show. Third, while there has been a string of alleged improprieties involving indecent exposure, molestation, and sexual indiscretions since then there haven't been anymore rapes."...
  • New Email Scandal Excuses Tested [semi-satire]

    08/22/2016 12:00:32 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    Faced with the difficulty of persuading a skeptical public that the "extraordinarily careless" characterization of her email practices by FBI Director James Comey is significantly different from the legally culpable "gross negligence" standard, the Clinton campaign is field testing a couple of new excuses. First out of the block was the disclosure that neither Secretary Clinton nor any of her many aides (including Cheryl Mills, Huma Abedin, Jake Sullivan, Dennis Cheng, Anne Marie Slaughter, Phillippe Reines, Caitlin Klevorick, and Kris Bladerston) embroiled in the scandal completed the mandatory ethics training required for federal employees. Clinton Campaign Manager Robbie Mook pointed...
  • Obama to apologize for USA Olympic victories (a satire)

    08/21/2016 4:58:27 PM PDT · by Lera · 5 replies
    Arutz Sheva ^ | 8/21/16 | Jack Engelhard
    Every satire has a ring of truth... If not for Jamaican Usain Bolt, the United States would've walked home with every gold medal that wasn't nailed down in Rio. USA doubled the score against the rest of the world in nearly every event save for ping-pong. Isn't that great, Mr. President? We've trounced them fair and square. USA doubled the score against the rest of the world in nearly every event save for ping-pong (and that's not satire). "Micro aggression is the term we use in Liberal circles. Now I have no choice except to beg the world to forgive...
  • Did Elevation Church Get a Water Slide Baptismal?

    08/21/2016 10:55:46 AM PDT · by Gamecock · 9 replies
    Charisma News ^ | 8/8/2016 | Jessilyn Justice
    Despite rampant social media rumors, Steven Furtick's Elevation Church did not get a water slide baptismal. The report stems from a post on the Christian satire site The Babylon Bee. Pastor Steven Furtick took the stage under a single spotlight, and after some coy banter, he reportedly announced that it was "Baptism Sunday," but that this was "not your Mama's Baptism Sunday." At this cue, a giant water slide, stretching from the balcony down to a small pool of water, was unveiled from behind a large curtain as the worship band began performing TLC's 1994 hit "Waterfalls."  The Babylon Bee claims to be "Your...
  • CAIR Criticizes Trump’s “Extreme Vetting” Proposal [semi-satire]

    08/21/2016 10:41:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    The Council on American–Islamic Relations (CAIR) sharply criticized GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump’s promise to exercise “extreme vetting” of immigrants from terror-plagued regions of the world, calling it “unconstitutional.” CAIR spokesman Iman Aswad declared that “Trump’s vetting would interfere with the free exercise of our religion. Islam is not like Christianity or Judaism. Our faithful are bound to fight against unbelievers. Trump’s idea that the government can screen out those who are committed to this fight discriminates against one, and only one religion: Islam. As such it is unconstitutional under American law.” “It is also impermissible under sharia law,” Aswad...
  • Trump's Pitch to Black Americans Called Flawed [semi-satire]

    08/20/2016 7:00:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's bid for Black votes was labeled "flawed" by his critics. In a speech in Wisconsin this week Trump maintained that Democratic policies have worsened the plight of minorities. This view was assailed by Democrats and their media supporters. "Trump's contention that minorities are the foremost victims of the breakdown in law and order doesn't excuse his failure to reach out to the Black Lives Matter group," contended CNN talking head Carol Costello. "By refusing to bring BLM inside the tent he leaves them no option but to burn down neighborhoods, beat white folks, and agitate...
  • Trump Visit to Louisiana Disaster Area Panned by Dems [semi-satire]

    08/19/2016 5:07:53 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's visit to flood ravaged areas of Louisiana was panned by Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest as "a virtual usurpation of President Obama's prerogative. Everyone knows that it is the President's right to visit and comfort the afflicted. That a non-office holder like Trump would ignore this right demonstrates a dangerous overreach." Earnest contrasted Trump's unauthorized visit with President Obama's 2012 visit to hurricane damaged New Jersey, which he characterized as "in line with the accepted protocols of such events. As we saw then, Republican Governor Christie welcomed the President's attention. In Louisiana, though, Governor Edwards...
  • There is no reason for Hillary to continue campaigning. "We've won, look at the polls" (Satire)

    08/16/2016 1:34:10 PM PDT · by GeorgiaDawg32 · 45 replies
    Liberal Lunacy ^ | 8/16/2016 | Liberal Lunacy Staff/REM
    An anonymous staffer with the DNC issued this statement today: "We have looked at the data and have determined the race is already over. Hillary Clinton has an insurmountable lead and will win the Presidency in landslide fashion". "We therefore see no reason to continue campaigning, giving Hillary a lot of time to rest and prepare for her 2 terms as President of the United States. Her relentless campaigning up until now has proved fruitful. Let Trump have his rallies with thousands of people. We don't care. We will win. Trump is the Republican version of Bernie Sanders. He can...
  • Muslims Test Intimidation Tactic [semi-satire]

    08/16/2016 10:40:52 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    Parishioners of St. Andrew Orthodox Church in Riverside California have been treated to shouts of "Allahu Akbar" from bullhorn wielding Muslims during weekly services. Inasmuch as Allahu Akbar is what Islamic fanatics shout while murdering unbelievers, the church goers are understandably concerned. Father Josiah Trenham called the shouted slogan "intimidating. We're trying to hold weekly services. The noise is disruptive and one fears worse. Will it be safe to leave church after the service? Will men with guns or bombs invade the church? What can we do to safely practice our faith." Local police officer Ryan Railsback held out little...
  • Surge in Guns Alarms Democrats [semi-satire]

    08/15/2016 9:46:06 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    The number of Americans with concealed carry gun permits has surged by more than 200% since Obama became president. There are now more than 14 million authorized to carry concealed firearms. Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn) called this trend "frightening in the extreme. We ought to be reducing the number of people carrying weapons, not increasing them. Reversing this trend has got to be a focal point for Democrats in this election cycle. Ideally, only police ought to be carrying firearms. Making sure the right person is elected president will be crucial to achieving this goal." The notion that an increase...
  • More Top Democrats’ Emails Hacked [semi-satire]

    08/14/2016 10:00:44 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    The recent release of emails hacked from the Democratic National Committee may be only the tip of an ice berg of embarrassing revelations of secrets Party big shots wish would have stayed hidden. The FBI estimates that the email accounts of more than 100 top Party officials may have been compromised. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) called the breach “as dangerous a threat to America as the Watergate scandal. The privacy of the leaders of the Democratic Party has been severely damaged.” Earlier disclosures from the DNC hack showed unseemly behavior by officials to rig the primary election in...
  • [Satire] McCain Assails Trump's Crediting Obama & Clinton for Rise of ISIS

    08/12/2016 5:03:06 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    Arizona Senator John McCain (R) took issue with GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump's statement that President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were co-founders of ISIS. "President Obama may have given the final decision to back these guys based on Secretary Clinton's recommendation, but I was the one on the ground in Syria who met with them before they were big," McCain pointed out. "Were it not for my preliminary work the later steps taken by Obama and Clinton wouldn't have been possible. So, I think it's only fair that I receive some recognition for the historic rise of...
  • EEOC Orders Employers to Crack Down on "Anti-Social" Political Views [semi-satire]

    08/08/2016 12:56:15 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has ordered employers to crack down on employees daring to wear t-shirts or caps with the "Don't Tread on Me" slogan. The slogan traces back to the American Revolution. "What may have been appropriate as an expression of resistance against British subjugation in 1776 is completely inappropriate today," claims EEOC Chairwoman Jenny Yang. "Our government is a democratically elected government. It is not treading on anyone. From time to time our government may have to guide people toward correct thought and behavior. There is no individual right of resistance against this guidance. There is no...
  • Hillary Latches onto Winning Issues [semi-satire]

    08/08/2016 11:24:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    In a bid to boost her post-convention momentum, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton latched onto two ideas her campaign believes will finally put her over the top. One idea is to appoint outgoing President Obama to the first Supreme Court vacancy available. "One of the things that has got to be depressing a lot of Americans is the prospect of losing the talents of the most extraordinary man to have ever held the presidency," Hillary observed. "While term limits may force him out of his current position the nation could retain his services for decades if we can get him...
  • CHRISTIAN TIMES NEWSPAPER BREAKING: Hillary has tongue cancer, doctor admits

    08/07/2016 11:34:17 PM PDT · by Secret Agent Man · 85 replies
    CHRISTIAN TIMES NEWSPAPER ^ | 8/1/2016 | ADMIN1
    After last week’s Democratic National Convention, new rumors are circulating that Hillary Clinton’s health may not be exactly as she claims. New pictures suggest that the Democratic presidential nominee may have symptoms of Oropharyngeal cancer, and a world-class oncologist has agreed
  • Completion of I-22 could trigger apocalypse

    08/07/2016 11:10:27 AM PDT · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 22 replies
    AL.com ^ | April 19-20, 2016 | Matt Mitchell, The Ostrich
    Just as construction crews were putting the finishing touches on Interstate 22 this week, rumors began to circulate that the road's completion may set off a chain of events that could destroy humanity and bring civilization to it's knees. According to a Wikipedia article created last night, Interstate 22, formerly known as "Corridor X" and "Ye Olden Highway," is considered to be North America's very first construction project. Native American documents dating back to 800 AD show plans to clear a path from Memphis to Birmingham, giving Midwestern tribes of 19-22 year-olds the quickest route to destroying Alabama's pristine beaches...
  • Feds May Take Control of Elections [semi-satire]

    08/07/2016 10:49:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    In response to GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump’s concerns that the November elections may be rigged, President Obama moved to assert an unprecedented federal role in the voting process. At the president’s direction, Homeland Security Jeh Johnson would be tasked with ensuring that “the process is protected from unwanted manipulation by unauthorized elements.” “A tainted election process would undermine faith in the legitimacy of the outcome,” Johnson pointed out. “It would be a threat more severe than a terrorist attack. I have been granted a wide latitude from President Obama to take whatever measures are necessary to ensure a valid...
  • Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

    08/07/2016 9:10:36 AM PDT · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 48 replies
    Anonymous Mags ^ | August 7, 2016 | Anonymous Mags
    Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study report. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them. “These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have...
  • Pope's Contention that Islam Is Peaceful Takes Hit [semi-satire]

    08/06/2016 11:17:12 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    Pope Francis' belief that Islam is a religion of peace was expressly contradicted by Boko Haram leader Abu Masab Al-Barnawi this week in an interview published in Al-Naba Newspaper. The Islamic terrorist vowed "to kill every Christian and blow up every church until all are for Islam in Nigeria and the world." Al-Barnawi cited Christian charities as "the aggressors in this battle for men's souls. They prey upon the victims of calamities, seducing them with food, shelter, and medical supplies. They insidiously tempt them with kindness and mercy to turn them away from Allah's command to submit to Islam and...
  • Obama Disputes Iran Ransom Claim [semi-satire]

    08/05/2016 4:16:01 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama disputed claims that a planeload of $400 million in cash sent to Iran was a payment for the release of four Americans held hostage by the regime. He dismissed the simultaneous arrival of the plane carrying the cash with the departure of the plane carrying the hostages as "coincidental." Brian Stelter of CNN cited this coincidence as "proof GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's claim to have seen a video of the exchange is delusional. I have it on good authority that the video of the so-called ransom payment doesn't exist." As it turns out, the "good authority" cited...
  • Anonymous Leaks Clinton Foundation Payoff to Khan

    08/04/2016 12:44:55 PM PDT · by TigerClaws · 52 replies
    Over the past weekend and for the past few days since asinine Khan spoke alongside his goofy wife Ghazala Khan about their son, U.S. Army Captain Humayun Khan, who was killed in Iraq in 2004, incompetent mainstream media pundit, editors, producers, and anchors have been hammer-bashing Trump over what should have never been a matter. Crooked Hillary and her merry-band of moron pundits thought they had a good one, a specific line of attack that pitted Trump against the military—and supposedly showed him as a big meanie racist in the process. However, as Breitbart News reported on Monday midday, that...
  • 'Deceased' FBI Agent Found At Trump Tower With Silenced Pistol

    08/04/2016 4:28:42 PM PDT · by Blood of Tyrants · 282 replies
    Get off the BS ^ | 8/2/16 | Brian Michael
    A source within the NYPD has reported that an armed 62 year old man tried to sneak in to the Trump Tower late Tuesday night. Interestingly the suspect who was found with a semi-automatic handgun fitted with a silencer has been identified as Barry Lee Bush, a former Newark NJ FBI agent who has been dead since 2007. A Secret Service agent discovered Bush after he had circumvented a security partition on the bottom floor of the Trump Tower. Questioned by Secret Service at the scene, Bush who initially identified himself as Barry Franklyn, remained silent offering no explanation for...
  • Obama Hails Economic Progress During His Administration [semi-satire]

    08/02/2016 9:14:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    In his speech at the Democratic Convention President Obama contended that "by so many measures, our country is stronger and more prosperous than it was when we started." Unfortunately, a number of key statistics seem to contradict that assessment. There are 3 million more people in poverty. Household incomes for those in the bottom 20% declined. Nearly 9 million more individuals are receiving food stamps. And 14 million have left the workforce. Press Secretary Josh Earnest insisted that "these statistics need to be properly interpreted. Before we leap to a hasty conclusion that the President's policies have been ineffective let's...
  • Clinton Campaign Disses Idea of Press Conferences [semi-satire]

    08/01/2016 9:57:24 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    One tradition that has been notably absent from Hillary Clinton's campaign for the presidency has been press conferences where the media are invited to query the candidate. "We'll have a press conference when we want to have a press conference," Clinton pollster Joel Benenson said on ABC News this past week. "Our candidate is under no legal obligation to answer to the press. We will control what is said to whom and when it will be said. We acknowledge that this may be inconvenient from the media's perspective, but they'll just have to bear with it." Benenson also pointed out...
  • John Kerry Reaches New Height of Idiocy [semi-satire]

    07/31/2016 10:56:44 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Secretary of State John Kerry reached a new height of idiocy this past week by suggesting air conditioners were just as dangerous as ISIS. The remarks came in Vienna where Kerry was representing the US in negotiations aimed at reducing emissions that contribute to global warming. “Granted, the terror attacks carried out by these misguided individuals are splashy,” Kerry observed. “Dozens die and even more are maimed and injured, but the fact is that these effects are small-scale and of limited duration and consequence. We easily overlook some of the offsetting benefits. The people killed cease to be carbon emitters....
  • Paul Ryan touts conservative credentials in re-election bid against Paul Nehlen.

    07/31/2016 8:01:28 AM PDT · by GeorgiaDawg32 · 40 replies
    Liberal Lunacy ^ | 7/31/2016 | Liberal Lunacy Staff/REM
    Paul Ryan is in the re-election fight of his life. A representative for Ryan issued the following statement regarding the election effort: “Representative Ryan is standing on his conservative credentials in this election cycle against Paul Nehlen. As Speaker of the House, Mr. Ryan has battled President Obama at every turn to keep Obama from instituting his agenda”. “Without his resistance, President Obama would have expanded the role of government, raised taxes and would have attempted to curtail gun rights. Thanks to Representative Ryan, those agenda items have been held in check". “Now, more than ever, we need Paul Ryan...
  • Trump Places Competence Ahead of Compassion [semi-satire]

    07/30/2016 5:41:44 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Vice-President Joe Biden explained the difference between a Clinton and a Trump administration in a raucous speech to the Democratic National Convention, contending that Trump’s catchphrase from his Apprentice reality show “’you’re fired,’ reveals a gaping existential chasm between Democrats and Republicans.” “Just because a person can’t handle a job doesn’t mean he doesn’t need that job,” Biden pointed out. “Yet, Trump would callously cast employees aside based merely upon performance. Is this the kind of man we want to place at the head of our government?” “In contrast, our nominee has the compassion to understand that competence is not...
  • Democratic VP nominee Urges Voters to Trust Hillary Clinton [semi-satire]

    07/30/2016 11:43:05 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Freshly nominated Democratic Party candidate for vice-president Sen Tim Kaine took up the delicate issue of whether voters could afford to trust running mate Hillary Clinton. "We've heard that her use of an insecure non-government computer server for her emails was too risky," Kaine recounted. "We've heard that her neglect of security for the Benghazi Consulate was a dereliction of duty. We've heard FBI Director James Comey characterize her handling of classified information as 'extraordinarily careless.' We've seen that she lied on numerous occasions in efforts to conceal her illegal and dangerous behavior. However, I am asking voters to look...
  • Democrats Accuse Trump of Treason [semi-satire]

    07/29/2016 6:10:26 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    The Wikileaks release of 20,000 Democratic National Committee emails show how Party officials rigged the presidential primary campaign to favor Hillary Clinton over Sen Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) confirmed what many have suspected for the last six months. DNC Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (Fla) was quick to initiate a narrative blaming Russia for hacking into the DNC's server. "That a foreign government with a long-running enmity to America could so easily break into confidential computer files of the Democratic Party is a matter of serious concern," she alleged. "The public exposure of our private communications could influence the outcome of the...
  • Hillary's Administration (satire)

    07/29/2016 1:58:59 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet
    7/29/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    Here's a quick look at the Hillary Clinton Administration. Missing for 16 years, dishes, silver and furnishings are discovered in the WH. Employees and guests will have to use port-a-potties located behind the WH because WH ground floor bathrooms have been converted to house WH E-mail servers. HSBC to be contracted to operate all of the WH laundry operations. AG LA Lynch's office moved to a refurbished C-130 on the tarmac of the Phoenix airport with a B of A branch office located within to support financial transactions. Goldman Sachs contracted to run the Treasury Department which will eliminate the...
  • DNC Crowd Erupts As Kermit Gosnell Gives Surprise Speech From Prison (Satire)

    07/29/2016 11:12:34 AM PDT · by Morgana · 2 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | July 28, 2016 | staff
    PHILADELPHIA, PA—Rumors had been floating around the 2016 Democratic National Convention all week about a “special surprise speaker” set to address the crowd on its final day. That speaker turned out to be Kermit Gosnell, infamous abortion provider and barbaric serial killer of born-alive infants, who was beamed in to speak Thursday from the Huntingdon prison where he is currently serving life without the possibility of parole. After being introduced as “champion of women’s rights, martyr for the greater cause, and fearless liberator, Dr. Kermit Gosnell,” the audience erupted into a frenzied applause which lasted more than ten minutes. Planned...
  • PRAVDAMERIKA, the new media platform!

    07/28/2016 4:41:05 PM PDT · by libertarian27 · 13 replies
    People's Cube ^ | Jully 28, 2016 | Minitrue
    Glorious news, comrades! Finally the hour has arrived. No more browsing the web for the Kurrent Truth™. From now on, all news networks will be fused, by decree of Dear Leader himself. The Pravdamerika will report to you the Truth! Not the nasty truth like in the so-called "reality," but the korrekted, pleasant Kurrent Truth™ of the Party. It will be like a balmy spring rain for a thirsty proletarian peasant. At the last council of (evil) the proletarian korrectified media, it was decided that cooperating in one big mainstream media superpower would be far more efficient in the eternal...
  • WHY EVERYONE NEEDS TO STUDY CRITICAL RACE THEORY

    07/27/2016 3:13:57 PM PDT · by dynachrome · 16 replies
    Critical Race Theory, or CRT, is the study of systemic racism and how it relates to society, law and economics. The subject began in liberal universities in the 1980s, and has gained a lot of traction over the last three decades, as more attention has been brought to the rampant racism in American society. CRT has since been adopted by a large number of colleges, and is now offered as an undergraduate course at many progressive universities. However, CRT is yet to make it into school curricula, despite the demands of many progressive groups urging the states and Federal government...
  • Miami Police Explain Shooting Unarmed Man [semi-satire]

    07/25/2016 9:23:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Charles Kinsey, a behavioral therapist trying to aid an autistic patient was shot by Miami police this week. In the incident, Kinsey was lying on the ground with is hands up. Nevertheless, he was still shot in the leg by one of the responding officers. John Rivera, the President of the Dade County Police Benevolent Association attempted to explain this egregious example of unnecessary and excessive force, calling it "an unfortunate accident. First of all, the police received an anonymous tip that there was a suicidal man with a gun in that area. Right away, the responding officers are thinking...
  • Nearly Half of TSA Employees Cited for Misconduct [semi-satire]

    07/24/2016 8:07:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    According to a report from the House Homeland Security Commission, nearly half of the TSA’s 60,000 employees have been cited for misconduct in recent years. The trend is not encouraging either. Citations have increased by 28% over the last two years. The top five offenses include unaccounted for absences, failure to follow instructions, improper screening & security, neglect of duty, and disruptive behavior. TSA Administrator Peter Neffenger sought to downplay the issue by pointing out that “despite unmanned posts, inappropriate groping petty theft, and abusive behavior by our employees no flights have been hijacked on my watch.. To me, these...
  • Prominent Democrats blame Trump for Wikileaks DNC e-mail dump

    07/24/2016 4:48:27 AM PDT · by GeorgiaDawg32 · 90 replies
    Liberal Lunacy ^ | 7/24/2016 | Liberal Lunacy Staff/REM
    A prominent anonymous source within the DNC has issued the following statement: “The Democratic Party is the party for anyone and everyone who wants to run for President. We support all candidates equally and with shared enthusiasm. To think the DNC conspired against the esteemed Senator Sanders is ludicrous on its face”. “We have gone through the e-mails “supposedly” from Debbie Wasserman-Shultz and find NO e-mails from Trump to Wikileaks which co-ordinated this vile attack on Democrats. We find that troubling”. “Someone of Mr. Trumps means is surely able to co-ordinate, fund and work with other nefarious individuals to accomplish...
  • Guns Are Very Bad, Study Shows............................ [Satire]

    07/23/2016 10:13:33 AM PDT · by Lazamataz · 50 replies
    7/23/2016 | By Laz A. Mataz
    A recent study showed that guns are bad. The Center For Proving Bad Guns Are Bad showed that guns are bad, and that badness exists in guns. "Guns are bad," said one of the study researchers, "Very bad, I can not tell you just how bad they are, but they are extremely bad." The incidence of guns being very bad has incresed 10% over the last year, and 27% since 1968. This study also shows that the qualititive level of badness in each gun has gone from "Bad" to "Horrifically Bad" in that same time period. The study also suggests...
  • LA Times Op Ed Says Hillary Win Only Way to Avert Coup [semi-satire]

    07/23/2016 6:42:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Fear that Trump might be elected president prompted hysteria from leftist loon James Kirchick in an op ed he wrote in this week's LA Times. "If voters don't put Hillary in the White House our only option may be a military coup against a President Trump," Kirchick warns. Kirchick contends that such a first ever violent overthrow of an election outcome in this country "would be defensive in nature. Trump is outside the mainstream of the governing coalition that has run this country for the last 25 years. Even if he wins a majority of votes his ascension to office...
  • Obama Says Trump's Perception of America Skewed [semi-satire]

    07/22/2016 10:56:27 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama took issue with Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump's portrayal of a country in crisis, calling it "dangerously skewed from reality." "By highlighting a few incidents of terrorist attacks Mr. Trump overlooks the fact that only a small minority of people die at the hands of these misguided individuals," Obama asserted. "The reality is that the vast majority of people in this country still die of old age. A more sensible approach was voiced by French Prime Minister Manuel Valls who calmly advised that we learn to live with these attacks." "Trump's call for 'law and order' undermines my...
  • [Satire] AG Says Lying Under Oath "Could Be Okay"

    07/19/2016 10:00:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    During testimony before the House Judiciary Committee this week, Attorney General Loretta Lynch refused to make "a blanket condemnation of lying under oath." The issue was raised by Rep Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) regarding former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's "continuously changing and inconsistent testimony on a number of issues before this Committee over several years." Lynch contended that "each case has to be examined on its individual merits. It depends on who is testifying and whether a more important objective than mere truth is at hand. There is an old saying that 'a diplomat is a patriot sent abroad to...
  • A Different Kind of Papal Press Conference [Catholic Caucus]

    07/17/2016 5:11:28 PM PDT · by ebb tide · 6 replies
    Catholic World Report ^ | July 11, 2016 | Nick Bottom
    Pope Francis: Good morning, everyone. Thank you for coming. I have invited you today because I have had a change of heart that I must make public. In a homily recently, I spoke rather forcefully about employers who refuse to pay their workers a just wage. I have had a chance to reflect on that homily in the light of the principles I set forth in my Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia. I brought a copy so I can refer to it as I take your questions. Please be patient with me as I find the appropriate passages, eh? I believe...
  • Justice Inadvertently Boosts Trump Candidacy [semi-satire]

    07/18/2016 8:51:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    This week Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg waded into the political domain and unintentionally bolstered the chances for Donald Trump to win the presidency. Calling him a "faker with a big ego," the 83-year-old Justice threatened to move to New Zealand if Trump wins in November. Alarmed that Ginsburg's outburst could work in Trump's favor, the Washington Post's editors criticized "her abandonment of the veneer of judicial impartiality. The acceptance of the Court's authority to strike down legislation enacted by the people's representatives relies on a perception of unbiased application of basic legal and constitutional rules. Taking sides in...
  • Congressman Calls "Law and Order" Unfair to Minorities [semi-satire]

    07/17/2016 9:48:09 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Rep. Jim Clyburn (D-SC) lambasted Trump's claim to be the "law and order" candidate, calling it "a cruel and insensitive attempt to place the values of white Americans over those of us who are black. It is racism that forces blacks to commit crimes to support themselves and their families. The kind of enforcement that Trump would impose threatens the livelihoods of a significant segment of the minority community." Clyburn may have a point. According to data from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, blacks are responsible for the majority of robberies and murders in the 75 most populated U.S. counties....
  • Hillary Calls Trump ‘Divisive’ and ‘Unfit’ [semi-satire]

    07/16/2016 10:42:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Amidst polls showing her lead over GOP rival Donald Trump dwindling, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned voters against “the most divisive and unfit candidate in our nation’s history.” A key consideration from Clinton’s perspective is the fact that “Republican voters passed over 16 worthy representatives of the GOP brand and latched onto a man outside the mainstream of government. Trump hasn’t been a participant in any of the processes for governing a city, state, or nation. He has no record to run on.” Hillary contrasted Trump’s lack of governing experience with her own “30-year career at the center...
  • Obama, Gingrich Grapple with Islamic Terror Issue [semi-satire]

    07/15/2016 5:54:18 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    The Bastille Day attack that killed 80 and injured 200 in Nice, France sparked a passionate plea from former House Speaker Newt Gingrich for better security against Islamic terrorism. Gingrich said he has "no problems with Muslims who respect the rights of others becoming American citizens and moving in next door, but followers of sharia who believe they have a right or duty to wage war on unbelievers have no place in our country. They ought to be deported." He also called for "greater scrutiny of what's going on in Mosques in America. Many of them seem to serve as...
  • President Obama Nominates Canaanite God Molech To Supreme Court

    07/14/2016 12:52:11 PM PDT · by Gamecock · 14 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | July 14, 2016
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—Growing anxious that the Senate would not approve previous nominee Judge Merrick Garland, President Barack Obama announced Thursday that he would be pushing through newly selected nominee Molech of Canaan to be the nation’s 113th Supreme Court justice. “Molech, the fiery devourer of the young, is more than qualified for the position,” Obama said in a White House press conference at which he introduced the idol. “Furthermore, he has proven his advocacy for women’s rights by calling for the barbaric sacrifice of babies—any time, for any reason—as acceptable and appeasing offerings. He’ll fit right in on the bench.” The...
  • Egyptian TV Panelists Make Obama Look Like The Wimp Fool He Is (Video at link)

    07/11/2016 2:38:42 PM PDT · by Strac6 · 13 replies
    Egyptian TV ^ | Retired Egyptian General
    Watch the video. These 3 Egyptian realists take Obama apart. Granted, there is a slight chance it might be a mistranslated hoax, but I don't think so. The gestures and repeated words seem to fit. Enjoy.