Free Republic

It comes with widespread depression, causes habitual lying, and radiates weakness when spent in other countries.

Phil Hendrey talks to hisself and gets folks riled up to call in. He basically makes fools of those who do not know what it is all about. He crosses levels always yet today perhaps one too far. He purported to have a Republican on who promoted TEA PARTY meetings and Used this monicker to do what dems do all the time. This "other" person was equating obamacare to Holocost. It was so extreme wrong. There were folks calling in and buying into this level by discussion. It was "Jews this and Jews that" killed . Cordwood. It was too...

Snarky PhotoChop scenes: George Soros threatens Obama; Illinoismo is announced; Obama curses Glenn Beck

Reports of heavy violence in Mexico should not deter tourists, said U.S. Consul Michael Barkin. “Really, Mexico is no worse than the south side of Chicago,” Barkin assured the McAllen (Texas) Chamber of Commerce. “Your odds of coming through without being robbed, kidnapped or murdered are relatively good. There’s probably less than 10% chance you will be a victim.” The Consul advised that “if you are one of the unfortunate minority who is victimized and are still alive afterwards, please contact the Consulate so we can fill out the proper ‘after-incident’ reports.” Barkin expressed the hope that immigration reform would...

The economic recession gripping the United States seems to have bypassed the federal bureaucracy. At the same time that private sector businesses are shutting down and laying off employees in sufficient quantities to produce a 10% unemployment rate, pay for high ranking federal bureaucrats is booming. Since the recession started, the number of six-figure ($100,000+ per year) federal jobs has risen by almost 50%. Jessica Klement, government affairs director for the Federal Managers Association—the “union” that represents these high-salaried government employees—said “opportunities and compensation are rising because the country needs these highly skilled people to run an expanding government. Government...

Proponents of nationalizing the US health care system assiduously point out how popular Canada’s single-payer, government run system is. Polls show that over 80% of Canadians are happy with the system. Poll respondent, Emma Linger rhapsodized about her own experience with the National Health Service. “You just go in whenever you want,” she said. “You don’t even have to bring any money. The doctor writes you a prescription for antibiotics, tranquilizers, placebos or whatever you need and you’re off to the pharmacy.” Linger admitted that the prospect of long waits (an estimated four months—on average) to see specialists might be...

California Senator Diane Feinstein (D) rebuffed criticisms that forcing all taxpayers—even those who believe it is murder—to pay for abortions is morally wrong. “Morality isn’t something we can leave up to the individual,” Feinstein said. “People have all kinds of crazy ideas about what is or isn’t moral. It’s up to the government to settle on a common moral code for society. It is the citizen’s responsibility to support the government’s decision, even if he or she personally disagrees. So, yes, most definitely, if congress passes a law requiring taxpayers to fund abortions it is everyone’s moral obligation to support...

(ENS, Rome) The Emperor of Rome, Gaius Caligula, announced yesterday that he had become a convert to Christianity, and that the Roman Empire would now become the "Episcopalian Empire." In celebration of this momentous event, he said that he would make his horse, Incitatus, a bishop in the Episcopal Church. "I have learned that the Episcopal Church is a very inclusive church," he said in an interview with Empirical News. "Their Presiding Bishop has said that she will take orders to consecrate any bishop elected in accordance with the rules. Incitatus has been baptized, and so now under the Church's...

President Barack Obama judged last summer’s subsidies to new car buyers “one of this nation’s most successful programs, ever. At a cost of only $30 billion, we were able to induce 700,000 people to buy new cars—both stimulating the economy and helping to reduce air pollution. It’s an unprecedented accomplishment, one unmatched by any previous administration.” Gene Sperling, senior counsel to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, contended that “the decision to go ahead with the program in the face of the relentless opposition from free market fanatics has to rank as the most courageous decision by a US President since Lincoln’s...

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs defended the Obama Administration’s continued efforts to blame the previous Bush Administration for current domestic and foreign policy problems. “If we say it’s Bush’s fault, if the media report it’s Bush’s fault, and if the public believes it’s Bush’s fault, then who’s to say it isn’t Bush’s fault?” Gibbs reasoned. “After all, as Dr. Phil tells us, ‘there is no reality—only perception.’” Of course, TV’s pop psychologist “Dr. Phil” isn’t the most famous advocate of the idea that perception is the reality. That title would have to go to chief Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels,...

"The New World Order came into being at 4:25 Tuesday afternoon (NB: November 10, 2009). It arrived at the Capitol, until that moment the seat of American government, in the form of the stooped and bespectacled figure of Ban Ki-moon, who as U.N. secretary general is the de facto leader of what conspiracy theorists call the One World Government. One floor beneath the Senate chamber, Ban, a South Korean national, took his place behind a lectern bearing the Senate seal and spelled out his demands. "I would certainly expect the Senate to take the necessary action; that's what I have...

Given today's Rasmussen presidential tracking poll, it looks like this bumble doesn't bounce but rather smothers himself in his own snow job.

The first rule of business is “The customer is always right.” Maybe that’s because more than twice as many people describe themselves as conservative rather than liberal. But in today’s left-wing world, the Hollywood elite, anti-American media bias and the “progressive” ad industry have defined liberalism as the norm, leaving little room for conservative principles.

Senator Mary Landrieu (D-La) rejected the notion that determining the Constitutionality of pending legislation was part of her job. The Senator’s shucking of this responsibility came in response to a questioner asking her where in the US Constitution is there the authority for congress to force people to buy health insurance. “My job is to get all I can for my constituents,” Landrieu argued. “Unlike most of my peers, I got $300 million in added benefits for my constituents in exchange for my vote in favor of the health care bill. I’m not going to let myself be bothered by...

Tired of waiting for Congress to pass the “Cap-and-Trade” bill, the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced it will initiate its own measures to control carbon dioxide emissions. The thrust of the EPA’s approach will be to determine a carbon emissions “budget” for every individual household and assess fines and penalties for those whose emissions exceed an allowable amount. EPA administrator Lisa Jackson acknowledged that this approach would be more costly than a cap and trade system, but defended it as “leverage to induce Congress to take action. Carbon dioxide is the most dangerous pollutant because there are so many...

Lindsay Vonn's dual victories at Lake Louise over the weekend have drawn sharp criticism from ranking Democrats, followed by  demands for an inquiry into the troubling incident. President Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder held a press conference announcing an investigation into Vonn's motives. "America has been arrogant in the past," stated the president. "We need to atone and ask for forgiveness. These victories in the women's downhill events send the wrong message to the world - that America is still arrogant and seeks to win. For this  I intend to apologize directly to the IOC." ~ Eric Holder supported the...

pResident Obeyme begins another busy day in the Oval Office by firing up his Mac IIci to check the day’s news. His Virginia Slim smolders between drags in a battery-powered ionic smoke-arresting ashtray nearby. [Obama, to himself] “Let’s see what the world has to say today” A list of news topics slowly scroll by in his browser: Climategate scandal widens, casts doubt on “settled science” pResident Obeyme skips Copenhagen to urge passage of BarryCareMore white sluts announce relationships with TigerObama’s approval ratings leaving marks in toilet bowlCopenhagen prostitutes to offer free “services” to Globull Warming Conference attendees.The pResident’s eyes pop...

WASHINGTON – Air Force One took off today ahead of an early arctic blast bound for Gropenhagen, site of the troubled conference on climate change. But pResident Barack Obama isn’t making an appearance to, as some in the media have suggested, save the world from global warming as he’s saved the world from capitalist racist war-mongering America. “The pResident is really just going over for the free sex,” according to Red House spokesman Robert Ahhhhhhh Gibbs.

Before anything has been decided by those participating in the environmental summit to be held in Copenhagen, the world’s foremost environmental expert, former US Vice-President Al Gore, criticized the efforts as “inadequate.” “Much more stringent measures are necessary if the returns on my investments in carbon offsets, alternative energy sources, and environmentally friendly technologies are to be maximized,” Gore observed. In related news, Gore cancelled a planned appearance at the Copenhagen summit where his fans would’ve been allowed to have their pictures taken with their idol for a fee of $1200 per photo. “It wasn’t the money,” said disappointed fan,...

Watch out for the losing streak.. LOVELOCK - USA - Fallen golf star, Tiger Woods, today visited another fallen sports star, O.J. Simpson in prison. No one knows what was said between the two disgraced American stars but one thing is for sure, there must have been some brotherly advise handed down to the newly fallen Woods. Simpson is currently serving a nine year sentence in a Nevada prison for theft. "Tiger is new to disgrace, so we think O.J. must have just told him to shrug his shoulders and take the beating like a man. O.J. is certainly no...

The unauthorized release of hundreds of e-mails from the British University of East Anglia’s Climate Research Unit has outraged Senator Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.). Oddly, it is not the implication in the e-mails that much of the purported climate research carried out to promote the global warming crisis is flawed, bogus, or worse that has gotten the Senator’s dander up. “A lot of people are trying to make a big deal about the irregularities of the research,” Boxer said. “However, the more critical issue is the violation of privacy. These scientists had no expectation that their communications would be made public....

New research out this week has resolved a long-standing, and important, quandary about the causes of global warming. While several models point to anthropogenic CO2 and other greenhouse gases as the leading cause of global warming, the warming trends do not quite match the history of anthropogenic CO2. In fact, shrinking glaciers and other undeniable evidences of warming trace back to about the mid seventeenth century. But this predates the significant rise in anthropogenic CO2 that came later in later centuries. Now environmental researchers have solved the puzzle...

President Barack Obama asserted that he “will consider any and every proposal that’s put to me” in search of a way to get Americans back to work. One idea that the President attributed to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner would entail the Federal Reserve creating a trillion dollars of new money. This money would be placed inside an abandoned coal mine. The mine would be dynamited. The government would then accept bids from private contractors and select one to dig up the money. “I think it’s ingenious,” the President said. “The cost to the government to implement this plan is negligible....

Concerned that “casual” and “irregular” so-called journalists are “confusing” the American people. Senators Diane Feinstein (D-Calif.) and Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) have introduced legislation that attempts to “draw the line between legitimate and illegitimate purveyors of news.” The legislation, Senate Bill 448, would define a legitimate journalist as a person working as a salaried employee of, or independent contractor for, a recognized publisher or broadcaster of news. Those falling outside this definition would be denied the privileges granted to established news media under freedom of the press. “The American people need to be protected from being misled by unauthorized sources,” Feinstein...

Now, I want you to remember that no one wins a war. Everybody loses when some poor dumb bastard has to die for his country. Men and women, all this stuff you’ve heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of war is true. We don’t like to fight, but we will when we are dragged kicking and screaming into it. But don’t worry, we’re not going to spend too much money, or stay at it very long. When you were kids, just 8 years ago, there was too much macho talk of winning and victory. The...

Bill Ayers, former terrorist and alleged long time friend of President Barack Obama, took issue with the President’s decision to deploy more troops to fight in Afghanistan. “I feel betrayed,” wailed a disconsolate Ayers. “I poured my heart and soul into electing this man. I thought we agreed that the real enemy was right here in America. This is where the capitalist exploiters are. Sending troops to foreign lands diverts our energy from the real mission.” Ayers hinted that “the President’s betrayal of the progressive agenda could turn out as badly for him as JFK’s attacks against the progressive regime...

With polls showing little support for his proposed overhaul of the nation’s health care delivery system, President Barack Obama is now trying to pitch it as a remedy for high unemployment—the number one concern of most voters, according to most surveys. “Those who’ve been accusing me of ignoring the unemployment problem haven’t been paying attention,” Obama contended. “Health care reform will create thousands of jobs.” “First, we will be hiring people to scrutinize proposed treatments to determine whether the prospective patients really need it and whether society can justify the investment of scarce resources on the health of the applicants,”...

This just in. The Institute for Scriptural Geology in Waco, Texas, today offered “unswerving support and fervent prayers” for the scientists caught up in Climategate. Professor Elmer Moody, director of the institute, told a press conference: “We know what it’s like to have the integrity of our research questioned by unbelievers, so our hearts go out to those good folks at the East Anglican University. “Our work proves conclusively that, once proper adjustments are made by adding up the numbers in the Book of Daniel, the geological record shows that the Earth is 6,000 years old. Yet we have had...

Another fantastic vid about Obama by Grumpy Old Twat (non-sweary like, too!). And he's not even American ...

Brigadier General Barack H. ObamaSupreme Allied Commander-in-Chief, Operation Minivan PoolAt ease, men.As your battalion commanders and General Axelrod have already briefed you, you embark today on an important mission to the Af-Pak Theater. The success of this mission will not only insure the future of democracy and human civilization, but also my Gallup net favorable index. I have every confidence that you will succeed in this great educational field trip, because you represent the finest right-sized, nonviolent time killing force ever assembled. Continued

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) is demanding that the Lewiston (Maine) School District allow seventh-grader Nasra Aden to pray in school at the regularly designated times for Islamic daily prayers and in the regularly prescribed prostrated posture. The District has not been accommodating in-school prayers under the apprehension that prayers are not permitted in public schools. CAIR said it cannot accept the District’s insistence that any praying be done silently and unobtrusively. “Islam is a very vocal faith,” CAIR spokesman, Runha Amuk said. “God commands that we praise him frequently and openly. To demand silence is an insult to...

WASHINGTON — Giddy he was finally able to make a decision, pResident Barack Obama couldn’t help but spill his new strategy for Afghanistan today, long before his nationally televised speech scheduled for tonight.

If Obama, Jessica Simpson, and Wolf Blitzer were contestants on Jeopardy! this is pretty much how the show would play out....

Image via Wikipedia Climate scientists made a shocking discovery today: we are probably already dead based on new climate data numbers coming in from recent measurements.“It’s even worse than I feared,� said Dr. Notid Skamartest of the United Nations Climate and World Control Council. “According to these new temperature measurements, we have all been killed by the effects of global warming. Probably sometime around the summer of 2007. In fact, I’m not even really speaking to you right now. This is just a residual memory transfiguration event that we all are experiencing after our recent demise. I can’t believe no...

In an interview for Nation magazine, former President Jimmy Carter says that current President Barack Obama is “the best in my lifetime, maybe the best this country has ever had.” Key to the high praise was Carter’s assessment that “President Obama is the most brilliant man to ever have held the office. He is wise beyond the boundaries we normally observe for human beings. That is probably why his Administration is our nation’s most unprecedented in history.” “Of course, being the first black man to be elected president has to rank as the most unprecedented accomplishment ever achieved by anyone...

Famed domestic diva Martha Stewart took a few minutes off from her quest to beautify American households to broadcast a warning that we should all beware of Sarah Palin. “Ms. Palin doesn’t know diddly about home décor,” Stewart asserted. “Why, she even has animal hides in her living room. And she boasts about killing them herself. It’s no way for a civilized person to live.” Stewart went on to label Palin’s autobiography “boring.” “How could it be otherwise?” Stewart rhetorically asked. “Does it have decorating tips? Does it have recipes? No, it’s just the typical right wing blather about freedom....

The anemic results of the first government “stimulus” bill are said to be inspiring talk of another one. “There are nearly 16 million unemployed Americans,” complained House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). “And this is after we approved a spending bill of over $700 billion. Every economist I’ve talked to says the problem is that the first stimulus package was too small.” Pelosi cited the estimated cost per job created to bolster her case for an expanded stimulus package. “With a cost of nearly $500,000 per new job created, it should be obvious that $700 billion won’t get us very far...

This is a response to this ad from mega-retailer Best Buy: and to this holiday greeting from President Barack H. Obama (mmm, mmm, mmm):Michelle and I would like to send our best wishes to all those performing Hajj this year, and to Muslims in America and around the world who are celebrating Eid-ul-Adha. The rituals of Hajj and Eid-ul-Adha both serve as reminders of the shared Abrahamic roots of three of the world’s major religions. During Hajj, the world’s largest and most diverse gathering, three million Muslims from all walks of life – including thousands of American Muslims – will...

The entire writing staff of the David Letterman show has quit over a Top Ten list that Letterman has written himself and plans to read on his CBS-TV show tomorrow night. "Forget about the fact that he's micromanaging the show and trying to do our job. It's his prerogative to oversee the operation," said an unnamed writer. "But the list just isn't funny."

Three US Navy Seals who effected the capture of a highly sought terrorist suspect are headed for court-martial. Meanwhile, the suspect, Ahmed Hashim Abed may have to be released under new Obama Administration guidelines for dealing with perpetrators of the inaptly renamed “man-caused disasters.” The bizarre turn of events was set in motion by what Administration officials termed the “unnecessary roughness” displayed by the Seals during Abed’s capture last September. It appears that one of the Seals may have punched Abed and bloodied his lip. “We have rules governing this sort of thing,” said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. “Without...

Click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnsluydoP3c A few of the words will need to be changed, but all in all, it captures the satiric spirit of the situation fairly well.

Despite the fact that Congress enacted a law barring any more government funds—including funds authorized by previous legislation—from going to the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN), the Obama Administration’s Department of Justice has determined that payments can be made to ACORN under contracts signed prior to the ban. David Barron, the acting assistant attorney general for the Department of Justice’s Office of Legal Counsel pointed out that “these pre-existing contracts are open-ended. They can be extended and re-loaded with money for as long and as much as the Administration deems warranted. Though congress has blocked any new...

November 27, 2009Sticks and stones and broken bones under Obamacare Dave LowreyAdieu, yearly mammogram; arrivederci, annual pap smear. Old news already. And hot on the happy heels of last week’s startling revelations and 180 degree rotation of medical testing recommendations, comes still another breakthrough way to shave medical care costs. And we mean “breakthrough” in the literal sense. Turns out Big Spender hospitals have been wasting scads of money, not to mention plaster of Paris and x-ray film, on broken bones that will, researchers now reveal, heal themselves! “Broken bones can mend on their own,” says Dr. Riley Pumpernickel, head...

(Washington, D.C. - 11/27/09) According to anonymous sources with the Obama administration, an announcement is forthcoming which will name a "Czar of Czars" to funnel information from the regular czars to the president. "As of this moment, the president feels there are too many czars and is finding it impossible to schedule meetings with them all to get the latest updates on how their respective areas of responsibility are performing. We feel that having one person to give the president updates is the smartest way to utilize the presidents time, giving him the updates he needs with only one meeting."...

Last night I had a dream… 20 years from now, the geographical region currently known as “America,” and indeed the entire world, will have undergone a breathtaking transformation. Like a fragile butterfly, who spreads her delicate painted wings only after being stuffed into a frumpy looking cocoon of racist oppression, my dream-self wandered in wonder and delight, crying in joy, screaming, “Yes we DID! Yes we DID!” This is what I saw…

Check out this updated video of JibJab's Thanksgiving song, with an Obama, Pelosi, Biden twist ... our turkey is so cooked.

The Indian science journal Jonwar Chodu has just released the details on some fascinating research being conducted to replace the gasoline-powered automobile. Scientists working on the volcanic island of Krakatoa have been experimenting with a new type of car that is expected to completely replace the internal combustion engine by as early as 2013. They call it the “geo-thermal hydro-electric car.” How does it work? I’m glad you asked…

STOP THE PRESSES! After doing a search on a number of links to the controversial emails which have been leaked or hacked from the Hadley Climate Research Center, it has been discovered that they are most likely FAKE. An examination of the emails in detail shows that they used proportional fonts, which were not available at the time of George Bush's stint in the Texas Air National Guard. "He played on our FEARS!" thundered a visibly upset Al Gore, screaming from a prepared statement. "He BETRAYED THIS COUNTRY!" Mary Mapes was unavailable for comment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IDRSkBOuuc

GENEVA - Switzerland - The United Nations has welcomed bids from the world's top celebrities to stop passing wind thus ending the deadly march of 'climate change' threatening our delicate eco-system. "It doesn't matter that countries like China, India and America are pumping out huge amounts of toxic pollution into the earth's atmosphere; we believe by not farting and reusing our shopping bags we can save the world too," Bob Geldof, told a panel of scientists at Geneva's annual Climate Change exhibition sponsored by Monsanto.