Free Republic 4th Quarter Fundraising Target: $88,000 Receipts & Pledges to-date: $33,135
Woo hoo!! And the first 37% is in!! Thank you all very much!! God bless.

Keyword: satire

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • How America Is Like A Bad Boyfriend

    10/26/2016 1:05:37 PM PDT · by Ulmius · 12 replies
    YouTube (CollegeHumor) ^ | December 4, 2014
    So a British chick is telling her to break up...
  • Administration Promises Saudis it Will “Fix” 9/11 Victims Law [semi-satire]

    10/25/2016 10:40:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Still smarting from a Congressional override of his veto of the Justice Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act, a law that allows victims of the 9/11 jihadi attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon the right to sue foreign governments that aided the terrorists, President Obama has ordered Secretary of State John Kerry to work out a scheme with the government of Saudi Arabia to nullify the law. In a meeting held this week, Kerry assured Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir that “we will figure out how we can adjust the law in a way that is mutually satisfactory to...
  • Media Assails Trump’s “Wait and See” Stance on Election [semi-satire]

    10/24/2016 10:42:38 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The broadcast news “talking heads” went into hysterics following Republican presidential contender Donald Trump’s refusal to automatically concede on election night if it looks like the votes go against him. On CNN, the commentators proclaimed Trump’s stance “a threat to our democracy.” All professed to have never heard such a statement at any previous presidential debate. Which is true because no other candidate was ever asked this question. Whether Trump might have good reason to wait until he sees the election results for himself seems to be supported by several facts. On the one hand, there have been a number...
  • Libertarian Bewails "Double Standard" [semi-satire]

    10/23/2016 4:35:03 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Libertarian presidential candidate and former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson complained about the media's "double standard" after they ignored Hillary Clinton's geographic inaccuracy regarding Mosul while lampooning him as "an ignorant dope" when he failed to recognize "Aleppo." "I wasn't Secretary of State for four years like Hillary was," he pointed out. "I was peacefully minding my own business. Why should I be expected to know such minutia? But she is the one who supposed to be the world's smartest woman. She is the one who never ceases to remind us that she's got 30 years of experience in government....
  • Obamacare in "Transition Phase" [semi-satire]

    10/23/2016 10:56:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Health insurance premium hikes and dwindling service alternatives under the Affordable Care Act were described by President Obama as "a transition phase of the program." "Right now a lot of people are whining about having to pay more or having no choice of doctors or plans where they live," Obama remarked. "All of these complaints originate from a selfish individual perspective. Sure, some isolated individuals may have to pay more and get less, but in the more crucial issue of our progress toward collective social justice we are on track." Before Obamacare, annual family premiums for employer-provided coverage cost an...
  • Madonna Makes an Offer [semi-satire]

    10/22/2016 1:52:10 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 18 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Included in her introduction of comedian Amy Schumer at a New York City performance, pop star Madonna told the audience that “if you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blow job.” It was not clear whether this was an inducement or a threat. Audience member Richard Long of Queens found the prospect appealing. “Madonna said she’s not a douche and that she swallows,” Long pointed out. “That’s classy. Hillary’s got my vote.” In contrast, audience member Anne Chester of Manhattan wondered “whether this is the kind of thing a Clinton supporter ought to be saying. Look at...
  • Hillary "Horrified" by Trump's Abortion Comments [semi-satire]

    10/22/2016 11:08:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    At this week's debate, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton professed herself "horrified" by GOP rival Donald Trump's denunciation of partial-birth abortions as "ripping babies out of the womb" and criticizing the practice as "terrible" and "unacceptable." "Granted, the elimination of these near term fetuses is a gruesome procedure," she admitted. "But what's more gruesome is Trump's attempt to use these tragic medical interventions as a scare tactic to overturn the rights established by Roe v. Wade. For too long state legislatures across the country unfairly prohibited or restricted a woman's right to an abortion. Fortunately, in 1973 the Supreme Court...
  • Pope Francis Names Archbishop Cupich As His Successor [Humor/Sarcasm]

    10/22/2016 7:52:45 AM PDT · by ebb tide · 4 replies
    Eye of the Tiber ^ | October 11, 2016 | Admin
    The Vatican announced this week that Chicago Archbishop Blase Cupich has been selected to be Pope Francis’ successor after the 79-year-old pontiff hits the age of retirement next year. Cupich told worshipers yesterday that he was “so very grateful and humbled by the news that he would be given the opportunity to wreak havoc upon the Church while wearing white.” Cupich, 67, will receive his “white hat” in Rome on December 18, 2017, the day after Pope Francis turns 80. Cupich’s succession to the papacy also means he will have his choice of who will succeed him in the future....
  • DNC Chair Assails Videos of Democrat Election Fraud [semi-satire]

    10/21/2016 10:41:55 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 23 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 23 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The Democratic National Committee Chairperson Donna Brazile assailed videos from Project Veritas declaring that "these stolen tapes should not be permitted to be viewed by voters prior to the election. Posing as a Democratic Party intern for the purpose of secretly gathering inside information is just a lowdown dirty trick." In a testy exchange with Fox News' Meagan Kelly, the DNC replacement for the previously disgraced Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, who was forced to resign after leaked emails revealed that she was leading an effort to rig the Democratic nomination process to benefit Hillary Clinton, Brazile attempted to divert attention from...
  • CDC Warns Of U.S. Cholera Epidemic (Satire)

    10/21/2016 4:11:16 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 1 replies
    10/21/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    CDC director Tom Frieden warned today of a possible cholera epidemic in the U.S. Frieden had originally thought that the cholera was related to the Zika mosquitoes and limited to Florida but CDC investigators proved otherwise. CDC investigators identified hundreds of cholera cases in Illinois with Chicago being the center of the outbreak. Investigators determined that 40 Haitian men were bused in from Florida to vote. The Haitians were part of a program by the Obama Administration to accelerate the nationalization program for thousands of Haitian refugees before the election. It was determined that the men were promised by local...
  • SC Justice Sotomayor Expresses Regret (Satire)

    10/20/2016 6:12:51 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 9 replies
    10/20/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    Today, in an exclusive interview with Alt-Right investigative reporters, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor expressed her regret about the baseball bat statement concerning deceased SC Justice Antonin Scalia. She expressed regret that the Obama Administration had taken him out before she could get to him with her favorite custom made "Raptor" baseball bat. She had dreamt of the day she would catch him alone behind the Supreme Court where she would kneecap him first and then use Raptor to deliver the final killing blows when he begged for mercy. She stated that she had a visceral hate for him because...
  • More Democrat Election Fraud [semi-satire]

    10/18/2016 11:11:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In two new undercover videos obtained by Project Veritas Democratic Party workers openly talked about “dirty tricks.” In Florida, Wylie Mao, a field organizer for the Clinton campaign said that ripping up registration forms from Republicans would be “cool strategy. It works on several levels. Every Republican we sign up can be completely neutralized as a voting threat. He thinks we’ve turned in his registration form. So he doesn’t go and register with the County Recorder on his own. He tootles along until election day when he tries to vote. Since his name isn’t on the official list the best...
  • CNN Irked at Chant [semi-satire]

    10/17/2016 11:01:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In a post-debate campaign rally GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump continued his charges of media bias by referencing the three-on-one (two moderators and Hillary Clinton vs. Trump) format of the Sunday night face-off. The crowd began chanting “CNN sucks,” much to the dismay of a few CNN “talking heads,” including Chris Cuomo, Alisyn Camerota, Brian Stelter, and Bill Carter. Cuomo characterized the crowd response as “dangerous and unprecedented. We haven’t treated Trump any differently than any other Republican nominee. All of them—Romney, McCain, Bush—took it in stride without complaining. That Trump would make an issue out of it shows his...
  • Wikileaks Exposes Democrats' Disdain for Catholicism, Latinos & Blacks [semi-satire]

    10/16/2016 10:57:57 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    One of the latest batches of emails made public by Wikileaks revealed that key Clinton supporters have expressed low opinions of Catholic doctrines. Clinton campaign communications director Jennifer Palmieri labeled them "backwards." Center for American Progress (a public policy advocacy organization founded by Hillary Clinton's 2016 Campaign Director John Podesta) senior fellow John Halpin called conservative interpretations of the religion "an amazing bastardization of the faith." And Podesta has been working with billionaire financier of left-wing causes George Soros to promote a "Catholic Spring" modeled on the "Arab Spring" that has successfully replaced the secular government of Egypt with jihadi...
  • Clinton Boasts of Diverting Funds from Terrorists [semi-satire]

    10/15/2016 4:09:35 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In one of the Clinton emails Wikileaks published this week former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton acknowledged that American "allies Qatar and Saudi Arabia are providing clandestine financial and logistic support to ISIL (ISIS) and other radical Sunni groups in the region." Qatar and Saudi Arabia have also been very generous to the Clintons. Back in August they each ponied up a million dollars as a birthday present for former President Bill Clinton. Far from being embarrassed, Clinton boasted that "this represents $2 million that was diverted from funding terrorists. I challenge Trump to prove he has diverted a single...
  • RAF Has "Green Light" to Fire on Russian Jets [semi-news]

    10/15/2016 10:41:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The risky nature of the United States' entanglement in the Syrian civil war ratcheted up a notch when pilots of our NATO ally, the United Kingdom, were given the okay to shoot down Russian fighter aircraft if they feel threatened by them. Current Secretary of State John Kerry and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have both spoken of the "need to confront Russia" in Syria. At last Sunday's presidential debate Clinton contrasted her strong stance in support of a "no fly zone" in Syria with presidential rival Donald Trump's "cowardly preference for avoiding the steps necessary to counter this...
  • Clinton Campaign Calls Wikileaks "Violation of Constitutional Rights" [semi-satire]

    10/15/2016 12:38:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    The flood of emails obtained from Clinton confidants detailing repeated instances of illegal, dishonest, and despicable behavior has provoked a howl of protest from the Clinton for President campaign. "Lest anyone forget, let me remind them that these emails were purloined surreptitiously and illegally," campaign manager Robby Mook complained. "By invading the privacy of people actively supporting Secretary Clinton's election they have been forced to unwillingly testify against themselves. This compelled testimony is as flagrant a violation of the Constitution's guarantee against self-incrimination as we have ever seen in a political campaign in our nation's history." Among the revelations contained...
  • Voter "Irregularities" Popping Up Across the Nation [semi-satire]

    10/11/2016 11:08:48 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    As election day grows nearer reports of voter irregularities are surfacing in numerous locations around the country. In Texas, the Attorney General's Office is investigating a vote-harvesting scheme involving as many as 20,000 bogus ballots in Tarrant County. The vote harvesting scheme entails Democratic Party operatives "helping" the elderly, mentally incapacitated, and the economically disadvantaged fill out their ballots, if not actually forging signatures and manufacturing non-existent voters. In Philadelphia, a spot check by Joseph Vanderhulst, an attorney with the Public Interest Legal Foundation, found that 86 non-citizens have been registered to vote for years with half of them casting...
  • Court Rules States Cannot Reject Refugees [semi-satire]

    10/10/2016 12:20:49 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Judge Richard Posner, writing for the three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit, ruled that "governors have no authority to reject Syrian refugees being sent to their states. Neither do mayors, landlords, or homeowners have the right to block the placement of refugees in their towns, buildings, or households if that is what the President determines is in the best interest of the country. The idea that any of these other parties can refuse to cooperate in the refugee relocation program just because they deem it dangerous is not supported by law or the Constitution."...
  • 10 Reasons Not To Vote For Trump [YouTube]

    10/10/2016 10:20:05 AM PDT · by servo1969 · 6 replies ^ | 10-10-2016 | Computing Forever
    This is called satire.
  • Clinton Wins Straw Ballot at San Quentin Prison [semi-satire]

    10/09/2016 11:34:01 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    In what was billed as a preview of a newly passed California law that will permit imprisoned felons to vote for real next year, a limited trial run was conducted by the inmate-run newspaper at San Quentin State Prison this week. The inmates were given an opportunity to vote for president of the United States and on Proposition 62, which would outlaw capital punishment. Democrat Hillary Clinton won with 79% of the vote. Green Party candidate Jill Stein finished second with 11%. Donald Trump was third with 9%. Editor of the inmate paper Arnulfo Garcia speculated that "the results might...
  • Will the US Go to War with Russia over Syria? [semi-satire]

    10/08/2016 10:48:08 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    Tensions surrounding the war-torn nation of Syria ratcheted up this week with Secretary of State John Kerry charging Russia with war crimes, Russia threatening to shoot down US planes that attack its Syrian government ally, and US Army Chief of Staff General Mark Milley boasting to the Russians that “we will beat you harder than you have ever been beaten before.” On one side we have the Russians and the murderous Assad regime. On the other side we have the bumbling Obama Administration and its confusing alliance with anti-Assad jihadis. The unanswered question is whether the issue of which side...
  • Clintons Mock Trump's Lewd Conversation from 2005 [semi-satire]

    10/08/2016 1:57:36 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    A Washington Post story about a lewd conversation between Donald Trump and Billy Bush of "Access Hollywood" in 2005 was viewed with scorn and derision by both Bill and Hillary Clinton. Bill homed in on Trump's description of his attempt to seduce a woman by offering to buy her furniture. "What kind of a loser has to stoop so low to garner the attentions of a woman?" he asked. "On top of that Trump admits that he failed to achieve his objective. Kissinger was the one who had it right—power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Maybe if Trump had been a...
  • Local Worship Team Perplexed By Strange Symbols On Music Sheet

    10/04/2016 6:49:51 PM PDT · by ExGeeEye · 15 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | Oct 4, 2016 | Unknown
    SEATTLE, WA—According to sources within The Lighthouse Fellowship, worship leader Hurley Hudson carried out his weekly routine of printing chord sheets for him and his eight-piece worship band Saturday night—only this time, Hudson checked the wrong box on CCLI’s SongSelect web application, which caused the site to print out a strange collection of lines, ovals, circles, and numbers along with the usual lyrics to the Coldplay song they were set to feature during their worship service. As nobody caught the error until Sunday morning, the band arrived with no idea that anything was amiss until they began their 9:15 a.m....
  • Obama: Thank God I'm a country boy

    10/05/2016 12:14:21 PM PDT · by ColdOne · 49 replies ^ | 10/5/16 | Paul Bedard
    "They taught me the kind of values that don't always make headlines, let alone the daily back-and-forth in Washington. Honesty and responsibility. Hard work and toughness against adversity. Keeping your word, and giving back to your community. And treating folks with respect, even if you disagree with them," he added.
  • Presidential Candidates Name Favorite World Leader [semi-satire]

    10/04/2016 2:45:38 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 October 2016 | John Semmens
    In a bid to probe one dimension of the presidential candidates' perspectives on world politics and foreign relations, the media asked each of them to name their favorite foreign leader. Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton tabbed Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel as her favorite. "Chancellor Merkel has been an extraordinarily strong leader," Clinton asserted. "She has opened the doors of her country to more than a million Muslims from the Middle East. She has bravely faced down opposition to her policies in the midst of the difficulties of acclimation for these refugees." Clinton went on to contrast "Merkel's generosity with...
  • Passenger Bumped from Seat to Appease Muslims [semi-satire]

    10/03/2016 9:04:03 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 October 2016 | John Semmens
    Booking her flight in advance and paying for her "guaranteed" seat didn't ensure that Mary Campos would get what she ordered. As she arrived at the boarding gate she was bumped to a different seat to "accommodate the cultural beliefs" of two Muslim men. United Airlines spokesperson Amir Fuol explained that "we regret that Ms. Campos was unhappy with the handling of the seat assignments on her flight. United holds our employees to the highest standards of professionalism and has zero tolerance for discrimination." Campos complained that "this blather from Mr. Fuol explains nothing. How do the beliefs of a...
  • Clinton Foundation Calls For Donations (Satire)

    10/02/2016 5:05:21 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 3 replies
    10/02/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    The Clinton Global Crime Initiative Foundation is calling for donations for the hurricane that will be hitting Haiti in near future. The hurricane is expected to be at least a Cat 4 which will produce a huge amount of damage and suffering which will provide an excellent fund raising opportunity. Bill and Chelsea are soliciting the donations for disaster relief in advance of the hurricane hitting the island to get a jump on the situation. Bill stated that the foundation had missed out on billions in donations in the last disaster to hit Haiti because the earthquake was unexpected. Other...
  • Clinton Sics Machado on Trump [semi-satire]

    10/01/2016 11:52:10 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 Oct 2016 | John Semmens
    At this week's presidential debate Hillary Clinton contended that rival Donald Trump had "cruelly abused" Alicia Machado, 1996's Miss Universe, alleging he called her "Miss Piggy" for getting fat during the year she held the title. According to Hillary "this shows the kind of deplorable disrespect for women that proves him unfit to be president." For her part, Machado admits that she has no witnesses to back up her claims of "mental abuse," but insists that "Trump is a horrible person." What recorded evidence there is suggests that contrary to abusing Ms, Machado, Trump actually tried to help her. When...
  • FBI's Latest Email Disclosure Has Surprising Content [semi-satire]

    10/01/2016 2:19:25 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 October 2016 | John Semmens
    Within the latest Friday evening document "dump" from the FBI was evidence that Hillary Clinton's lawyers deleted 1,000 emails between General David Patraeus. At the time Hillary was Secretary of State Petraeus led US Central Command and later became director of the CIA. While it would appear that communications between the Secretary of State and Patraeus would be work-related, Hillary offered a different explanation. "David is a very avid yoga enthusiast," she said. "He and I were in regular communication comparing notes and engaging in some friendly competition to see who could complete the most exercises each week. So, it...
  • Obama Says Americans Have to Give Up Freedoms [semi-satire]

    09/26/2016 11:00:46 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    In his speech at the United Nations President Obama said that "in order to realize the promise of the UN, the US must give up freedoms. As we work toward the dream of a world government we have to realize that compromise is necessary. Much of the world is less free than America. We could stubbornly refuse to budge and try to hold onto our special status. Or we could be more adult and recognize we have to meet the unfree segment halfway." "For example, freedom of speech and religion are not as common elsewhere," Obama pointed out. "We can't...
  • Where is Lester Holt? (Satire)

    09/25/2016 3:02:09 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 17 replies
    9/25/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    Where is Lester Holt? He has been missing from the NBC Evening News for over a week. Savanah Guppie has been ordered to fill in for the nightly news cast in his absence. Guppie fearfully stated that Holt was at home writing questions for the debate. Guppie would not elaborate because she was fearful that any unapproved response might subject her to the same PC crucifixion that had been visited upon her co-host Matt Liar. Alt-Right investigative reporters have learned from a source within the Clinton campaign staff that Holt is being covertly driven to the Clinton compound daily. The...
  • IRS to Warn Uninsured [semi-satire]

    09/25/2016 9:12:25 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Irked by the decision of 20 million Americans who have declined to sign up for Obamacare, the IRS is crafting a letter to advise them of the "antisocial implications" of non-participation. Commissioner John Koskinen explained that "failure to enroll evinces a lack of cooperation with a policy that the government has determined is necessary. Non-compliers may feel that enrollment is optional. It is not. That's why there is a fine. Paying the fine doesn't get them off the hook." Koskinen pointed out that "not only does the amount of the fine ratchet up each year, our Agency has other tools...
  • Secret Report Released: Clinton Foundation to Become Cabinet Department

    09/25/2016 5:15:57 AM PDT · by Kaslin · 23 replies ^ | September 25, 2016 | Bruce Bialosky
    Editor's Note: This piece is satire.In a breaking story, Julian Assange released secret emails that disclose if Hillary Clinton becomes president, she plans to propose that the Clinton Foundation become the 16th cabinet department of the U.S. government. The report details how the Clintons will propose that the work of the Clinton Foundation has become vital to the nation and that the services it provides are not being done by other cabinet departments. Reaction was swift from the Clinton campaign. Brian Fallon, the press secretary for the campaign, stated “We cannot believe that the Russians tied to the Trump campaign...
  • Treasury Says Billions Paid to Iran Not Used to Fund Terrorists [semi-satire]

    09/24/2016 1:46:23 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Treasury Secretary Jack Lew told the House Financial Services Committee that "we have no evidence that the billions of dollars we have released to Iran in the past year have been used to fund terrorism. In fact, the government of Iran has assured us, in no uncertain terms, that not one dollar has been used to directly finance any terrorist group." Lew admitted that "we have no real way of knowing. We didn't record the serial numbers of any of the bills we handed over" as "this would not have shown good faith. Friendship is built upon a certain measure...
  • Dems Assail Skittles Analogy [semi-satire]

    09/24/2016 10:20:38 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Donald Trump Jr.'s analogy employing a bowl of Skittles sparked outrage among defenders of increased Muslim immigration to the United States. In the analogy, the son of the presidential candidate took on the argument that only a few terrorists would be able to sneak into the country by hiding among the throng of refugees from Syria. Trump asked "suppose I offered you the opportunity to grab a handful of Skittles from a bowl in which just a few were poisoned, would you take them?" The astoundingly dense Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) called Trump Jr. "a rotten apple that hasn't fallen...
  • Post Warns Trump Election "Blows Chance for Confronting Russia" [semi-satire]

    09/23/2016 5:28:41 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Jackson Diehl, deputy editorial page editor of the Washington Post, issued a stern warning to voters that "the election of Donald Trump would risk undermining our opportunity to blunt Russian imperialism in Syria. The United States is far stronger than Putin's Russia. We must not let them succeed." "In contrast," the Diehl pointed out, "Secretary Clinton understands the importance of maintaining a balance of power between the Assad regime and the Islamic State in the region and can be counted on to reject Putin's plea that the United States and Russia forge a common front against Islamic terrorism." Trump campaign...
  • Report: Terror attack stopped by heroic activist who established safe space in local mall

    09/22/2016 10:38:00 PM PDT · by Bubba Gump Shrimp · 6 replies
    DuffelBlog ^ | sept 22, 2016 | duffelblog
    ST. CLOUD, Minn. – Shane Williams was standing in line at Orange Julius with his 6-year old daughter when the screaming started last week. Instinctively, Shane pulled his daughter close and began searching for the cause of the commotion. Williams saw a woman running toward him; blood ran through her fingers where she clutched her abdomen. Behind her, a man dressed in a security guard uniform appeared to be wrestling with someone.
  • Students distribute ‘Racism Release Form’ at Goucher College

    09/22/2016 9:26:43 AM PDT · by LouieFisk · 6 replies ^ | September 22, 2016 | Kayla Schierbecker
    "Students at Maryland’s Goucher College can save administrators a step if they want to report racism: They can report themselves."
  • Report: Terror attack stopped by heroic activist who established safe space in local mall

    09/22/2016 7:57:34 AM PDT · by rey · 32 replies
    Duffleblog ^ | Satire
    ST. CLOUD, Minn. – Shane Williams was standing in line at Orange Julius with his 6-year old daughter when the screaming started last week. Instinctively, Shane pulled his daughter close and began searching for the cause of the commotion. Williams saw a woman running toward him; blood ran through her fingers where she clutched her abdomen. Behind her, a man dressed in a security guard uniform appeared to be wrestling with someone. Williams, who believed he might be witnessing an instance of patriarchal oppression, grabbed his cellphone. What happened next has caused everyone from the Mayor of St. Cloud, to...
  • Merkel Demands German Firms Hire Immigrants [semi-satire]

    09/19/2016 10:41:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Impatient at the slow progress toward integrating Middle Eastern immigrants into the German economy, Chancellor Angela Merkel demanded that businesses "step up the pace of hiring. It's a disgrace that only 100 of the million refugees that have entered the country this year have jobs. The refusal of the private sector to offer enough jobs forces the government to bear the burdens of meeting the need to house and feed these people." Hans Volle, Director of Human Resources for Deutsche Tech, complained that "Chancellor Merkel's aspirations are unreasonable. Hardly any of these refugees understand our language, a majority of them...
  • So sick of Santa and his Arrogant Shaming Tactic

    09/18/2016 1:59:28 PM PDT · by Vendome · 15 replies
    Vanity | 09/18/2016 | Vendome
    Ran across the pic posted below and couldn't stop laughing.
  • Police Union Endorses Trump [semi-satire]

    09/18/2016 11:39:35 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Following a meeting of the group's national board where two-thirds voted to support GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump, the largest police union—Fraternal Order of Police—announced its endorsement. Chuck Canterbury, the FOP's national president, called the choice "an easy decision. The contrast between the candidates is as stark as any we've ever seen. Trump is for law and order. He supports civilized behavior and public safety. Mrs. Clinton appears to have sided with the enemies of these values." In contrast to Trump's avid courting of the police union, Hillary Clinton disdained "to stoop so low as to try to curry favor...
  • Democrat VP Candidate Says “Denouncing KKK Is Not Enough” [semi-satire]

    09/17/2016 3:57:03 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Democratic vice-presidential candidate Tim Kaine insists that Trump's multiple denunciations of the Ku Klux Klan and its former leader David Duke "are not enough. Neither Trump nor Pence will use the word 'deplorable' in their efforts to evade being pinned down on this issue." CNN's Wolf Blitzer was similarly adamant about the GOP candidates' refusal to use the word "deplorable" as he badgered Pence in an interview. "Why not say deplorable?" Blitzer demanded to know, rejecting Pence's determination not to engage in name calling. "We hear the Republicans saying they don't want the support of Duke and the Klan, yet...
  • Trump Backs Off Claim Obama Wasn’t Born in the US [semi-satire]

    09/17/2016 10:16:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    This week GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump backed away from his previous questioning of President Obama’s birthplace. His announcement was greeted by an outpouring of venom from assorted Democratic sources. A bevy of members of the Congressional Black Caucus took turns denouncing Trump as a racist. Rival presidential contender Hillary Clinton asserted that “this proves the man is racist to the core. Anyone who would smear America’s first black president with an insinuation that he was not born in this country is unfit for office.” The sincerity of the outrage has to be dubious since both Obama and Clinton played...
  • Hillary Campaign Caught Stealing from Donors [semi-satire]

    09/17/2016 12:58:13 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Some supporters of Hillary Clinton are coming to rue giving out their credit card data to the campaign. It seems that individuals who thought they were agreeing to one-time charges are discovering repeated levies on their accounts in their monthly statements. Upon inspecting her recent Visa Card statements, Carol Mahre found multiple charges amounting to $94. "On the phone they asked me to give $25, which I said was okay," Mahre recounted. "But when I looked at my bill there were three deductions of $25 and one for $19." Campaign manager Robby Mook attributed the unauthorized charges to "simple human...
  • Mexico To Build The Wall (Satire)

    09/15/2016 4:56:56 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 2 replies
    9/15/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    Today the President of Mexico, Penis Nieto, stated that Mexico would build a wall ... not one, but two and they would pay for them validating Trump and punking Vicente Fox the has been former President of Mexico. One wall would be built on the Southern border to keep out the hordes of illegal immigrants from Ecuador, Honduras, Costa Rica, and other Southern 3rd world countries. Nieto described the influx like a plague of locusts economically devouring everything in their path. The second wall would be built on the Northern border to stem the tide of the projected million US...
  • Alt-Right Breitbart Punks 60 Minutes (Satire)

    09/13/2016 3:16:25 PM PDT · by RetiredTexasVet · 3 replies
    9/14/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    The Alt-Right Breitbart media today punked 60 Minutes, the self-acclaimed king of investigative reporting, by reporting the details of the Administration's 1.2 billion dollar payoff to Iran. Taunting Scott Pelley and Charlie Rose, Breitbart released the details of the investigation of the shady and illegal transfer of 1.2 billion dollars to Iran. Intrepid Breitbart reporters discovered that HSBC, the first choice laundromat of money laundering for cartels, foundations, etc., was used by the US Treasury to launder the money. Although Iran was alleged to not have a bank account, an Iranian account was miraculously discovered at Wells Fargo into which...
  • Dem Adviser Minimizes Risk of Vote Fraud [semi-satire]

    09/12/2016 10:28:50 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    Democratic operative James Carville sought to reassure Americans that the scope of any potential election fraud is too small to be concerned about. "It has been my experience that the maximum number of fraudulent votes from any one voting machine is around 100," Carville said. "I know of no presidential election that has ever been decided by 100 votes one way or the other. It would take an army of hackers to rig enough machines to reach a decisive impact on the outcome. And I just can't imagine that anyone would be willing to go to such lengths to steal...
  • New ISIS Commander Was Trained by US [semi-satire]

    09/11/2016 11:36:17 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Sep 2016 | John Semmens
    It turns out that Gulmurod Khalimov, the new ISIS military commander, was one of the “moderate” terrorists who received training from the US State Department. From 2003-2014 Khalimov participated in five counter-terrorism training courses in the United States and in Tajikistan, through the Department of State’s Diplomatic Security/Anti-Terrorism Assistance program. Department spokeswoman Pooja Jhunjhunwala insisted that Khalimov had “been properly vetted.” The thoroughness of this so-called vetting was called into question by the revelation that he had appeared in a video in which he called Americans pigs and boasted “we will find your towns, we will come to your homes,...