Keyword: satire

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  • Dems Praise Federal Reserve Appointee [semi-satire]

    03/22/2017 9:25:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    The appointment of University of Southern California Professor Raphael Bostic as president of the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta garnered praise from some leading Democrats in Congress. Ohio Sen. Sherrod Brown, top Democrat on the Senate Banking Committee, hailed the appointment, calling it "a long overdue injection of new blood into the governance of monetary policy. Up to now there has been no one to represent a gay black perspective on interest rates, banking, and the economy. Dr. Bostic's ascendance to this prominent position plugs a gap that has stigmatized Fed policy for over 100 years." California's Rep. Maxine Waters,...
  • Feud Between McCain & Paul Escalates [semi-satire]

    03/20/2017 4:44:21 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    This week Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) questioned Sen. Rand Paul’s (R-Ken) loyalties after Paul voted not to extend NATO military support to Montenegro. In turn, Paul questioned McCain’s judgment. As McCain reasoned, Paul’s refusal to extend the United States’ guarantee to defend Montenegro from potential Russian aggression was “doing Putin’s bidding.” As Paul sees it, though, “the United States is already overextended in terms of its military deployments around the world and it would be foolish to add to that.” “Inasmuch as Sen. McCain has been an avid advocate of arming every Islamic ‘freedom fighter’ in the Middle East, including...
  • Turkey Warns Europe [semi-satire]

    03/19/2017 11:45:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    Turkey’s President Recep Tayyip Erdogan warned European governments against moves aimed at resisting Islamization of their countries. “Allah has decreed that all the world belongs to Islam,” he declared. “Acceptance of this reality is the path of peaceful submission to Allah’s will. Efforts to reject this reality will only lead to open warfare and the massacre of the unbelievers.” Erdogan’s bellicose stance was prompted by the European Union’s decision to allow employers to ban head scarves in their workplaces. “They try to portray it as a safety measure,” Erdogan said. “But the lives that would be saved by such a...
  • President Donald Trump Announces Sale of California to Mexico – The Art of The Deal

    03/19/2017 9:43:42 AM PDT · by Malone LaVeigh · 118 replies
    Halls of Karma ^ | 3/16/17 | Les Roediger
    WASHINGTON (AP) – at 12:15pm today President Trump disclosed that he has reached an agreement with Enrique Peña Nieto, President of Mexico, which provides for the sale of substantially all of the State of California to the country of Mexico. President Trump noted that this deal, which he claims “is his YUGEst real estate deal ever” is a win-win for everyone involved. The two billionaires, who have clashed in the past, set aside their differences and negotiated the deal in which Mexico will pay for the wall, in exchange for the State of California.
  • Tax Returns Prove Trump Not So Smart [semi-satire]

    03/18/2017 11:58:19 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    This week, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow used an illegally obtained copy of Donald Trump’s 2005 federal tax forms to assail the President as “not as smart as he wants everyone to believe he is.” The evidence cited by Maddow was that the tax forms showed Trump paid 25% of his income for 2005 to the federal government. “Here’s this so-called business genius coughing up a quarter of his earnings to the feds,” she mocked. “This compared unfavorably to presumed financial naifs Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) and Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt), who paid 18.7% and 13.5%, respectively. It looks like the guys...
  • NY Dems Propose "Memory Hole" Legislation [semi-satire]

    03/18/2017 9:59:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    New York State Assemblyman David Weprin (D-Hollis) State Sen. Tony Avella (D-Queens) have introduced legislation that would empower the state government to order the erasure of Internet content that is "inaccurate, irrelevant, inadequate, or excessive." "The way it is now is that any government official can be accused of corruption by anyone who has access to the Internet," Weprin complained. "Once the accusation is posted it essentially lives forever on the web. This can unfairly taint a person's reputation. Our bill says that unless an official government investigation and prosecution is undertaken the accusatory content can be ordered removed under...
  • Texas Rep Proposes Fine for Masturbation [semi-satire]

    03/17/2017 3:36:13 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 29 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    State Rep. Jessica Farrar (D-Austin) has introduced a bill that would impose a $100 fine for each instance of "masturbatory emissions that occur outside a woman's vagina." Farrar contended that her "satirical" bill "is meant to highlight the comparable absurdities of right-wing legislation aimed at deterring abortions. Let's see how men like it when their precious bodily fluids come under the same kind of regulation that impedes a woman's access to an abortion. Every spilled sperm, like every aborted fetus, represents a potential life that could've been brought to term. If a woman can be forced to bear a fetus...
  • Nation Celebrates Devout Christian Missionary By Getting Totally Hammered (satire)

    03/17/2017 9:25:10 AM PDT · by fungoking · 19 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 3/17/17 | Staff
    U.S.—Reports from around the country Friday indicated that celebrations in honor of Christian missionary Saint Patrick consisted primarily of consuming large amounts of alcohol in order to get “totally plastered.” Get the Bee delivered straight to your inbox. Partygoers around the nation and world declared their deep level of respect and admiration for the missionary by pounding all sorts of green beer, hard liquor, wine, and mixed drinks throughout the day and into the night, sources confirmed. “I’d like to dedicate this to the great ambassador of the one glorious gospel to the lost souls of Ireland,” one man in Boston declared just...
  • Obama AG Encourages Anti-Trump Rioters [semi-satire]

    03/14/2017 10:02:44 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    Former Attorney General Loretta Lynch praised anti-Trump demonstrators for “the courage they have shown by their willingness to bleed and shed blood for the progressive cause. Some have died in this opening phase of the fight against the fascism that has gripped our nation since January 20th.” As if in response, leftist Antifa agitators assaulted pro-Trump demonstrators in Berkeley last weekend—burning a “free speech” sign, stealing MAGA hats, and bloodying noses. Lynch hailed the attacks as “a promising sign that the revolution won’t be constrained by bourgeois morality. Instead of cowering in fear, socially aware youths are cracking heads in...
  • Democrats Seek to Escape Their Whirlpool....

    03/13/2017 1:00:02 PM PDT · by Rummyfan · 15 replies
    Town Hall ^ | 13 Mar 2017 | Kurt Schlichter
    As Donald Trump triumphantly passed his 50th day as the President of the United States Who Is Not Hillary Clinton, Democrat leaders secretly gathered to survey the smoking wreckage of a party that was supposed to dominate America for a generation and ended up only dominating it until midnight on November 8, 2016. Chuck Schumer approached the podium to address the gathering, his voice a bit hoarse from his recent phone call "thanking" Harry Reid for the Reid Rule. “We need to be honest,” said Schumer, to widespread laughter. “No, no, I mean with ourselves. Come on, get real –...
  • Planned Parenthood Rejects Trump’s Offer [fake-satire]

    03/13/2017 10:03:52 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    President Donald Trump’s offer to agree to continued federal funding of Planned Parenthood if the organization would stop performing abortions was firmly rejected by Dawn Laguens, Planned Parenthood’s executive vice president and chief brand officer. “We are the largest single provider of abortions in America,” Laguens pointed out. “Abortion is our largest single activity. It is the main thing our clientele knows about us. For us to abandon this service would be like stabbing our customers and supporters in the back. No amount of money will divorce us from our values.” Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards echoed Laguens’ remarks, emphasizing...
  • School Censors "Straight Pride" Poster [fake-satire]

    03/12/2017 10:10:28 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    A high school student in Jasper, Indiana attempted to post a dissenting perspective on the school's persistent indoctrination campaign regarding sexual identity. The unnamed student tacked up several "Straight Pride" posters around the school. The poster's message: "Nobody cares about what you think you are. If you want equality, stop shoving your ideas down our throats! We have nothing against your sexual orientation. We just don't care!" Greater Jasper School Superintendent Tracy Lorey explained that "we want to provide students opportunities to express themselves, but this doesn't mean that they can say whatever they want. For this one student to...
  • UK Proposal to Send Refugees Home Assailed by UN Official [semi-satire]

    03/11/2017 3:28:59 PM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    A United Kingdom proposal to send refugees back to their home countries if conditions there improve was assailed by UN Secretary General António Guterres as "contrary to basic human rights." "The Earth belongs to all people," Guterres asserted. "No government, no person has the right to block any other person from choosing which portion of our common inheritance he wishes to occupy." UK Prime Minister Theresa May defended her proposal, saying "we took these people in as a humanitarian gesture because their homelands are wracked by war. Their insistence on maintaining the culture from which they came implies a desire...
  • Pelosi Warns of an American Holocaust [semi-satire]

    03/11/2017 9:39:05 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    A Bureau of Labor Statistics report indicating that more than 900,000 have left the ranks of the leisure class and joined the workforce since Trump's inauguration was cast as "the start of an American holocaust" by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). "Mr. Trump's repeated threat to put America back to work has insidiously intimidated nearly a million of the 90 million who are currently not in the workforce to take jobs for fear that they would be sent to government labor camps," she contended. "This fear is further proof of the validity of our contention that the Trump Administration...
  • FBI Director Declares Privacy Not a Right [fake-satire]

    03/10/2017 4:17:15 PM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Mar 2017 | John Semmens
    Fresh off the Wikileaks revelation that the US Government is spying on everyone and his vow to complete the remaining six years of his ten year term, FBI Director James Comey blandly informed the American people that "privacy is not a right to which citizens are entitled." "I'm not saying that Americans don't enjoy a considerable degree of privacy," Comey said, "but let's be clear, this is a privilege extended by the government to those who are not under suspicion of criminal or anti-government activities. Government has a moral right and duty to monitor everyone who might represent a threat....
  • Women’s Day Protester Suddenly Realizes She’s Reinforcing Harmful Social Construct Of Gender

    03/08/2017 7:02:11 PM PST · by fungoking · 30 replies
    NEW YORK, NY—A protester yelling into a megaphone on International Women’s Day suddenly realized she was reinforcing the “oppressive and harmful” social construct of gender by promoting a day that implies gender is inherently meaningful, sources confirmed Wednesday. Midway through screaming the phrase “Down with the patriarchy!” into the loudspeaker, the woman suddenly stopped and thought about how her presence at the protest suggested that the concept of womanhood represented something more significant than an arbitrary social construct foisted upon females. “Wait a minute, think about what we’re suggesting here,” the woman said to her fellow demonstrators as she lowered...
  • Governor Vetoes Investigation of Vote Fraud [semi-satire]

    03/07/2017 9:22:59 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 March 2017 | John Semmens
    Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D-Va) vetoed a bill that would have prompted investigations in counties where the number of persons registered to vote exceeded the total number of citizens eligible to vote. The Governor defended his veto, saying that "the right to vote is a fundamental human right. Republican attempts to limit this right based on country of origin is inherently racist and unfair." The bill's sponsor, Sen. Mark Obenshain (R-Harrisonburg), called the Governor's action "outrageous. Voting is a civil right exercised by the citizens of this state. Immigrants need to go through the procedures laid out in the law to...
  • French Candidate Targeted by EU Parliament [semi-satire]

    03/06/2017 9:31:05 AM PST · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 March 2017 | John Semmens
    The European Parliament cleared the way for the French government to prosecute populist candidate for the presidency, Marine LePen, for her 2015 tweet of "terroristic images." The images showed ISIS atrocities. If convicted, LePen could be imprisoned for up to three years and fined 75,000 Euros. LePen, who has been highly critical of the virtually unrestricted immigration of Muslims into France, assailed the EU's actions, calling them "yet more proof of everything we've been saying. The government's misguided attempts to be compassionate have endangered the lives of our citizens and pose a threat to our nation's survival. Right now, swaths...
  • Obama to Receive ‘Profiles in Courage’ Award [semi-satire]

    03/05/2017 9:08:46 AM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 March 2017 | John Semmens
    The Kennedy Presidential Library’s annual “Profiles in Courage” Award for 2017 will go to former President Barack Obama. The Award, named after the 1957 Pulitzer Prize winning book ghost written for then Massachusetts Democratic Sen. John F. Kennedy, is given to individuals displaying extraordinary political courage by taking an unpopular course of action. The award ceremony will take place in May, when former First Daughter Caroline Kennedy and grandson of the late JFK, Jack Schlossberg, bestow the prize. “Faced with unrelenting adulation and widespread demands that he declare himself ‘president for life,’ President Obama courageously agreed to follow the law...
  • Trump Speech Rankles Democrats [semi-satire]

    03/04/2017 9:52:03 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 March 2017 | John Semmens
    President Donald Trump's speech to Congress this week rankled key Democrats. While some, including CNN's Van Jones saw it as "presidential" in tone, others, including Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) insisted it was "detached from reality. The real Trump is a snarling, mean-spirited hater. This speech was an attempt to conceal that reality behind a tired call for the country to unite behind a common goal to make America great." "He says he wants to work with Democrats, but he hasn't reached out to us," Schumer complained. "Everything is about his promises to the American people. Well, more than...
  • Dems May Look to "Transracials" to Boost Non-White Staff [semi-satire]

    03/03/2017 9:06:11 PM PST · by John Semmens · 17 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 March 2017 | John Semmens
    Struggling to make the racial composition of staffers more closely resemble the general population, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) is urging more of the 93% who are Caucasian "to look deep into themselves to see if they may be Black, Latino, or Muslim." "We have made great strides incorporating transsexuals into the workforce to help boost the female cohort of our staff," Schumer remarked. "This got me to thinking that there must be a contingent of transracials out there who could help us meet our non-white quota. Maybe Rachel Dolezal was out ahead of the curve on this. I...
  • Feds Pooh-Pooh Concerns About Faked Studies [semi-satire]

    02/28/2017 12:09:04 PM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    The National Science Foundation (NSF) Inspector General has found 74 instances where researchers funded by the NSF engaged in plagiarism, falsifying data, stealing, wasting government money, or committing other fraud. NSF spokesman Bobbie Mixon brushed aside concerns, saying “they are of little consequence. No one reads the reports that we publish. Why should it make any difference whether the results are fake? We are providing an income for members of the academic community. The arcane and basically unreadable documents they produce are a byproduct of that greater objective. Considering the massive amount of money being squandered across a plethora of...
  • Mexico Has Plan to Counter Trump’s Wall [semi-satire]

    02/27/2017 10:03:56 AM PST · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Angry that US President Trump has deviated from twenty years of “benign neglect” in response to illegal immigration, the Mexican government bragged that it has “an inexpensive countermeasure that will completely neutralize Mr. Trump’s highly touted wall.” Foreign Minister Luis Videgaray maintained that “simple economics will defeat all of his attempts to stop our people from reclaiming what is rightfully ours. There is no way Mr. Trump can neutralize the prosperity in America that gives virtually every Mexican the incentive to go to America. As long as my country can continue policies that assure the wealth gap will remain, the...
  • Racism burns down Atlanta: liberal honkies lynch black Muslim DNC chairman candidate

    02/26/2017 7:03:26 AM PST · by Sean_Anthony · 26 replies
    Canada Free Press ^ | 02/26/17 | Matthew Vadum
    Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Nation of Islam) Racist whites teamed up with illegal aliens on the Democratic National Committee to reject a heavily favored black Muslim candidate for DNC chairman. Congressman Keith Ellison (D-Minn.), a friend of America-hating jihadists everywhere, had been expected to win the hotly contested race to become the in-your-face of the Democratic Party.
  • Montana Governor Blocks Right to Bear Arms [fake-satire]

    02/25/2017 3:47:42 PM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Montana Governor Steve Bullock (D) vetoed legislation that would have made the state a “Constitutional carry” state. That is, individuals would be permitted to exercise their right to bear arms as defined in the US Constitution’s Second Amendment without having to obtain state or local government permission to do so. In his veto message, Bullock declared that “the idea that an individual is qualified to determine whether he needs to carry a firearm is absurd. Selfish concern for self-preservation at the expense of broader social goals must not derail sensible gun control. Right now, far too many people have guns....
  • Sweden in Throes of Islamic Crime Wave

    02/25/2017 9:41:47 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Sweden has long been admired by the left as a model society. This Scandinavian "Eden" has avoided getting embroiled in foreign wars. They were even able to get along with the Nazis when so many other countries couldn't. Their socially tolerant attitudes led them to admit hundreds of thousands of Muslim immigrants. This past week, US President Donald Trump referenced "what's going on in Sweden" in support of his efforts to exercise greater scrutiny over who is allowed into America. The media characterized Trump's statement as "false" or "delusional" since there have been no large scale jihadi terrorist attacks in...
  • (Vanity) A Modest Proposal -- A "Real Life" of Julia

    02/24/2017 4:17:11 AM PST · by grey_whiskers · 3 replies
    Inspired by Obama's "The Life of Julia" ^ | Feb 25 2017 | grey_whiskers
    I'm sure that most of us to the right of center grew awfully tired of the propaganda put out by the Obama campaign. One of the worst was the execrable "The Life of Julia" YouTube piece contrasting the idyllic life under glorious Soviet multiracial healer Obama, as opposed to that known purveyor of"binders full of women" Romney. I give a synopsis, followed by corrections, with the benefits of hindsight: Slide 1: Julia goes to Head Start to help prepare for kindergarten under Obama. Under Romney/Ryan the budget would be cut. Correction: Ryan as replacement GOP chair for Weepy Boehner, gave...
  • 'Hillary Beat Trump' website lets people pretend Clinton won the presidential election

    02/23/2017 12:55:01 PM PST · by 2ndDivisionVet · 22 replies
    The Birmingham News ^ | February 23, 2017 | Leada Gore
    Talk about your fake news.... A new website, HillaryBeatTrump.org, claims to tell the news "from the Real America where the majority rules." The site is written as if former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton defeated Donald Trump in the November 2016 presidential election. The satirical website doesn't hold back on its thoughts, with headlines ranging from "Revelation: God comes out as Hillary supporter," "President Clinton awards Obama the Congressional Medal of Freedom," and "Historians say Clinton's presidency is already in all-time top five." Other headlines take a not-so-subtle jab at President Trump, like "NYT pans Clinton's "oppressively intelligent press conference"...
  • US Economic Freedom Declined During Obama Presidency [semi-satire]

    02/20/2017 11:20:36 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    The rank of the United States on the Heritage Foundation's latest annual Index of Economic Freedom fell from 6th to 17th over the duration of the Obama Presidency. In 17th place, the US is behind Lithuania, Luxembourg, Georgia, Taiwan, Chile, and the United Arab Emirates, among others. House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Kevin Brady (R-TX) said the decline "is embarrassing. We like to think of America as the land of the free, but when we see that we've dropped out of the top ten and are actually doing worse than some countries not normally considered havens for freedom, it's...
  • Dems Plan to Block Trump's Immigration Policy [semi-satire]

    02/19/2017 9:44:53 PM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    In a move likely to prove even more futile than the repeated GOP Congress' attempts to repeal Obamacare while Obama was president, Senate Democrats have introduced legislation that would negate Trump's executive order to toughen up enforcement against those in the country illegally. The bill's sponsors, Sen. Catherine Cortez Masto (Nev), Sen. Dick Durbin (Ill) and Sen. Mazie Hironio (Hawaii), characterized the proposed law as a measure "to keep immigrant families intact." Speaking for the trio, Sen. Cortez Masto complained that "the assumption that a deportation program focused on removing those with criminal records is something no one could object...
  • CNN Chief Boasts Daily “Two-Minute Hate” of Trump Boosts Morale [fake news-satire]

    02/18/2017 12:12:20 PM PST · by John Semmens · 19 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    CNN president Jeff Zucker admitted that “having the President of the United States impugn our integrity at every opportunity has battered the psyches of many of our network’s employees. We are the ones who determine the facts. We are the ones who impugn the integrity of those who don’t advance the progressive agenda. Trump’s rejection of our traditional role is a reversal that has hit us hard.” “Our morale since that black day in November has been in the dumpster,” Zucker observed. “But we are turning it around. Thanks to a suggestion emailed to us by a viewer, we have...
  • PRESIDENT Trump Is Removing All Islamic Symbols Out The White House! Thank You Jesus [hoax?]

    01/26/2017 12:31:08 PM PST · by Morgana · 36 replies
    The Doctor Of Common Sense ^ | January 26, 2017 | ET WILLIAMS
    PRESIDENT Trump Is Removing All Islamic Symbols Out The White House! Thank You Jesus
  • Warren Condemns Trump's Deplorable Xenophobia [semi-satire]

    02/14/2017 11:43:35 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Seeking to gain a leg up on other potential Democratic Party aspirants for the 2020 nomination, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (Mass) excoriated the Trump Administration's "deplorable xenophobia in placing the interests of American citizens ahead of the interests of humanity." "Hillary warned us of the transcendent evil that Trump poses to the progressive values President Obama strove to embed in our government's policies," Warren screeched in her Senate tirade against the confirmation of Sen. Jeff Sessions as the new US Attorney General. "By confirming Sessions the Senate has embedded diametrically opposed values. Putting Americans ahead of immigrants is, as the US...
  • Muslim IT Guys Spied on Democrats [semi-satire]

    02/13/2017 10:52:51 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Three Muslim brothers who managed office IT for a number of Democratic legislators were fired this week for unauthorized access and distribution of confidential information. Abid, Imran, and Jamal Awan had been hired at $160,000 annual salaries to provide IT services for dozens of Democrats including former Democratic National Committee Chairman Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz of Florida. You may recall, that Wasserman-Schultz’s purloined emails played a role in embarrassing Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign last year. Despite one of the brothers having a criminal record, eight Democratic members of the House (Andre Carson, Luis Guiterez, Jim Himes, Terri Sewell, Jackie Speier, Mike...
  • CNN Journalist Objects to "Fake News" Label [semi-satire]

    02/12/2017 2:13:54 PM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    CNN's Chris Cuomo is attempting to make a case that labeling his reports as "fake news" is the equivalent of using racial epithets against a person. "Calling someone the 'n-word' is pure bigotry," Cuomo declared. "It takes a trivial difference in appearance as an excuse for name calling. Likewise, using discrepancies in what we report as evidence of 'fake news' blows a minor issue into an insensitive and hurtful remark. Both expressions ought to be banned from polite discourse." Cuomo brushed aside contentions that the two scenarios were, in fact, significantly different. "Some would argue that denigrating a person's skin...
  • New edition of the Bible announced [Satire]

    02/12/2017 9:08:51 AM PST · by markomalley · 21 replies
    Pope Francis has announced that a new edition of the Bible is to be released, removing some of the more "rigid" books (e.g. the four gospels) and adding a few new ones. After all, the Bible was put together about 1500 years ago. It was reaffirmed by the Council of Trent in 1546, although at the time some liberals imbued with the "Spirit of Trent" tried to slip in a few extras that took their fancy. In any case, it isn't modern and up to date! The New Non-Rigid Bible will have a loose-leaf format so that pages can be...
  • Berkeley Student Paper Defends Violence to Suppress Freedom of Speech [semi-satire]

    02/11/2017 1:41:18 PM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    In the wake of a riot causing $100,000 in property damage and preventing Milo Yiannopoulos from speaking on campus, the University of California at Berkeley’s student-run newspaper–The Daily Californian—published a series of five op eds against freedom of speech. The University which had gained a reputation as a bastion of free speech for its position in favor of speaking in opposition to the Vietnam War 40 years ago has morphed into an enemy of the concept of the discovery of truth through open debate by those with different opinions. In one of the op eds, Nisa Dang contended that “free...
  • Court Disallows Trump Effort to Block Dangerous Foreigners [semi-satire]

    02/10/2017 6:33:26 PM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    This week the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit upheld a lower court's blockage of President Donald Trump's Executive Order instituting temporary restraints on the entry of foreigners from seven countries currently embroiled in war and significant terrorist activity. Despite the existence of statutory authority enacted in 1952 expressly granting the president the power to issue such an Order, the Ninth Circuit judges ruled Trump's actions void on the grounds that it violated the Constitution's First Amendment clause barring the government from establishing a religion. The Court's decision honed in on the Executive Order's language calling for barring...
  • Personal Income Growth in Obama Years Weakest in History [semi-satire]

    02/08/2017 10:48:11 AM PST · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    The year-to-year rate of growth in personal income in the United States was lower during President Obama's recently completed two terms than at any other period recorded in this country's history. In the last year of the Bush Administration the growth rate was 4.7%. In the last year of the Obama Administration the rate fell to 3.4%. This contrasted especially unfavorably to the average 9.5% annual increases during the Reagan years. Ranking member of the House Energy & Commerce Committee Rep. Frank Pallone (D-NJ) made an effort to defend the Obama record by pointing out that "when Reagan took office...
  • Study Shows Islam a Major Motivation for Terrorists [semi-satire]

    02/07/2017 9:46:23 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    A new study—Talking to Foreign Fighters: Insights into the Motivations for Hijrah to Syria and Iraq by University of Waterloo sociologist Lorne L. Dawson, and George Washington University Program on Extremism Fellow Amaranth Amarasingam—found that religion played the biggest role in spurring Muslims to join the jihad against unbelievers. "In the liberal way of thinking religion can't logically be a significant motivating factor for terrorist violence," Dr. Dawson observed. "The instinct is to look for socio-economic reasons to explain behavior that makes no sense to secularists. But our findings rebut this premise. The individuals who have actually left western societies...
  • DOE Nominee Attacked for Supporting Academic Freedom [semi-satire]

    02/06/2017 11:11:47 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Betsy DeVos, Trump's nominee to head the US Depart6ment of Education, was assailed in Senate committee hearings for her past association with the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE). FIRE's positions in opposition to school suppression of freedom of speech and in support of transparent due process procedures for school disciplinary actions drew harsh opposition from Sen. Bob Casey (D-Penn). "FIRE has intruded on universities trying to police their own campuses to ferret out dangerous ideas and non-conforming attitudes," the Senator complained. "School administrators endeavoring to shield not-yet-mature young minds from confusing and confounding influences are being harassed by...
  • Democrats to protest Patriots Superbowl Win.

    02/06/2017 6:57:33 AM PST · by ISTHISONETAKEN · 37 replies
    Just heard the Democrats are planning on protesting the New England Patriots win - They claim that the Atlanta Falcons are the true winners of the season. For the entire 2016 regular season, the Atlanta Falcons scored a 540 points, whereas the Pats only totaled 441 points (putting them in 3rd place behind the Falcons and the Saints), therefore the Falcons are the true winners of this election game and it is only because of the arcane rules of the NFL that they Patriots were able to steal this win from the true winner. In what world does the team...
  • NY Guv Wants Abortion Protected in State Constitution [semi-satire]

    02/05/2017 11:14:30 AM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    Following the nomination of federal appellate court judge Neil Gorsuch for the US Supreme Court vacancy left by the death of Justice Antonin Scalia last February, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo (D) announced a move to amend his state’s constitution to make a woman’s right to an abortion “safe from judicial meddling by a Supreme Court packed with Trump appointees.” “The right of a woman to choose to terminate a pregnancy that was granted by the Court in their historic Roe v. Wade decision in 1973 must be saved from being callously snatched away after 40 years of successful operation,”...
  • Berkeley Mayor Justifies Riots [semi-satire]

    02/04/2017 2:45:16 PM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Feb 2017 | John Semmens
    While Berkeley Mayor Jesse Arreguin expressed regret that "the anger of those opposed to allowing a hateful white nationalist may have been a little too exuberant, we must acknowledge their constitutional right to prevent the airing of unacceptable views on the University campus." Breitbart reporter Milo Yiannopoulos' sold-out speech had to be canceled when 150 masked men went on a rampage blocking traffic, vandalizing the University, attacking police, and assaulting individuals who came to hear the speech. President Trump's post-riot suggestion that "the suppression of free speech at a heavily-subsidized public university raises questions about the continued federal role in...
  • Virgil: Minutes of the Deep State Executive Committee on the Permanent Campaign Against Trump

    02/03/2017 6:43:15 PM PST · by HarleyLady27 · 17 replies
    Breitbart ^ | Feb. 3, 2017 | Virgil
    Virgil, in his immortal way, has gained possession of a transcript of the most recent meeting of the Deep State Executive Committee. Although he has been unable to verify this document, or to identify the attendees, he believes it to be an accurate portrayal of ongoing Deep State activities against President Trump. Where appropriate, he has added explanatory hyperlinks.
  • TRUMP DESTROYED, DESTROYED, DESTROYED AND DESTROYED AGAIN [SATIRE]

    01/31/2017 8:11:46 PM PST · by naturalman1975 · 82 replies
    Daily Telegraph (Sydney) ^ | 30th January 2017 | Tim Blair
    I went online yesterday to learn more about Donald Trump blocking arrivals from Islamic nations – only to discover something shocking. The US president had been destroyed. Completely destroyed. And not just once but repeatedly. It was all there, as clear as day, in headline after headline: “JK Rowling destroys Trump in one sentence.” – Raw Story, December 8 2015 “Sanders destroys Trump by 13 points.” – The Hill, December 22 2015 “Donald Trump destroyed by Stephen Colbert.” – YouTube, January 30 2016 ..... June was a particularly active month for Trump, who was destroyed five times by Clinton and...
  • Stats on Obama Years Unflattering [semi-satire]

    01/31/2017 6:35:33 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Two recent statistics on the performance of the outgoing Obama Administration do not reflect well on his time in office. On the one hand, the Obama years were the only presidential term going all the way back to FDR that failed to meet a 3% GDP annual growth rate for any year of his eight in office. Even the “malaise” of the Carter years did better. So too, did the Great Depression years of FDR’s 12-years at the helm. Despite the media’s portrayal of Obama as “one of the all-time greats,” in the Gallup poll of job approval ratings of...
  • Women's March Organizer Advocates Sharia Law for US [semi-satire]

    01/30/2017 12:17:20 PM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Profanity-laced screeching by entertainment luminaries, such as Ashley Judd's complaints about how unfair menstruation is to women and Madonna's musing about blowing up the White House, grabbed some headlines this week. However, it may be more disturbing that the march's organizer Linda Sarsour's long-term goal is to bring sharia law to America. "The benefits of sharia law don't get a fair airing in America," Sarsour complained. "A narrow-minded focus on the beatings for disobeying a husband, father, or brother overlooks more important advantages like interest-free loans. What are a few welts and bruises compared to saving thousands of dollars on...
  • Mexican President Vows to Protect Illegals Living in the US [semi-satire]

    01/28/2017 8:29:30 AM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    Irate that US President Donald Trump “is upending the convivial relationship our two countries enjoyed while Obama held the presidency,” Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto vowed “to do everything in my power to protect the rights of Mexican nationals living in the United States.” Peña rejected accusations that his stance was hypocritical given Mexico’s harsh treatment of illegal immigrants in his country. “Mexico has a right and an obligation to protect our resources from being consumed by those who have no right to be here,” Peña insisted. “We are a poor country with too many mouths to feed. The United...
  • Evidence Supporting Trump Impeachment Building [semi-satire]

    01/27/2017 10:25:10 PM PST · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 Jan 2017 | John Semmens
    A mounting stream of outrages supporting a case for impeaching President Trump has infested the news this week. Elliott G. Holliday, a 20-year-old junior at North Carolina State University found a box of fried chicken on the hood of his car. "This affront occurred barely two days after the inauguration," Holliday said. "The climate of race hatred encouraged by Trump must be answered by his immediate impeachment." During the inauguration protest rioters smashed the windows of a limo owned by Muslim entrepreneur Muhammad Ashraf. Window smasher Joshua Doltson blamed "Trump's culture of bigotry for driving me to inadvertently harm a...