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Keyword: satire

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  • Trump’s vicious attack on the media shows one thing clearly: He’s running scared

    08/23/2017 12:52:18 PM PDT · by Oldeconomybuyer · 97 replies
    Washington Post ^ | August 23, 2017 | By Margaret Sullivan, Media Columnist
    As with so much about President Trump, his Phoenix rally on Tuesday night was two contradictory things: both shocking and completely predictable. Shocking because it was the most sustained attack any president has made on the news media. And predictable because this is exactly what Trump does when he’s in trouble. He finds an enemy and punches as hard as he can. Make no mistake, he is in trouble. With a special prosecutor breathing down his neck and even once-loyal Breitbart News turning on him, Trump is, according to one new poll, at the lowest point of his presidency. Never...
  • Trump on the rampage in Arizona

    08/23/2017 7:56:24 AM PDT · by Oldeconomybuyer · 50 replies
    CNN ^ | August 23, 2017 | By Stephen Collinson, CNN
    Trump just showed why even some Republicans question whether he has the temperament and the capacity to serve as President. In an incredible performance at a raucous Arizona rally Tuesday, Trump rewrote the history of his response to violence in Charlottesville and reignited the culture wars. Trump in effect identified himself as the main victim of the furor over the violence in Virginia, berating media coverage for a political crisis that refuses to abate over his rhetoric on race. "They're trying to take away our culture. They're trying to take away our history," Trump said, blaming "weak, weak people" for...
  • CNN’s Anderson Cooper’s Family Were Slave Owners – Owned Michelle Obama’s Relatives!

    08/21/2017 3:44:03 PM PDT · by TigerClaws · 93 replies
    As the face of CNN, Anderson Cooper makes a very good living as wealthy, privileged white man casting judgments of affiliation upon his political enemies. This includes taking a handful of idiotic white supremacists and declaring they represent millions of Republicans/conservatives, pro-America, Trump supporters, etc. And yet Mr. Cooper himself has a much closer affiliation to slavery than he likely wants his leftist viewers to know. As a descendant of the Vanderbilt family, one of the wealthiest “old money” families in American history, Cooper is a direct descendant of big time slave owners. Cooper’s great-great grandfather, Cornelius Vanderbilt, owned several...
  • Trump And Russians Involved In Spain Terror Attack: Up to 15 Dead After Truck Ploughs into Crowds

    08/18/2017 2:19:05 PM PDT · by Morgana
    The Doctor of Common Sense ^ | August 18, 2017 | E. T. Williams
    Trump And Russians Involved In Spain Terror Attack: Up to 15 Dead After Truck Ploughs into Crowds (satire)
  • Satire (I hope) | Let's repeal America's Declaration of Independence and Constitution

    08/18/2017 11:21:23 AM PDT · by DanMiller · 12 replies
    Dan Miller's Blo ^ | August 18, 2017 | Dan Miller
    The American Declaration of Independence was written by a vile slave owner, Thomas Jefferson of Virginia. The American Constitution was written, at least in part, by vile racists and other "America Firsters." They tried, but fortunately failed, to prevent noncitizens from exercising their sacred right to vote in national elections. Both demonic documents must be repealed and we must rejoin England, nay even better the European Union, to signal our virtuous multicultural nature and emphatic rejection of all evil past and present.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urgrF6OBuZc Antifa, Black Lives (only) Matter, La Raza, adherents to Islam (the Religion of Peace and tolerance), CAIR, the...
  • Organization That Murders 200,000 People Of Color Each Year Takes Stand Against Racism

    08/17/2017 9:56:38 AM PDT · by fungoking · 9 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 8/17/17 | Staff
    The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire. Organization That Murders 200,000 People Of Color Each Year Takes Stand Against Racism August 17, 2017 U.S.—Planned Parenthood, the American abortion provider that mercilessly takes the lives of approximately 200,000 innocent people of color every year, took to social media earlier this week to condemn racism in the wake of civil unrest in Charlottesville, VA. “Planned Parenthood stands with people of color and allies in the face of such appalling attacks fueled by hate,” said the update posted to the Facebook and Twitter pages of the organization which overwhelmingly...
  • Satan Officially Claims Responsibility For White Supremacist Movement

    08/16/2017 10:12:56 AM PDT · by fungoking · 11 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 8/16/17 | Staff
    WORLD—In a statement that surprised nearly no one, Satan, the accuser and enemy of God and His people, paused briefly from roaming the earth seeking someone to devour Wednesday to confirm to reporters that he is responsible for the entire white supremacist movement worldwide. “Oh yeah, that’s all me. For sure,” said the wicked one Lucifer, adding that he’s “really been on a roll lately with this particular gig.” “I’m quite proud of this hell-filling racket. It’s as anti-biblical as anything can be, causing human beings made in the image of God to be seen as subhuman and expendable, but...
  • Clinton’s Pastor Says Hillary’s Loss Worst Injustice Since Christ’s Crucifixion [semi-satire]

    08/14/2017 3:15:27 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 15 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Methodist minister Bill Shillady compared Hillary Clinton’s loss to Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and concluded that “it was the second worst instance of injustice in human history. In both cases we saw exemplary paragons of virtue punished for the sins of others.” Shillady predicted “a Hell on Earth under the demon that is Donald Trump,” but offered a ray of hope that “the forces of righteousness will triumph in the end. Right now, true believers are working assiduously to unseat the unholy Trump and clear the way for the ascension of...
  • CAIR Defends McMaster [semi-satire]

    08/14/2017 1:15:18 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) rallied to the defense of National Security Council (NSC) adviser Gen. H.R. McMaster this week. McMaster has come under some criticism for purging the NSC of individuals he maintains were "overly focused on an illusory Islamic threat." These included Ezra Cohen-Watnick, the NSC's senior director for intelligence programs; Rich Higgins, the NSC's director for strategic planning; and Derek Harvey, the NSC's senior director for the Middle East. Ibrahim Hooper, National Communications Director for CAIR, blamed "agents of the Zionist conspiracy for world domination" for what he characterized as "vicious attacks on an honorable...
  • Judge Bars Defendant from Testifying [semi-satire]

    08/14/2017 9:31:22 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    U.S. District Judge Gloria Navarro barred Eric Parker from mentioning the First Amendment after he took the stand to testify in his own defense in a trial stemming from the 2014 Bunkerville standoff in which ranchers confronted Bureau of Land Management officers in a dispute over grazing rights. "Once a duly authorized law enforcement action is underway the First Amendment guarantees of freedom of assembly and freedom of speech no longer apply," Navarro ruled. "Allowing a jury to hear these words would only serve to undermine the respect for authority that is essential to an orderly enforcement of the decisions...
  • Mysterious Death Ruled "Suicide" [semi-satire]

    08/13/2017 11:43:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    In May of this year, federal prosecutor Beranton Whisenant's body was found on a Hollywood, Florida beach with a gunshot wound to the head. Three months later, the Hollywood Police Department has ruled the death a suicide. Whisenant worked for the U.S. Attorney's Office in Miami in its major crimes unit. He was handling several visa and passport fraud cases in the congressional district represented by beleaguered former Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Oddly, no weapon was recovered at or near the scene. Chief of Police Tomas Sanchez admitted that "the absence of a weapon near the...
  • Congresswoman Has Plan to Avert War with North Korea [semi-satire]

    08/12/2017 4:23:31 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) has a simple plan for deescalating tensions between the U.S. and North Korea: “give them what they want.” She acknowledged that “we may not know specifically what that is, but surely it has to be a better option than going to war.” “Look, Korea is a small, far away country,” Waters observed. “From what I understand it is a very poor place. We could probably feed, house, and clothe everyone in it for less than it would cost to bomb them. If we could ensure Kim that all the material needs of his people could easily...
  • Trump's "Excessive Expectations" Rile Senator [semi-satire]

    08/12/2017 6:56:06 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Chafing at President Trump's very public display of frustration with the failure of the Senate to pass health insurance reform, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ken) blamed "excessive expectations." "Frankly, the President is out of his depth on this," McConnell maintained. "He comes from a business milieu where the emphasis is on action and results. In government the emphasis is on process." The Majority Leader offered to "explain the process in terms that even Mr. Trump can understand. In the Senate we have agreements that both Parties abide by. All the repeals of Obamacare that we passed were guaranteed to be...
  • Document Dump Casts Doubt on Official Version of Tarmac Meeting [semi-satire]

    08/11/2017 11:51:50 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 13 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request cast a long shadow of doubt over the official version of events surrounding the "chance meeting" between former President Bill Clinton and Obama Administration Attorney General Loretta Lynch in June 2016. The official story that the meeting was a random occurrence and that the discussion was an innocent chat about grandchildren and golf was severely damaged by correspondence among Department of Justice personnel. For one, the correspondence was heavily redacted. Redaction is justified when sensitive personal data (like Social Security numbers or home addresses) or classified information might be exposed....
  • University To Offer Safe-Space For Students During Eclipse (Satirical)

    08/11/2017 9:08:49 AM PDT · by Rebelbase · 68 replies
    NCFReep via AP ^ | 8/10/17 | Staff
    (Cullowhee, NC) Preparations for the the upcoming August 21st solar eclipse are in high gear at Western Carolina University. The school is located within the zone of totality in the mountainous part of the state. Afternoon classes will be cancelled and festivities on the Central Plaza will include Native American moon dancers, performance art and the Tasty Tofu Taco Truck, locally known as T4. But there are some students who will be refusing the eclipse and have demanded the University provide a safe space for them during the event. So far three groups have separately approached University officials with concerns...
  • Trump Threat an "Impeachable Offense" [semi-satire]

    08/07/2017 2:14:39 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    After the failure of the Senate to repeal Obamacare, a frustrated President Trump's threat to reverse President Obama's executive action exempting members of congress from having to live under the same regulations that apply to ordinary citizens forced into Obamacare brought howls of rage from Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT). "We are members of government," Murphy fulminated. "For Trump to vindictively throw us into the pit with the common people violates the unwritten rule against one segment of this elite group harming the privileges of another. It would renege on the bipartisanship exhibited by President Obama in even handedly extending the...
  • Felons Vying to Be Detroit's Mayor [semi-satire]

    08/06/2017 12:27:05 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Half of the eight candidates for mayor on Detroit's Democratic primary ballot have been previously convicted criminals. Donna Marie Pitts has multiple felony convictions dating back to 1977. Danetta Simpson has a 1996 felony conviction for assault with intent to murder. Articia Bomer was charged in 2008 with carrying a concealed weapon. In 2004, Curtis Christopher Greene was sentenced to 18 months' probation under the Holmes Youthful Trainee Act for dealing marijuana and in 2005 plead guilty to writing a fraudulent check. Pitts called her conviction stemming from a shoot out at an auto repair shop "an honest disagreement over...
  • ‘Legacy’ Legislation to Honor McCain Proposed [semi-satire]

    08/05/2017 2:41:13 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Fresh off his crucial vote to kill the repeal of Obamacare, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is now working with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) to craft what McCain called “a fitting legacy to honor my service to the country and Senate over my lifetime.” The bill they are drafting is a revival of the so-called “Gang of Eight” measure passed by the Senate in 2013, but rejected by the House. It would give a path to citizenship to most illegal immigrants, greatly increase the number of visas to allow companies to replace American workers with foreigners and greatly increase...
  • Senators Want to Strengthen Independence of Special Counsel [semi-satire]

    08/05/2017 10:30:42 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    Sens. Thom Tillis (R-NC) and Chris Coons (D-Del) are proposing legislation that would bar anyone from firing or in any way impeding Robert Mueller, the special counsel appointed to investigate President Trump and his associates for winning the 2016 presidential election. "It is critical that special counsels have the independence and resources they need to lead investigations," Tillis said. "Mueller can't be independent if he can be fired by anyone in the chain of command in the executive branch of government. He can't be independent if he must rely on congress for appropriations. He can't be independent if he must...
  • Poll Results Addle Dem Leader [semi-satire]

    08/04/2017 6:35:18 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 August 2017 | John Semmens
    A poll conducted for Minority Leader Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) by her "House Majority PAC" produced consternation and confusion for this top Democrat. For one, the poll found that the political ideologies of voters were 41% conservative, 32% moderate and 19% liberal, with 37% identifying as Independents, 35% as Republicans and 29% as Democrats. For two, among white working class voters 69% favored policies that reward hard work. "These findings make no sense," Pelosi argued. "Surely leisure is preferred over hard work. The Democratic Party has enacted measures that have expanded the opportunities for people to leave the workforce and...