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This just in. The Institute for Scriptural Geology in Waco, Texas, today offered “unswerving support and fervent prayers” for the scientists caught up in Climategate. Professor Elmer Moody, director of the institute, told a press conference: “We know what it’s like to have the integrity of our research questioned by unbelievers, so our hearts go out to those good folks at the East Anglican University. “Our work proves conclusively that, once proper adjustments are made by adding up the numbers in the Book of Daniel, the geological record shows that the Earth is 6,000 years old. Yet we have had...

Another fantastic vid about Obama by Grumpy Old Twat (non-sweary like, too!). And he's not even American ...

Brigadier General Barack H. ObamaSupreme Allied Commander-in-Chief, Operation Minivan PoolAt ease, men.As your battalion commanders and General Axelrod have already briefed you, you embark today on an important mission to the Af-Pak Theater. The success of this mission will not only insure the future of democracy and human civilization, but also my Gallup net favorable index. I have every confidence that you will succeed in this great educational field trip, because you represent the finest right-sized, nonviolent time killing force ever assembled. Continued

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) is demanding that the Lewiston (Maine) School District allow seventh-grader Nasra Aden to pray in school at the regularly designated times for Islamic daily prayers and in the regularly prescribed prostrated posture. The District has not been accommodating in-school prayers under the apprehension that prayers are not permitted in public schools. CAIR said it cannot accept the District’s insistence that any praying be done silently and unobtrusively. “Islam is a very vocal faith,” CAIR spokesman, Runha Amuk said. “God commands that we praise him frequently and openly. To demand silence is an insult to...

WASHINGTON — Giddy he was finally able to make a decision, pResident Barack Obama couldn’t help but spill his new strategy for Afghanistan today, long before his nationally televised speech scheduled for tonight.

If Obama, Jessica Simpson, and Wolf Blitzer were contestants on Jeopardy! this is pretty much how the show would play out....

Image via Wikipedia Climate scientists made a shocking discovery today: we are probably already dead based on new climate data numbers coming in from recent measurements.“It’s even worse than I feared,� said Dr. Notid Skamartest of the United Nations Climate and World Control Council. “According to these new temperature measurements, we have all been killed by the effects of global warming. Probably sometime around the summer of 2007. In fact, I’m not even really speaking to you right now. This is just a residual memory transfiguration event that we all are experiencing after our recent demise. I can’t believe no...

In an interview for Nation magazine, former President Jimmy Carter says that current President Barack Obama is “the best in my lifetime, maybe the best this country has ever had.” Key to the high praise was Carter’s assessment that “President Obama is the most brilliant man to ever have held the office. He is wise beyond the boundaries we normally observe for human beings. That is probably why his Administration is our nation’s most unprecedented in history.” “Of course, being the first black man to be elected president has to rank as the most unprecedented accomplishment ever achieved by anyone...

Famed domestic diva Martha Stewart took a few minutes off from her quest to beautify American households to broadcast a warning that we should all beware of Sarah Palin. “Ms. Palin doesn’t know diddly about home décor,” Stewart asserted. “Why, she even has animal hides in her living room. And she boasts about killing them herself. It’s no way for a civilized person to live.” Stewart went on to label Palin’s autobiography “boring.” “How could it be otherwise?” Stewart rhetorically asked. “Does it have decorating tips? Does it have recipes? No, it’s just the typical right wing blather about freedom....

The anemic results of the first government “stimulus” bill are said to be inspiring talk of another one. “There are nearly 16 million unemployed Americans,” complained House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). “And this is after we approved a spending bill of over $700 billion. Every economist I’ve talked to says the problem is that the first stimulus package was too small.” Pelosi cited the estimated cost per job created to bolster her case for an expanded stimulus package. “With a cost of nearly $500,000 per new job created, it should be obvious that $700 billion won’t get us very far...

This is a response to this ad from mega-retailer Best Buy: and to this holiday greeting from President Barack H. Obama (mmm, mmm, mmm):Michelle and I would like to send our best wishes to all those performing Hajj this year, and to Muslims in America and around the world who are celebrating Eid-ul-Adha. The rituals of Hajj and Eid-ul-Adha both serve as reminders of the shared Abrahamic roots of three of the world’s major religions. During Hajj, the world’s largest and most diverse gathering, three million Muslims from all walks of life – including thousands of American Muslims – will...

The entire writing staff of the David Letterman show has quit over a Top Ten list that Letterman has written himself and plans to read on his CBS-TV show tomorrow night. "Forget about the fact that he's micromanaging the show and trying to do our job. It's his prerogative to oversee the operation," said an unnamed writer. "But the list just isn't funny."

Three US Navy Seals who effected the capture of a highly sought terrorist suspect are headed for court-martial. Meanwhile, the suspect, Ahmed Hashim Abed may have to be released under new Obama Administration guidelines for dealing with perpetrators of the inaptly renamed “man-caused disasters.” The bizarre turn of events was set in motion by what Administration officials termed the “unnecessary roughness” displayed by the Seals during Abed’s capture last September. It appears that one of the Seals may have punched Abed and bloodied his lip. “We have rules governing this sort of thing,” said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. “Without...

Click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnsluydoP3c A few of the words will need to be changed, but all in all, it captures the satiric spirit of the situation fairly well.

Despite the fact that Congress enacted a law barring any more government funds—including funds authorized by previous legislation—from going to the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN), the Obama Administration’s Department of Justice has determined that payments can be made to ACORN under contracts signed prior to the ban. David Barron, the acting assistant attorney general for the Department of Justice’s Office of Legal Counsel pointed out that “these pre-existing contracts are open-ended. They can be extended and re-loaded with money for as long and as much as the Administration deems warranted. Though congress has blocked any new...

November 27, 2009Sticks and stones and broken bones under Obamacare Dave LowreyAdieu, yearly mammogram; arrivederci, annual pap smear. Old news already. And hot on the happy heels of last week’s startling revelations and 180 degree rotation of medical testing recommendations, comes still another breakthrough way to shave medical care costs. And we mean “breakthrough” in the literal sense. Turns out Big Spender hospitals have been wasting scads of money, not to mention plaster of Paris and x-ray film, on broken bones that will, researchers now reveal, heal themselves! “Broken bones can mend on their own,” says Dr. Riley Pumpernickel, head...

(Washington, D.C. - 11/27/09) According to anonymous sources with the Obama administration, an announcement is forthcoming which will name a "Czar of Czars" to funnel information from the regular czars to the president. "As of this moment, the president feels there are too many czars and is finding it impossible to schedule meetings with them all to get the latest updates on how their respective areas of responsibility are performing. We feel that having one person to give the president updates is the smartest way to utilize the presidents time, giving him the updates he needs with only one meeting."...

Last night I had a dream… 20 years from now, the geographical region currently known as “America,” and indeed the entire world, will have undergone a breathtaking transformation. Like a fragile butterfly, who spreads her delicate painted wings only after being stuffed into a frumpy looking cocoon of racist oppression, my dream-self wandered in wonder and delight, crying in joy, screaming, “Yes we DID! Yes we DID!” This is what I saw…

Check out this updated video of JibJab's Thanksgiving song, with an Obama, Pelosi, Biden twist ... our turkey is so cooked.

The Indian science journal Jonwar Chodu has just released the details on some fascinating research being conducted to replace the gasoline-powered automobile. Scientists working on the volcanic island of Krakatoa have been experimenting with a new type of car that is expected to completely replace the internal combustion engine by as early as 2013. They call it the “geo-thermal hydro-electric car.” How does it work? I’m glad you asked…

STOP THE PRESSES! After doing a search on a number of links to the controversial emails which have been leaked or hacked from the Hadley Climate Research Center, it has been discovered that they are most likely FAKE. An examination of the emails in detail shows that they used proportional fonts, which were not available at the time of George Bush's stint in the Texas Air National Guard. "He played on our FEARS!" thundered a visibly upset Al Gore, screaming from a prepared statement. "He BETRAYED THIS COUNTRY!" Mary Mapes was unavailable for comment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IDRSkBOuuc

GENEVA - Switzerland - The United Nations has welcomed bids from the world's top celebrities to stop passing wind thus ending the deadly march of 'climate change' threatening our delicate eco-system. "It doesn't matter that countries like China, India and America are pumping out huge amounts of toxic pollution into the earth's atmosphere; we believe by not farting and reusing our shopping bags we can save the world too," Bob Geldof, told a panel of scientists at Geneva's annual Climate Change exhibition sponsored by Monsanto.

WASHINGTON — Senate majority leader Harry Reid (Dipsh#t, Nevada) reportedly had Sen. Joe Lieberman waterboarded 183 times this past week, but the independent-minded senator from Connecticut still won’t vote “yes” for Reid’s health care bill. Lieberman holds a key vote in the ongoing battle over a health care bill that includes a public health insurance option, part of the Democrats’ evil plan to take over the country and turn it into a human SEIU puppy mill and ACORN graft factory.

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder sought to allay fears that the pending trial of the 9-11 terrorists scheduled for New York City might go wrong. “Look, I guarantee these suspects will be found guilty,” Holder adamantly assured senators during a committee hearing. “We aren’t going into this unprepared. It’s like the “Red Queen” said, verdict first, then the trial.” “However, in the event we get an “OJ-type jury,” they won’t escape consequences,” holder continued. “There are other options. They could be rendered over to another government. And, of course, we can’t guard against every possible misfortune that might befall these...

From the deepest recesses of South American Jungles to the coldest corners of Siberia, native people groups everywhere are rejoicing over the latest announcement that the English-speaking world will be spending millions of dollars for yet another English translation of the Bible. The excitement erupted after Zondervan Publishers announced that it would be making a major revision and update to its New International Version, first released in 1978 "Our goal is to put the NIV into modern English so that people born after 1988 can understand the Scriptures," said Ronald Overbeck, head of research at Zondervan. "We're going to spare...

Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Nipplitaliano, denied rumors that Major Nidal Hasan was working undercover for her agency when he went on his shooting spree at Fort Hood in Texas two weeks ago. “Yes, it’s true that Major Hasan participated in a presidential transition task force last year,” Nipplitaliano admitted. “But I am disavowing all knowledge of his actions regarding the shootings at Fort Hood.” Nipplitaliano suggested that “Hasan may have misinterpreted our warning about the dangers of gun-toting military veterans and taken it upon himself to act unilaterally to try to reduce this threat by culling potential recruits to...

"Saturday Night Live" opened its show last night with a comedy sketch that scorched President Obama over his economic policies including health care, "Cash for Clunkers" and borrowing billions of dollars from China. The NBC program featured comic Fred Armisen portraying the commander in chief at a news conference with Chinese President Hu Jintao, played by Will Forte, who spoke through an interpreter, comic Nasim Pedrad. Jintao began by asking Obama about the success of his economic stimulus. "I'm curious. How many jobs has it created?" asked the Chinese leader. "None," answered Obama. "But our health-care reform plan, we're confident,...

Reports that some federal stimulus payments apparently may have been stolen or squandered failed to dent President Barack Obama’s confidence that his program is working. Questions arose when a number of supposed recipients of the federal money turned out to be fictitious. The President urged people to “stop nitpicking every detail of my program. I am trying to deal with the worst national crisis since 1933. A few crumbs falling through the cracks is no big deal.” Some of the “crumbs,” for example, seem to have fallen into a nonexistent “crack” the Administration’s web site (Recovery.gov) labeled “Arizona Congressional District...

Representative Barney Frank (D-Mass.) has gotten the Consumer Financial Protection Act through his House Financial Services Committee. This bill will create a new federal agency to oversee consumer credit. “Too many people are frivolously abusing credit,” Frank alleged. “They’re buying things they don’t need with money they don’t have. This is a recipe for bankruptcy. We have to stop it.” Under the legislation, a Consumer Financial Protection Agency (CFPA) would review all current credit cards, as well as applications for new cards, to determine whether the cards are, or would be, used appropriately. Cards intended for uses that don’t meet...

Seeking to deflect a rising frequency of calls for his resignation, U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner suggested that “the root source of our current troubles can be traced back to the Reagan Administration. Remember, it was the tax cuts and deregulation pushed by President Reagan that unleashed an abnormal expansion of economic growth. The American people became accustomed to an unhealthy pace of increasing material prosperity that is incompatible with the more socially conscious restraint President Obama is trying to bring to this country.” “Rising home values, rising investment values, rising salaries all stimulate a sense of greed that is...

In a speech before 1,500 of the world’s top climate scientists, Mojib Latif of the Leibniz Institute of Marine Sciences at Kiel University, Germany warned that “the recent cooling trend should not be allowed to divert attention from our main purpose. Temperatures rise, temperatures fall, sometimes catastrophically. Amidst these fluctuations, though, it is imperative that funding for climate research be maintained.” “Many governments are looking for ways to reduce expenditures during the current recession,” Latif ominously observed. “Consequently, a perception that climatic dangers may be easing or that there may be plenty of time to respond to trends that take...

In direct contradiction to accusations that it is “dithering” or “wishy-washy,” the Obama Administration has acted forcefully to counter what it calls “the most serious and credible threat we face at this time.” It turns out that it is the rising popularity of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, as evidenced in record-breaking sales of her autobiographical book and the massive crowds that have attended her book-signing appearances, that has spurred a concerted effort at countermeasures from the Obama Administration. While Ms. Palin will still be permitted to go through with an appearance at the Army’s Fort Bragg in North Carolina,...

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) -- Wide-eyed children around the world will be hearing from Santa's "elves" at the North Pole after all. During Christmas seasons for decades, these dedicated elves responded to thousands of letters addressed to "Santa Claus, North Pole." All that was ending with a U.S. Postal Service decision to discontinue the program based in the small Alaskan town amid privacy concerns. The elves from Santa's Mailbag vowed to fight the decision, while North Pole residents voiced outrage. A reversal of the Postal Service move was announced Friday. "We never wanted to spoil people's Christmas," said agency spokesman Ernie...

WASHINGTON — pResident Barack Obama made a decision in record time today, appointing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to the position of Terrorism Czar after learning of the idea just this morning from Attorney General Eric Holder following a recent bow-ful trip through Asia. Mohammed, detained as an enemy combatant since 2003, was scheduled to undergo a federal trial in Manhattan as the self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Instead, he’ll be in charge of establishing terrorist camps throughout the U.S. to train Daily Kossacks, Democratic Undergroundlings, ACORNuts, public school children, and circus midgets in tactics proven to maim...

We just received in our email box the Associated Press working files on the following story...Palin's Daughter Arrested in Wasilla for Dangerous Drunk Driving (AP) WASILLA, ALASKA — The daughter of failed vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin was arrested Thursday in Wasilla for driving drunk. Bristol Palin, 19, was stopped by officers at about 12:40 a.m. and booked after rude behavior at the Wasilla police station for driving under the influence. She was held for about five hours and released at about 5:30 a.m. after posting $5,000 bail, officials said. Bristol Palin is the eldest daughter of failed vice presidential...

Ever wondered what the movie They Live would look like in the time of Obama? You won't have to with this video.

Those who know stats of the US job market are aware of the bitter fact that during the eight years of President George W. Bush, the economy gained only 2.58 million jobs... But a new complimentary way of counting jobs shows, that during President Bush’s tenure, the economy actually gained 12.9 million jobs, which GWB says is the credit of his tax cuts. The new model was designed by Chicago economist Barack H. Obama who calls his new system “Jobs Saved or Created.” This model calculates minimum x5 to the positive side the numbers produced by the Bureau of Labor...

Here's a thing of beauty, a great image to divert your attention from all the talk about our $12 trillion (and growing) deficit. Let's just say Obama's got a leg up on things over in Asia.

Teflon Tiger Why is nobody talking about Tiger Woods throwing his driver into the crowd at the Aussie Masters? Maybe his people made a request.By Mike Walker, Senior Editor, GOLF Magazine Published: November 16, 2009 To: All Members of Golf Media From: Tiger Woods Inc. Dear friends, As I'm sure many of you are aware, we had an unfortunate incident in Melbourne on Saturday where Mr. Woods mis-hit his tee shot due to a father taking pictures of his daughter in their front yard about a mile from the course during Mr. Woods's swing. Following this gross breach of etiquette,...

This is disgraceful, demeaning and sexist. A young professional being judged on their looks rather than their hard work and intellectual prowess by someone nearly 20 years their senior? How inappropriate.No, I don’t mean some City financier, I mean Hillary Clinton, who has droolingly described our esteemed Foreign Secretary, David Miliband, as “vibrant, vital, attractive.” What’s more “”He’s a really good guy. And he’s so young!” And he has a British accent. And he’s tall. No wonder the Secretary of State has developed a crush. But calm down, Hillary: it’s just a banana in his pocket.

It's a bad storyline for the president, and thoroughly in the bloodstream.

President Barack Obama is expected to inform Asian leaders that they should not count on American consumers to supply the demand that will help pull the global economy out of its current recession. “The era of material greed must come to an end,” Obama declared. “I can’t directly affect the phenomenon of avarice in other countries, but I can try to set an example in my own.” The President acknowledged that the unemployment rate in the United States “has already taken a bite out of the consumer gluttony traditionally manifested in American life. But we must not lose what we...

As bright sunlight now pushes the mighty midget craft to DC, I continue my counseling of the PJ’d Prez. Somewhere along the trip, I have an epiphany. I decide the situation was hopeless. It’s time to accept the facts as they were and deal with their hideous reality. I no longer hold any hope that Barack Hussein Obama is capable of change. The evidence of his hatred for the USA is overwhelming. Weinbaum: “Mr. President, I know this may come as a shock, but most of America , including many former backers and several who are twittering, think you hate...

U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Nipplitaliano, warned Americans to “not let the actions of one troubled individual obscure a more serious threat.” The “troubled individual,” of course is Nidal Malik Hasan, the would-be jihadi who went on a shooting spree that killed 14 people at Fort Hood in Texas. “Many will cite this individual’s rants and affiliations with radical Islamist groups to divert attention from the fact that there are amongst us millions of military veterans and gun nuts who vastly outnumber the few thousand Muslim fanatics who would take up arms against unbelievers,” Nipplitaliano asserted. “Clearly, we must...

While the health care legislation recently passed by congress is deemed worthy enough to merit universal application to ordinary folks—in fact there are fines and prison sentences in store for those who would dare to refuse to participate—it apparently is not good enough for members of the federal government. Despite being given eleven different opportunities to amend the bill to include mandatory participation by members of congress, the Democratic majority voted every one of the amendments down. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi explained that “the President said that people who are satisfied with their current health insurance don’t have to change....

In an odd exposé that has left the worlds of politics and academia abuzz, a local homeless person revealed yesterday that he only blamed himself for his failures.

The Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, better known by its acronym—ACORN—has filed suit against the federal government over the cut to its funding passed by Congress. The suit alleges that the cuts are both “inequitable” and “unconstitutional.” “First of all, the extensive history of government payments to our organization has created a financial dependency that it is the government’s obligation to sustain,” claimed ACORN CEO Bertha Lewis. “Cutting us off is just as wrong as cutting off the benefits to a welfare mother whose income-earning skills have atrophied while she has been on the dole. Those who depend...

Indications that American voters are becoming concerned with ballooning federal deficits is building pressure on the President to come up with a solution. A leak from a well-placed Administration official says a “blockbuster” deal is in the works. The deal is said to involve a massive “payment-in-kind” to the nation’s largest creditor—the Government of China. Concerned that its holding of a trillion dollars in US Treasury debt might be wiped out by a collapse in the value of the US currency, the Government of China has reached tentative agreement with the Obama Administration for the debt to be cancelled in...