SACRAMENTO, CA—California Governor Gavin Newsom has announced that in response to the Omicron variant there will be a statewide mask mandate on your mom, because she is so ugly and no one wants to deal with looking at her while we have COVID to worry about. “Scientists say this new Omicron variant is spreading fast,” Newsom announced to the press. “And the first thing I thought of is your mom and how her face can strip paint. Can you imagine being sick from COVID and also having to look at your ugly mom? That’s why we’re mandating that your mom...