WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the world waited with bated breath to learn about the contents of the ancient biblical artifact, U.S. Attorney General Pam Pondi made an official statement confirming that the Ark of the Covenant was sitting on her desk waiting to be reviewed. Though the public was eager for the secrets of the Israelite relic to be revealed, Bondi urged patience as the federal government took its time to investigate the Ark and follow a methodical process before releasing its findings. "I can assure the American people that we've got top men working on it right now," Bondi...