Free Republic

I am a Gay Republican but I almost never chime in on political issues. I believe in small government, which the Bush administration has not been good at, as well as low taxes and the free market. I don't believe in manmade global warming and I think environmental activism is mostly a cover for people who want to make more rules to control our lives. Social issues don't get me very excited and I know I should be more grateful to my gay forefathers for all their sacrifices, but I've never encountered homophobia in my entire life so gay rights...

In many ways, the U.S. is now just as inhumane and brutal as any Third World regime. Oh well? "We do not torture." Remember it, write it in red crayon on the bathroom wall, tattoo it onto your acid tongue because those very words rang throughout the land like a bleak bell, like a low scream in the night, like a cheese grater rubbing against the teeth of common sense when Dubya mumbled them during a speech not long ago, and it was, at once, hilarious and nauseating and it took all the self-control in the world for everyone in...

Just in time for your morning breakfast sausage, it's all-American rape and torture and rampant entirely condoned military sadism. Mmm, patriotism. The pictures are worth a thousand disgusted moans. It's all flag-draped coffins and dog chains and forced masturbation and pistol whippings and miserable bloody hooded Iraqi men -- not terrorists, just men -- with wires attached to their fingers and genitals and made to stand up for hours and days on end until their feet swell and their lungs collapse and their livers fail, and you can hear our stunned death-drunk nation cry: Hey, whatever happened to our nice,...

<p>Kneel down. Put your hands together. Offer thanks right this very moment to whatever deity you desire that that you are not 18 years old and gay and living in the state of Kansas right now.</p> <p>This gratitude, it is a given. This is so much of a given you might not even need to hear why. You just say to yourself, oh my freaking God, I can only imagine.</p>

<p>This Thanksgiving, as you sip the wine and hug the family and toast the friends and hoard the stuffing and curse the airport security, remember to give thanks you are not G.W. Bush. Hey, it's important.</p> <p>1) Be thankful that you do not have to suffer Dubya's massive crushing karmic burden, as wrought by inflicting heaps of environmental disaster and vicious unnecessary war and a stunning string of lies lies lies like a firehose of giblet gravy splattered all over the planet.</p>

<p>The gays are marching in. The end is near. Sheer unadulterated evil and scary anal sex and superlative hair products and new blasts of fresh happy love are to be unleashed anew upon the country. Horror is nigh. Everyone into the bunker.</p>

<p>And then you hear the one about the "top Vatican official," one of those ultra-dour black-robed cardinals who never see daylight or the modern world or love, espousing the official Vatican line in a recent interview, claiming that condoms do not, in fact, prevent the transmission of the AIDS virus.</p>

<p>Did you hug a priest today? Run from a scary homosexual person? Coo over a copy of Bride's magazine? Fall on your knees and thank God Almighty that your child isn't yet gay or pagan or libertarian and if she is that's OK because it's nothing that regular lithium and electroshock therapy can't "cure"?</p>

So you think you accomplished something by stealing another election and putting that dummy goon "Ahhnuld" in as Governor. Well he's an idiot just like that other installed resident George (imbecile) W. Bush. The reason California's economy is so bad is the fault of the white house resident and his moronic economic policies. Also, his Enron buddies screwed California with the energy contracts. So after Ahhnie screws California royally and the nation sees what corrupt fools W and the repuggies are, the Democrats will take control of the nation again for 40 years. Hasta La Vista baybee

Gay ex-Falcon comes out -- but is he famous enough to change anything? Bryant Gumbel let me down. For at least a week, Gumbel has been promoting his HBO show's "coming out" interview next Tuesday with a former NFL player. Speculation sprouted all over Internet chat rooms and even in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, where rumors had been whispered about a former Viking. Who would it be? Gay folks are always hoping celebrities will come out of the closet publicly. We get downright giddy about a glamorous, male athlete doing so because -- well, because it's never really happened before....