Hey, folks. God here. I'm writing in response to recent comments from Megan Rapinoe, a human female best known for playing the so-called sport of soccer, or "Satan's Folly" as we call it up here. Rapinoe invoked my name on Saturday after injuring her Achilles tendon in the opening minutes of the National Women's Soccer League Championship. It was the final game of her professional career. "I'm not a religious person or anything and if there was a God, like, this is proof that there isn't," Rapinoe told the demonic cretins you call journalists during the post-game press conference. "This...